Bullying between twins?

I had one of my boys come to me today telling me that his twin brother and other kids at summer camp were teasing him and calling him names. I'm sick to my stomach that my son was treating his brother badly. I'm not sure how to handle the situation. My heart is bleeding for one son and I'm furious at my other son for doing what he did to his brother. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Im sorry I don't have advice but this must break your heart. I do find this with my girls too, one sticks up for her sister but the other doesn't, I have told her she is your sister and you need to be kind, its really hard.

 

One of my boys has a tendency to pick on his brother. However, he's usually pretty good at sticking up for him in social situations. But, when he teases or bullies his brother at home, I make him apologize and ask him how would that behavior make him feel if someone did that to him. I have had to remind him repeatedly that he needs to think about how what he does effects other people before he chooses to do those things. I know he's young and it'll take a while for him to actually grasp that concept even at 5 years old, but I know it will happen. He'll also get things he loves taken away for the day and time-outs depending on the severity of his bullying. It does seem to reduce the amount of times the bullying occurs at home at least.

There has been times he feels like he's always getting in trouble, I've had to stick up for him on the few times his brother decides to act up against him. Part of bullying is a confidence issue. If both of my sons know they are taken seriously to the same degree, it will help them understand that rules are rules and certain behaviors are just not allowed no matter who they are.

As far as your boy goes, talk with him. Maybe hold a family meeting every week where your sons can speak their minds and you might get some answers as to why this behavior is happening. If both your sons gets heard, then maybe some of the behavior will calm down. The meeting should include everyone saying something they like about each other and then discuss something that is upsetting them that needs some attention and hopefully compromised on or changed. Meetings should not happen during dinner. They need to be focused time so everyone gets everyone's full attention. No one can talk unless they have the designated object in their hands that allows them to talk...no one else can speak until it's their turn with the object.

My cousin has tried this with her girls and it has worked well for her. Once my boys get settled in school, I may be trying this out myself. It will be nice for everyone to get some thoughts out even if they have no problems to bring to the table.

I have also heard family game/movie night is a good way to reverse some of the bad attitudes between siblings.


(edited for grammar)

 

I remember when I was in elementary school my sister & a friend of hers teased me on the playground. I came home devastated and very upset. Mom told her that she is never to do that ever again. It worked. With the twins I try to install a 'do unto others what you'd have done to you.' It doesn't always work. Being a parent is so hard.