I felt terrible when I read some of the posts on the topic "...angry rant". I understand some of you ladies may have not agreed with the OP's opinion, but I felt like some of you went out of your way to rip her apart. I feel like this forum exsist to help support each other. If you don't like what someone has to say there are things you can respond without making her feel terrible. All of us have different problems and different levels of stress to deal with- that is no excuse for telling a mother she doesn't know what it's like to worry about "real" things and only cares about "superficial" concerns. In some ways you're right, we might not ever know what you went through, but as a supportive sister on this forum shouldn't you be glad? Everyone has a right to their opinion- but they don't have to right to hurt people. p.s to quote Salt n' Peppa "opinions are like @$$holes- everybody's got one"
In the five years that I've been a member of TS, there have been MANY posters who cause a stir. Often times they seem to like causing a stir, sometimes it turns out that they are not even pregnant, especially not with twin. Many TS users have been hurt when they were taken in with these stories. Some scammers have even conned site members. I'm not saying that those past experiences are repeating themselves here--so don't go down that line of thinking. What I'm getting at is that many people here have lost their patience for drama queens. Most "woe is me!" calls are met with "get over it" type comments. For some reason that remains a mystery, some people need drama in their lives and need the attention of others. The OP has exibited that tendancy several posts now, not just this one. I was also thinking earlier today, about how we all use language differently. (I'm a language teacher) it very well could be that the language she is using is expressing things she doesn't intend it too. You're right she does deserve support, and we are all twin moms no matter how it came about. I hope you both have smooth deliveries--for you it won't be long now!
I understand what you are saying. I also always remember this is also a public forum and you must be prepared for all types of replies when posting. That's just life.
QUOTE The OP has exibited that tendancy several posts now, not just this one. I was also thinking earlier today, about how we all use language differently. (I'm a language teacher) it very well could be that the language she is using is expressing things she doesn't intend it too. as the OP i will say that when i post things as "venting" i'm not doing a "woes me" post. what i'm doing is releasing stressors that i figure most of you ladies would understand, especially being pregnant with double hormonal drama kicking in making you a little "off kilter" so to speak. so no, i don't think it is fair to catagorize me as one of those people who seeks attention...what a better thing to say would be that "i think she seeks support" because that's what it is. someone to just say "yeah, that sucks..i'm sorry" like some of the first few responses said. now i purposefully did not continue to read that thread knowing full well that because it had gotten so out of hand that people would be bashing me calling me ungrateful, horrible and a terrible mother/person. i don't need that kind of support from people......so i ignored it and never read anything after the first hurtful response. perhaps my language and ways of expressing myself are different and get misinterpreted but that still does not give someone the right to blatantly judge me as bad based off of a single rant or two. but whatever. sometimes this forum is extremely helpful and supportive but a lot of the time it's not and is filled with a lot of very catty people who like to tear eachother a part. from now on i will stick to just asking pregnancy related questions or just keep my mouth shut. -kristine
QUOTE(haleystar @ May 22 2009, 02:04 AM) [snapback]1323681[/snapback] as the OP i will say that when i post things as "venting" i'm not doing a "woes me" post. what i'm doing is releasing stressors that i figure most of you ladies would understand, especially being pregnant with double hormonal drama kicking in making you a little "off kilter" so to speak. so no, i don't think it is fair to catagorize me as one of those people who seeks attention...what a better thing to say would be that "i think she seeks support" because that's what it is. someone to just say "yeah, that sucks..i'm sorry" like some of the first few responses said. now i purposefully did not continue to read that thread knowing full well that because it had gotten so out of hand that people would be bashing me calling me ungrateful, horrible and a terrible mother/person. i don't need that kind of support from people......so i ignored it and never read anything after the first hurtful response. perhaps my language and ways of expressing myself are different and get misinterpreted but that still does not give someone the right to blatantly judge me as bad based off of a single rant or two. but whatever. sometimes this forum is extremely helpful and supportive but a lot of the time it's not and is filled with a lot of very catty people who like to tear eachother a part. from now on i will stick to just asking pregnancy related questions or just keep my mouth shut. -kristine I think its important to remember though that seeking support ALSO invites criticism. You can't necessarily expect that people are only going to respond in the way that you want. Its unfortunate but when you put yourself out there the way you did with that post, then there are going to be lots of opinions, most of which are probably not about you personally, but that are addressing the issue that you raised. I for one did not think badly of you but I found the topic itself to be intriguing as it is something that I have discussed with my girlfriends. I must say though that having been here for a couple of months, I am personally amazed sometimes at how negative people can be on here (and I'm actually not referring to you Kristine). I think we do all struggle and pregnancy, especially twin pregnancy is hard and painful and frustrating, but I'm often taken aback by how mean and selfish some people sound (AGAIN, not aimed at you Kristine). I think its sometimes easy to forget that despite our struggles, we are not the first women to have babies. Gazillions of women have been through it all before (physical pain, emotional trauma, discomfort and financial difficulty), and most of them have managed to retain their graciousness and keep their perspective in the process. I hear so much talk about support and kindness and friendship that is rejected (unless it is in the exact form that the twin mother wants) out of moodiness and crankiness and surliness and it really shocks me. At the end of the day, we are bringing life into the world and into our families and communities. Babies make people happy and everyone wants to bask in that joy. Really, thats not a bad thing. Anyway, hugs to all.
QUOTE(haleystar @ May 21 2009, 05:04 PM) [snapback]1323681[/snapback] now i purposefully did not continue to read that thread knowing full well that because it had gotten so out of hand that people would be bashing me calling me ungrateful, horrible and a terrible mother/person. i don't need that kind of support from people......so i ignored it and never read anything after the first hurtful response. Kristine, I just wanted to say, good for you :Clap: for being the bigger person, accepting that other's will have differing opinions, ignoring, and just moving on. When on the internet, that is really the best way to go; not to draw attention to such things (like this thread does) or feelings just get more hurt.
QUOTE I think its important to remember though that seeking support ALSO invites criticism. You can't necessarily expect that people are only going to respond in the way that you want. Its unfortunate but when you put yourself out there the way you did with that post, then there are going to be lots of opinions, most of which are probably not about you personally, but that are addressing the issue that you raised. I totally agree with this - especially the bolded part!
You put it out there, expect it to be judged. What else are we supposed to respond to other than what YOU TYPE?? If you don't want controversial answers (or answers that don't necessarily stroke your feathers), then put the big pot stirrer back in the drawer. I understand rants about crappy doctors. I understand rants about pain. I understand rants about not bringing home your babies yet. But I DO NOT (nor will I ever) understand rants about what horrible gifts you've been given (followed with a hollow "I know I should be grateful....."), how no one considered your feelings during someone else's birthday party, yadda, yadda, yawn. As Meximeli noted, this is not the first post of it's kind, nor the second. Seems to be a trend. Gratitude (the real thing, not I-need-to-free-myself-from-guilt gratitude) in general goes a long way, and self-serving behavior is far more transparent than you might think. Furthermore, the universe has a funny way of giving you exactly what you expect. If you think pregnancy sucks, then pregnancy will suck. If you think people aren't doing enough for you, they probably won't - partly because no one will live up to your lofty expectations, and partly because they no doubt can read you like an open book and are not exactly inspired by your attitude to shower you with lavish things. And at least people think enough about you to get off their butts and buy you ANY gift. There are plenty of people who have NO ONE. :BDH: But I digress. Bottom line (for anyone posting in a public forum) is this...don't put anything out there that you don't want judged or discussed. Self-editing is a wonderful skill to have if you can't take the heat. Eve
QUOTE(sparkle77 @ May 21 2009, 08:27 PM) [snapback]1323710[/snapback] I think its important to remember though that seeking support ALSO invites criticism. You can't necessarily expect that people are only going to respond in the way that you want. Its unfortunate but when you put yourself out there the way you did with that post, then there are going to be lots of opinions, most of which are probably not about you personally, but that are addressing the issue that you raised. I for one did not think badly of you but I found the topic itself to be intriguing as it is something that I have discussed with my girlfriends. and i get that i really do. believe me. i know that not everyone is going to agree with what i have to think or say. but for me it's always best to just get it out there if i think someone else might be able to offer words of support and encouragement....not negativity, but i do know that it is common to get both ends of the stick with posting publicly. which is why i choose to ignore it when things got nasty. being a first time mom is hard for me, i don't know what is considered normal protocol for certain things, how things are done or even what to except during pregnancy so i tend to rely on a lot of you more experienced mothers for support and encouragement when i just don't think i can take anymore, you know? having 1 baby come as a surprise is one thing but to have identical twins as your first...WHOOPSY...pregnancy makes things a lot more out of the ordinary, especially when family memebers and friends can't really relate to what you are going through physically and emotionally. QUOTE At the end of the day, we are bringing life into the world and into our families and communities. Babies make people happy and everyone wants to bask in that joy. Really, thats not a bad thing. no that is a wonderful thing. at the end of the day i think we all have the same goal in mind, to provide the best care for our new arrivals, to have the healthiest babies possible and to be the best and most caring parents we can be. that in itself is all positive and should be something that we try to focus more on in these forums, rather than the cattyness that ensues from a single vent or two from so and so. QUOTE Anyway, hugs to all. the same to you :hug: kristine
QUOTE(twoplustwo @ May 21 2009, 08:30 PM) [snapback]1323715[/snapback] Kristine, I just wanted to say, good for you :Clap: for being the bigger person, accepting that other's will have differing opinions, ignoring, and just moving on. When on the internet, that is really the best way to go; not to draw attention to such things (like this thread does) or feelings just get more hurt. yeah, i have seen others vent about similar issues, bad co-workers, bad in laws and what have you and not get blasted as much as i do. so when i saw that the thread got WAY out of hand i choose to ignore it. as i am doing with all of the negativity that surrounds it. this pregnancy has been challenging for me both physically and emotionally, as it has for many of you other mommies, but why add fuel to the fire and make myself cry over something i cannot control? people are entitled to post their opinions and i will not stop that, freedom of speech, but it does not mean that i have to participate in something that will only aggrivate things more. -kristine
Kristine I have to say I probably would have gone and made myself actually sick over what the other thread turned in to so kudos for being able to ignore it, I don't think I could have. I know we all are having (had) varying experiences as mommas to be, but I would hate to add more stress on another momma to be no matter how I felt about the post. I know we have received a few things from my IL's that well uh...hubby wants to put a stop to. For various reasons I don't have enough space to get into LOL these "gifts" are insulting in a way, so I know how you feel. (The insults come from other family issues we have with his family.) If I posted about us not liking/wanting the gifts I may get the same response as you did, especially without posting the other circumstances, and even then who knows, so definitely understand how you feel. Although you have opened my eyes, even as a momma of 2 and 2 on the way I always get baby clothes for showers cuz I love them heehee, but from now on I will think about that twice and think about what they may need/want. Unfortnately these types of things happen all the time on the net, although I was shocked to hear about people pretending to be PG here or PG with twins...yikes! But usually us being women we all say sorry and say hugs all around in the end, that's just one of the many things that makes us as women great! :grouphug:
I read more than I post on this forum, but I have posted a few times when I think my response could be helpful to someone. And, in particular, I have posted a couple times trying to help the OP with whatever the rant of the day is. And been completely ignored. My annoyance is not the most recent post, which I didn't even think was that bad, but the fact that people post these dire, dramatic situations and then ignore or attack helpful responses, which has happened more than once. I'm sorry, but living with twins, and a full-time job, and a ton on my plate, I don't have time to go around posting nothing but :grouphug: and I don't have patience for people who only want that. That's probably my own personality failing, and I'm okay with that. We ALL have our problems. That doesn't mean we can't vent about them, but you have to be prepared that you are going to hit someone else on a bad day when their problems seem a lot more serious than gifts at a baby shower. Maybe the people who seemed a little harsh are having their own bad day.
QUOTE(Mom to Jack and Anna @ May 22 2009, 09:58 AM) [snapback]1324265[/snapback] I read more than I post on this forum, but I have posted a few times when I think my response could be helpful to someone. And, in particular, I have posted a couple times trying to help the OP with whatever the rant of the day is. And been completely ignored. My annoyance is not the most recent post, which I didn't even think was that bad, but the fact that people post these dire, dramatic situations and then ignore or attack helpful responses, which has happened more than once. I'm sorry, but living with twins, and a full-time job, and a ton on my plate, I don't have time to go around posting nothing but :grouphug: and I don't have patience for people who only want that. That's probably my own personality failing, and I'm okay with that. We ALL have our problems. That doesn't mean we can't vent about them, but you have to be prepared that you are going to hit someone else on a bad day when their problems seem a lot more serious than gifts at a baby shower. Maybe the people who seemed a little harsh are having their own bad day. i'm sorry if i may have ignored or put off your responses, especially if they were helpful! i do appologize. sometimes, and this is my character defect, i feel the need to always be on guard and defend myself. so i'm sorry if i put you off in anyway. pregnancy has made me very loopy and i'm just now starting to see things a little more clearly. and i applaud you for working full time and taking care of your babies. that takes a lot and i give you major kudos!!! but don't think i was purposefully ignoring you. it's just that wthen things get nasty i start to disregard the original post and not read it anymore so that i don't get unnecessarily upset. i always respond to PMs and if you've got a good idea that you think i haven't read about PM it to me and i will for sure look into it! again i am sorry if you feel like i ignored you.
QUOTE(haleystar @ May 22 2009, 11:04 AM) [snapback]1324275[/snapback] i'm sorry if i may have ignored or put off your responses, especially if they were helpful! i do appologize. sometimes, and this is my character defect, i feel the need to always be on guard and defend myself. so i'm sorry if i put you off in anyway. pregnancy has made me very loopy and i'm just now starting to see things a little more clearly. and i applaud you for working full time and taking care of your babies. that takes a lot and i give you major kudos!!! but don't think i was purposefully ignoring you. it's just that wthen things get nasty i start to disregard the original post and not read it anymore so that i don't get unnecessarily upset. i always respond to PMs and if you've got a good idea that you think i haven't read about PM it to me and i will for sure look into it! again i am sorry if you feel like i ignored you. No worries. My feelings aren't hurt or anything. My point was just that I will probably be less likely to try to be helpful in the future if I feel like someone doesn't really want opinions and just wants people to agree. I do understand the need to vent, and I can tell you absolutely that I vented to hubby and friends about a few crazy gifts we got (including these ugly blankets that play Jesus Loves Me that we still refer to as the "Jesus blankets" - and that my kids LOVE). I will tell you that you will care a LOT less about their clothes once they are here. Mine wore pretty much nothing but sleepers for a month, and then it was a big milestone for us to start putting them in clothes during the day. And, honestly, it's not always a good idea to stock up on bottles before they are here - they may not like what you stock up on, you may find that you don't like what you stock up on. We had a ton of silicone nipples and decided early on that we really felt the babies ate better from latex nipples.
QUOTE(Mom to Jack and Anna @ May 22 2009, 10:12 AM) [snapback]1324284[/snapback] No worries. My feelings aren't hurt or anything. My point was just that I will probably be less likely to try to be helpful in the future if I feel like someone doesn't really want opinions and just wants people to agree. I do understand the need to vent, and I can tell you absolutely that I vented to hubby and friends about a few crazy gifts we got (including these ugly blankets that play Jesus Loves Me that we still refer to as the "Jesus blankets" - and that my kids LOVE). I will tell you that you will care a LOT less about their clothes once they are here. Mine wore pretty much nothing but sleepers for a month, and then it was a big milestone for us to start putting them in clothes during the day. And, honestly, it's not always a good idea to stock up on bottles before they are here - they may not like what you stock up on, you may find that you don't like what you stock up on. We had a ton of silicone nipples and decided early on that we really felt the babies ate better from latex nipples. yeah i'm not worried about clothes. my kids can go naked in diapers as long as they get fed and are healthy/happy babies that are learning and know that daddy and i love them more than life itself. and thanks for the tip on the nipples...see i am a first timer and don't have a clue. i just know that certain things will be more useful than clothing and that's all i was venting about. and it's not that i want people to agree, opinions and helpful tips and tricks are great but i don't respond to attacks and if you noticed i only posted one or two responses on that whole thread because i knew it was getting nasty and i didn't feel like crying over it. so if you had PM'd me or something i would have been more responsive. if you did give some tips of the trade on that thread i'm sorry that i didn't see them.
Hi, This post is in support of Haleystar. When you said... " i don't know what is considered normal protocol for certain things, how things are done or even what to except during pregnancy so i tend to rely on a lot of you more experienced mothers for support and encouragement when i just don't think i can take anymore, you know?" I understood you. You even mentioned that you knew "that it sounds ungrateful" for me that statement said to me that you were not ungrateful..and in your own words you said that..."you just needed to rant" I understood you...I did not take it as you being ungrateful...you wanted to talk to other to be moms that were in the same shoes or had the same firework hormonal experiences as you. Alot of times my hormones feel kinda fireworky...and it does feel like a pressure being released when we can come on this forum and express or stress some of the thoughts and feelings that we are experiencing. It sorta hurt me to my heart how I felt that you were being bashed & I just knew that if your hormones in this pregnancy is anything like mine are I probably would have shedded some tears from being misunderstood. When the reason why we post here is for support. My definition of support is...someone to give a positive solution to our rants...or a positive or rather constructive way to deal with our rants...or someone just to say that they understand.My heart just moved me to come in your defence because you even said "don't get me wrong, no one had to bring anything i'm very fortunate to have gotten anything at all." You were only ranting in a place where you felt that it was safe to do so. I want to say that I love you (as a person who share this journey) and don't take misunderstandings to heart. Because whatever you feel those beautiful babies feel and they don't need to feel hurt or sad or stressed.And for the lady that started this post please don't misunderstand my empathy towards haleystar I'm not at all insinuating (SP?) that you are a bad person..and everyone is entitled to their own opinion..I just did not want Haleystar to be stressing over a misunderstanding..It's not good for our health or our babies. Much love to the both of you. God Bless :grouphug:
I read the original thread and I was thinking at the time oh no this poor lady must wish she never posted this! It just kept on going didnt it? I also read this thread and I really wish to defend the lovely ladies and gents of TS, I dont think 'catty'is an acurate discription of the people on here. I find this a place of love and support a wonderful place to come when I need some time out, advise or just a peek into whats going on. Unfortunately in the last couple of months I dont get on here as much as I would like but when I do nothing has changed. At Christmas time I received tons of cards from the other side of the world. They made my festive season! Thanks again guys. IMO This is a wonderful site and in my expierence not catty or mean just honest and straight foward. I hope the way you felt about the responses to your post doesnt cloud your view of such a great bunch, Kristine.
It seems like one of the things that happened in that post is that it struck a sensitive nerve with some people. There were many people who got nothing, no celebration, no attention and no gifts and that is the point that was discussed more than anything. When you bring up something that could bring up hurtful situations for others you need to know that you are going to hear strong opinions. I guess I have been around here for a while and seen things that are much more harsh. When my bugs were babies I posted about one of them falling off the bed, hoping to hear all the warm fuzzies because I already felt like the worst mother in the world. THat is not what I received at all, I think I got a few but the ones that stand out were that I have to be careful and never leave them and anything could happen. Not what I needed at all, suffering with PPD and having newbie twins but we are on a huge public site and are exposed to all types of personalities and experiences.
QUOTE(ktannor @ May 22 2009, 01:58 PM) [snapback]1324802[/snapback] And for the lady that started this post please don't misunderstand my empathy towards haleystar I'm not at all insinuating (SP?) that you are a bad person..and everyone is entitled to their own opinion..I just did not want Haleystar to be stressing over a misunderstanding..It's not good for our health or our babies. Much love to the both of you. God Bless :grouphug: Don't worry about me at all! I'm just glad to see someone giving support to a mom who needs it- that's all I was trying to do for Haleystar.
