CIO HELP!

jacob is absolutely inconsolable. he's fine all day but as soon as it's night he goes hysterical the instant he's put down. he won't settle in my arms, he won't settle in his bouncy chair, he won't settle in his crib, he won't settle in a swing. we're trying CIO and for the first couple of hours it seemed to work fine. he settled in 15 minutes (the hardest 15 minutes of my life) but he's woken up every single hour and cried it out again. he just keeps waking up and crying it out again and again. it was taking him about 5 minutes each time, and then he'd settle again. but all of a sudden at 9:30 he woke up and started crying just as hard as when we first put him down. it feels like it's been going on forever, although it's probably closer to 20 minutes now. he just won't stop and i don't know what to do. if i go to him, does it start him over again? do i let him go for a full hour?

this is seriously the hardest thing i've ever done in my life. every fiber of my being is screaming GO TO HIM but going to him doesn't settle him, either. if he would sleep in my arms i would hold him until he turns 18 but nothing works.

i just don't know what to do. if he keeps waking up every hour, do i just keep letting him cry it out over and over and over?

help! my heart is breaking over this!

 

he stopped just as i posted this, at the 20 minute mark. and now he's already crying again. he just can't stay asleep. i'm so desperate, i don't know what to do.

 

QUOTE(piccologirl @ Apr 13 2009, 10:03 PM) [snapback]1271746[/snapback]
jacob is absolutely inconsolable. he's fine all day but as soon as it's night he goes hysterical the instant he's put down. he won't settle in my arms, he won't settle in his bouncy chair, he won't settle in his crib, he won't settle in a swing. we're trying CIO and for the first couple of hours it seemed to work fine. he settled in 15 minutes (the hardest 15 minutes of my life) but he's woken up every single hour and cried it out again. he just keeps waking up and crying it out again and again. it was taking him about 5 minutes each time, and then he'd settle again. but all of a sudden at 9:30 he woke up and started crying just as hard as when we first put him down. it feels like it's been going on forever, although it's probably closer to 20 minutes now. he just won't stop and i don't know what to do. if i go to him, does it start him over again? do i let him go for a full hour?

this is seriously the hardest thing i've ever done in my life. every fiber of my being is screaming GO TO HIM but going to him doesn't settle him, either. if he would sleep in my arms i would hold him until he turns 18 but nothing works.

i just don't know what to do. if he keeps waking up every hour, do i just keep letting him cry it out over and over and over?

help! my heart is breaking over this!

:hug: I know it's tough. I finally did it for STTN at 8 months.

I let my guys cry one for the better part of 1.25 hours and the other off and on for 1 hour. I didn't go in at all for one day, and the next night they slept through the night.

What's his usually waking pattern? Are you doing CIO for falling asleep or for STTN? If you're trying to do both simultaneously, I think that may be a little much. I did CIO for naps and going to bed a 5.5 months, and then finally did it for STTN at 8 months. Not saying everyone should do it that way, but I think it might be way too exhausting for you and baby to do both.

 

QUOTE(piccologirl @ Apr 13 2009, 10:07 PM) [snapback]1271752[/snapback]
he stopped just as i posted this, at the 20 minute mark. and now he's already crying again. he just can't stay asleep. i'm so desperate, i don't know what to do.


I wish I knew something to say to help you! I know how heartbreaking it is and I hope it works for you. I didn't have the same experience so I'm not really sure what to say. Is this the first night or the second night? I do know that for CIO to work you have to commit to it, but do what feels right to you. I know that my DS was ready for CIO before my DD was. I had to do all kinds of crazy things for her sleeping because she just wasn't capable of learning to self-soothe. Once she was ready though, it only took a few minutes and she was out like a light. I hope someone has a better answer!! :hug:

 

:hug: Hang in there.

 

:hug: big hugs!! We did CIO at 6 months and it was very tough. It was also a lot like you're describing. The trick is to stick with it! You're doing great! Don't go in there, it will ONLY make it worse, I promise! The good thing, for us the 2nd night was so much better and by the 3rd night I think he cried for maybe 5 minutes the entire night! You just have to be consistant.
Good luck!! :youcandoit:

 

they've been STTN for a couple of months now. it's just suddenly he wakes up and cries uncontrollably. i just went up and offered him a bottle and he drank about 3 ounces. i put him back down, this time in the crib because i though maybe it's the discomfort of the bouncy chair that keeps waking him up. he's now hysterical.

i feel like i'm losing my mind. nothing i'm doing is right.

 

Hi there. Sorry you're having such a tough time! Mind if I ask a few specifics?

When did this night waking problem begin? How long is he up each time he wakes?

If this is a sudden problem (i.e. just came up within the last couple of days) do you think there's any chance he may have an ear infection or something causing pain (my son, James, got his first teeth at 5 months)?

Does your child seem to have any concept of object permanence? For example, if you put a favourite toy under a blanket will he know that it's still there and move the blanket to try and find it? This usually kicks in just after 6 months adjusted age, I believe, and CAN be an indicator that your child grasps object permanence and therefore knows that although you have left their bedroom, you still exist, and can mean CIO might be an acceptable sleep training solution. I think many people will tell you that CIO is ineffective with too-young babies - they panic because they don't know you're ever coming back (you know your child best, of course!).

How long is your baby up between the end of his last nap and bedtime for the night? Could he be going to bed overtired?

I look forward to your answers! Don't worry - you'll get this figured out. Sleep is a big issue, I know! (from experience!)

 

the night waking started a little over a week ago. he sleeps for the first couple of hours fine, then about 2 hours after going to bed he starts waking up. and he wakes. and he wakes. and as the night goes on he wakes up more and more frequently until around 2 a.m. when he finally falls asleep for another solid 2 hours and then he's up again between 4:30 and 5. it's tough to say how long he's up each time he wakes because it's gotten so impossible to get him to go back to sleep, so it feels like he's constantly awake.

i gave him tylenol before bed but it's not having any effect. he hasn't given us any indications that he has an ear infection, although they're both fighting wicked hayfever right now. we've been wondering if they're teething for a month now but there are no signs of teeth yet. so i don't know if it's that. baby orajel makes him cry harder. hell, giving him tylenol makes him cry harder. there isn't anything that doesn't make him cry harder. we check his temperature regularly but it's always normal.

i definitely think he gets object permanence. because he'll settle at first when i pick him up. but no matter how long i hold him when i go to put him down he immediately cries the instant i break physical contact. and when i reenter the room if he wakes crying, the instant he sees me he cries harder and scrambles to be picked up. the thing is, i'd happily sleep with him in the bed all night, but he won't settle for that, either.

it's almost like there's something going on in his brain where the instant it detects sleep cycle he snaps awake in a panic. that's if he's lying down, propped up in his chair, or propped up on me. he settles, gets so close to sleep, and just as he's dropping off he snaps awake in a panic. and the crying just doesn't stop.

he's stopped himself four times now since i posted that first message. but each time he's lasted maybe 5 minutes and then started crying again. if 5 minutes. that might be optimistic.

 

Ahh, OK, so it sounds like there is something unusual going on. I thought your boys had STTN, so I was a little confused. SO I'm just going to throw out a bunch of ideas

I've heard that sleep can get disrupted when babies go through developmental milestones. Has he reach important developmental milestones recently--rolling over, crawling, grabbing objects, pushing up with the arms.

I know you had swaddling issues...has this happened since he was unswaddled? If so, maybe you could reswaddle him.

Maybe he has some other medical issue...I'm trying to brainstorm here??? It just seems really odd that he would STTN for months and then start constantly waking.

 

QUOTE(sullivanre @ Apr 13 2009, 11:00 PM) [snapback]1271860[/snapback]
I've heard that sleep can get disrupted when babies go through developmental milestones. Has he reach important developmental milestones recently--rolling over, crawling, grabbing objects, pushing up with the arms.


This TOTALLY happened/happens with my James. Every developmental milestone (rolling, crawling, standing, cruising, walking, learning to talk, you name it) meant temporary sleep problems.

 

I did also want to throw out there that my DS had a double ear infection with NO symptoms. He did have a cold first, but other than that nothing! No fever, no ear rubbing, no eating disruption. He was pretty much his normal baby self, but he wasn't shaking this cold. So I took him in, sure enough, double ears with pus I felt SO badly. It might be worth taking him in just to have a doc check him out and make sure nothing's off?

 

This is totally just my opinion and you should of course do what feels right for you, but I would probably discontinue sleep training until you can take him to the family doc to have his ears, etc. checked out. We did sleep training with James at 9 months due to horrible night waking issues, but I took him to the pedi first for a full check up, including a look in his ears, etc. so that I could say with 100% certainty that his crying was not due to anything medical. Also, IMO, Baby Advil is WAY more effective than Tylenol, especially for teething and it lasts 6-8 blissful hours!

 

well i feel horrible now. he woke up 8 times last night, the first time he cried for 15 minutes, and the second time (when i started this thread) he cried for 20. every other time he cried for about five and went back to sleep. i kept checking on him and he didn't seem warm, didn't seem sick or upset.

then this morning i went in to get him up and he had a fever of 100.5. i feel like we pushed him over the edge into full-blown sickness by letting him wear himself out. i took him to the doctor and he didn't seem to think it was related, but my gut tells me it was. he has a headcold, nothing serious, but i still feel horrible. he's on antibiotics and tylenol now, and sleeping very restlessly. he napped for about an hour earlier today and when he woke up i picked him up and he immediately went back to sleep on me. i held him probably for another hour and a half while he slept.

it doesn't help that i'm sick, too, and feeling really terrible today. i just feel like i let him down and i'm going to have a hard time forgiving myself for trying this and then finding him feverish in the morning.

 

:hug: :hug: :hug: to you!!! Don't feel guilty! I'd bet that the sickness was the cause of the sleep issues, not the sleep issues being the cause of the sickness. It's so hard to know what to do, but you are so obviously doing the best you possibly can and you have NOT let your little guy down. I hope you and he get feeling better soon!

 

Don't feel guilty and try to forgive yourself. It happens. It's not like you could predict how he would feel today, and like Amanda said it probably was the not the lack of sleep that caused the sickness, but rather the sickness that caused the sleep trouble. I'm sure he won't even remember it.
I hope you and the baby feel better soon.

 

I think you were just really hoping to get some sleep and thought you were on track for sleep training...and maybe that clouded your ability to see that he was coming down with something. Don't be too hard on yourself - give yourself a break! You're sleep deprived! Now concentrate on getting yourself and your little one better, and hopefully you'll all get some rest soon. (Does your husband help with the night wakings? You sound like you need a break, generally.)
Catherine

 

yes, DH helps with everything. we've been taking shifts every night, which means we're each getting less than 4 hours a night. we're both so tired, so sleep deprived.

i just took my own temperature and it's 99.1. i ache in every joint and i keep having chills and sweats. i just need him to sleep so i can get some rest.

 

well, i have nothing more to say than the pp, but just wanted to say DON'T FEEL GUILTY! you have done everything you can and you feel sick too! i hope you all feel better soon!!!