Chronic Night Nurser

Ok, breastfeeding mamas, I need your advice.

I have one son that weaned himself at 12 months while his brother is still going strong at 17 months. Neither has ever taken an a pacificer, but not from lack of trying. Whether your agree or not, we practice a modified verision of the family bed. The boys nap in the cribs and start out there in the evening but if they wake up and can't be settle down with a gentle rub on the back, we bring them in with us. The non-nurser tends to goes back to sleep right away (unless teething or sick) but the nurser DEMANDs to nurse. I have tried to offer water in a sippy and just snuggle him in but he starts to really ramp up if I don't nurse him. I know that it this point it is not because he is hungry but rather it's for comfort/closeness. When I was out the other evening, the nurser woke around 10:30 and threw a royal fit because I wasn't there. He ran around the house screaming while his dad tried to comfort his brother who woke up because of the fuss.

On a bad night the little guy will want to nurse six times, usually in the morning hours and only for a few minutes. On a good night, just once and maybe then again when he wakes up. I know when we have big milestones he wants more closeness. I work fulltime so I've been pretty accomodating. I'm trying to distract him more on the weekends so we can cut out those sessions. Still, he nurses each night to fall asleep.

So, what is the question? Should I start to wean him? Moms that know my scenario think it's ridiculous that he is waking up to nurse at this age. Is this something he needs (emotionally) from me or am I just being weak by not "cutting him off"? Sometimes I think he is getting ready to wean and then he'll just come on strong again. I'm not a fan of CIO but understand that we may need to go through this to really end the night nursing. It will be tricky since he shares a room with his brother and we have a small house. If I do cut him off, who should comfort him at night - me or his dad? I'm willing to wait a few more months to see if he will self wean but also worry that the longer I wait, the more determined he will be.

Sorry to babble on. Any non-judgemental advice is welcomed. What would you do or have done?

Angela

P.S. I can handle the lack of sleep because I don't need much and can fall back right away.

 

If you're OK with nursing him at night, it is perfectly OK to keep going!

If you want the night nursing to stop, that's OK too. You don't have to wean him, though, unless you want to for other reasons. I mean, he's going to be less than thrilled about no nursing at night anyway, whether you're weaning or not - might as well let him keep nursing in the daytime (unless you want to wean altogether, which is fine too). Anyway, regardless of whether you wean completely or only at night, it would probably be easiest to send DH in to comfort him - he knows DH doesn't have "the goods."

 

what she said! i definitely don't think you're "weak for not cutting him off". humbug! it sounds to me like you've been doing what works for your family. keep doing that - whatever it is/becomes/grows into. :good:

i think what your friends really mean is that it would be ridiculous for them - i know for myself, i would not function well under the conditions you described so i would probably have pushed through the night weaning. but it sounds to me like you're doing well & are comfortable to continue with it for at least a while longer. in that case, it's not ridiculous at all.

 

I sort of get the not needing much sleep & not really minding middle of the night feeds. We did sleep training to get their feedings down to 1, though, because I wanted them to start to realize I'm not the only way to put yourself back to sleep. I've got 1 guy who adjusted well & 1 who is resistant. I do admire your stamina, though!

 

Hi,I saw this thread and decided to pop in and be nosy. A good friend of mine went through this. You don't necesarily have to wean him but start some sleep training. It sounds as though he has not learned how to selth sooth hisself back to sleep and relies on nursing to go to sleep. You need to start out with not letting him go completely to sleep while nursing before putting him in his bed (maybe at naptime). Start putting him in the bed while he is barely awake and gradually start to let him be more and more awake as you put him to bed. I would not suggest starting a pacifier at this late date. If he needs comforting let DH gradually try to do it. If you go he will expect and demand to nurse. Good luck. HTH

 

I night weaned my kids at 10 months. They were really only nursing at 5 a.m., but they kept waking up every 30 min. and wanting to nurse more and I had enough. I would go in when they woke up at that time and comforted them (without picking them up). I was in there for about 1 minute and left. They would cry for anywhere from 5-20 minutes and go back to sleep. This lasted a couple of nights and gradually they stopped waking altogether. I continued to nurse them during the day. So you don't have to wean them completely if you don't want to.

 

My main concern over this would be that you might be setting him up for bad sleep habits as he grows older. At some point, I assume, most of us have a goal to have our kids be self-comforting at night... whether it is age 5 months or age 5 years might be the difference, but sooner or later all people need to learn to sleep through the night. My concern would just be that I'm setting my child up to have sleep problems later on. And if you've ever talked with a parent whose 3 or 4 year old wakes up several times a night it's not fun to deal with at all. It perpetuates a cycle of a tired child who then has trouble falling to sleep because of exhaustion.

In my mind, total weaning and night-weaning are two separate issues. CIO can be done without it affecting your nursing patterns during the day at all. I have had 2 babies who would've been exactly like your ds had I let the situation continue...and this current baby shows signs of being the exact same way. Everyone has their limits, so I think you need to decide for yourself what your age cut-off on this situation will be and then deal with it. By weaning your child completely you will essentially be doing a CIO. There is no way around that. The difference is that you could do CIO at night and still allow him to nurse during the day so that it's not so dramatic for him. Weaning him during the day is not going to make night weaning any easier...it'll make it harder in my opinion.


My babies sound just like yours...the difference is the time frame. I have them in bed with me, and nurse them quite frequently during the night, but my age cut-off is about 4-5 months. 5 months at the latest. And those who did not sleep through by 3 months without fail needed some version of CIO to stop waking up every 2 hours. It really has nothing to do with food either...since it's been my chunkier babies who can't seem to figure out that they don't need the 24/7 food supply. Anyway, you have to do what works for you (and your dh... if the situation is bothering him.). But IMHO whether you deal with it at 5 months, at a year or two years there will be some tears involved...and larger children cry louder. LOL. I don't see eventual weaning as being the solution to this situation. I think if you wait until then you will still get some dramatic tears at night because those feedings are going to be the hardest to drop if you've already dropped the daytime ones.

 

I agree with those who say that if it's working for you, it's fine to continue. If it's not, some sleep training may be in order.

All of my children have slept with me until after a year old. Some longer, as needed. Most of them have woken to nurse a couple of times at night, even when it was obvious that it was just for comfort. All my older kids go to sleep just fine, didn't wake up 3-4 times/night as 3 or 4 year olds and are perfectly capable of going back to sleep if they do wake up. Of course there is the rare time that one of them wakes with a bad dream, but that's 1/month or less and a different situation.

 

ours are able to self soothe, they mainly have a lovey each and then they used to be addicted to pacis at that age. I am still nursing and over the course of time I've worked really hard to get them to sleep all night. Yep, you don't need to fully wean to get all night sleep... Mostly for ours (since they usually have months where they will sttn) it was a teething issue or the start of a cold..

If yours don't have a favorite lovey I'd try that. And the sippy idea is a good one, sometimes mine are just plain thirsty and suck down half or a whole sippy. We also do white noise, which who knows if that helps or not... but at least if its something noisy that is waking them up, the white noise will drown it out.

And yes, I cannot imagine a nursing baby being able to sleep next to the milk machine and not have a drink... so IMO if you want to have a family bed seems like you'd have to fully wean. Or just night wean but keep them in their cribs...

A few weeks ago my dd had gotten in the habit of waking since she'd had a cold and was teething... and I did a modified CIO - going in ever 3 minutes to pat her and talk to her, every few times I'd stay further away and in the end I just stood at the door and talked to her... that night it was about 90 minutes all in all until she fell asleep again. the next night she sttn.

good luck making your decision, whatever you decide will be the right decision for you!

 

i'm just popping back in because i'm currently reading Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" and she has some great suggestions for exactly your situation (night nursers in the family bed) that you might find helpful. if you can get your hands on a copy, it's a great read. she also has a book for toddlers and preschoolers (although i haven't read it myself so can't say if it addresses your specific concern or not).

 

My Amelia nurses anywhere from 2 to 4 times after she goes to sleep at 8pm. She's soon to be 14 months. So, like you, I'm thinking I need to do something to cut down on the night nursing. With my twins, they just stopped the night nursing on their own. so this is all new to me. I don't know what to do! Maybe I'll check out that "No Cry Sleep Solution."