Bombarded by In laws? anyone else?

My inlaws are are coming to stay for 2 weeks from my 37 week due date (they live 2hrs flight away). They are nice people though I am concerned as they are hard to entertain at the best of times, divorced so they bicker all the time and we havent yet figured out where they will sleep! (not enough room).
My mums advice is to not sweat the small stuff and she is probably right. Does anyone have any advice for coping with guests and newborn twins!?

 

I would say get some reservations at local hotels! Let them visit during the day....and at night they can go their own seperate ways! I wouldn't want you under any additional stress at such an important time!


Good luck to you all,

Missy

 

I agree with getting them to book hotel rooms! I have parents that want to move in and take over when our 2 get here and I'm worried about the same thing. We just don't have the room and my Mom stresses me out so much just being normal much less when I'm pregnant or right after I deliver LOL! Plus she has a 3 year old that is a holy terror and destroys everything she touches! :angry: Good luck. I hope we both work out our family stays LOL!

 

You do NOT want bickering people in your house after delivering babies, let alone coping with newborns. Find them a hotel for sure, and let them know in advance that they will be most helpful if they can look after YOU while you learn to look after the babies. Assigning chores, if you can get away with it, would be a really good strategy. The 'small stuff' can feel really big when you're exhausted and anxious.

Good luck!

 

QUOTE(Dawn Marie @ Oct 13 2007, 07:35 PM) [snapback]449140[/snapback]
I agree with getting them to book hotel rooms! I have parents that want to move in and take over when our 2 get here and I'm worried about the same thing. We just don't have the room and my Mom stresses me out so much just being normal much less when I'm pregnant or right after I deliver LOL! Plus she has a 3 year old that is a holy terror and destroys everything she touches! :angry: Good luck. I hope we both work out our family stays LOL!


Oh gosh, I feel better knowing others are going through the same thing. My BF's mom, who's a nurse and a night owl, offered to stay with us at night for a few nights to help with the twins. But I knew my mom would feel left out if this other woman was invited and she wasn't. So, I offered for her to come up and spend some days with us. Now, I don't know how this happened, my mom and dad think that they're going to be living with us for weeks. Augggh!!!! I think DH is going to step in and find some compromise. But my mom stresses me out, too, as much as I love her, and I feel a little guilty for not wanting her here all the time.

 

my advice, tell them not to come or get a hotel. the last thing i wanted to do the week after delivery was entertain visitors. unless they are going to be helpful, things will end badly. i couldn't stand my mil here for 2 hours (and we usually get along) let alone 2 weeks!

 

Most certainly have them stay in a hotel. And if they can't afford it, or can only afford it for a few days - then so be it. The last thing you need to deal with when having just had a newborn, let alone 2 newborns - is the stress of visitors. They may mean well, but you shouldn't have to be entertaining them or dealing with their bickering. And honestly, your hubby should step up and tell them and he should keep his foot down to protect you and the babes.

I am speaking from experience, both with my first son. And now with this pregnancy. My Father-in-law is actually loading up his car right now. He was here for almost 2 weeks. He came to help, but honestly it put more work and pressure on me at 36 weeks preggo. I was cooking, cleaning, etc... for another adult and it was driving me insane. I can only imagine if I had the babes. I've already told all family if they want to come help after babies are born they are more than welcome - but we have no room to house anyone and I will gladly give them local hotel info.

 

My parents are coming from overseas and staying for two months !! My mom will be a big help since she is great with babies and is also a self-starter when it comes to "what's for dinner" or laundry and stuff -- my dad is less than helpful and is chatty so he can grate on my nerves sometimes and talks my husband's ear off too. I'm excited to see them but I know that two months is a long time to have anyone in my house. My dad is going to want to do things and my mom is going to want to spend all her time with the babies. I'm hoping he isn't going to pout.

My husband's sister is also coming a few days earlier and staying for two weeks -- she offered to stay at our house until my parents arrive but if I have my scheduled c/section on time we will only be home maybe two days from the hospital before she comes here -- then I have to change the bed and get ready for my parents as company. (I've met her once before) She can stay at her brother's which is half an hour away -- it is frustrating that she will probably not drive herself here so I'm guessing my husband will need to go and get her each time or her brother will drop her off on his way to work and she will be here for the whole day !!!!

Oh and my husband is going to be off work for the first month so that will help with entertaining everyone while I go and sleep.

I'm not sure how exactly I'm going to do it either -- what I've tried to remind myself is this...

1. Yes they are MY babies -- but family is so important and will be important in their future. Family needs to be able to bond with them too. If something would happen to US it would be family that would look after our children. When family and friends bond with your children they give them everything including love. Like one book said "these are the people who would run into a burning building to save your child -- these are the people you want to be around your children"

2. While I am so much more comfortable with my parents -- my husband is making a huge sacrifice by having them here and his family is just as important as mine.

3. Babies in the first two months - three months really don't have much of a schedule for sleeping and eating so when everyone goes I will focus more on a set schedule. While they are here it will be a more fluid schedule.

4. If I'm tired I'm going to bed and they can watch the babies-- heck I've read that the womb is noisy (louder than a vacuum cleaner) so the babies will be use to lots of noise and lots of holding (since I've held them inside for 24 hours a day).

5. I'm not going to cater to anyone -- open the fridge and get it yourself or starve.

6. I think I'd rather have too much help than to be all alone.

7. I'm lucky I don't have a MIL -- just a SIL (sorry for those of you who have frustrating in-laws)

Yeah, so those are the things I'm thinking of-- no real answers since I can't guess what it will be like when they get here. Wish me luck !!

Heather

 

Bighaired woman --- have they already booked the flight ??? It would be nice to have a couple of days after the hospital to be home alone with your husband and the babies. I'm from Australia too !! It would be good if they didn't come the same two weeks either -- they could maybe overlap a week or be two weeks after the other one. Then again... you might just want to get it overwith in the two weeks.

I'm going to try to breastfeed so having extra people around will be frustrating to me. I'm fairly private about that stuff even with my own parents (well, not my mom).......

Heather

 

I know it's all a little stressfull & overwhleming when you think about 2 babies coming home with you & then adding family stresses, but it all passes...... and much more quickly than you could ever imagine!!

My MIL, who's great, but talks 24/7, came & stayed with me the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy. She was a God-send!! I didn't have any bed rest to speak of, but she really helped my just have an extra set of hands and allowed me to rest when I needed. My husband & older son were well taken care of & I didn't feel like I was neglecting them to take care of my pregant self. My husband had twin sisters, so his mom really knew what I was going through.

My parents came when the babies were born. My Dad stayed a couple days & went home. My Mom stayed for 2 weeks, then she & my Dad traded for another week. Once he went home I had 2 weeks alone with the family & then my sister came for a week. The weeks between help, our church brought in meals every other night.

I know this sounds like a crazy mess, but it worked really well, and we were in a small house at the time. Just bringing 2 babies home to that house made it feel like we were bursting at the seams.

I remember very little of those first few weeks, but I am extremely thankful to our familes for dropping everything & traveling cross country (Texas to Idaho) to help us get started. It was crazy. Oh, and I did nurse a few weeks as well. My philosophy was, they are my kids, I'm trying this out & if you're uncomfortable, please leave the room...... it's my house. Not tacky, just facts.

I will agree with some of the previous posters though, the hotel sounds like a good idea. I think it will decrease the stress & honestly, I was the only one that heard my babies cray at night, so it didn't really matter where the help was then.

I hope that was encouraging.... and not a downer!!!

 

Destini (crazybabies) thanks for the post and NO you didnt' sound like a downer ! I think it is just the stress and probably more the anticipation of their arrival that starts to get my head just a spinning and thinking about EVERYTHING . The weeks are going by so quickly now and I have to think of what more do I need to do for them and my guests arrival.

very excited and 32 weeks this week......

Heather

 

I agree with the hotel idea. When my DD was born, DH only had one week home with us and I wanted nothing more than to share that week with him and our new baby and get situated as a family. But my MIL came the day she was born (against my wishes ) and stayed with us for a week. It ended very, very badly.

This time, my husband will have two weeks off and I am trying to make it clear NO ONE is staying with us those first two weeks, and encouraging them to stay in a hotel when they do come. It's one thing to have family who lives close enough to GO HOME at the end of the day, but very, very stressful when they are stying with you (IMO).