Bonding with twins

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Help' started by Larusso, Feb 24, 2014.

  1. Larusso

    Larusso New Member

    I am a first time mom and I found out about a month ago that I am having twins... I was wondering if it is normal to not feel an immediate connection with your twins? Since I found out I was having twins I haven't had the same feeling or connection that I had when I thought I was having one. I don't really know how to describe it. I have just always pictured bringing one baby home from the hospital and spoiling that one baby with all my love and attention and now I can't picture how I am going to do that with 2 babies at the same time. I just feel guilty and worried that I will not be able to bond with them once they are born. 
     
  2. monica77

    monica77 Well-Known Member

    Hi,
     
    Congratulations for your twins and welcome to twinstuff, I hope you like it.
     
    My twins are my only kids also. I really am not a baby person and I really didn't feel that much of a connection with them while pregnant either. I never bothered to feel guilty about it though :).
     
    I wanted to have kids - we had IVF so I was really happy when I realized it was going to be twins, but I really wasn't that connected to them while inside of me, and feeling them move scared me a lot in the beginning. I got used to it after a while, but it still felt weird. It made the whole situation more real once I found their genders and we were thinking names, but I can't say I was so connected to them. After they were born, I was fond of them, and I took good care of them, they were fed, bathed and all, but I can't say I was madly in love with them the minute I saw them. I was happy they were healthy and they were finally here, but it took me a few weeks to be SO IN LOVE with them. I love my kids as any mom, and I am proud of them, but I enjoyed them more after they became more interactive. Even if I got used to them after a while and I was really comfortable around my kids when they were 1-6 months old, I am still not a baby person and I still feel weird holding a newborn. It's just not my thing.
     
     I think it's OK to feel the way you feel - at least I consider myself normal :p.
     
    Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy - I hope it's smooth and your kids are healthy and well. You will make it one way or another!
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. rayceryin12

    rayceryin12 Well-Known Member

    Congrats! You will bond with both. Mine are opposites and I feel a special connection to each. I didn't so much while pregnant either.
     
  4. lharrison1

    lharrison1 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    That's a normal feeling and I think partly to do with anxiety of being a little overwhelmed by the fact that you're having two.  Also, it's hard to bond with them both while pregnant-its like you dont know which one to focus on, lol!  It's weird.  But it passes, I promise!
    Maybe start thinking of possible names and looking at nursery ideas, that may help :)
     
    Congratulations! Welcome to TS!
     
  5. cheezewhiz24

    cheezewhiz24 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    What you thought was going to happen changed and that takes time to change your feelings on it. It's ok even if you don't bond with your newborn right away. It happens- you love them in theory but maybe right away it's not the bone-crushing, lift a car off the railroad tracks kind of love. It's ok, You'll get there. :)
     
  6. FGMH

    FGMH Well-Known Member

    Congratulations and welcome to TS!
     
    It can take a while to get used to the new situation that there is more than one baby. I had a great bond with mine while pregnant but never felt the expected rush of mother's love at the birth - that took a while to develop. I was protective, tender, loving with my newborns but that fierce unspeakable overwhelming mother's love was not there immediately but it came. Don't worry - it will happen for you too, although maybe not quite the way you anticipated.
     
  7. paperclippy

    paperclippy Well-Known Member

    I totally understand how you're feeling!  I had a whole image in my mind of what my pregnancy and birth experience were going to be like, and it got entirely thrown out the window when I found out I was having twins.  I still am sometimes sad that I did not have the experience I had dreamed about!  During my pregnancy I didn't want to bond with them because I was so afraid something would go wrong, and then they were born two months early and spent a long time in the hospital.  I didn't really feel bonded to them until they were about 8 months old/6 months adjusted.  It's okay!  Everyone bonds differently and you shouldn't feel guilty for not feeling bonded to them while pregnant, or even not feeling bonded to them when they're born.  It will come eventually!
     
  8. summerfun

    summerfun Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Welcome to Twinstuff!  I think this feeling comes with the fact that your whole outlook on the pregnancy has changed.  You were expecting one baby and now you are having two and you aren't sure how that is going to work.  It's normal. I don't know that I ever bonded with both my babies while I was pregnant, but then again I don't know that I even worried about it to tell you the truth.  I dont' think the thought ever crossed my mind because I knew that once they were born I was going to love them.  And I was busy working and already had a 5 year old at home to take care of as well.  Like others have said, the feeling passes and you will quickly bond with them both once they are born. :)  No worries there.
     
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