CIO all over again at 28 months?

I finally got fed up with bedtime -- not so much with the endless rituals, but with the fact that no matter how perfectly we follow them, at least one of the girls starts wailing the minute we leave the room, and we wind up going back in several times. So DH is out of town for 3 nights and I decided it was time for CIO again.

Tonight they both wailed for 10 minutes after I left -- then I did go back in, but when they were calm again, I told them that I was not coming back until morning. Sarah started howling the minute I walked out, and kept it up for 30 minutes, while Amy whimpered "Sarah's cwying... Sarah's cwying...". It was awful, but I busied myself in the kitchen (where I could hear them but they couldn't hear me) and tried to harden my heart. I was going to go back in after 30 minutes, but of course, right then she stopped. It took me another half an hour to dare to walk past their bedroom door.

Anyway, I'm telling you all this partly so I'll have the guts to keep it up tomorrow night! If I get through 3 nights and it's still not better, I may cave. I know DH can't stand to listen to 30 minutes of wailing -- plus, when we're both here, we second-guess ourselves a lot more.

Has this worked for anyone else at this age, or am I just being needlessly cruel?

 

If you're being cruel, than I am a witch. 99% of the time mine sleep from 7:30pm - 7:30am, but this past week they have both been up at all hours of the night with terrible teething! (molars I am guessing) So I go in, give them motrin, water, and a new frozen teething ring, tell them that I love them, and then leave. I don't pick them up, or hold them, or rock them, or sing, etc. Not only am I dead tired at 3 am, 4 am, etc. - but I don't want them to get into the habit of me picking them up, etc. They cry SO hard for about 30 seconds, and then stop because they know I am not coming back.

Also, my DD sometimes won't nap at all. She started this at 12 months; about once a month she won't sleep at all. And here's us the ultimate meanies: we leave her in the playpen (where she naps) for at least 2 hours. She has tons of toys in there; she NEEDS the down time; and I need the break. I have too much to do.

So no - I don't think you are being mean at all. If anyone is...... it's me.

 

QUOTE(Minette @ Mar 25 2008, 08:02 PM) [snapback]687440[/snapback]
I know DH can't stand to listen to 30 minutes of wailing -- plus, when we're both here, we second-guess ourselves a lot more.


This is the EXACT problem we had. DH couldn't stand it. I found it MUCH easier to deal with it in DHs absence. Something about him being around made me feel even more anxious about it (like it was somehow less cruel without a 'witness'). I bought him some earplugs and banished him to an Aerobed downstairs (or welcomed him to stay at his mother's).

QUOTE
Has this worked for anyone else at this age, or am I just being needlessly cruel?


For us, going in again only 'makes it stink' more. We had to do some SEVERE CIO at 14m when they still hadn't bothered to start sleeping thru. I was not a CIO fan, but a last resort is a last resort. It sucked. We started out following the Ferber method of going in every 5-10-15 minutes and realized (after a very, very long night) that continuing to go in only restarted their 'angry clock'. While it may be helpful forhe parent, it was 'helping' them whatsoever, it was only prolonging the cycle. Night 2 I left not to return until morning. Night one and two were the 'worst'...but I found the crying decreased by about 50% each night from the previous night.

Bottom line: It's hard, but they WILL get the picture. I hate CIO, but I do believe firmly in consistency, and, so do KIDS. So, if you come in again one night, they will expect you to do it on other nights. If not going in again is your goal, stick to it.

As for your question about being too old at this age.... If you've ever watched Super Nanny she uses a similar method with kids up to seven (I've never seen her have to use it one someone older than that).

 

We had to do it again right after their 2nd birthday. It's not fun. I agree with SweetpeaG that the Ferber method extends the torture. To get through it I always focused on how happy they were in the morning and that fact that they didn't hold the night before against me! You can do it!

 

Last month, without realizing it, I started a similar meltdown...It started with my son asking for another kiss so I would give another kiss then when I was just about to leave the room he woud ask for another kiss and I would give it because I was still physically in the room. It progressed to me leaving and almost closing the door when he would ask again for a kiss, well needless to say, I started a nasty habit that resulted in him whailing and screaming for up to a 1/2 hour for a kiss also waking in the middle of the night out of nowhere screaming for a kiss. About three weeks ago I had to tuck them in give kisses explain that it's night night time and I am going to bed I will not be coming back, the second I closed the door he would have a fit and my other son started to as well. It took about 5 nights and the screaming became less and less now it's back to me giving that last kiss saying night night and they say night night mommy. You are just going to have to continue and hopefully in a few nights you will break the habit if you don't it will only progress. GL!

 

OK, thanks, I feel better. (And they were just fine this morning.) CIO worked really well for us at 5 months and didn't bother me that much. But I find it a totally different experience with toddlers -- they know perfectly well that I'm in the kitchen and am just choosing not to go to them when they cry. And giving them one more kiss seems so harmless -- except that it turns into 5 more kisses, and demands for drinks of water, etc. (Last night Amy demanded that I cut her nails. Huh? )

Anyway, we've tried several times to "cut down" on going back in, but I finally decided that all or nothing is better -- just like it was when they were 5 months old. And it does help that I can at least explain to them that I'm not coming back in, and I know they understand (even if they don't like it). I hope I see some improvement by the time DH comes back.

 

QUOTE(SweetpeaG @ Mar 25 2008, 09:50 PM) [snapback]687531[/snapback]
While it may be helpful forhe parent, it was 'helping' them whatsoever, it was only prolonging the cycle.

:FIFblush: Um, can you tell I wrote this while watching American Idol last night. ardon: I meant to say:

While it may be helpful for the parent to go back in to console, it WASN'T helping them whatsoever, it was only prolonging the cycle.

I'm sure you all could translate my distracted-mommy writing, but it was so glaring when I came back to check this thread today I couldn't let it go uncorrected. :FIFblush:

 

I think CIO is SOOOO much worse when they can talk! Those cries of "Mama!" really get to me. I also had to "redo" CIO a few months ago due to repeated requests for me to come back in and fix blankets, one more kiss, etc. Really all it took was one night, and a few days of reminding them that they are big girls and can fix their own blankets, and Mommy and Daddy have things to do and also need to go to bed. They have beeen 100 times better at bedtime after that. Something kind of funny, the other night I went back in because someone was crying, and I had been carrying a basket of laundry, and I set it in the hall while I tended to them. I told them that I needed to do the laundry. Ainsley saw the basket and it was like "Oh, she's not just making it up, Mommy really does have to do laundry!" and she said "OK Mama, go do laundry!".

 

We have gone through phases where we had to go through CIO again. So, I don't think you are horrible, but rather doing the right thing. Hang in there! :hug99:

 

I had to use CIO tonight with Sofia, and we are 10 months older than yours. It's 10:00pm our time and I think she just now fell asleep.

 

:hug99: Sorry to hear it Alden. I went through a lot of this nonsense when they went to toddler beds.

Go to the wiki and re-read what Kate posted about telling them the rules all day and then re-iterating and having them tell them to you. Then FOLLOW your rules (x # books, X# kisses etc.). Hang in there!!!

 

Diane, thanks for the reminder about talking about the rules during the day. I had forgotten about that, but they're definitely old enough for it now.

Tonight (day 2) went MUCH better -- so much that I wonder if it was a fluke. I did the usual routine, gave kisses, etc., then said "I'm not coming back in -- I'll see you in the morning." When Amy realized I was about to leave, she started demanding to have her water sippy back (which she had already said she was done with), but I just said "You had your water, goodnight, I love you" and left. She cried for her water for about 3 minutes and then started singing "Oh my darling Clementine."

It did take her about 45 minutes to fall asleep (not sure about Sarah -- if she was making noise, I couldn't hear it from the kitchen), but it was mostly singing. She seems to be really into Clementine right now.