Can't express their feelings?

So I'm wondering what you ladies make of this. My girls are very exceptional and intelligent little people. I do believe they may be gifted because they seem to be ahead of their peers in a lot of areas (and I was also a gifted child and in advanced classes all through middle school so it wouldn't be too weird if they were also.) One thing that amazes people is that their verbal ability is far above where it should be, and has been since they were small. They use big words and generally express themselves well. HOWEVER, they for some strange reason cannot express their feelings!!! If you asked them to describe an item to you they would probably do it in an eloquent way but if you ask them "How do you feel right now?" they literally look at you with a blank stare. I don't know what to make of this. Me and my husband have been trying for awhile to explain feelings to them and trying to get them to talk about that, instead of them getting frustrated and throwing a fit for example. I can't even get a simple "I'm happy" or "I'm sad" out of them. Just the blank stare. It really puzzles me!!!! As they are getting older I'm really trying to understand how they feel about things but how can I do it when they can't/won't tell me??? I really am at a total loss and really confused why they can't express this.

 

I think expressing feelings is a tough one at age 4. My daughter has been in therapy for social anxiety disorder since she turned 4. She is a child with very good vocabulary and she is intelligent but she had a hard time with saying how she was feeling. We've talked about feelings and I have a picture of a bunch of happy faces with different emotions on their faces and if the kids have a hard time telling me what they are feeling, I ask them to point to the face they feel like. I don't know that it is always accurate but I think identifying a feeling is something kids have to mature into.
Now she is 5, she can identify how she feels easier most of the time. She can tell me when she is happy, nervous, shy, scared, sad. Sometimes she has trouble articulating why. My son is better at identifying his emotions and why he feels them.

 

Like Nancy said, it's not unusual for a 4 year old to have trouble expressing feelings.

It's also common for kids who are very smart and well-spoken to lag behind in emotional development (talking about feelings, easily frustrated, etc.), especially compared to their cognitive development. Your girls might be gifted, and if they are, these kinds of emotional delays are often seen with gifted children.

Just keep modeling it for them - when they are acting out, you can say things like "Wow, you seem really mad", or other times, mention you are sad or happy, they seem sad or happy, etc.

Also, if you let them watch TV, you can look for DVD's about feelings. They have outgrown it now, but when my boys were younger, they loved Barney, and we would watch one called "Happy Mad Silly Sad" and talk about the feelings. Then later, when they would be having those feelings, we would say "wow, you seem mad just like ______".

 

If they have hard time to express their feelings, and you ask "how are you feeling?, are you happy?,..", they might have no idea what you ask about....

Have you kids ever pet any animal? Animals are the best at helping kids to express their feelings, caring and sharing.

I always explain to my kids how the characters (usually dogs, cats,fishes,..) feel in their cartoon. It helps them to understand... When they have fun, I always ask "oh we are having so much fun. Are you happy? Mommy are very happy" and make my happy face. Something like that. Going to preschool helps my kids as well. They learn faster from their friends. i always ask if they have and they are happy today. And they always tell me what happened at school, play with friends and happy or sad or don't like school today. I always ask questions about their feelings many times a day directly or indirectly. And it becomes our habit. Sometimes, they even ask me "mommy u happy?", "mommy u sad?", "mommy no angry at me, I'm good girl/boy". I got "mommy I love you" many times a day. Since my kids can express their emotions/feelings well, our life is so much better and easier. They don't get frustrated and angry that often. And we reduced tantrums dramatically here

Just be patient, show them your feelings and help them express theirs. Let it happen naturally. They will get it. Gl!

 

My kids are little yet, but i read something interesting. I think it is from 'Siblings Without Rivalry'. This mom made a cube and on each side she taped an face indicating an emotion. She had one for each children and used them to help the kids recognize when their siblings were in a good or bad mood (in the mood to play or not).
Might be something you could do and make a game of it. Each person roll the cube and then make the face and talk about it or act it out.

 

I have always talked about feelings with the boys. They have a wonderful vocabulary and are very expressive verbally about feelings.

I also highly recommend a series of books I found that not only talk about feelings but also what you can do about the feelings. They are the "The way I feel books" by Cornelia Spelman. Love them.

 

Agree with pps. Also, feelings are very abstract, and kids that age are not wired to be abstract thinkers yet. So this sounds totally developmentally normal.