Can you spoil them at 4 weeks?

My little boy is much more "needy" than my little girl...he fusses a LOT more, and needs to be held much more...sometimes the only thing that sooths him is walking/bouncing him around til he peeters out and falls asleep...and sometimes, that doesn't even work. I'm pumping exclusively and many times this week I'm not getting to the pump in time because I'm dealing with him...My little girl has also had the sniffles and been a bit fussy herself, but I feel like she gets shorted because she's not the louder baby....Is is completely harmful to just put him down and let him cry sometimes? It breaks my heart NOT to be able to FIX whatever is bothering him, but at the same time there have been moments where my patience gets paper thin...especially when I can't get to the pump (I've come close to giving that up a couple times this week, too!)....I also worry that I'm conditioning him that the only way to fall asleep is to be rocked/walked/bounced in someone's arms, which I'm not sure of either! Any suggestions?

 

You cannot spoil a baby under 6 months of age. It's also ok to lay him down and let him cry for up to 15 minutes.

FWIW - Sean was my needy baby and James was my easy baby. Now they've switched, and Sean is easy, while James has become very needy. It's ok for one to cry while you pump or take care of the other one for a little while. There's 2 of them and only 1 of you and there is only so much you can do!

I don't know if you were aware either, but there is a Breastfeeding forum at TS. If you haven't checked it out yet, it may be worth a try. The ladies in that forum are top-notch!

 

I asked my doctor this same question at their two month appointment. He told me that while you can not spoil a baby that young you can condition them to being held every time they cry. He said when you know they don't physically need something sometimes you should try to pat their back or talk to them but do not pick them up. Eventually it will get to where they don't expect to be picked up every time they cry.

 

Jake was my high-maintenance baby. Have you tried the swing? Bouncer? Noise machine? Don't feel bad about it, there is only so much you can do as a mom with 2 babies. Just do the best you can, which is, I am sure, better than you think you are doing! :hug99:

 

We do use the swing and bouncer with vibration, but even then he needs "soothing" before he'll settle into those. This helps to hear that I can put him down and it won't kill him, or his little self esteem at this early age! ^_^ I think I just needed some reassurance that I wasn't the only one running into this! Thank you for all the replies!

 

You can't spoil him, but I agree it won't hurt him to cry for a few minutes so you can get something done. Mine go back and forth on who is fussy, but it seems like we've always got one fussy baby.

Have you tried a baby sling? You could put it on and carry him around and still have your hands free to get some stuff done. My DS loved this, and I felt like I could actually accomplish something. I could even pump once he was asleep , just shift the sling to the side.

Good luck!

 

I had a similar situation with my twin girls, who are now 4 months old. At first, I did playcate Rachel (the needier one) and rocked or held her a lot. Then, I realized that I wasn't spending as much time with Hannah and I would be fooling with Rachel trying to get her to latch on then 5 minutes later I would realize that Hannah had fallen asleep at the breat because she had given up on waiting for me. This is where Babywise saved my life. It sounds so cruel to let a baby that little cry. but seriously, it won't hurt them if you start doing it a little. I had a bunch of singleton moms telling me this and that about letting then cry and even got into a big fight with my mom about it. But they slept throught the night at 7 weeks. I must have done something right, or else God just decided to have mercy on me.

Around 1 month I started scheduling my girls more during the day (letting them whine themselves to sleep at naps), then demand fed them at night (but if one woke up I would wake the other). Once they were on the same schedule, I didn't have as many issues with one being more needy. Like another member said, they often switch and their needs will change. So although your son is needy right now, it may be your daughter in a few weeks.

Do what you have to in order to maintain your sanity and dont feel bad about it.

 

QUOTE(oldsandals @ Apr 20 2007, 01:44 PM) [snapback]228486[/snapback]
I had a similar situation with my twin girls, who are now 4 months old. At first, I did playcate Rachel (the needier one) and rocked or held her a lot. Then, I realized that I wasn't spending as much time with Hannah and I would be fooling with Rachel trying to get her to latch on then 5 minutes later I would realize that Hannah had fallen asleep at the breat because she had given up on waiting for me. This is where Babywise saved my life. It sounds so cruel to let a baby that little cry. but seriously, it won't hurt them if you start doing it a little. I had a bunch of singleton moms telling me this and that about letting then cry and even got into a big fight with my mom about it. But they slept throught the night at 7 weeks. I must have done something right, or else God just decided to have mercy on me.

Around 1 month I started scheduling my girls more during the day (letting them whine themselves to sleep at naps), then demand fed them at night (but if one woke up I would wake the other). Once they were on the same schedule, I didn't have as many issues with one being more needy. Like another member said, they often switch and their needs will change. So although your son is needy right now, it may be your daughter in a few weeks.

Do what you have to in order to maintain your sanity and dont feel bad about it.


You can't spoil him at 4 weeks old, but it doesn't hurt him to put him down for a few minutes to cry and then he may learn to soothe himself as he gets older. It gets so much easier as they get older.

 

Our daughter is the needier one. Our son is happy anywhere and I most of the time I end up spending a lot more time with our daughter than him. It makes me feel so guilty! I have started making a point to spend time with him anytime that she is actually settled down. Not that this is any encouragement, but I actually quit pumping because I was experiencing the same thing you are. It started being longer and longer between my pumping sessions because I was trying to take care of Shelby and couldn't handle her screaming for 15 minutes while I pumped. My supply started drying up and I finally decided at 8 weeks that I couldn't do it anymore. I felt SO free once we finally switched over to formula. Anyway, I don't have any great advice because I just take it day by day. I usually have my husband take care of our daughter at nice so I can get some nice snuggle time in with our son. (((HUGS)))

 

I know exactly what you mean, our son is the fussy one also and our daughter is SO easy, I too feel she is kind of cast to the wayside sometimes to soothe our son. And boy can he cry! So hard it becomes silent..then he's fine when you pick him up. It's pretty frustrating but I am thankful I only have ONE fussy baby! It takes us at least 30 mintues to rock him to sleep, maneuver him into the crib without waking, then laying a hand on his chest and face so he can feel our warmth and stay asleep. Even after all this, he still wakes up about half the time! With his sister, she can be awake and put in her crib and fall asleep!

 

I'm in the exact same boat; one of my girls has terrible gas and can't be put down after she feeds for AGES - just long enough for the other one to need to eat, or even be PAST needing to eat. Since i'm transitioning them from bottle-fed EBM to breast feeding, she is often too frantic to even try, and i feel HORRIBLE taht she is getting short-shrift.

Personally, i think it's a very fine line between making them feel secure (esp. preemies; mine were due on May 1 but were born at 34w 6d, since they are used to being in a dark, enclosed space and aren't neurologically ready for the big world), and between not conditioning them to be held EVERY single time they make a peep.

i try to see if they really need me, or if they are just grunting/grumbling making newborn noises and can soothe themselves. i can't stand to hear them really scream, though, it just breaks my heart too much.

I actually have a sling, but have not had a minute to try it since they came home a week ago - too busy feeding, nursing, changing and, of course PUMPING!

Good luck.

 

Hi,

congrats on breastfeeding twins. You're just over halfway through the hardest part -- so keep it up. Your baby may be experiencing reflux too, you can sometimes tell if he starts pulling his head back or arching (although they don't arch til they are a little older) but if he's more fussy after a meal, etc. it could be reflux. Reflux is real common in babies.

I pump for one kid and breastfeed the other -- so I totally understand how hard it is in the beginning to deal with pumping and babies -- I hired help for a few weeks when I was getting used to it... then the boys started sleeping in their swings for 2 hours a stint, so life got easier. But I still (8 mo later) hate to have to pump while watching kids -- I still do it while they are sleeping. In case you're wondering, I only have to pump 4 times a day now to produce enough for my son (32-34 oz pumped) that made my life easier -- I think I was pumping 6 times at 4-12 weeks or so. I feel for you and you need to hear that it is a great thing you're doing and the babies will benefit TONS by getting your breastmilk.

My son had reflux for 3.5 mo before we identified it -- and once we delved alittle further we found out that it was a dairy protein intolerance -- so no he is dairy free, still breastfed (via EBM) and off his reflux meds.

One idea that may help with your son's fussiness is to start limiting the amount of milk products you eat -- just to see if it helps at all. Sometimes babies are sensitive to milk proteins -- (my sons are) Most moms DO NOT have to go to a full elimination diet, they can just limit the amount of milk, yogurt, butter, cheese and icecream you eat to see if it helps -- it takes a few (2-3) weeks for it to really get out of your system tho. you may just see him completely change if you limit dairy products. my one son's transformation was HUGE -- he went from fussy, colicky, kid to my easy baby in 3 weeks -- although I didn't really eliminate dairy until he was 5 mo old. and was surprised how easy it was to do. One real easy way to tell if there;s a dairy intolerance is that the baby has green mucousy poops. This may not be your son's problem -- but you may also be surprised how you could eliminate his fussiness with a small change in your diet.

oh well, good luck, keep up the good work.

Teri D

 

You can't spoil him. He is crying for a reason even if you don't know what it is. With my two Bree early on got the nick name fussy pants because she was way more cranky and needy but guess what before 6 months she had 2 teeth! It could be early teething and the poor kid can't even hold things to bite on it. Now she has 6 teeth and Zack has none and he has become the fussy one - guess I know what's coming!

 

We had a "high-needs" baby in Sierra. Sometimes she just cried even with soothing so you had to just do the best you could. I was also an exclusive pumper and I made pumping time a priority. I have my pumping station in the living room near the bouncer and swing so that I could tend to the babies while pumping. If they cried while I was pumping and I knew it was just because they were fussy I did what I could but finished my pumping session. Getting that breastmilk out is so important.

 

Do what works for you. When they were weeks old my boys were defintely high maintenance (thank goodness they were 6 years apart). Anyway, I wore them in a "baby bojrn". It saved me. I could get a few things done & didn;t have to listen to the fussing. It does get better!!!

 

I had a high maintance twin as well. No, you can't spoil a young baby that way. Sometimes I did have to let him fuss a little bit so I could take care of my other boy and my 4 year old daughter.

One thing that helped tremendously were slings. He liked the ring sling and the Mei Tai. He would fall asleep and I could get things done. My slings were (and still are) a life saver.

My boys are 6 months old, and things have gotten SOOOO much better. He also had reflux and is on Prilosec so that also helped.

 

Can you stand one more "me too" post I am in the exact same situation. I am pumping exclusively for both of my girls who are now just a little over 4 months.

Megan is the fussy one, Melissa will lay on a blanket and stare fascinated at her hand for an hour LOL I try to pump as soon as they go down for naps but that doesn't always happen, especially when I need to increase my supply and switch to the every two hours thing. If I need to let her cry (scream is more like it) while I pump, then I just make sure she's got all her needs met first. You might try taking all her clothes off now that the weather is warming up- my fussy one loves that for some reason. You'll have a little cleanup to do later, but it's worth it :lol:

I just keep telling myself, this is not forever. It just seems that way