Carseat battles and intro...

First, I want to introduce myself and my girls - I'm Amy and have twin girls who are 2y 2m old and also an older daughter who is almost 7y. I love being a mom and having 3 girls...so much fun!

But, also there are lots of challenges.....especially with twins!

One of my most recent challenges is getting them into their car seats. They are heavily into the "I do! I do!" stage and can do a lot of things themselves, which I am thankful for. Each day there is something new that they now insist on doing themselves and it seems to bring a new frustration for me. They now want to climb into our minivan by themselves and climb into their carseat themselves, buckle the top part of their buckle (after I buckle the bottom part) AND tighten their straps. All of this is great in one way, because they are learning and it will be helpful when they can do this all themselves.....but the issue is that they are 2 yr olds and after they climb into the van and start looking around, going to the back where their big sis sits, reaching to the front to see what I have up there, etc. etc. I cannot coerce them to actually climb into their car seat so that we can get on the road. So I end up having to pick them up and put them in, which turns into a total meltdown because THEY WANT TO DO IT THEMSELVES and I am having to physically manhandle them to accomplish getting them in and buckled. I even close both doors to the van so that passersby don't think I"m abusing them or something because ithey are fighting me with all they've got and they are screaming bloody murder!

So, I finally get them buckled and they are totally fine about 1 minute later and I am sweating and exhausted and wondering how I can avoid this???

Anyone have any tips or tricks on how to coerce them into the carseat other than giving them a lollipop? (I may resort to that, BTW but I am trying not to because there is quite a bit of getting in and out of the carseats in our family with taking big sis places and other stuff, so I don't want them getting several lollipops a day.) I've tried talking them into it saying "if you choose not to get into your seat yourself, you are choosing for me to do it.", which actually worked......ONCE. But, not again. I know it's a phase and will pass, but need some sanity savers for in the meantime!

Thanks for any insight and I look forward to getting to know everyone!

Amy

 

:welcome: :hug:

Welcome to TS! OK, now that I've gotten all of my smilies out of the way...

I had the exact same problem with my duo. I found that the best way to get them to cooperate (most of the time) was to announce a contest to see who could climb in their seat first and buckle first. When I realized how much they liked the race, we started giving stickers to all contestants at the end of the race. The winner got to pick the first sticker and the runner-up got to pick second. We did wait until we got home to do the stickers but it kept them excited and happy for the whole trip.

Even with the contest in place, we still have occasional struggles with arguments over who won or they would ignore me and ignore the contest. Some days were better than others. Even now, at almost 4, we struggle with who gets unbuckled first or who gets help with their buckles first (when they have coats or something that makes things difficult). Part of parenting multiples that I'm sure we all deal with!

 

Welcome!

On the carseats, I counted to 5 and then did it myself. I made sure they understood this would happen. It caused quite a few meltdowns at first (and still occasionally does) when they still didn't do it, but after a few times, they became remarkably good at getting into those carseats quickly.

So, you're on the right track with this:
QUOTE
I've tried talking them into it saying "if you choose not to get into your seat yourself, you are choosing for me to do it.", which actually worked......ONCE.

But just be aware that sometimes they will still choose not to get in by themselves, and there will be screaming. No matter what the situation, it's always 2 steps forward, 1 step back! (If you're lucky, it will be 5 steps forward, 1 step back.)

My advice is, start this now, while you can still physically overpower them! By the time they're 3 (as you probably know), it's a lot harder when they fight back. In fact, I can no longer force Amy into her carseat, so if she chooses not to cooperate, we wind up sitting in the driveway for a very long time (and then I have to impose some sort of delayed consequence). I'm really glad I at least instilled the "count to 5" idea when they were younger.

ETA (after reading Lisa's response) -- We use the "race" thing sometimes too. However, I've found this to be a double-edged sword. For one thing, Amy is nearly always faster. Also, she cares a whole lot more about being first. So that strategy will motivate her to be first -- at the cost of shoving Sarah out of the way. <_< And if for some reason Sarah actually winds up being first (like if Amy gets distracted by a dandelion ), Amy then has a fit because she wasn't first. Sometimes I wish I'd never introduced the concept. But it depends on the dynamic between your twins.

 

I would give them a time limit too and also build in extra time so you aren't stressed out about running late. Some days I just don't have the time or patience for them to be so independent (I know- bad mommy!), so I 'help' them and they scream. But what are you going to do? IMO, even if they think they do, they don't run the show.

 

Yeah we have this too. It was a lot worse when they were around your guys' age, but seems to be improving.

We don't have a minivan, so you'd have to adapt for that, but I've found the key to be not to have one free roaming the car whilst I buckle the other in. I keep one between me and the car as I buckle her sister in and then carry her round to her side of the car and buckle her straight in. Then we basically do like Minette: "I will count to 10 (now I count to 20, just faster, so they learn those numbers too) and if you're not sitting in your seat then I will put you in your seat". And I do. I loathe manhandling them, but I find that if I can get hold of the strap between their legs and pull it up they can't arch their back and I don't have to use any force. We very rarely need to do this at all nowadays. In exchange, sometimes when I have time, I do let them play around in the car because they love it and I feel mean depriving them. Also we have the consequence, 'if you sit quickly then you can do the straps by yourselves'.

I try very hard never to introduce the concept of a race between the girls in any context, even not saying things like 'look your sister is dressed already'. Instead I will praise the child that's already dressed (in front of her sister). In fact I try very hard never to compare them in any way. The reason why is that I'm worried it'll introduce competition between them. I'm sure they'll develop it themselves to some extent, but I don't want them to dwell on our comparisons between them. One will always be quicker, better at X subject, tidier, prettier, funnier ... whatever. I just don't want either to think we judge them on that. I once met 6 year old twins who were already so competitive that if A was better than B at something then B just gave up (and vice verse). That scared me.

 

I haven't read the replies but wanted to share what I've always done. Getting into the carseat is not optional...you will do it when I say it's time to do it. I will (and have since they were capable of climbing in themselves) tell them one time "please get in your seat". If they don't, I pick them up, plop them down and buckle them without another word. It's not up for discussion...get in the seat and let's go. Having two in school (soon to be three), if we are getting in the car, we are headed somewhere and quite possible running behind thanks to the dynamics of getting five children ready to get out the door :huh: . There are sometimes tears because they want to do it. Oh well. They know that if they get in and get directly into their seats there is time for them to do it all themselves. If they goof around, mommy takes care of it so we can go. Too much negotiating undermines your authority as Mom. Tell them how it's going to be and stick with it, tears and all. They'll learn.

 

Honestly, I've now resorted to bribing (they're 4) to get in. If they get in and buckle themselves, they get a treat. If I'm running late, the first one in gets 2 treats.

I still end up with them all over the vehicle sometimes. I have found that I need to leave the minivan locked before we do this or they'll go in first while I'm getting everything out the door and then they'll be playing around.

 

When the girls try to avoid getting in, I pretty much stick to the scoop and scream method. Also, depending on the situation and time, I put juice cups or ice water sippies in their seats to "discover" which pleases them long enough to get buckled in and take off. Good luck

 

QUOTE(AmyQ @ Apr 24 2009, 01:42 PM) [snapback]1287193[/snapback]
Anyone have any tips or tricks on how to coerce them into the carseat other than giving them a lollipop? (I may resort to that, BTW but I am trying not to because there is quite a bit of getting in and out of the carseats in our family with taking big sis places and other stuff, so I don't want them getting several lollipops a day.)


I gave my girl 2 M&Ms if they got in without screaming. :lol:

 

Ugh! I don't have a lot to add. I'm just darn glad that I'm not the only one!! These stories sound just like us!

 

Maybe in a quiet moment before the hectic time of leaving the house you can tell them "If you climb into the car and don't mess around you'll get a reward" (stickers, whatever...) "if you don't climb in and get buckled quickly, I will do it for you and you will not get a reward" type thing!

When you have time, make sure to allow them to do it on their own and take their time. But when you are in a hurry, prep them in advance and tell them Mommy is going to help you if you don't do it quickly. That's the deal!

 

Thank you for all the replies. They are so helpful! I've started using the counting to 5 technique and it is working great for one of my girls (Sarah), she seems to make it into a game and does what I need her to pretty happily. But Caroline doesn't care for it and starts saying "Nooo five, no five", probably b/c she knows what comes next isn't fun for her! But, hey, one is better than none!

Amy