"But I want to play with you!"

I remember posting something on FY way back in the day "When will my girls notice each other?" Hahahahaha! Oh the joyous days of them laying together on a blanket completely oblivious to each other.

Anyway, we are having an issue and I'm not sure how to handle it. Ana really wants to play WITH Meara. Meara on the other hand, mostly wants to be left alone to do her own thing. Sometimes they play nicely together like this morning when they were stacking blocks and books and cars and stuffed animals into a giant unwieldy tower and then joyous knocked it over together... but this is definitely not the norm.

Usually Ana chases Meara around trying to get her to interact. Meara runs away screaming. Yesterday while food shopping Ana was hugging Meara while saying "Meara I love you!!!" while Meara was screaming "Ana no pushing!!!" Good times.

So how do you explain to 21 month olds the idea of personal space and that your sister won't always want to hug and play with you? Usually when Ana does this, I try to do something with her alone so Meara can do her own thing. DH and I have talked about separating them for a few hours on the weekends so we can each have one-on-one time with them and they get a break from each other. Any other suggestions? Thanks!!!

 

Oh, man. Can't wait to see the responses, because we have exactly the same thing going on -- Kevan is my affectionate one, always wanting to play with Karina, and she really needs her space, and just isn't very friendly. In fact, she starts complaining the minute he gets anywhere near her...

 

I think both of your ideas are good. Ana needs to learn that Maera has a right to say no. But you could also encourage Maera to play with Ana, by being there and facilitating it yourself. It may be that Maera feels a bit steamrolled by her sister, and her defense is to just want to play alone. But you could teach them some ways to play together where they get to participate equally and no one gets steamrolled. You may have to participate and supervise pretty closely at first, but it might help you get an idea of where the trouble spots are.

And if nothing else really helps, at least remember that most of these things get better (in some ways, at least) when they can really talk to each other. I was amazed at how much my girls started playing together around age 2.5, when they could actually discuss what they were doing.

 

QUOTE(Leighann @ Dec 10 2008, 04:10 PM) [snapback]1105933[/snapback]
Ana really wants to play WITH Meara.

This is Lauren.

QUOTE(Leighann @ Dec 10 2008, 04:10 PM) [snapback]1105933[/snapback]
Meara on the other hand, mostly wants to be left alone to do her own thing.

This is Emma.


QUOTE(Minette @ Dec 10 2008, 05:09 PM) [snapback]1106042[/snapback]
I think both of your ideas are good. Ana needs to learn that Maera has a right to say no. But you could also encourage Maera to play with Ana, by being there and facilitating it yourself.

This is just what I do. Depending on what it is, I will sometimes get Emma(Meara) to join us by saying "Lauren wants to play with you, why don't you _____ together?" and start the activity for them. Other times I tell Lauren(Ana) "sissy would like to play alone right now, why don't you grab the _______ and play with that". In a perfect world, this would work all the time. I would say it probably works 1/2 the time, but I am showing them exactly what is quoted above, that both need to learn to give and take.

 

I don't have any suggestions for what to do. We were in the same boat where one would want to play with the other. And so they would chase either other around. I tried to let them work it out as much as possible as well as engage both of them in play, depending on the situation at hand. No specific changes to what we did any other day. then one day just before they turned 2, I found them both playing together. And not playing side-by-side like they usually did as they shared toys, but actually exchanging toys and communicating with each other and having a great time!! It was amazing!! We still have our battles, as everything is MINE. But there are more times when they are playing "together" now and I love it!!

Good luck - they will be playing together before you know it!!

 

I agree with PPs. Also want to add DH famous quote for the practical jokesters. "If it's not fun for everyone, then it's not fun".
A tends to harrass R, and so I have to remind her and help her notice that R isn't having fun.

Definitely try some role playing with a baby doll(s) or stuffed animal.

DH takes each daughter out for a date once a month, and the child at home gets "special time" with mom.

 

we have this same problem!! I'm anxious to read responses