Can I say something?

Well let me first start out by saying that I suffered years of infertility, miscarriages and overall heartache trying to have my girls. I KNOW the yearning that you feel when you've lost one and all you want is a baby. I've been through the heartache of seeing the heartbeat, only to have it gone by the next appt.....


But now I'm feeling a different kind of heartache. I didn't want to get pregnant. Not now. We were caught completely off guard. The girls were enough for me and a lot of times to much. I don't spend any time with them (MAYBE an hour a day) due to my work schedule, the house is never clean, laundry piled up all over the place, dust balls EVERYWHERE and a pretty little vacuum cleaner that stares at me every day wondering when it's going to get used. Our house is in a state of deconstruction, no dining room or entryway floor, a halfway installed laminate floor in the family room, half painted walls in the family room, a front door that is installed but the trim still isn't finished, half installed patio doors that is covered in plastic right now to keep the weather out.

And we have to fix ALL of that plus some in the next six weeks so we can sell our house. We won't be able to afford the house once this next baby arrives. Whether I keep working or not, we have to sell it's our only option. I can't help but feel that DH is resentful towards me and maybe thinks I got pregnant on purpose just so I could quit my job (I REALLY wanted to quit, since the girls were born, but couldn't) but that's not what happened. I sooo truly didn't have a clue I was pregnant, never even ovulated on my own w/o drugs before the girls so didn't have any reason TO think I'd get pregnant.

I just feel like it's all my fault our lives are all F'd up right now. The way the market is, we'll be lucky to recoupe our remodeling costs at all, and if we don't sell by the end of June we're really screwed. I don't give enough time/attention to the kids I have, how am I going to handle one more?? And lord knows how much attention the house needs, adding another kid to the mix is going to make THAT worse too.

I'm so stressed over money, the house, and what we're going to do in general. I know DH doesn't want me to quit, but I don't see any other option. If we sell the house we CAN make it on his income, so long as the kids stay home.

I just wish this whole pregnancy thing would just go away. I'm so shocked that this kid even made it, as I was taking birth control pills, cold meds, headache meds (excedrin) pretty everything you're NOT supposed to do, all during the critical time point of organ development. Had I KNOWN I was pregnant of course I wouldn't have taken ANY of that, but now what if my baby is all messed up because of it??? That's my other worry. he/she DID make it through the first trimester (my track record of successful pregnancies isn't exactly good) but with what lasting side effects from the drugs??? I won't find out until after the Quad screen which is at my next appt.

Sorry I just needed to get that out. I'm so depressed right now, things at work aren't going well, now this and DH really won't let me talk to him about anything. Any time I try he gets all defensive and it turns into an argument...

 

Im sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed, and Im sure the pregnancy hormones aren't helping any. Try to take things one day at a time. Its truly amazing how everything happens for a reason, and everything always manages to work itself out one way or another. Take Care. :hug99:

 

Its normal to feel that way when you have an unexpected pregnancy at a bad time. I'll tell you, you can handle it. Just like with twins, you do what you have to do. :hug99: Talk to your dh about how you feel and I can promise you, it would at least ease your mind!

 

I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I being in somewhat the same situation felt the same way at first. The wonderful ladies on here had such good advice and support I am excited now (maybe still in denial) I felt guilty feeling that way because while I've never suffered infertility (quite the opposite) when I went through two back to back m/c and all I wanted was a baby so bad. Then I got two and was better than good. But we thought we were done. Still trying to figure out how all my life I'd screw up taking the pill and never ended up pregnant yet taking it as directed it failed. So I do say against all odds this must be meant to be but even when you come to terms with the pregnancy it doesn't pay the bills or solve any problems. I must admit like people have said things are starting to turn around. But I am still terrified about the uncertainty of everything. My doctor assured me the baby will be ok even though I still took almost 2 months of pills not knowing I was pregnant. I'm sure I may have had a drink or two. I looked up alot on the internet too and it said everything should be ok even though we took those pills and all. I still feel like maybe something is wrong as a punishment for being so upset about this pregnancy. Then I think I'll be overwhelmed enough what if this baby is handicapped and the problems that will bring. I keep looking forward to a better day that I am so happy and look back and think I can't believe I was upset about this and look how everything turned out. I hope you get that day too. I also hope we both get through this with healthy uneventful pregnancies because we don't need that added stress. Best wishes for your next sono and tests.

 

:hug99: As much as my pregnancy is a wanted pregnancy, I often wonder how we're going to make it!!! I am blessed to be able to stay home, but it is a stretch. My dh LOVES to spend, spend, spend & he is NOT a help around the house. The days when I've had it up to my ears with the twins, I wonder how it is going to be like bringing this little one into the mixture. I just wanted to say you are not alone. Even though, mine was wanted, because of infertility, it was a surprise! :hug99: You are probably very hormonal right now. I do believe that things will work out in the end! Try and get a break if you can. Think about what you have and focus on that!

 

Sorry you are going through a rough time. I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you. We are always here to listen when you need to vent...no offense taken.

 

We are always here for you. This pg was planned but I am still scared out of my mind. I don't know how we will make it money wise and dh and I are not getting along but in 10 years looking at 3 beautiful faces it will make everything ok. They will not remember what the house looked like or what we did without, they will remember the love.

 

I think your feelings are totally understandable. Pregnancy hormones don't help the situation either. I have also had my moments of wondering how all of this is going to work with baby #4. I can honestly say that, while I was happy to be pregnant again, it really stressed me out at first. This baby is going to mean a lot of changes for us (me quitting work and being a SAHM, trying to fit 4 kids into 2 rather small bedrooms, having 4 children under the age of 4, a SUPER tight budget, and the list goes on). While we are very excited about the baby now, it took some time to adjust to the idea.

Don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. It's the process of trying to wrap your mind around something unexpected. Take it easy on yourself and be reassured that things will work out. Hopefully your DH will come around because you need each other's support right now.

Take care.

 

I can totally relate to how you are feeling and I think it is perfectly normal. I just found out that I am pregnant and my first thoughts embarass me. I know that there are so many people TTC and those who would die for another child, so I feel selfish wishing that I wasn't pregnant. 4 children (and I pray not 5) in NYC is a really expensive proposition and I am completely overwhelmed. I haven't told my family yet, either, so I am certainly in for it.

I just want to let you know you aren't alone in how you are feeling. Every child is a blessing, even if doesn't feel that way at first.

peace,
Cat

 

I am sorry your feeling so overwhelmed right now. I know hormones arent helping how you are feeling right now either. This pregnancy was planned but I am a SAHM and money is as stretched as it can be, I know it will be hard adding to our family and sometimes I do feel overwhelmed. I am sorry Dh wont listen to you or let you express how you are feeling. He DID help with this process, and although women are the ones who most of the time take the BCO and stuff to prevent pregnancy, its not 100% effective. You couldnt help what has happened anymore than he could. :hug99: I also believe everything happens for a reason. We dont always get the big picture at that very moment but someday you will, and you will understand. :hug99:

 

I don't have any advice or help to offer, just hugs. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but please don't be so down on yourself. Your feelings are valid and do NOT make you a bad person!

My DD got pregnant with the twins just a couple of months after moving in with her boyfriend, who can be abusive as well as very selfish. She hadn't even know this guy very long before she moved in with him. It's been an uphill battle ever since. Not only do they struggle in their relationship but financially they've hit rock bottom. My heart breaks for her. They're trying to make it work but frankly I just wish she'd leave him. I'm scared for her safety as well as her sanity.

To make things worse, she got pregnant while on BC pills when the babies were just five months old. They're now 10 months old and a handful, as you know. DD is so depressed most of the time, and I feel helpless to do anything to make it better. It's a road she's chosen to travel and bless her heart, she's trying to make the best of it, but she's sad, defeated, and sick of it all most days.

Fortunately she finally spoke with her OB this week about how she was feeling. He prescribed an antidepressant which we are hopeful will help with the black cloud feeling she's had for so long. I miss her sparkle, her laugh, her joy. I know it's still there, it's just underneath all of the burdens she has to carry all day.

Anyway, I know that doesn't help you at all but I just wanted to tell you that you're certainly not alone in feeling the way you do. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it's going to be okay!!!

I would advise you to tell your doctor how you're feeling. Perhaps something can be prescribed to help lift your black cloud as well. Until then, please don't beat yourself up about your feelings. It seems like an unsurmountable mountain facing you right now, but you're strong and you'll make it to the top of the summit!!!!

Hang in there, sweetie. And remember that we're here for you!

 

Oh, I have so much to say to you, but I will try to keep it short!!

First of all, remember, some women smoke crack and have babies who end up healthy, so give yourself a break...many women do things in that first trimester before they know and have perfectly healthy babies!

Second, things will work out, it may not be an easy road, but you will adjust. When I found out I was pg...I went to the doc because I was spotting, expecting him to say I had a cyst...and well, obviously that wasn't the case! This was so unexpected after years of problems conceiving and m/c, I was bf and on bc pill and my DH had already scheduled a vasectomy!!! So as you can imagine, it was a huge adjustment, and honestly, I think it took me longer than DH to get excited about #4! We were so done and I can barely manage the 3 I have some days! I'm sure I went through some depression, which was scary as that is very un-like me. But at around 4 mos pg, I snapped out of it like someone flipped a switch and now I just keep telling myself, obviously this baby was meant to be, so I take it one minute at a time.

As for the house, try not to stress..our house is too small for even the three we have, but we have to make it work, and ours too seems like it is always a mess, no matter how much I try to keep up and I will tell you if you do stay home, it will be worse...there are days I just have to take the kids and get out because I can't stand to look at the mess anymore!!! But that too will resolve itself...so you will live in filth and chaos for a few years and then before you know it they will all be in school and these days will seem nostalgic!

Lastly, the DH...they are all a pain in the @#!, and not so helpful (i'm sure there are some exceptions ). At the risk of sounding cliche, your kids will remember you sitting on the floor with them and painting and wrestling, not that the toilet was dirty and the kitchen floor was sticky and DH will get over it!! Just be the best mom you can and reach out for support when you need it...don't try to be SUPERMOM...you'll just wind up miserable!!

Hang in there...and we are all here when you need a pick me up!! You are NOT alone!!!

:hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this! Just remember that everything happens for a reason and one day you will understand why this happened. When I got pregnant with my twins I had just moved in with my boyfriend..I already had 2 kids and thought that there was no way that I could do it. My boyfriend was a total jerk through the whole pregnancy...he cheated on me the whole time and put me through ****!! I was put through so much stress i'm surprised I made it to 38 weeks with them...although, I did have a few hospital visits in between. You need to be strong and worry about yourself and all of your babies!!! I know it's hard when you're living paycheck to paycheck...trust me, I know!! I used to have a good normal job making good money and now with daycare costs so much..I can't work during the day...so I work at night, waiting on tables while my boyfriend works during the day...we don't make enough money to have anything left over. You will make it..things work out in the end. I'm happy to say that my boyfriend has been good to me and loves his girls more than anything...I always say that the year 2006 was both the worst and best year of my life...I don't regret anything...my girls are my sunshine..they are my strength...I couldnt imagine my life without them..I was where you are and I got through it and so will you!!! Keep your head up..Know that you're not alone..If you need anything..I will help if I can!