boys are almost 1 year-discipline question

I have been struggling with this....I tell them no, don't touch that and re direct their attention but minutes later their back to touch....my instinct is to slap their hands and say no! Is that teaching to hit? how many no's and re directs before they take you serious? I'm so confused, I don't want to have to hand slap, esspecially if its counter productive, it seems they don't take me serious...they are only 11 months, but it seems like they know whats going on....we are having a babysitter occasionally and I want us all to be on the same page..Thanks for listening, I appreciate any input.

 

My two are biting each others fingers (doesn't help when they put them into their sister's mouth) and stealing toys. I just think they don't get it at this age. I was reading a book the other day and besides really good baby proofing and re-directing/distraction is the only thing to really work until about 18 months age.

It mentioned that some cause and effect type might work in some situations like if they throw the sippy cup on the floor it is taken away -- I have been doing this when they start to chew on books.

I am interested in what others will say.....

 

It is easy to feel the urge to slap but we have taken a decision not to slap/hit/bite any of our kids! The talking and reasoning (!) and discussion and time outs and rewards and taking away of things might take longer to get the point across but I really believe slapping enforces that its ok. A couple of mums have told me I should bite back hard when they bite me - 'that will stop them!" Arhh! How can anyone do that?! So I think its a conscious decision you have to make.

 

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besides really good baby proofing and re-directing/distraction is the only thing to really work until about 18 months age.

At that age all I did was re-direct/distract over and over and over. Very tedious and frustrating, I know, but the fact of the matter is that their brains are not developed enough (they don't have the reasoning skills) for punishments to work. If I was getting seriously fed up then I'd move to a different room or take them out for a walk to give them a big distraction and me a break!

 

I don't believe in physical discipline at any age, and especially so young. Believe me, I understand the impulse - there are plenty of times my blood boils and I feel like smacking my kids! I just don't want to set that kind of example, and I don't want them to be in physical pain because of me, KWIM?

Here's what I would do at that age:

-Tons and tons and tons of redirection
-Be as specific as possible. Avoid "No" and "Don't touch." "No" is so vague it could mean anything, and repetition will take the edge off anyway if you use it for everything. And I think "Don't touch" could be confusing, because babies LOVE to touch, it's how they explore, and how can they work out that touch is ok some times and not others?
So what I would do is just get as specific as you possibly can. Instead of "No" and "Don't touch," "Please don't pull Daddy's CDs off the shelf," "Please don't eat the plant," etc. If you can phrase something positively instead of negatively, that's even better ("Please leave the CDs on the shelf"), though it's not always possible.
And of course, follow that up with redirection. "Let's play with x instead!"
-Shower them with attention when they're NOT getting in trouble.
-Whenever you have a cool head, try to remember that they aren't trying to piss you off, much as it may feel that way. They don't know they're being "bad," they're just exploring and learning about their world.

As to when it starts working - in time. It takes so much repetition, and you feel like you aren't getting anywhere, but then one day it's like, "Huh, they don't throw their food on the floor anymore!"

Hang in there! They will get it! :hug: