Burned out!

I am seriously struggling. I know it's hard to care for 16 mo old twins and a 4 year old, but I am barely managing! There is so much stress in our lives right now (too much to talk about here) that I feel like I am hanging by a thread most days. I am extremely unhappy and when I look at my healthy children, I know I shouldn't be. I am burned out! Neither of our families help us at all so it's not like I can call them up for help. I do work 2 days/week and that helps but it's work. I am struggling with my 4 year old with her behaviour issues. It's adding to it all. Please give any words of advice, help, etc... I have friends, but none I feel close enough too to vent. Thanks for listening!

 

I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time. Have you looked into your local mothers of multiples group. I know they all aren't the same but I know ours has a mentor group and have been a great resource. Also maybe one of your girlfriends can take kids to the zoo or childrens museum. Or something like that. I also know this is a tough age and then when you have a pre-schooler who needs just as much attention its even more daunting. Just keep telling yourself this too shall pass. Hugs and I know I wasn't much help but I can at least be sympathetic.

 

:hug: I am so sorry you are struggling, I am right there with ya momma!!! I have a 2 year old and my almost 17 month old twins (and a 12 year old) and I struggle a lot. Its so hard! We don't have any help either and I feel so isolated a lot of the time because no one understands what its like to try to get three little ones out of the house and to any type of store, errand, playdate or get together etc. (My twins still aren't walking yet.) I really don't do anything for myself like I should to help and try to ease the stress but last night I did go out with a friend for dinner and a movie, it was so nice to get away and I missed them so much! Can you get away for just a little bit? Maybe even come home right after bedtime so that the rest of the night is included in your alone time, it will make it feel like a longer break heehee.

I feel guilty too sometimes in that all my kiddos are healthy too and I am so down when I shouldn't be. If you feel that you aren't enjoying your little ones and you keep feeling that way and you just feel down maybe a chat with your doc could help, perhaps some counseling or medication to help? It can help tremendously for those who need it. Definitely find someone you can be honest with, even venting and being honest on here is at least an outlet, it helps if you don't have to hold it all in.

Also I know here in Canada sometimes through our healthcare you can qualify for "respite childcare" (2 or 3 hours a week) if you have multiples and are struggling and/or depressed, maybe see if you can find something similar for your area. And how about a preschool program for your 4 year old, is there any money in the budget that could maybe just let you have some time with only the twins. I know if I only have my 2 year old or the twins or one of each its a drastic change in the stress levels versus having all three so if you can swing something like that it could help you some.

I don't think I have been much help either but at least you know you are not alone!!! I hope you can find some ways to relieve your stress and find some help!

 

Sorry things are so stressful. I recall 16 month old twins as being very challenging and draining and 4 year olds as well.

I live in Harford County, MD if you want a playdate!
Hang in there, try to take care of yourself.

 

:hug: I am sorry you are so stressed out. 16 months was a stressful time for us too and I did not have a toddler to care of on top of that, so I can only imagine. Are there any moms groups in your area (either through your local newspaper or meetup.com)? Is there any part time playgroups that all 3 kids can go to for a few hours when you are home?
Wishing you all the best!

 

I cannot imagine having twins AND an older child, my hat goes off to you! I am sending you virtual hugs bc it takes an incredible amount of strength and wisdom to get through this!! And you will!! As pp said, try to get a small break in any way you can, you will appreciate the kids more when your tank is refueled . Good luck

 

I belong to a local mom's club and the multiples group for our state. I try to take the kids to a playgroup once/week and I am overwhelmed just getting them all out the door! I also feel like the moms in my group cannot understand how stressful it is! None of them have multiples.
Nancy C- I used to live in Harford county
chellebelle- the us doesn't have any respite care that I know of, but I wish! DD does attend preschool 2 days/week and that helps significantly. I have thought about increasing her days because I believe she is bored at home and then acts out.

 

Hi - I am so sorry that you are struggling. Sometimes I think being a parent is one of the toughest jobs out there (of course, it is very rewarding, but still!) I'm not sure any of this will help but here are some thoughts: for your 4 year old - do you know of any friends/kids the same age that you could arrange a regular play date with? Or, are there any services in your area that you could enroll her in for a small fee or free (in Ontario we have the Ontario parent-child centers that have free and pay programs). This would give your 4 year old some time to do something just for them and get some energy out. Is your 4 year old in kindergarten yet?
16 months can be a tough age too - my only thought is that it will get easier especially once it is a bit nicer outside so you may need to just 'survive' the winter. If you feel like you can't - then maybe a college or high school student could be hired as a mother's helper, even just for a couple of hours a week to give you a break?
For me, I also find it helpful to arrange a regular meeting with a friend or two (even just once a month feels good) for dinner or whatever. Plus, when the kids do go down for bed try to use that time before you go to bed to just do something for yourself rather than doing chores or whatever.
And, I agree with a PP, if you are feeling really down it may help to talk to your Dr. and see what they recommend. It may be helpful just to talk it out.

 

I too find that getting my 3 out the door is usually the most stressful lol, it even stops me from going to our local multiples group playdate most weeks. No one there can really understand as their twins are older and walk and they also didn't have a toddler so close in age either.

I actually couldn't take advantage of the respite care because my toddler didn't walk until 18 months and the twins arrived when she was 15.5 months so I had three non walkers and it was just too hard to try to get them anywhere without a triple stroller. These are the types of things that burn me out, definitely the logistics of it all. Increasing your 4 yo hours sounds like a good idea if you an afford it.