Church with toddler twins by yourself?

Does anyone attend services (I'm Catholic) with their toddlers by yourself? I tried once and it didn't go so well, but I'd like to be able to teach them how to behave. It's worse with DH there. He gets too stressed out and then the rest of the day is ruined. Anyway, just wondering if anyone had any success. My issues are that they are VERY ORNERY and tend to react to restriction by screaming "STOOOOOOOOP!" Someone mentioned things like pipecleaners and straws to maintain their attention. My boys are very motor-oriented right now, which is the hardest part. Another mom mentioned a treat for good behavior (like a donut after church) but I really don't think they are at the developmental point to understand that. Should they be at the point? Thanks for any advice.

 

Does anyone attend services (I'm Catholic) with their toddlers by yourself? I tried once and it didn't go so well, but I'd like to be able to teach them how to behave. It's worse with DH there. He gets too stressed out and then the rest of the day is ruined. Anyway, just wondering if anyone had any success. My issues are that they are VERY ORNERY and tend to react to restriction by screaming "STOOOOOOOOP!" Someone mentioned things like pipecleaners and straws to maintain their attention. My boys are very motor-oriented right now, which is the hardest part. Another mom mentioned a treat for good behavior (like a donut after church) but I really don't think they are at the developmental point to understand that. Should they be at the point? Thanks for any advice.

 

Hi Alison, I'm LDS and boy can I relate! I have three babies! The twins are 15 mo. and my infant is 5 mo. so even though my hubby is there we are juggling 3. It's such a busy age. Just do the best you can. My feeling is that eventually they will adjust and get use to it so don't feel bad if you have to bow out early. Baby steps, huh! Don't expect perfection. I think they are too early to "encourage" with a donut reward. They won't even remember that. I find bringing cheerios, toys or books that are not usually used during the week helps. Also, I walk with them in the halls too. Good Luck. Mary

 

Yeah, at that age, snacks, sippies, books, stickers anything to distract. Dh and I have noticed a real improvement the closer we got to 3. Since you're by yourself, I'd find someone understanding to sit on the other end of the pew and just block the escape route out the other side. Put the stuff in the middle and let the boys play and give them a little room to wiggle and walk. I keep a special diaper bag for church that has totally different stuff that they never see other than church.

Marissa

 

We switched to a Church with a nursery. They have a blast and mommy and daddy get an hour of serenity.

 

our kids go to nursry every service - with the exception of maybe one service out of the year (short Christmas Eve service). last year, I refused to take them into the main service because it would be no fun for me, so I stayed with them downstairs till the service was over.
This year, we took them and they did really well. It helps that we have very upbeat praise & worship, and they love music. My dh did have to take our dd out because she was crying for more crackers. Our ds just liked watching his Grandpa (Pastor) and all the people. They have never sat through a full length service before - I am very thankful for our nursery, which not just offers child care, but also ministers to the kids. They love it and can't wait to go!

My dh has even take both the twins to church when I have been sick - again, both were in nursery.

 

I struggle with this as well. Dh and I take them together on Sundays and it is manageable...not great, but we get through it. My dilemma is that oldest ds goes to preschool at the Catholic school and they go to church every Friday morning with the whole school. They encourage the parents to come if they are able and I would LOVE to, but I worry the twins would be such a handful and distraction if I am by myself. I am still thinking about giving it a try. I have found lately that usually I have a very pessimistic view of their behavior in public and most times they surprise me with how good they can be.

 

I would find it hard to sit through a service w/toddler twins. It's a lot to expect from them! We did it for the Christmas service because I wanted to be in there as a family, but it was pretty hectic. We kept passing the babies and dropping cheerios and everyone around us thought it was just hysterical! My 3 yr old finally said, Mom I'm ready to go to the big boy room now! So we brought them all out to the kids' rooms and then dh & I went back in. Our church has an infant nursery, a toddler room,... all the way up to youth rooms. Dh & I get to enjoy the service (or just me when dh is out of town) and our kids are having a great time. We are a non-denominational church and the service is 1 1/2 hours.

 

I am LDS. It is so fun(NOT) when we all go to church. We have 5 kids that go 7 year old Courtney 4 year old Kendra and Maliyah and than 19 month old Justin and Austin. It is so difficult!! We decided that we aren't going to bring toys with us anymore because they fight about them. All we bring is slippy cups and pens to draw with and white paper. It really works. Less is more!! We had someone set in fornt of us and started handing the kids stuff to play with, within 5 minutes everyone was fighting. They need to learn to listen anyway. Good luck they will start to understand what you want for them at church.

Erin

 

I'm Catholic too and Mass with them is just VERY hard, with or without DH. If I go by myself with them (I've only done it a few times) we go to the cry room and I keep them in the stroller. With DH we sit in the main sanctuary and just sit in the way back. I bring a few small books and DH takes them out if necessary. Honestly, I usually go by myself b/c it's just too stressful with them and I don't hear anything going on during the mass. I think it will get better as they get older, but I understand what you mean about wanting to take them and get them used to behaving in church. I think for toddlers that it's unreasonable to expect them to behave for more than 20 minutes (their attention span for anything), so I have pretty much given up for now!

 

I'm Lutheran, and I go to church alone with the twins, but I put them in the cribbery/nursery. That's the only way I can do it. It would be impossible to bring them up to the service. Do you have a nursery at your church?

Bridget

 

I can relate as well. We are also Catholic. DH and I usually attend together unless one of us is sick. Does your church have a cry room or a nursery? Ours has both, but I am a stickler about wanting the kids to learn how to behave in church, so we usually bear our way through it. What I have found that works really well for us lately, is taking a sandwich baggie with some Cheerios in it. This keeps them busy when they start getting restless after the first 10-15 minutes. Also, I try to really involve them during the mass and try to get them to sing with us, which they have actually started doing. We did the same thing when my son was little and he was actually the only one in his First Communion class that knew all the songs and prayers for Mass, so it paid off!! Anyway, just do the best you can. Try to sit where there are other people with kids, they are more understanding of the noise. I agree with pp about "less is more" because if we take too many toys/books with us, they get overwhelmed. Right now we take the Cheerios and one or two quiet toys (My Little Pony toys for now) and they sit in the floor and play.

 

We are Catholic as well, and I was able to go to Mass with them by myself when the girls were around 18mos. Food kept/keeps mine busy, but we'll also let each one bring a quiet toy (book, doll, purse, that sort of thing). Bad behavior in church=loss of TV for the rest of the day. Now that we've moved closer to our church, I even strive to take them to one daily Mass per week, and as long as I'm giving them breakfast during , they do really well.

Another perspective: our church doesn't have a cry room or a nursery or an age-appropriate Sunday School... and I am so glad. For the first year or so, it was no picnic, but when we took them at age 2 to my father's church which does have a cry room, ours were the only ones who knew to sit still and be quiet during church. I think they learned proper "church" behavior at a very early age because, well, they had no choice!

 

We are catholic and attend a small church (the smallest that I've ever belonged to) and unfortunately it does not have a cry room or nursery. Just a children's program for age 4+

Totally understand the high energy boy thing at church!!! That 18-24 mon range is challenging to keep boys still....and they certainly feed off each other. Here's what ended up happening with us. We would go as a family and Luke was so jumpy...DH would usually spend most of mass in the back with him. So we ended up going at seperate times(not ideal but you do whatcha gotta do)

I started going with Ben exclusively in the morning at 18mons. He's always been a calmer nature. Alone, he sat so well at church! It amazed me. I would bring a small bag of crackers and sippy cup. Maybe one book or matchbox car. We always sit in the front rows and he does best being able to watch the priest,etc. We started going again as a family about 3months ago. It's nice. Big difference as they approach 3yrs!! So hang in there! I still wouldn't want to go alone with them...maybe another year.

 

I wish I knew how to do it. We are Catholic and our church does not have a cry room or a nursery. For awhile, our girls did fine in Mass, but lately, we have given up. As soon as we walk into the church, Elizabeth starts to scream. She refuses to go in the pew. She spreads her arms and legs so we cannot get in. It is a little funny, but frustrating. We end up spending the entire Mass struggling with the girls and cannot concentrate on the Mass. It is frustrating. We decided to take a break and will go back in a few months and see if they do any better.

 

My DH does go with us but let's face it I might as well be there by myself. Like you said, I think he makes it worse. He has less patience and gets more stressed over every peep they make. It's not easy and we don't make it every week but they are improving over time. I have found that food works best for keeping them occupied.

 

I'm not sure you'll like my suggestion. When our girls were the age of yours, my husband and I took turns going to church because they napped around 10:30/11:00. And now at age 2 I can't even imagine taking them with us into the service because an hour is a long time to keep them entertained. One of the girls is constantly on the move.

I am a former Catholic and have memories of me and my brother (15 mos. younger) sliding back and forth on the pews and making paper airplanes out of the programs! I'm not sure you'll be "teaching" them how to behave at that age. Most of my friends who tried to take their toddlers to church stopped going for a while because it was too difficult and they couldn't focus on the service anyway. And you have to consider the people in front and behind you. Not everyone appreciates our little angels. Anyway, I'm sorry to be negative, but maybe you and your husband could take turns so you can enjoy a little quiet time alone at church. It's really for you at this point anyway.

Good luck whatever you decide.

 

Not going to Mass is not an option. DH and I currently go at separate times. I just miss the family aspect of it all. I am glad to see I'm not the only one with little ones refusing to go into the pew I'm going to try taking my big trouble maker (matthew) next week and sitting closer to the front. Maybe the distraction will help being able to see better. It's a small church so there's not much room in the back for him to wander.

 

If your church doesn't have a nursery, perhaps you could get one started. I'm sure you aren't the only mom with this problem. We use volunteers at ours. We just asked the women of the church (no men since nursing mothers use the nursery to feed their babies) to volunteer and created a rotating list of nursery workers. We actually do two ladies at a time since we have had a baby-boom at our church.

I can't imagine that if you talked to your priest, or whomever you would go through, about this they would object. This eliminates a lot of distractions and allows both parents and those sitting around them to really concentrate and learn more. Plus, the kids get some social time. Nursery could even include a short Bible story.

As for location and other logistics, while we actually had a nursery room, we had to expand it to include a Sunday School room. Both have toys that have been donated over the years, a donated changing table with wipes, and some snacks. Moms sometimes leave diapers just in case.

My kids love nursery time. And I get to focus on God without having to worry about them. Perfect all around.

 

I disagree with forcing little ones to sit through a service so that they'll "learn" to do it.

I took my boys as infants, but when they got mobile, I spent the entire hour trying to keep them occupied and quiet and to keep them from crawling over/under the pews, tearing pages out of the Bible, and scribbling in the hymnal. DH and I got ZERO out of the service, and it was so stressful! Not to mention the people around us were horribly distracted, too.

When Jackson got to that point, we started putting him in the nursery. Hayden and Brady HATED the nursery, so DH started staying home with them, and just myself and Jackson would go.

As other parents have said, there is a noticeable difference when they get to preschool age. By the time they were 3.5, just a couple years later, they had some preschool time under their belts and understood how to sit and listen. They knew how to behave and were ready to pay attention, even though they hadn't been sitting in church every Sunday before then.

Once we got to that point, we could all start attending as a family again, and today it's EASY to take them myself if I need to.

 

My twins will be 4 next month and I have been taking my kids to church since they were infants...the only time they don't go is when they are sick...I have done it on my own and I have done it with help with my dh and my inlaws...I found when they were smaller that I would have to bring stuff to keep them busy during mass...What worked for me was to have some small board books and then when the Gospel started I would give them a drink and a snack...Good Luck...

 

In one word, my answer to your question is NO.

 

We have to put them in the nursery. That was one of the things we looked for when looking for a church closer to home. We went to my grandmothers an hour away where my family goes but DH or I would end up having to take them outside before service was even over.

 

I'm so glad someone posted this. When M&M were immobile,we took them together every week. When they started being mobile, we just stopped going. We stayed in the cry room and got nothing out of the service. It just turned in to play time.

Now,A&A are here and I really want to get them baptized soon, but I feel guilty since I have not been at church for the above reasons. I just recently started going back. Right now, DH is not going, so I'm taking one child per week with me...LOL!! It's going good so far, much more manageable. Our church does have a story circle (A.K.A. playroom) for 5yrs and under. I took Mia last week and went back to story circle with her since it was her first time and since she was without Matthew. Needless to say, I was unable to leave her and spent the entire service playing with playdough in the play room. Oh well, we at least got the first 15min. of the service in. Baby steps I guess!!!!

Crystal

 

I read the first page of posts but not the second. I know it's hard to keep them quiet and not destroying the premises. My kids want to eat the erasers off all the pencils in the backs of the chairs and shred all the offering envelopes etc. So into the nursery they go. Also, whenever i bring them into church, they want to sit in the very front and I feel the whole congregation is watching the twins and not focusing on God which is why we all came in the first place--God. so into the nursery they go. But that is just my situation.

I would spend some time each day training them for 10 min. I do this by using blanket time. they sit on the blanket with some toys for 10 min. they have to stay on the blanket. When they are a little older and ready to sit in church, I will have them sit on the couch for 10 min doing nothing but sitting still. But that's not going to be until maybe this summer. Sitting still is a skill that is to be learned.

 

Alison, the only time I've ever taken them by myself was for a short service on Ash Wednesday--I wanted my ashes!! Other than that, if dh is out of town or something, I can't go to mass with them by myself. Usually one of their godfathers goes with me then. They are just too active now to go alone. There is another church near us that has a "stroller row", but I don't think at 2 years old they would even sit in the stroller for an hour.

We're dong what you do right now--we take turns. I go to the 8am and race home so dh can make the 9:30! I miss going as a family but currently the boys are so rambunctious that we end up not hearing any of the mass at all. I have enjoyed going by myself lately but am looking forward when we can all go together!