CIO - how does it work?

So Im not 100% certain how this CIO thing is supposed to work.

When you put them in their crib, you leave for 5 minutes? come back in and reassure them by patting and shooshing? Do you wait for them to quiet down again before leaving or do you just do a quick pat and leave? My DS will scream bloody murder and if I go in and dont pick him up and just stand there and shoosh and pat he will scream even louder! He gets more and more worked up.

And what if your twins share a room? do you just keep the other one out of the room until the 1st one is asleep? I dont know if I can do CIO, but I know Im tired of waking up all through the night. I am breastfeeding though and thats the other thing, I still feed on demand. My husband says "stop feeding him at night and he will eat more during the day" -- but then I worry about my supply. If DS doesnt get milk during the night he screams until he does.

Yikes! Im creating a little monster. The best part is Ive taught him how to sign milk and he will do it over and over and over while crying!

 

For us going back in makes things worse... We just let them cry. Mine have no problem falling asleep through it (although they really don't cry much at all anymore). If yours is really hungry it might be a problem though... maybe try to feed him more solids during the day?

 

We didn't really know what we were doing either. We decided to try it on a whim after some really bad nights, so I didn't really read up on it or anything. We put him down for bed and he screamed as soon as we walked away (ours was a separation anxiety/not wanting to go to bed issue). We let him go 20 minutes. He didn't calm down at all this whole time. My husband went in at 20 minutes and calmed him down. I don't think he picked him up, but just soothed him by rubbing his back and being there. It didn't take much to soothe him, he was happy as soon as he saw my husband. But of course as soon as he left my son started full force again, just as bad if not worse than the first time. We waited 20 more minutes and my husband repeated. Same scenario all over again, but since he was even more worked up it took a little more to calm him down. Of course it seemed so cruel because he started even worse when my husband left again. I was ready to burst, I did not know what to do with myself and felt HORRIBLE. I wanted to just give in, pick him up and rock him to sleep (though I know the stage he was in, the one we were trying to break, he wouldn't let us put him down again and we'd be back to square one). I was just praying that since it was this bad and we'd come this far, that he would fall asleep and it would all be over and it would work in one night, or it would be huge progress for the next night. Finally, after the third 20 minute interval he fell asleep at an hour exactly. He was conked out on the bumper pads, still holding the crib rails where he was watching for us. I felt like someone ripped my heart out. The next night (yeah, can you believe I even agreed to do it the next night? But I didn't want the first night to be for nothing, which if we gave in, it would have been. I made my husband go in in 15 minute increments because I felt like the 20 minutes was too much torture. It went a little better. Pretty similar to the first night, but he stopped after 45 minutes. It was better than the first night, and a little easier to swallow. I did call the pediatrician the next day for advice. Her advice was to let them cry as long as it takes. If you give in, they learn they need to cry that long to bring you in, so they will do it the next time. She also said if you do go in in intervals, they should gradually get longer each time. But said she never went in, because it made it worse. I agreed that was probably true in our case too. So that night I decided we weren't going in, and hoped it would be shorter. Turns out we put him down without a peep, we didn't need the third night at all. We did this to avoid the problems we've had putting him to bed. But he also used to wake up several times a night too. Since we've done this, I don't think I've heard him get up in the night anymore either. So I do think it works, but it is so so hard.

Maybe someone will have advice on a less harsh way of doing it - a more gradual approach? And the breastfeeding thing is another issue we didn't have to deal with. That must be so hard to see him signing to you. Maybe you can try a couple nights of really sticking to it - he'll eventually go to sleep. And then if it doesn't work, you can try a different approach. But from what I've heard, if you don't stick to it or only do it part way, it probably won't work, or will take a long time.

 

It was all trial and error for us but with DD, we could not go back in there because it would make it worse sometimes. Also I had read that at 10 months they learn object permanence which means they know you are out there and will come in if they cry. It was horrible for the first couple of nights listening to her and we did a combination of pure CIO and modified (going back in there and reassuring them). Then we just went cold turkey and that was another night or two of lots of crying then she just went to sleep.

We still do CIO with DS, he was good the days she would cry and now that she goes down easily he has a hard time and fights it. GL

 

We always found that going in made it worse. With you BF, if you do need someone to go in, it should be your DH. Once you are near, he can "smell" your breastmilk, and get more worked up. It does work, and it is worth it to have a child that can self soothe and fall asleep on their own. Also, my friend BF 2 of her 3 children for a full year, and both slept through the night without nursing by 5-6 months old.

 

I couldn't handle not going in at all so I did the 15 minute increments. Sometimes it made it worse, but it let them know that yes I heard them and yes I was still there but it was time to sleep and I wasn't getting them up. Because you are dealing with the BFing, I'd have dh be the one to go to him at night. No mommy, no nursing so he might give up sooner. Also, kids pick up on our uncertainty and use it against us! Be confident (dh too) going in there that you are doing the right thing and communicate that to your ds. Be super consistent and it WILL get better.

 

im lame.when i was letting ds cio (now he falls asleep usually during his bottle- oh well lol) i would go in after 15min and hold him. he usually clunked right out. im weak i know hshhc says 1hr of crying for naps, no time limit on bed.

 

I don't see what the problem is with nursing on demand, even at night... I honestly think there is a better way then letting a child cio. Look at the different options you have and see which one works for you. My older DD is a year and she had never CIO to sleep... I honestly can't do that to her. I'm not saying any of you are bad parents for doing it, but I know I couldn't do it for me.