Bonding

I thought I was doing really well about bonding with them. Especially after the whole NICU experience it really threw all of us for a loop. Anyways, I find that I am bonding more with Ben then with Emily. Anyone else having this? I am trying to split my time, but Ben is more demanding and wants loves and to be held. Emily does too, but doesn't really make it known as much as him. I guess I am asking for suggestions on how do you make sure you bond with both and how do you split your time? Thanks!

 

Sean was my more demanding twin, I always felt like poor James was being ignored. Now they've switched, and James is the mommy hog around here. Don't worry about them not getting enough attention, trust me, they will let you know when they need it!

 

I know how you feel. I found myself paying more attention to the high-maintenance girl, so I try to spend a little extra time with my laid-back girl when I'm diapering her, bathing her, or feeding her. For instance, I usually get her out of bed first for breakfast and we have a little quiet time together in the morning. I'll also put her to bed first so that I have time in the evening with my other girl. If anyone can think of other ideas, I'd love to know them too!

 

I def. find myself holding Becca more. Jake is actually more demanding, but I find his needs harder to meet in that he gets over tired and over stimulated and just screeches. In general I find that when Becca cries she has a specific need which I can meet pretty quickly.

 

I think they go through phases of needing/geting more time. My boys were always switching back and forth. Right now, Camden is definitely a momma's boy, he wants me, and only me, to hold him. I think as long as you're aware of it and trying to split your time, everything will even itself out.

A little off topic, but when my boys were babies I got a call from my dad. My grandma had called him to say she thought DH was abusing Keegan, not physically but that DH was spending too much time with Colby. Colby has been our only NICU baby, ended up with RSV and still has problems with asthma, so he was a much more "needy" baby. People who have never had to juggle 2 babies' needs at once just don't understand how difficult it can be to split your time.

 

Yep, I have a more needy one also. I try to make up for it by taking my other dd when my husband gets home for one on one time with her. I try to feed her more often and whenever my needy one is quiet, even if my other dd is happy doing whatever she is doing at the moment, I scoop her up to play with her and give her tons of hugs and kisses.

 

QUOTE(Her Royal Jennyness @ Apr 6 2007, 01:15 AM) [snapback]208254[/snapback]
Sean was my more demanding twin, I always felt like poor James was being ignored. Now they've switched, and James is the mommy hog around here. Don't worry about them not getting enough attention, trust me, they will let you know when they need it!


Ditto Jenny. DS was very laid back as a newborn and dd demanded all our time. Now it is the complete opposite. Now he has to come hug/kiss mommy every few minutes...and she only wants cuddles when tired. They will definately make it known when they want attention!

 

For the first three months William was extremely cranky. No one wanted to help with him because he wouldn't stop crying so I always had him. Once that was over, I still feel closer to him. Add in that Nicholas had a really hard time going to sleep for about a month and I didn't really want to be around him much. What we do though on Sundays is split them up. My husband takes one and I take the other and we go our separate ways. Then next weekend we switch who has who. That way they both get some much needed one on one time.

 

I find myself favoring my son, Simon. I think that Mary is so outgoing and smiley, that she gets the obvious attention from all of the many people around us. There is not a shortage of attention for her, so I don't feel too guilty when I give my attention to Simon. I do try to not go overboard. I have to show affection three ways, so I think everyone gets their own mommy time. (and daddy time and grandma time and papa time and uncle time, etc.,)

Cat

 

We have one baby that is really cuddlely and lovey - we have another baby that is just more independent. What I can say is this - you will bond differently with all your kids. If you had three kids at three different times you wouldn't really notice the difference in bonding. I am sure you bonded differently with Hyrum than with the twins. This is normal. Where you are at is that you have two babies at the same time so you notice the difference in bonding.

For me, I try to hold them both as much as possible. I make sure they both know I love them - but the relationship is different with them. Allison is our talker who I talk a lot to and do raspberries with. Elouise is more on her own - likes to play with toys. When we hold her she actually just trys to see what she can find and put in her mouth.

Try not to worry. I think it is normal to bond differently with each baby.

 

For me, at the beginning, I was with Seamus more because he was more demanding. I did not feel as close to Nicholas and I was very aware of that. It made me nervous. Then it switched. Now I can say finally it has evened out and I feel an equal bond with both. I think it is because their personalities have emerged and now I love them so much as individuals.

I am sure this is so common for twin parents.

 

Thank you for the reasurance. I am just glad that I am not alone. Thanks for the advice as well!