Breastfeeding at 3 still

yesterday i met a SAHM (very young mother) of three boys, aged 8, 5 and 3! her youngest is still BF!!!

and whilst we were there, about 2 hours, he nursed about 4 times!!

i asked her why she doesnt wean him as he is rather big already, and she replied that he doesnt want to wean!

he drink from her during the night still up to 4/5 times she said. and he eats poorly.

She is rather fed up by now, but has no idea how to wean the little chap from her breast.

Does anyone have soem advice I can give this poor mother. i did suggest tojust say no when he wants to nurse as he does undertand pretty well by now, but she says he cries so much she jsut give in. and he wont eat then...

please help

 

I nursed bith my girls until 3 yrs, 2 mths......I didn't nurse publicly at that age because it was only at night. I was not motivated to wean, the girls were comforted by it at night....I don't know when we would have quit....but all 3 of us got a cold. We all took Triaminic....then I got worried about me having the medicine & them having the same medicine & how they would get even more through the milk potentially. I explained that we could not nurse that night, repeated the same excuse for the next few nights & then we were done. It is no big deal either way.....there were benefits to the extended nursing for all three of us.....but it would have been fine to wean earlier. I suggest that the mom start talking to him about what a big boy he is, buy a "big boy" sleeping toy & let him have it to cuddle as he becomes accustomed to sleeping without the breast.

 

if she's ready to wean, then there are lots of things she can do to help ease the transition.

one thing i would suggest is that when he asks to nurse, she should ask him some more questions: is he thirsty/hungry? does he want to cuddle? is he upset? nursing can become a catch all for toddlers & sometimes helping them to figure out what they're actually wanting/needing can then help mom decide whether she wants to nurse or do something else (give a cup of water/milk, a snack, spend some time cuddling, etc).

she could also try implementing a timed nursing session rule. it could be something like letting him nurse to the count of 10, or till the end of a short song. that sort of thing.

she could also try setting boundaries on locations/times of nursing - so explaining that they'll only be nursing at home now, or only after he gets up from bed, or before going to bed, that sort of thing. if she chooses this route, she's going to have to stick to her guns & be consistent for it to work.

she could also check out www.kellymom.com - it's a great all around nursing resource. i'm sure she could find lots of tips & tricks to try on weaning an older toddler there.

i would also say that she might want to have a good think about whether she really is ready to wean or not. she says she's fed up with it, but then it sounds like it doesn't take much for her to "cave" and let him nurse. if she's not really ready to wean, then maybe it's just about finding a more consistent routine that she can be happy with.

last, but not least, she says that he eats poorly so i'm wondering if there might be some medical issues there that need to be resolved. has she talked to his pedi? it could also be that the constant nursing is filling him up so that he's not really hungry for anything else. she could try gradually reducing the number of times a day, or the length of time of each feeding, and see if that helps with his appetite.

 

I agree she seems conflicted about what she really wants. Once she figures out what she does want it's lots easier to get there. The links and tips Rachel suggested are fabulous.

 

I nursed Allison until she was 2 1/2 and I was done. I went to my annual GYN appt and came home and just told Allison the Doctor said there was no more milk in there. Surprisingly she fell for it.

 

Hahaha, that is funny.

Thank you all for the wonderful advice. I bf my sons till 2yrs and 2mnts and the 1st set of twins till 14months and still bf the baby twins.
But my kids all weaned themselves.
I will give her the advice

Thanks so much!

 

If she wants to keep nursing, I don't see a problem. I nursed Sydney and Sabrina until close to 3.

But if she is feeling "done" then she just needs to set boundaries. I think it goes along with parenting, in general. You're the parent, you can decide which lines to draw. Not nursing related, but I was at a friends house and her daughter was about 3. The little girl was playing with a toothbrush and kept coming over and sticking it in her mother's mouth. The mom was obviously annoyed and kept telling her not to do it. But she didn't actually do anything about it. That kind of thing drives me crazy. If you don't want to nurse in public, or are just deciding that it's time to wean or even nurse less often, you can tell your child no and then stick to that. Spencer is 20 months and we're in the middle of this boundary setting now. I love nursing him and am not feeling the need to wean yet. But he's not allowed to just come and pull up my shirt or anything like that, even at home. It's not a one time thing, you have to keep at it, and keep reminding them when they try to cross the boundaries you've set. But it gets easier and they begin to understand. And at 3, they can understand quite a lot!

 

I am nursing my 3 year 8 month olds. They nurse very little (only early mornings) but would be nursing much more frequently if I allowed it.

I think mother led weaning always produces conflicting feelings for the mother, regardless of if the kid is 4 months or 4 years. You always want to give your child what they need and it isn't easy to know what that is all the time.

3 years is not very old in the scoop of things and it seems the little one needs it.

Personally, I find it offensive that the mother's age is such a factor in (what you perceive)to be bad parenting.

 

I don't see where the OP says or even implies bad parenting in this situation.

 

I did not mean her age to be negative, she had her first baby at 14! Had no one to advice her, and she feels she has lots to learn!
She asked me to help her. So I came here!

 

The others have said everything... but I wanted to add my thoughts.

#1 wow, she's got to be tired of not getting sleep. I think that I would definitely set limits for the night feedings. I would think that it would be a short while and then hopefully the child would sleep all night. hopefully it's just a habit and he doesn't really need it...

#2 mainly I nurse ours (2 yrs 9 mo) 2 times a day, but if I'm around more often, they'll want to nurse 4 times... I'm kind of conflicted on the weaning thing too, so I haven't weaned... I kind of keep hoping that they will wean themselves.

#3 even if they nurse at night and then we go to put them in their cribs, my dd will want to nurse, I've implemented the "you can count on the boobie"... and I'll let them stand up and nurse while I count slowly to 10!! they fall for it, and usually that's it, they'll lay down and get ready to sleep. It seems a compromise to me, they get a little extra nursing/comfort and I'm not standing there all night.

Anyway, I only share to say that I think that a 3 yr old can definitely get the concepts and learn the limitations, or like others said they can also just deal with it and be done if that's what the mother wants.

If she really wants to be done with nursing, or at least limit it to less times a day, she really just needs to be strong and redirect to something else.

 

I have nothing much to add except my sons funny weaning story.... When my DS was 2 and a few months I was still nursing him at naps and bedtime. One night for dinner I had made chocolate milk. He really liked it. At bed time I asked him if he wanted mommy milk and he said "I want chocolate mommy milk" I told him I didn't have chocolate mommy milk and he said "then I don't want any" and crawled into bed and never nursed again :rotflmbo:
I guess sometimes they know what they want and do what they want. I am all for child lead weaning but I agree with boundaries as they get older! Good Luck!

 

IF she is really interested, perhaps postponing nursing sessions some. Start small. Tell her to teach the child 'wait' and then 'wait' 5 minutes for a while... just to teach that concept. Keep lengthening the time. I agree with the PP's that 3 years old, that child is very smart. He knows what is going on. Have mom 'talk' to child about things. Distraction could also help. Good luck and thank you for being a friend to her! I can't imagine having 3 kids at 22 years old!