bottle feeding tips

i'm feeling incredibly discouraged at this point, like i'm totally unqualified to have these babies.

the boys are just recovering from a very bad cold that lasted about two weeks. during the run of this cold they both suddenly developed an aversion to eating. they would take maybe an ounce to an ounce and a half and then forcefully push the bottle away. some feedings it was a struggle just to get half an ounce in them. the ped told us it was to be expected while they were sick so we just kept offering the bottle and stopping when they pushed away. this weekend their cold seemed much improved and on saturday we had a wonderful day where they were bright and chipper and smiling and playing and taking naps and feedings well. jacob, in fact, ate so well that we bumped his 3 oz bottle up to 3.5 and he took the whole thing twice. saturday was easily the most enjoyable day we've had since they were born.

then on sunday suddenly their appetites plummeted again. and then they stopped napping well. and then they stopped eating altogether and started screaming nonstop. they have severe acid reflux but for the most part their prevacid dosage has kept it in check. suddenly it was like the prevacid wasn't helping because they were screaming with an intensity and a hysteria like nothing i've ever heard out of them. owen in particular was so hysterical that i wanted to take him to the ER. they were on a hair trigger, like just the nipple brushing their lips could set them off and it would take 20 minutes to calm them down. we could smell the stomach acid on their breath, too. they were ravenous but every time they were offered a bottle they would go hysterical. they would take their pacifiers and suck furiously, and if the pacifier popped out they would go after their fists. but any liquid, whether it be EBM, formula or pedialyte, would set them off into intense crying.

they cried and screamed for 12 hours. between 5:30 pm and 6:00 am today owen took maybe 3 ounces total. jacob did a little better but not by much. neither one had a fever and they were still peeing and pooping so we knew what the ped would say when we called him in the morning: "looks like they had another bad reflux night." so around 6:00 we tried to feed them and owen only took about a half ounce and refused to go further. he didn't scream anymore but he would forcefully push the bottle away with his hands. jacob took an ounce and a half. i took them to daycare at 6:30 because neither DH nor i can afford to take more time from work without risking our jobs at this point. when i got to daycare i told the folks in the infant room about what was going on. i told them that they were refusing feedings and please let me know if they continue to do poorly.

i called the daycare right before the doctor's office opened just so i would have the most recent update. to my surprise the daycare workers informed me that both babies took their entire 3 oz bottles. i said, "are you sure? the whole bottle?" they said yes, both babies drained the bottles completely.

so now i'm feeling like a total failure. why can't i get my babies to eat? why were the daycare workers able to feed them their whole bottles within an hour of me dropping them off? what am i doing wrong? DH says it was just a matter of having a change of scenery but i think that explanation is silly. it should be a simple equation, when they get hungry they eat. only it hasn't worked that way for over 2 weeks now. they go to daycare and eat their whole bottles, they come home and we're lucky to get half their usual meal into them.

the thing is, these are our only babies and neither of us had prior childcare experience. maybe we're doing something wrong. we learned everything we know about caring for them during their 18 day stay in NICU. i've come to realize over time that we learned some bad habits there (putting them on a schedule they didn't agree with instead of feeding on demand, holding them away from the body instead of close during feedings, counting ounces instead of letting them eat as much as they want) and i'm afraid there's something i'm doing that i don't even know is contributing to the problem.

so i guess this is my long winded way of saying please help me by telling me what your bottle feeding technique/routine is like. how long does it take for you to do a feeding and do you have to stop and start or do your babies go straight through? do they eat the same amount each time or do they fluctuate? how do you know when to give up rather than continuing to try to get them to take the nipple? we hold them close, feed them in a quiet area, rock them and talk to them, burp them frequently, give them lots of affection. what else is there?

and please, no "that's why i breastfeed" or "that's why i go to an in-home care provider" comments. i feel enough like a failure as it is.

please help.

 

Oh sweetie-you are in no way a failure! Some days are just harder then others and you learn from those days how to do it different. I really dont have a whole lot of advice on the bottle feeding...mine were horrible eaters and had terrible reflux as well.
Could you see if their meds need to be adjusted? also, I found adding rice to their ebm or formula really helped-in fact that was the only thing that helped.
Who really knows why your little guys took their whole bottles for the daycare provider? It could have easily been you and their next feeding-you just never know.
You are doing a great job! Hang in there!

 

First off...you are doing a GREAT job, you are not a failure.

One thing I'm wondering, is if the babies can feel your stress and tension. I know it's easier said than done, but try to remain calm both before the bottle feeding and during. They are only a month old so there will deffinatly be times that they eat more or less than normal.

For us, in the beginning, I kept a log. A log of the times and amounts they fed. (I too bottle feed) and just kept an eye on how much the babies were getting in total for the day. I always fed them one right after the other ( or else I was feeding what seamed like ALL day).

Another think I learned in the NICU was to not do much while they are eating. No talking, or rocking. It was just too much of an overload for them.

Good luck to you..keep us posted. And again..you are doing great!!!

 

you arent a failure! you are a wonderful mom! on top of working and dealing with the babies you must be exhausted! ds was like this and it took us awhile. thankfully hes doing a little better but we still have days like yours where he refuses to eat. you cant force a baby to eat, but its SOOOO frustrating when theyre hungry and the second you put the bottle in their mouth and they suck a few times and start to scream. btdt! keep calling the doc/gi doc, hopefully someone can give you an answer! is it possible for you to go to the daycare during one of their feedings and watch what they do? is it the same workers every day? each baby is different. dd wont take a bottle unless shes laying down and its propped up. ds will only take a bottle cradled, or laying across my legs. keep trying, it will come together eventually! youre in my thoughts!

 

Once again you are no failure. I do know how you feel though. I have had many moments with my daughter that I could never get her to do anything and once someone else took her she would be fine. The only advice I can give is to ask the daycare workers how they were holding them or any other thing they might have been doing to see if you can mimick that. Everyone holds babies different when they feed them maybe they just have a way that works best for them. No failure in that just learing something from someone else. There is in no way for you to know excatly what to do for your kids every second of the day. I call on my family a lot when I have no idea what to do to keep them from crying or why they wont do something and my twins are my second and third child. I second guess myself every min of every day. Hang in there girl and you will see that your confidence will come back and you will have to learn to take it all in stride and try to not let it get you down. :hug:

 

I had a horrible time bottle feeding my DS Conner. He was horrible, but he was horrible for everyone. It's just that no one else CARED that he didn't take much but me (everyone else had the mantra that he just must not want more). It took a few weeks to finally devise a way to get him to take his bottle. I'd have to go into a darkened room that was quiet, completely hold him down (ie hold his arms & snuggle his feet tight...otherwise he'd wiggle & distract himself), & then I'd quietly sing to him until he took the bottle down. We also had to keep increasing his nipple flow. About the time we FINALLY got him to EASILY take a full bottle, he switched to sippy cups. I still vividly remember the days of crying when he'd only take an oz & refuse the rest. I second a pp's post about the stress/tension...if he even SENSED I was getting frustrated, the bottle was DONE. And if I so much as gave him a 5 min break, it was DONE. So, if I made a small bottle (like 2 oz) & he actually finished it, he'd NEVER take more after I'd go make more...so I always had a full bottle that he rarely polished off. It was frustrating, but as long as your kiddos are gaining weight, most Peds aren't concerned. Oh, I also stretched his feedings out more so that he was good & hungry to polish off a few more ounces.

I really hope everything falls into place for you soon! Just know that you are NOT a failure!

 

:hug: You are by no means a failure! :hug: It sounds like you are doing everything right. Babies take bottles differently and it may just be that they were ready to go back to taking the whole 3oz. today. Keep us updated :hug:.

 

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

It sounds like your babies reflux is severe enough, and their feedings are difficult enough for you that you might want to consider consulting a Gastroenterologist. That's what we had to do, ours is a completely different situation, but reflux rules my life... Here are my tips... feed them almost sitting up. It is hard to do with a small baby, but reclining or being "cradled" in your arms probably makes the reflux much worse. Keep them propped up (in a bouncy or if you have to a car seat) for 45 minutes after eating (they'll end up sleeping there - it's ok!), talk to the GI or your Ped (I'm not a fan of Peds. if you have an actual problem that you feel is effecting quality of life - at your point, being able to smell stomach acid on their breath your ped. should have referred them already in my opinion.) continuing ... about either adding rice cereal to their bottles - like a PP mentioned, or adding hydra aid or thickit, it helps the formula stay down. You are also correct in that your meds need to be adjusted. That happens way more often than you would think because of how fast they are growing... who knows, you might even need to add one. Just my opinions...

Hang in there! The first months are hard on everyone, no matter how many children you have . You are working too???? It takes a strong Mama to be able to work with newborn twins. Stop beating yourself up - you are doing everything right just by asking for help .

 

:grouphug:
I have no experience with reflux in babies but I just wanted to say that you are doing nothing wrong. You are not a failure!!! Like Pamela said, maybe they were just ready to go to 3 oz this morning. It might be that they do need their reflux meds adjusted. Good luck and please keep up posted!

 

No advice, but lots of hugs! :hug:

 

thank you to everyone for the encouragement. to answer a couple questions, we've tried adding rice cereal to their formula but they're able to spit it up as easily as plain formula/EBM. they seem more bothered by the spit-up when it's thickened, so we stopped doing that. we also keep them propped up after eating by putting them in their bouncy chairs. in fact that's where they sleep and spend most of their time because we can never lie them flat on their backs and they don't tolerate sleeping on their tummies anymore. our experience has been that they're able to spit up right up until the very next feeding so there's never a safe spit-free time.

DH and i discussed it a bit ago and tonight we're going to try a few changes. we're going to feed them in separate rooms, at least for now, because they seem to feed off of each other's energy. when one gets wound up the other one gets wound up, too. it's a very recent development that suddenly they seem to be influencing each other's moods. we're going to feed them in a calm quiet environment, although i have my doubts about how successful this will be since they both like to fall asleep mid-meal. i'm also going to stop talking to them and rocking them and hope that fewer distractions means they'll be more inclined to finish.

unfortunately the reflux is at odds with their eating pattern right now. we like to stop them and burp them frequently but lately if we stop them, no matter how little they've eaten, they'll never start again. so these days we let them go as long as they want to without a burp because it's the only way to get them to eat as much as possible.

the ped asked me to call the after hours line tonight if the difficulty continues. i think i'll ask for a referral to a GI specialist if things haven't improved. i've heard that some people do zantac and prevacid at the same time, so maybe it's time for us to double up, too.

again, thank you for the encouragement. i've been feeling down all day and i needed some kind words.

 

No advice, just :hug: :hug: and lots of them!

 

BIG hugs!

You are NOT alone! I could have written your story! Our boys are 3.5wks. You are NOT a failure! For what ever reason, their grandmothers can feed my boys and have no issues. We do EXACTLY what they do and they fuss and spit up! (our boys have reflux aswell). What my Dr. keeps telling me is to remember that they are preemies and we are all still learning. (which I half agree with).

We also document what goes in and out to make sure they are getting what they need, this has been a helpful peace of mind.

We are adjusting one thing at a time. We have them on Zantac, which Ryan does great with, but Christopher vomits after his meds...so we cut his dose in half, rather than switching meds right away, so far this seems to be working. We are holding off on changing formula until we see how the meds do. We are bringing them in every 5days or so to make sure they are gaining.

We also notice the boys seem to be fussier around 7p-12a...the consistancy in this seems to make it easier to deal with, we go into this time of night knowing that it will be a rough few hours. We find early in the morning seems to be the most enjoyable.

Sorry not much more to offer, just wanted to thank you for posting this, it gives me great comfort to know that I'm not alone!!

Best of luck to you! Keep us posted on what you learn!

rebecca

We've tried EVERY bottle and nipple combination on the market. We found Dr. Brown's to really work the best.

What's really saved us is their swings and bouncy seats!!

 

:hug: You are NOT a failure. Taking care of newborn twins is hard. Feeding newborn twins is even harder. The fact you are worried about it means you are a good mom - you care! I always FF my girls too and it was difficult at first because I didn't know what I was doing and was so afraid of hurting them! You don't know if they're getting enough or if they need more or what. Just hang in there, it does get easier as time goes on. You sound like you are doing the best job you can.

 

You're working very hard at this. Try to give yourself more credit .

I know it's hard in the beginning. It was hard for me, and my guys were full term and didn't have reflux, so I can only imagine what y'all are going through. I still feel guilty every time my guys get a bottle because it went against my plans, but remember having a happy healthy mama is one of the best gifts you can give them. You're really doing good.

Sorry I can't give any good bottle advice--I'm a crappy bottle feeder.