Calling all SAHM's

I'm writing in this forum because my boys will be 1 in November, and I'll be a SAHM! Can I just tell you how excited I am to type that!

Our daycare is changing dramatically. And we don't really have any other options that we can afford.

Sooo...

I'll work 5 days a week from 4am-8am doing phelbotomy, just to keep our insurance...but what's 4hrs, compared to my 12 I'm doing now!

I am scared to death...I have a pretty high pressure job currently, which I love, but I ache to be home with my boys (this totally surprised me!)

I will be working for A LOT less money, but I'm ok with that...err dh and I are ok with that, I'm so lucky to have his support.

Here are my concerns...please weigh in on suggestions, ideas anything!

1. what do you do with a 1yr old all day for activities...i don't want them to get bored (I live in NE so it's wx dependent)and I don't want to go stir crazy.

2. what do i do when money is really tight, i've always been financially independent, I'm going to feel responsible for aiding to the finacial burden. dh is self employeed and winter is his slow season, I couldn't pick a worse time to do this....or on the other hand, if i can make this work for the winter...the other seasons will be a breeze.

3.i expect alot from my daycare...i know how i want my children raised...what if i can't meet my own expectations?

4. How on earth do you get things done...when I've spent 4 days with them, I thought I'd have all this time to accomplish things...HA! When I'm with them they get my TOTAL attention, but now that I'll be with them all the time...how do I handle this?

Ok I don't want to overwhelm you haha...thank you so much for reading...any suggestions/words of wisdom??

I am so excited, I want to break into tears everytime I think about it!! And I'm so terrified, which also makes me want to break into tears!

Thanks!!
reb

 

Not a SAHM, but I can share what my MIL did when she kept my girls from aged 3-9 months at home. She was my live in 'Nanny'. LOL

Her schedule for the girls was pretty strict. Up at 7 a.m. (I worked nights so was just coming home, I helped with a lot of the morning stuff) breakfast, then play time for an hour or so. 9 a.m. was naps till 11 a.m. 11:30 was lunch, then playtime again from 12-2. 2 they'd go down for their second nap until 3:30 or so. Then she'd feed the a snack, have more play time till Daddy came home about 5. then it was dinner, Daddy time (and Mommy, but I usually woke up about 1 or 2 every day)

She used Nap times to clean up around the house. About the only thing she didn't do was DH's and my laundry, but then sometimes she'd even do that for us....

They did really well with that. Kids like structure and routine. They like when they know what's coming next, and are less cranky.

I would creat a schedule and then try to stick to it (easier said then done, I know) something like:
7:30 wake up and breakfast
8:30-9:30 play
9:45 snack
10-11 learn (pick a weekly theme, like colors, or shapes, animals) use flashcards (baby einstein makes some good ones) or even just go outside (weather depending) and use things in your environment to teach (we use EVERYTHING to teach colors, shapes, numbers)
11-11:30 Lunch
11:30-2:00ish Nap
2-3 Play
3:30 Snack
4-5 Learn

Then your regular nighttime routine... Of course, this is for a 1 nap schedule, adjust accordingly for 2 naps or wahtever. Good luck!

 

:Clap: I'm happy you are happy to be staying at home!!

1. what do you do with a 1yr old all day for activities...i don't want them to get bored (I live in NE so it's wx dependent)and I don't want to go stir crazy.

You read, play silly games, go on walks (even in the cold, it's fun!!) just about anything you want to do! They don't get bored as easily as we think or we do.

2. what do i do when money is really tight, i've always been financially independent, I'm going to feel responsible for aiding to the finacial burden. dh is self employeed and winter is his slow season, I couldn't pick a worse time to do this....or on the other hand, if i can make this work for the winter...the other seasons will be a breeze.

You can try and find local playgroups. :good: Go to meetup.com.

3.i expect alot from my daycare...i know how i want my children raised...what if i can't meet my own expectations?

You will not, can not fail your children as long as you love and support them. :youcandoit:

4. How on earth do you get things done...when I've spent 4 days with them, I thought I'd have all this time to accomplish things...HA! When I'm with them they get my TOTAL attention, but now that I'll be with them all the time...how do I handle this?

I've learned to have them (at that age) come from room to room with me. Yes, it takes longer and they make messes while I am cleaning but some things do get done. :lol: Plus, don't forget, independent play is VERY important.

 

1. what do you do with a 1yr old all day for activities...i don't want them to get bored (I live in NE so it's wx dependent)and I don't want to go stir crazy.

Anything really: singing, dancing, coloring, reading, walks (if the weather is nice), play outside (if weather is nice)

2. what do i do when money is really tight, i've always been financially independent, I'm going to feel responsible for aiding to the finacial burden. dh is self employeed and winter is his slow season, I couldn't pick a worse time to do this....or on the other hand, if i can make this work for the winter...the other seasons will be a breeze.
Consignment sales, coupons, buying the store brand, looking at your monthly expenses and see what you can cut out or reduce. It might be good to start looking at this stuff now before money does get tight.

3.i expect alot from my daycare...i know how i want my children raised.... That being said just give those kiddos a lot of love (which you already do).
Don't put a lot of pressure or expectations on yourself. No one is the perfect Mom but you are going to be the best Mom your kids will have. Just give those kids a lot of love and as much patience as you can (I know mine can be in short supply somedays) and they will be fine.

4. How on earth do you get things done...when I've spent 4 days with them, I thought I'd have all this time to accomplish things...HA! When I'm with them they get my TOTAL attention, but now that I'll be with them all the time...how do I handle this?
I usually try to clean one room a day while they nap, take a little break for me while they nap. They will start to independently play more as they get older, so you will be able to get some more things done as well


Good luck, you will do great!

 

How exciting and scary at the same time. Don't worry, though. You'll do great. Don't put any expectations on yourself or you'll feel like you aren't living up to them. It's hard to be a SAHM. There are never enough hours in the day. I have given up cleaning up their toys until they are napping or in bed. They just undo everything I do. I have baby-proofed the entire downstairs, so they can go from room to room, although they always want to be where I am. I also live in the NE and I'm trying to think of things to do when it gets cold. I guess I'll just dress them warm and try to get outside as much as we can. Maybe go to the mall play areas and go to play dates. I belong to a MOMS group and they set up play dates with other kids the same age. I think I'll probably take advantage of that this winter.

As far as cutting back, you'll save $ once they are off formula and eating regular food. At that point it's just diapers. We belong to BJ's and buy our milk and a bunch of other stuff there to save $. I only buy the clothes they'll need on sale. I don't think they need as many clothes when you are at home with them. Who cares if they wear the same outfit twice in one week. Half the time, they stay in pjs when it's cold out and we don't go anywhere. Remember, even though you won't be bringing home as much $, you are saving $ in daycare costs. Don't feel guilty at all. Just think about the fact that you are able to raise your kids yourself. That is priceless.

Good luck!

 

I have no trouble filling our day it goes by so fast. By the time you get them up and dressed they then have to eat/nap/play/eat/play/bath/bed. The day flies by. I have my house pretty well babyproofed but if I have to get something done where I leave the room for more than a few minutes I put them in their huge pen which they are used to going in by now. It has all their toys in there that are baby safe. You probably want to set up a safe area in your house where you can put them if you need to clean up, make food, shower, or if you get stuck in the bathroom when not feeling well. A lot of the time I get some major cleaning project done like the bathroom when my husband is home in the evening because it is a lot more restful and peaceful doing it then.

As for money.. don't go to the store much seriously. Don't stroll the mall because you are bored it will save a ton. I clip coupons from the newspaper and wait for the supermarket to have triple coupons to stock up on cleaning products, body stuff, and other non perishable grocery items. I also have friends who save me their coupons after they have gone through them so I get more. I buy bread, generic diapers, generic wipes, and milk at a wholesale club. I sell some things on ebay and craigs list when we are done using them in the house. I get many of the things I need from freecycle. my.freecycle.org People post things they no longer want for free and you go pick them up. It is a great way to clean out your house. Recently I posted a wanted for Halloween costumes for my kids and onesies. People responded and I got them. Of course I do freecycle a lot back myself so I don't feel guilty for taking. A great website for saving money is www.afullcup.com You can trade coupons on there or just learn how to shop a sale more effectively via the use of coupons and ads. Look at their forums and ask questions on there because I learned a lot.

 

Congratulations! I'm glad you're happy about it and you sound concerned about it too which is good! I'm a SAHM from day one, but looking to go back to work now! :silly:

1. what do you do with a 1yr old all day for activities...i don't want them to get bored (I live in NE so it's wx dependent)and I don't want to go stir crazy.

You may go stir crazy, but that's okay too! We shift out their toys and if we buy new ones we get them from family/friends or garage sales.

2. what do i do when money is really tight, i've always been financially independent, I'm going to feel responsible for aiding to the finacial burden. dh is self employeed and winter is his slow season, I couldn't pick a worse time to do this....or on the other hand, if i can make this work for the winter...the other seasons will be a breeze.

Milk and table food is much cheaper than formula. I buy the organic $8 a gallon here in California! and I buy the most expensive nutritional food for them. We just prioritize and cut back on those unnecessary items like our land-line, cable, no eating out, etc. Plus as a SAHM there is no need to dry clean work clothes or even buy new clothes (sadly

3.i expect alot from my daycare...i know how i want my children raised...what if i can't meet my own expectations?

The fact that you are asking is a good sign. There will be days when you feel that way, but children learn through play, just play with them and they will go far!

4. How on earth do you get things done...when I've spent 4 days with them, I thought I'd have all this time to accomplish things...HA! When I'm with them they get my TOTAL attention, but now that I'll be with them all the time...how do I handle this?

Once they learn to play and eat more independently that's when I tend to clean up a bit. But it's a lot of work and my DH and I clean mostly on the weekends.

GL!

 

I just wanted to thank you all for your responses. I think we are on the right track...what's interesting is I think we've been planning for this moment for the last year, without realizing it...

We buy at BJ's or Sam's for much of our things...we grow/harvest just about all of our food. We've been grocery shopping via meal plans...which has given dh and I great quality time as he teaches me how to cook...I have a blast making our own baby food, so we saved a TON there.

We live in a pretty rural area, but I am hoping I can find SAHM's with LO's my age...(Liz, I just signed up for "meetup"..thanks great suggestion!)

They are on a great schedule (I'm very much into schedules!)

I think I can...I think I can...i think I can!

thanks everyone!!
reb

 

Rebecca I also just signed up for 3 library programs this fall that are free. One is a meeting for moms while the kids play in the room, another is story time for the kids, and the last is a play group for kids with professionals in the room like nutritionists, doctor, psychologist, social worker to help you with any questions you have. You really should look in to the library or at least go there 1X a week and sit and read to your kids there so it feels like a special event. Check with local churches they may have stuff too for the kids to do.

 

I really needed to read your post tonight. I am a SAHM who is frustrated and misses work (desperatly) but knows I need to be home for my kids now.

I'm concerned you are setting yourself up for frustration. Being a SAHM is a blessing, a huge one, but it is also hard! There are days I do nothing with my kids. I know, it's awful. But we survive. They eat. They play. They argue. They run around. They get into trouble.

It's not all educational. Sometimes I feed them snacks to keep them quiet while I get groceries.

But in the end, we do it together, and I think that's the point.

Enjoy it, don't pressure yourself. Relax.

The child I did the least for is my genius. (and I do mean genius). They don't need all that. I promise. It's great if they can get it, but they will be OK without it. They need you too.

 

You mean this isnt the norm :unsure: I always feed my kids snacks while we grocery shop. It makes it much more pleasant for everyone


As to the OP:
1 - anything and everything. they really arnet hard to entertain. Just naming everything and saying eveyrhting as you do it, what it is , what color it is etc keeps them very interested.
2- You look for ways to cut back. You coupon clip, shut off the cable. Go to the library, have playdates, bargain shop or toy swap with another mama.
3. If you know how you want your children raised, do the best you can and be proud of the small things you are able to accomplish. You may find what you thought you wanted and what you actually end up doing to be totally different things and thats ok. Be flexible. Im not the same parent I was yesterday and I probably wont be the same tomorrow either. day by day I do what seems to be working the best. I pick my battles to the win wars. So what if they eat their snacks off the floor once in a while :blush:
4- You include them as much as you can and expect it to take longer than it used too. Or you set aside a certain part of their naps devoted to tasks and the other half for you to sit back and relax (cause you'll need to do that too!)

Visit TS often, especially on days you go stir crazy because it happens to the best of us!

 

I am a SAHM and wow somedays they are sooooooooo long and I have 3 under 21 months right now. (all mine) I have set days that we do things which makes up for 3 days a week. they include things like a mother's play group which is free, we used to go to the library but harder with 3 little ones.

Make some days of your week those kick back days where a bit more T.V. (child educational stuff) might be allowed. I bring my laundry basket into the livingroom and they "help" me with my laundry. I pick up what they take out and fold and put away. Set up your own daycare ideas where you have music time, it can be dancing in the kitchen or music during supper.

Play is of vital importance and it allows them to discover on their own. Simple new toys in the bathtub, or pull out toddler safe toys from your cupboards. You could have a reading spot in the house and a set time that you do that. I find with mine I read to them first thing in the morning and again in the afternoon -- with 2 short books before bed. The reading to them does get easier trust me ! Mine were banned from books for so long since they just fought and destroyed them.

Use the library to take out books, I scour the thrift stores and find great bargains. Check out the "saving money" thread in one of the forums. People waste 1/3 of their food from things like not using it up and needing to throw it out. Little things like buying fruits and veg that keep longer and only buying one thing that will not keep (like asparagus).

Using a clothes line, check out your T.V. package and see if you are spending too much there.... etc.

It really is hard being a SAHM, so give yourself time to adjust.

Heather

 

Congratulations on being able to be a SAHM. I quit work when our daughters were born so I don't really know the daycare side of it, but I love being a SAHM. It has its perks and there are hard days, but I love being there to watch my children accomplish things and know that I helped teach them or that I got to experience their first something.

In response to your questions. My daughters just turned one a couple of weeks ago, but aren't walking yet. I'm really looking forward to taking them to the park once they are stable on their feet. We live in FL though so the weather is fairly nice all year round. As far as other activities to do with them though, I go to a bible study on Tuesday mornings and Wednesday nights (with DH) and they get to interact with other kids at church. Just make sure that you have time with other women your age so that you don't always feel like all you do is talk to babies all day long. I also get together with friends that have kids about the same age as our girls and we have a playdate. None of that really costs any money.

Don't feel like you need to be their entertainer all the time. They learn by discovering things on their own so while playtime with mommy is great, they also need independent play time. I have mine play in the pack n' play alone for 25 minutes each. I set a timer and when the timer goes off, they get to come out. This way they know that playtime ends when Mommy says it ends and not just because they're crying and they want to get out. I try to do most of my chores when they are awake because then their naptime is my time to just relax, read a book, take a shower, etc. I also usually try to get out at least once a day even if it's to grocery shop or go to the bank or go for a walk.

Hope that helps!

 

Thank you for posting this! It's a big deal adjusting to this new life from being satified in a career and independent.
That is great you can find early AM working hours to keep your hand in your field. (Did you work for a hosptial lab?)
Most of the free programs in my area start at 15 or 18 months... I can't wait until Spring!

Keep Cabin Fever away!