Broken Rules Rant

I often read of rules people are breaking. Sometimes I didn't even know I was breaking a rule. I feel I should make a list of rules I am breaking along with my comments on them. I have read many books on raising children and the amount of conflicting information baffles me. Now I am going with my instincts and it has been very freeing. Despite all this, I still have two babies who are content, in the 90th percentile, and developing appropriately. Who would have thought that was the case because I seem to be doing everything I am not supposed to! Anyways, I just needed to get this off my chest. Please don't mind the rant... Here is the beginning of my list. There are many more things but I think I'll stop now.

1. Propping up bottles. Seriously, who made this a rule? It is one of the reasons I am still sane and my babies are happy too. One usually gets held and fed while the other gets their bottle in the bouncy chair, or both get fed that way while driving in their car seat.
2. Laying babies on their back while feeding. My daughter refuses to eat any other way sometimes. Neither have had ear infections and at their last check up the doctor said they are very happy, healthy babies.
3. Feeding them food in the proper order and introducing them appropriately. I spent the first two weeks stressing about feeding the babies the right foods in the right order. Now, they eat whatever I feel like feeding them and I don't worry about it at all.
4. Having a bumper pad in their crib. My aunt was adamant I remove it. Both of my babies were swaddled and no where near the side of the crib. Ever.
5. Putting a blanket over their face. My daughter won't fall asleep any other way. Why do people feel compelled to come up to me when I'm out in public and remove the blanket from her face? I wouldn't do it to their baby.
6. Keeping a set schedule. I realize this may work for some of you, but I couldn't force my babies to do it. Instead, they have created their own schedule and I work around it. It's quite nice. They wake anywhere between 7-8, play for a while, and go down for a nap after having a bottle, play until noon, eat lunch, have a bottle, and nap for a couple hours in the afternoon. They wake from their nap, play for a bit, have supper, play some more, have a bottle and go to sleep. Time is usually irrelevant.

 

:yahoo:

Isn't it the best feeling ever! I never did have time to read books on parenting, and I couldn't focus on them while I was pregnant. My mom told me she never read any of the books, just breastfed us if we were crying. I've found I LOVE breaking all the "rules". The truth is babies do come with an instruction manual of sorts. That is to say, the babies are the manual. They know when they're hungry and will tell you. They know when they're scared, sleepy, upset, cranky, in-pain ect. I've learned so much more from these two little babies about raising babies than I have from any of the books or web sites I've managed to read. So here's my list of no guilt, no stress parenting to add to yours. Lydia, Keep up the great work! :bow2: :clapping:

1- Co-sleeping is not a sin.

2- Yes, my babies use me as a pacifier. Everyone says it likes it's bad, but no one has been able to give me even one convincing reason why.

3- I refuse to let my babies cry it out just so they can "learn to sleep". Who ever thought that up didn't have postpartum depression! I will pick them up and plug in a boob 'cause that's the best way for mommy to stay sane. There is not enough prozac in the world to make this an option for me.

4- If they fall over and start crying I'm going to at least make sure they are ok before trying to convince them that they.

5- I dress my twins alike. I lump them together and call the "the twins". I really do not have time to sit around worrying that it's all going to mess them up for life.

6- I put them to sleep by nursing them to sleep. Bed time, nap time, it's all the same. Why should I rock a crying baby for hours with no results, when I could just plug them in and in five minutes or less they're out! Why make this harder than it is?

Thank you Lydia. I knew I wasn't the only one breaking all the "rules", but it was so good to actually hear it!

 

Here are a few more. Sorry, girls, I couldn't resist. Thank you Vivan - I agree with everything you said!!! My son and daughter are frequently dressed in the same outfits and I love it!

7. Bathing the babies daily. I don't get to have a shower for myself everyday, let alone my babies. They don't get sweaty, are continually getting washed, and only get dry skin when I bathe them frequently. Therefore, they are lucky to get two baths a week. When they start crawling around on the grass and are actually dirty, then they'll get more baths. Until then, it's once or twice a week.
8. Sterilizing bottles, bleaching toys and being a clean freak. I gave up on sterilizing the bottles when I saw the babies putting toys in their mouth. I can't stop them from exploring the world through their mouths so why worry about sterilizing bottles. Bleach, no way I'm putting that near my babies. A bit of dirt won't hurt them, bleach can and will.

 

QUOTE(Vivian @ Apr 24 2009, 10:19 AM) [snapback]1286922[/snapback]
:yahoo:

Isn't it the best feeling ever! I never did have time to read books on parenting, and I couldn't focus on them while I was pregnant. My mom told me she never read any of the books, just breastfed us if we were crying. I've found I LOVE breaking all the "rules". The truth is babies do come with an instruction manual of sorts. That is to say, the babies are the manual. They know when they're hungry and will tell you. They know when they're scared, sleepy, upset, cranky, in-pain ect. I've learned so much more from these two little babies about raising babies than I have from any of the books or web sites I've managed to read. So here's my list of no guilt, no stress parenting to add to yours. Lydia, Keep up the great work! :bow2: :clapping:

1- Co-sleeping is not a sin.

2- Yes, my babies use me as a pacifier. Everyone says it likes it's bad, but no one has been able to give me even one convincing reason why.

3- I refuse to let my babies cry it out just so they can "learn to sleep". Who ever thought that up didn't have postpartum depression! I will pick them up and plug in a boob 'cause that's the best way for mommy to stay sane. There is not enough prozac in the world to make this an option for me.

4- If they fall over and start crying I'm going to at least make sure they are ok before trying to convince them that they.

5- I dress my twins alike. I lump them together and call the "the twins". I really do not have time to sit around worrying that it's all going to mess them up for life.

6- I put them to sleep by nursing them to sleep. Bed time, nap time, it's all the same. Why should I rock a crying baby for hours with no results, when I could just plug them in and in five minutes or less they're out! Why make this harder than it is?

Thank you Lydia. I knew I wasn't the only one breaking all the "rules", but it was so good to actually hear it!



How very true! I know for a fact that if one of my boys is having a hard time going down for bed, I will sit in the rocker, pop a boob in his mouth and wouldn't you know it, not 5 mins later, he is out cold :good:

I don't know what rules I break. I guess I not a rule follower. I do what works for us and could care less how the next mama tends to their child and I don't feel guilty at all. If my babies are happy, and I am happy, then I figure I am doing just fine!

 

QUOTE(Lynn76 @ Apr 25 2009, 05:53 AM) [snapback]1287896[/snapback]
I do what works for us and could care less how the next mama tends to their child and I don't feel guilty at all. If my babies are happy, and I am happy, then I figure I am doing just fine!

:clapping:

That is the BEST attitude! I've been trying to get to that point and it's so freeing!

 

Me too! I put cereal in their bottles, because then the aren't as reflux-y. I gave them tylenol after their vaccines. I started them on solids at 4 months, like I did with Owen, not 6 months like the nurse said I "had" to. I rock them. My idea of sterilizing bottles is washing them on the sterile cycle of the dishwasher. They will occasionally (when I'm desperate) share a bottle. They spit on each other, and put their fingers and toes in each others mouths anyway. I bottle prop when I have to. I have bumper pads. I have a fan in thier room. (let em get addicted to white noise. I am. Most hotels have fans for heavens sake.) I gave them diluted juice when they were constipated. (The nurse had a hissy over that one too) They even occasionally nap on thier tummies if I'm in the same room with them. (I don't put them to sleep that way at night, or if they are alone in the room)

I don't BF, but I get so angry for women who do, when they are constantly harrangued for feeding too often. For heavens sake, Native women have always (and in some countries still do) gone topless and carried their babies in slings so that all baby has to do is turn his head to get the boob whenever he wants it. We are allowed, and even encouranged to FF "on demand" why do BFing moms get so much grief for doing that?

I figure, we Mom's have been doing this without rules for millenia. And yes, there are some things that are proven, and you don't go without, like vaccines. But, for the most part, you do what works, especially when you have two or more babies. I'm betting the majority of Mom's break these same "rules" that we do, but just won't admit to it.

 

1. CIO - we let our girls CIO at 14 weeks old (8 weeks adjusted) so that they would sleep in their cribs. it is the best parenting decision we've made so far.

2. BFing - i used nipple shields, i woke sleeping babies to keep them synched to each other's schedule, i took them off the boob before they came off themselves when i just couldn't take it anymore, i mixed BM & formula in their bottles, etc, etc

3. solids - i never waited 3 - 4 days between new foods and i sometimes introduced more than 1 food on a day.

rules suck! knowing your own family best rules!

 

Oh preach it girls!! You gotta do what works for YOU!!

I co sleep
I CIO
I BF'd
I bottle fed
I spank
I never used rice cereal
I bottle propped
I nursed to sleep... I nursed in MY sleep
I only bathed them once a week
They slept on their stomachs
we used pillows....

Oh my! That was liberating!!

 

:laughing:

How fun!

Let me just say...I broke ALL the rules, too.
No set die hard schedules, no CIO, co-sleeping when neccessary, boob pacifiers, real pacifiers, tummy sleepers, bottle propping, you name it...I broke it. And my kids all lived to tell about it :good:

 

My girls are healthy 20 month old girls! BTW they have had blankets since they came unswaddled *gasp* and pillows!* EEK!* I also enjoy cosleeping! Snuggly little warm bodies make me sleep very well!

 

I broke rules 2 and 4. And while I didn't intentionally put blankets over their faces, they always slept in the stroller with their hats over their faces. They also (as soon as they could roll independently) liked to sleep with their faces towards the bumper pads in their cribs.

 

I love this! Here are my broken "rules":
Bumper pads.
Propped bottles.
Shared bottles from day one. There was no way I was wasting bm or formula.
I push the limit on how long bm and now formula can stay out after they started eating it.
They slept in their swings without me in the room for hours.
I love my baby walker.
I didn't do tummy time much until 4 or 5 months and now they are already crawling like pros!
I do CIO and I don't feel bad about it.
Right now I'm typing this instead of playing with them!

 

Oh yeah, we did bottle-sharing until recently when we found out one DS is allergic to milk and now on soy. I figure, they're exposed to exactly the same things anyway, so why does it matter if they share germs?
And we also do baths twice a week--that's all they need at this age and doing it more just dries out their skin. I love our pedi--when I asked her at the first appt how often they need baths, she said, "When they start to smell."

 

Another rule I break: I use the Platex drop in bottles after using Avent bottles and hating them for leaking. The drop ins are single use only but I rinse out and reuse. I have two bottles and the boys each have a bottle. I put the letter of their first name on the bottle so I don't mix them up.

Another rule: I let Riley sleep in the boppy on his side. This is more for his plagiocephally. I know you are supposed to let babies sleep in the boppy. I let the boys sleep in the swing. Great way to calm down a very tired baby!

 

QUOTE(miss_bossy18 @ Apr 25 2009, 03:22 PM) [snapback]1288220[/snapback]
1. CIO - we let our girls CIO at 14 weeks old (8 weeks adjusted) so that they would sleep in their cribs. it is the best parenting decision we've made so far.

AMEN! :good: Same here and our girls have slept peacefully in their beds for months now!

Also...
they sleep on their tummies and ALWAYS have
they sleep with blankets and ALWAYS have
they sometimes where clothes that aren't exactly the right size so that they match
if one doesn't finish a bottle and the other is hungry, I'll switch out nipples and let her sister have it
we have no schedule, just try to go to sleep at a reasonable hour and get up before noon
I don't think anyone does as good of a job caring for them as I do, but I will hand them off to anyone who walks through my door if it means I get to pee in peace


love it! :itwins:

 

QUOTE(Vivian @ Apr 24 2009, 10:19 AM) [snapback]1286922[/snapback]
:yahoo:

Isn't it the best feeling ever! I never did have time to read books on parenting, and I couldn't focus on them while I was pregnant. My mom told me she never read any of the books, just breastfed us if we were crying. I've found I LOVE breaking all the "rules". The truth is babies do come with an instruction manual of sorts. That is to say, the babies are the manual. They know when they're hungry and will tell you. They know when they're scared, sleepy, upset, cranky, in-pain ect. I've learned so much more from these two little babies about raising babies than I have from any of the books or web sites I've managed to read. So here's my list of no guilt, no stress parenting to add to yours. Lydia, Keep up the great work! :bow2: :clapping:

1- Co-sleeping is not a sin.

2- Yes, my babies use me as a pacifier. Everyone says it likes it's bad, but no one has been able to give me even one convincing reason why.

3- I refuse to let my babies cry it out just so they can "learn to sleep". Who ever thought that up didn't have postpartum depression! I will pick them up and plug in a boob 'cause that's the best way for mommy to stay sane. There is not enough prozac in the world to make this an option for me.

4- If they fall over and start crying I'm going to at least make sure they are ok before trying to convince them that they.

5- I dress my twins alike. I lump them together and call the "the twins". I really do not have time to sit around worrying that it's all going to mess them up for life.

6- I put them to sleep by nursing them to sleep. Bed time, nap time, it's all the same. Why should I rock a crying baby for hours with no results, when I could just plug them in and in five minutes or less they're out! Why make this harder than it is?

Thank you Lydia. I knew I wasn't the only one breaking all the "rules", but it was so good to actually hear it!


I just have to say this sounds a lot like me! I tried to read the books but they just stress me out and make me feel like a failure. I still get guilt trips from family/friends but since I've let go of the books I honestly feel SO much better - less like a failure. Here's to breaking the rules! :drinks:

 

Phew. Glad I don't feel like such an outcast for "breaking" the rules.

 

I have never read a parenting book, I follow only my instincts.

 

All I can say for your #5 OP is that Alice did the same exact thing and she's fine.

She wouldn't sleep any other way except for with the dang blanket on her face.

 

QUOTE(angie7 @ Apr 26 2009, 09:17 PM) [snapback]1289325[/snapback]
I have never read a parenting book, I follow only my instincts.

i tried one, HSHHC. i didn't like it and gave up on it after a couple of chapters. i've decided to rely on my gut, although i'm willing to consider the input of others.

• we swap pacifiers.
• we share bottles if necessary.
• i've taken both of them to the doctor when just one was sick because it seemed likely that the other would get sick.
• i try to use their names when speaking to them but i call both of them "buddy" more often than not.
• we've done CIO because it works when nothing else does, but i hate hate hate every single second of it.
• i bumped them up in diaper and clothing size just to make myself feel like we're making more growth progress than we are.
• during the "lost" season premier jacob wouldn't stop fussing so i got him out of bed and held him until the end of the show. i figured he's got his whole life to sleep, but i'd been waiting months for this episode!