Bonding

I was wondering... :huh:

Did you bond immediately with your twins?

I'm finding that it's happening for me a little every day. I don't know if it's due to my horrendous birth experience or just one of those things...??

I sure didn't envision it to be like this. I thought I'd fall in love instantly with them & that I'd be like a mother bear with her cubs.
I'm just now getting over that feeling that they are someone else's kids & that I'm only looking after them

Did anyone else feel like this or am I the only one

Don't misunderstand, I do love my twins..guess I'm falling in love with them a little everyday..(hope I'm making a little sense to someone out there??)

 

I can say with the twins it was almost instantly. Certainly within the first few days, after I got over the fact that they were little strangers. But they were my 4th & 5th babies and with your first child, I think it can be quite different. You are adjusting to being a parent, it sounds like you had a really difficult delivery which takes a lot out of you physically & emotionally, you have twins which I think would be so difficult the first time around, I think it is completely normal for it to take a little while. Just wait until they are a little bigger & they can put their little arms around your neck & give you a big slobbery kiss on the cheek, you will love them so much you will wonder why you were ever worried about it. I remember with my first, being so tired & overwhelmed that I couldn't focus on much else, & you have two babies. You are doing a great job as a mom, the rest will come. :hug99:

 

I didn't bond instantly at all. I felt like they were someone else's kids and I was waiting for someone to pick them up.

Once they started cooing, it helped. Now, I adore them. But the beginning was just brutal. And with two of them, I didn't even enjoy the 'cuddle' time newborns give you. I was always trying to get bottles cleaned, or pump or fold their laundry, or jump on the net, it never stopped. It will get better and you will bond. Also, your hormones are GOING CRAZY right now, so your emotions may be out of whack.

You'll get there and it will be great.

Miriam

 

the beginning was so confusing. i bonded with the smaller twin and then i felt guilty so i consciously gave more attention to the bigger twin. then i felt REALLY guilty that the smaller twin was always waiting and switched back to that. This went back and forth for quite a few months until i worked out how to love them both in their own way.

now i absolutely adore them, but it did take a while. You'll get there, but you also have to look after yourself. get the rest you need, forget the house work, spend time on yourself and you'll have more energy for them,.

 

It took me a while. I also didn't have that mushy, gushy, oh my gosh feeling that I was sure I would have. Of course I thought it was amazing but I would say once they started to really focus on us and respond to us was when my heart just melted. You are definitely not alone. My friend and I had this same conversation and she felt the same way.

 

I thought it was amazing when they came out - I mean I cannot describe how amazing I thought it was...but, I didn't necessarily think they were my babies...I just thought what a miracle they are!! I just kept thinking...wow...they were inside of me...But, I just couldn't wrap my mind around the whole thing.

Then, a few days later, my "mommy lion" instincts came out and I knew all over my body and soul that I they were my babies and I am responsible for them!! (It was a great feeling)

jen

 

No, it did not happen instantly for me. I too never felt the feeling that I read soo much about when the babies were born. I actually did the most I could at the hospital to 'get out of' doing anything for the babies. I am not lying when I tell you that I did not change a diaper in the hospital and I think I only did a couple of feedings. The family who was visiting was always eager to help and I was always eager to let them (they thought I was being nice, I thought yippeee). Once I got home I was basically going through the motions, I just never had a gush of how wonderful it was to be a mom. I too love my children but never experience the kind of epiphany that I had read soo many other people experience.

 

It took a while here too. I just felt like everything was an assembly line (and still is) but in those early days, when they didn't smile, or coo, or laugh, I found it really hard to bond with them because I couldn't just sit and admire one all day long. There was always another kiddo who needed something. It took a few weeks with my first DD, but I think it took longer with the twins for this reason.

 

With Emma, yes I had the instant bonding. With all the boys however it took some time to feel the bond. I had rough births between the 3 of them and I was very tired after each. I saw Sean very little for his first week too. It did take a couple of weeks before the "hey, who is this stranger" feeling wore off. Now I'm just as bonded to the boys as Emma and have the total Mama Bear thing going on.

 

My first son I fell in love with instantly. My twins.......DS was an instant bond, he stayed in the room with me and came home with me.....DD was in the NICU for 17 days and I couldn't hold her the first week and a half due to her chest tube.
I wanted her home badly....she came home and I didn't feel like she was mine, I DID NOT bond with her. My mom and husband took care of her most of the time including night feedings. She had to have soy formula and I b/f DS. I have s-l-o-w-l-y become closer to her. It is still something that I struggle with everyday. This is a topic that I was going to post about, so I know what you are going through :hug99: IMHO I think it takes a lot of courage just to talk about it. It took me a while before I let anyone know what was going on with me.
I feel like I constantly have to be aware so that I treat them equally. I don't want anyone(including me) to think I favor one over the other..I love my babies both the same I just have a different bond with DS. My heart goes out to you, I think I have a pretty good idea of how you feel.

 

QUOTE
No, it did not happen instantly for me. I too never felt the feeling that I read soo much about when the babies were born. I actually did the most I could at the hospital to 'get out of' doing anything for the babies. I am not lying when I tell you that I did not change a diaper in the hospital and I think I only did a couple of feedings. The family who was visiting was always eager to help and I was always eager to let them (they thought I was being nice, I thought yippeee).


That is exactly how it was for me as well.

It did happen... and I can say I am very much in love now... they are just such awesome little creatures.

 

I won't know for another month or so, but I am worried about this too. I did actually get that instant fall in love feeling when my son was born. I didn't understand how anyone could not fall instantly in love with their child. But now that I am pregnant with these two I already feel like I am not going to be able to bond with them the same way I did with my son. Maybe it will change when they get here, but with him I had been dreaming about having him for 2 years before I did (not because of fertility issues, but because I had to wait for my DH to be ready for children) so when he came he was the greatest joy in the world. These girls were unplanned and I am sooo incredibly close to my son that I worry I won't be able to bond with them the same way I did with him. I don't think we are horrible parents for feeling this way - I think especially when there is two that you have to divide your attention between it is even harder to form that bond with them. I know it will come eventually but we shouldn't feel bad if it isn't instantaneous!

 

No! I loved them the minute they were born...and then the feeling promptly left when the started crying for 10 and a 1/2 weeks! Okay, only one of them cried for 10 and a 1/2 weeks, but both were a hand full in their own way. Anyway, I just wanted to say it gets better. I love my guys SO MUCH I COULD POP now and I like them 99% of the time (they're downstair wailing for my husband for some reason and I'm trying to get ready to go out for dinner with some girlfriends for the first time since they were born, so this is one of those 1% times!!). Just keep your sense of humour and you'll be okay. Before you know it one of them will smile at you and you'll fall deeper in love then you ever thought possible.

 

HI,

My experience was a gradual "fall in love" too! It was probablly my post partum, but I often asked my husband "what did we do" -- now, I was breastfeeding and both of my kids did not do it too well, so I had to pump every 2 hours -- which really delayed my ability to just enjoy the babies.

I can't get enough of them now -

teri

 

I was so ill after the delivery with platlette issues and mag sulfate for a week that I was not able to bond with them that much. I held them when I could and fed when I could but, DH and my mom with the nurses cared for them the week we were in the hospital. After coming home, I was so weak that it took time for me to get the roll of mom down. Now, the peanuts and I would not trade any moment we have together.

 

Hey Denise!

QUOTE(Dianne @ Jul 25 2007, 08:21 AM) [snapback]343700[/snapback]
No, it did not happen instantly for me. I too never felt the feeling that I read soo much about when the babies were born. I actually did the most I could at the hospital to 'get out of' doing anything for the babies. I am not lying when I tell you that I did not change a diaper in the hospital and I think I only did a couple of feedings. The family who was visiting was always eager to help and I was always eager to let them (they thought I was being nice, I thought yippeee).



This is pretty much how it was for me too! I think I was expecting that "feeling" and that got me even more upset and worried. Most women don't say how they actually feel and I thought I was a freak! <_< But turns out, from reading, that it is okay to not have that bond right away. I loved them...but it was like they weren't mine, more like loaners! Slowly as days went on, and all the "help" left, I started bonding more and more. Really once it was just the three of us and I actually did more is when I felt like "their" mom. It wasn't until they were three months old that I was truly in love love love with them.

 

For me, I had serious post partum depression and I didn't bond with them at all for several months. They were colicky and had reflux too. I don't even remember most of the 1st three months. That's how bad it was. Right around 4 months, the fog started to clear. And now I LOVE them so much. They are still quite a handful, but they are the sweetest little boys ever. After 12 weeks, I couldn't wait to go back to work, but now I wish I could stay home. Before I was taking care of them because I HAD to (because I knew everyone else expected me too), but now I WANT to be with them.

I know several moms who didn't "love" their kids instantly. Don't feel bad. It will happen. Not every falls in love at first sight, kwim?

Shannon

 

For me it was a little weird, I had a emergency c-section in the evening and by the time I could see the girls it was getting late. There were so many people in my room I felt like I had to accommodate everyone and I think that took away from me really bonding at first. I also had to lay down as much as possible so I didn't get a spinal headache. I was the first person to hold them and I felt so much love looking at them, but I was so emotional and so nervous I think it took away from the experience. I let everyone else hold the babies and give them their first bottles. I really didn't get the chance to bond with them until the next morning, and trust me it was early. From that time on they didn't leave my sight for to long. They were wheeled down to the nursery so I could get some sleep but I couldn't sleep with them out of my sight. I remember laying them between my legs and I would just stare at them for hrs. For the first yr of their life I couldn't leave them, I had serious anxiety over it. So I guess that it sorta happen instantly and it also happened over time. I know that each day I love them even more, they are my whole life.

 

I also had a horrible birth experience and I do think that contributed to my not bonding right away. I did not see my babies or hold them right away like I thought I was going to I would say I didn't feel really like they were mine and bonded until a couple months into it. I also had that "loaner" feeling, like I was waiting for someone to come get them. It does take time, and once things calm down it's easier to just hold them and not have to be constantly doing something.