Body image issues with twins

Discussion in 'General' started by Twinrific, Jun 13, 2009.

  1. Twinrific

    Twinrific Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Do you think twins have a bigger likelihood of suffering from body image issues than singletons do? And why? Do you think the issues arise because twins want to look more alike or because they are trying to separate themselves from their twin or neither of the above reasons?

    I will give my own thoughts on this at a later stage but was interested in what others thought about it first.
     
  2. starmaker

    starmaker Well-Known Member

    I think so yes. Twins are often compared to one another in a not so good way. For instance she is the smarter/dumber twin.
    She is the thinner/ fatter twin.
    I know both Frances and I have bad self-esteem and while it certainly isn't just because of us being twins, it definetley did not help. We have been compared to each other constantly by almost everyone around us ( our parents tried not to though) and not in the most positive ways.
    We were teased brutally in the last 5 years of primary school, basically because we were new at the school, and were identical/look alike twins (we were the only ones that were identical/looked alike) they thought we were strange and made our lives miserable troughout the rest of primary school.

    I know alot of twins do not have these issues and there are plenty of singletons that deal with these issues but I do think that the constant comparison of twins( especially the more sensitive ones) can give them a bigger likelyhood in getting a bad body image.

    I hope this makes sense, I do not feel like I have been able to explain myself the way I wanted.
    I am blaming it on having worked all day and very tired, it usually affects my use of the english language :rolleyes:

    Edited:spelling mistakes
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. Twinrific

    Twinrific Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I agree with what you said Joyce.

    I also think the biggest culprit is strangers pointing out all your flaws in order to distinguish you from your twin. Sometimes when people tried to find differences they'd insult us so badly but didn't think twice about it because they were too busy spotting the differences. I know logically one shouldn't care about others feelings and thoughts about yourself but as a vulnerable teenage girl I think it's often difficult to block out all the negativity being thrown at you.

    And for some reason 'they' always wanted to brand the fat twin vs the thin twin, the good twin vs bad twin, clever twin vs dumb twin etc and even if both of you are thin or good or clever they will take the tiniest difference as proof that you are the one or the other. The one half a kilo heavier than the other will suddenly become fat. I think that is a big reason of female twins developing eating disorders, not in order to become thinner like the "thin" twin but because most teens will develop a problem when they're told, on numerous occasions, that they are fat.

    I wouldn't know how to counteract those type of comments though other than having your twins in separate schools maybe?

    I had more thoughts about this but won't bring it all up now. If there's more interest in the subject I'll debate more about it.

    QUOTE
    I know alot of twins do not have these issues and there are plenty of singletons that deal with these issues but I do think that the constant comparison of twins( especially the more sensitive ones) can give them a bigger likelyhood in getting a bad body image.


    Well said Joyce.
     
  4. starmaker

    starmaker Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Twinrific @ Jun 15 2009, 07:55 PM) [snapback]1355397[/snapback]
    I agree with what you said Joyce.
    I also think the biggest culprit is strangers pointing out all your flaws in order to distinguish you from your twin. Sometimes when people tried to find differences they'd insult us so badly but didn't think twice about it because they were too busy spotting the differences. I know logically one shouldn't care about others feelings and thoughts about yourself but as a vulnerable teenage girl I think it's often difficult to block out all the negativity being thrown at you.

    And for some reason 'they' always wanted to brand the fat twin vs the thin twin, the good twin vs bad twin, clever twin vs dumb twin etc and even if both of you are thin or good or clever they will take the tiniest difference as proof that you are the one or the other. The one half a kilo heavier than the other will suddenly become fat. I think that is a big reason of female twins developing eating disorders, not in order to become thinner like the "thin" twin but because most teens will develop a problem when they're told, on numerous occasions, that they are fat.


    I agree with you Brenda :)
    Yes we have had people do that to us as well. No wonder twins can get very insecure. :rolleyes:
    I hated it when people talk about you like you aren't there, also what is the big deal in pointing out obvious differences anyway. I always wanted to give very mean comment back but never did have the courage.
    Also why do twins always have to be classified like this. Twins can both be very smart, there is no such thing as the smarter one. I was always classified as the dumber twins. I might have had slightly lower grades but I was certainly not dumb.
    No matter the comparison it always seems like both twins lose some. Either it is the fat twin or the anorexic twin :rolleyes:
    Comments and comparisons like these can be a huge issue to develop low self esteem/bad body image especially at certain ages.

    QUOTE
    I wouldn't know how to counteract those type of comments though other than having your twins in separate schools maybe?


    Not sure about this, it is not just that these things happen in schools after all though it would certainly help to be in different schools.
    I think a huge issue is the portrayal of twins in television or movies. They are always the exact same or totally opposite, there never seems to be a good balance which is most often the case in twins.
    For instance twins can be very different in character but that doesn't mean one is a criminal and the other completely innocent. I do think there should be more truthfull /realistic images of twins and the twinbond on tv and in movies.
    I think it could help in making people less ignorant about this, although there will always be ridiculous comments and questions twins need to deal with.
     
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  5. Twinrific

    Twinrific Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    QUOTE(twins2 @ Jun 15 2009, 10:30 PM) [snapback]1355463[/snapback]
    Not sure about this, it is not just that these things happen in schools after all though it would certainly help to be in different schools.
    I think a huge issue is the portrayal of twins in television or movies. They are always the exact same or totally opposite, there never seems to be a good balance which is most often the case in twins.
    For instance twins can be very different in character but that doesn't mean one is a criminal and the other completely innocent. I do think there should be more truthfull /realistic images of twins and the twinbond on tv and in movies.
    I think it could help in making people less ignorant about this, although there will always be ridiculous comments and questions twins need to deal with.


    Good point Joyce! TV and the stereotypes it potrays (Mary-kate and Ashley anyone?) definitely has a big impact on how people view twins. I always get so irritated with reality shows that specifically seek out twins to come on the show (and ask them to speak simultaneously finish each other sentences, dress exactly the same etc. You can see it's rehearsed but viewers eat stuff like that up. A recent show I can think about who did this was So you think you can dance)

    I think it's something that will always bother me (all the stereotypes people have for twins) it doesn't influence me in a negative way anymore (as it did as a teen) but it definitely frustrates me.
     
  6. TwinRichard

    TwinRichard Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    I think it's something that will always bother me (all the stereotypes people have for twins) it doesn't influence me in a negative way anymore (as it did as a teen) but it definitely frustrates me.


    It annoys me more that people are too stupid to realise that their "ideals" conflict with reality. I don't really care what people think as long as they don't try to impose their views on me.
     
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  7. Twinrific

    Twinrific Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    QUOTE(TwinRichard @ Jun 16 2009, 02:02 PM) [snapback]1356081[/snapback]
    It annoys me more that people are too stupid to realise that their "ideals" conflict with reality. I don't really care what people think as long as they don't try to impose their views on me.


    I agree but the thing is mostly people are so convinced that they are right about how twins should be that they don't listen to what you have to say. they're more like "yeah right I know you read each others mind and dress alike, you can't fool me" :rolleyes: So in a way they do impose their views onto you.

    I honestly don't get the fascination peple have with it, doesn't logic interfere and slap them on the head? It wouldn't bother me so much if they actually listened to me after I explained that what they "know" is only stereotypes and very rarely the reality with twins, I don't care if they have a friend who has an aunt who has twins as grandparents, that proofs nothing to me.
     
  8. j_and_j_twins

    j_and_j_twins Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Twinrific @ Jun 13 2009, 02:25 PM) [snapback]1353054[/snapback]
    Do you think twins have a bigger likelihood of suffering from body image issues than singletons do? And why? Do you think the issues arise because twins want to look more alike or because they are trying to separate themselves from their twin or neither of the above reasons?

    I will give my own thoughts on this at a later stage but was interested in what others thought about it first.


    Brenda invited us over so here I am!!!

    I do believe twins would suffer more from body image issues, as they are always compared. always gets "oh she's the BIGGER one" ahhh drives me crazy, yes one is 41inches and other is 43 inches, bigger as compared to what oh yes her sister. all the girls in their class are taller than them, but they are not called 'big'. They also get oh Jorja has the straight hair and jessica curly, well now jorja always wants braids to make her hair curly.
     
  9. Meximeli

    Meximeli Well-Known Member

    hmmmm, interesting.

    I don't think my girls are old enough yet for this to have really come up, BUT, they've just been chosen to be in the color guard next year at school. They do a flag ceremony once a week at school here and the color guard is always made up of students with the best grades (this is all the way through high school) and the color guard represents the school in city wide civic events. But in Kindergarten (which is three years here) they don't get grades per say, but the 6 students are supposedly the most advanced in their class. Yes, my girls are really smart, but they were out of school half a year because they went to the US for 3 months and they've been learning two languages at once, so I suspect that they are not necessarily among the top 6 students, but were chosen for their "cute factor" and the novelty of having Identical Twins (with a foriegn mother to boot).

    Oh I forgot to add, that the point of the story is I'm worried this kind of thing will contribute to body image problems, either as they try to keep up the cute factor as they grow, maybe let it go to their heads, or something along those lines.
     
  10. TwinG

    TwinG Well-Known Member

    It is a pity that we don't have more female twins here because I'm very interested whether it has a universal effect. I do think it does, girls are already very body conscience and by being compared from a young age (and hearing your "flaws" which you might never have noticed) will have a great impact in my opinion, and we're probably confronted with body image before we are mature enough to handle it. I know it definitely did have an effect on me whilst in high school, but luckily, I managed to overcome my low self-esteem and other issues.

    Adrian and Richard I'm curious whether something like this ever really bothered you? Probably not? I think boys/men are better at ignoring negative comments than woman and after all there are more pressure on woman to look a certain way (films, magazine influences etc) or not?

    I can't really think of a solution, parents can try to improve self esteem but as we all know girls will think what they think no matter what their parents tell them. However, who can blame them? A lot of strangers are telling them they are the dumb, fat, evil etc twin and only a few (family and friends) that they are not, the comments unfortunately are going to have an effect at some time whether small or big.
     
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  11. TwinRichard

    TwinRichard Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    It is a pity that we don't have more female twins here


    You're already the majority here :p

    QUOTE
    Adrian and Richard I'm curious whether something like this ever really bothered you? Probably not? I think boys/men are better at ignoring negative comments than woman and after all there are more pressure on woman to look a certain way (films, magazine influences etc) or not?


    While people comparing us did (and still does) annoy me, it was more because I thought it was boring and pointless. Most of the comparisons had to do with telling us apart though and I don't need to know how to tell us apart. In general though, it never really bothered me because I tend to get distracted when people try to compare us. Is there are a more boring subject than that? I don't think so and it isn't worth taking seriously as far as I'm concerned. I don't know if that is a universal sentiment among male twins though. I expect it isn't but is more common than among women/girls.

    I suppose part of it might be the differences in what people compare between males and females. I have never heard of people talking about the "fat twin" and the "thin twin" when it comes to an all-male set (at least for those older than a very young age).
     
  12. TwinG

    TwinG Well-Known Member

    Twins aren't in the majority :p

    I agree with you, I also mostly ignore people comparing us although a few things did stuck sometimes, I never showed that it bothered me and did realise the comments ws out of ignorance and not necessarily based on truth ;) (although the emotional side of me didn't always like it)

    I do think males are better at handling critique than woman, if it is not true men will just ignore it whilst woman will debate it :p
     
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  13. TwinRichard

    TwinRichard Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    although the emotional side of me didn't always like it


    Tell your emotional side to sit in the corner ;)

    QUOTE
    I do think males are better at handling critique than woman, if it is not true men will just ignore it


    They'll ignore it if they can ignore the urge to (physically) push the other person away :p
     
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  14. Twinrific

    Twinrific Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Thank you for everyone's participation. Everyone made some good points. I can't really add anything more :)
     
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  15. caba

    caba Banned

    I think sometimes it can affect guys as well ...

    Just one anecdotal story, I went to school with a set of fraternal male twins. One was shorter, and on the thin side ... the other was much taller and VERY heavy.

    There were SO many jokes made about the fat/thin twin thing ... and the tall/short twin thing ... a lot of comparisons to the movie Twins (where Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger are twins) ... I think it bothered them both in a lot of ways.

    Again, I'm not a twin, so it's all speculation on my part, but I imagine it's hard when people expect you to be two parts of the same person, and then laugh it up when they sit around and point out how different you are. It's actually a very bizarre thing when you think about it ...

    I know that growing up I was constantly compared to my sister ... and it was a detrement to both of us! She is 2.5 years old ... much thinner and (IMO) prettier. But I was the "smarter" sister, where I always got straight As ... and she was more middle of the road, getting by with Cs.

    It was tough to be talked about all the time as the "smart" one when she was the "pretty" one. I think it didn't do good things for either of us ... because we both heard that I'm not "pretty" and she wasn't "smart". I'm sure that was our own insecurities creeping in ... and maybe no one ever meant it that way ... but it was hard. And we aren't twins. So I can't imagine how many MORE comparisons (or differences) would be commented on as a twin.

    I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy when I found out my twins were b/g. I figured there would be less competition/comparisons made in this situation.
     
  16. TwinPeshi

    TwinPeshi Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    Just one anecdotal story, I went to school with a set of fraternal male twins. One was shorter, and on the thin side ... the other was much taller and VERY heavy.

    There were SO many jokes made about the fat/thin twin thing ... and the tall/short twin thing ... a lot of comparisons to the movie Twins (where Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger are twins) ... I think it bothered them both in a lot of ways.


    There is a big difference between something bothering/annoying somebody and that same thing to cause "body image issues" (or some other problems). I can't speak for anybody else but for me the comparisons were always annoying (and still are) but it didn't change what I thought of myself, it changed what I thought of other people. That being said, I admit to answering the "how do I tell the difference between you" question with "I obviously look more intelligent". I wouldn't do that to anybody else of course but Richard and I have always used these comparisons as annoying as they are to our advantage.
     
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  17. TwinRichard

    TwinRichard Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    It's actually a very bizarre thing when you think about it ...


    It is strange and is one of the things that annoys me the most. The comments themselves don't bother me but I don't want to sit around listening to people making the comments because it is a waste of time for me.

    I do think it affects some men as well but the nature of the comparisons tend to be different to a certain extent.
     
  18. starmaker

    starmaker Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Twinrific @ Jun 16 2009, 11:45 AM) [snapback]1356065[/snapback]
    I think it's something that will always bother me (all the stereotypes people have for twins) it doesn't influence me in a negative way anymore (as it did as a teen) but it definitely frustrates me.


    I have the same thing, it usually does not bother me as bad anymore.

    QUOTE
    There is a big difference between something bothering/annoying somebody and that same thing to cause "body image issues" (or some other problems). I can't speak for anybody else but for me the comparisons were always annoying (and still are) but it didn't change what I thought of myself, it changed what I thought of other people.


    It might not have had an impact on you but I know these things made a huge difference on the self esteem issues I have. I can imagine it could have impacted the twins that Erica knew.
    I think it has alot to do with the personality of people. You don't care much for what other people think of you.
    Not everyone is like that, to be honest I wish I didn't care so much for what other people think of me.
    It was much worse a few years ago, I am generally quite happy with who I am.

    QUOTE
    I do think it affects some men as well but the nature of the comparisons tend to be different to a certain extent.


    I agree with this. Nothing I can add to it. :)
     
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  19. Twinrific

    Twinrific Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    QUOTE(caba @ Jun 17 2009, 02:52 PM) [snapback]1357747[/snapback]
    I imagine it's hard when people expect you to be two parts of the same person, and then laugh it up when they sit around and point out how different you are. It's actually a very bizarre thing when you think about it ...


    Very well said. That is very frustrating!


    QUOTE(twins2 @ Jun 17 2009, 05:17 PM) [snapback]1357931[/snapback]
    It might not have had an impact on you but I know these things made a huge difference on the self esteem issues I have. I can imagine it could have impacted the twins that Erica knew.
    I think it has alot to do with the personality of people. You don't care much for what other people think of you.
    Not everyone is like that, to be honest I wish I didn't care so much for what other people think of me.
    It was much worse a few years ago, I am generally quite happy with who I am.


    I agree. Although there are personalities that can deal with the constant insults and comparisons I think most teenagers will have a hard time with it whether female or male. It's your forming years and most teenagers just want to fit in so being told you're fat, dumb, slow, scrawny, whatever continuously can be a huge blow to a sensitive soul. I don't think that makes someone weak, just human. It's natural to want to be accepted and it takes time to realize you can't make everyone happy and you have to love yourself as you are with flaws and all. I think all teenagers deal with this to a certain extend but I do believe twins have it harder in a way. I think it's the rare human that can base their feelings only on the logic as Adrian and Richard can and it's good that they can brush off the comments and not let it affect them emotionally, I just don't believe it's that easy for everyone kwim?
     
  20. TwinRichard

    TwinRichard Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    It's your forming years and most teenagers just want to fit in


    That's probably true. We were never going to "fit in" anyway so it wasn't something we bothered with ;) :p
     
  21. Kendra

    Kendra Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I haven't replied because honestly, I don't remember any compairisons. Unless I've repressed something.

    I know I probably should have body issues but I've actually come to the place where I'm happy. Sure I'm fat*, but I'm healthy (for the most part -- my bad knee isn't a weight thing, its a slip on ice thing)

    *yes fat. I've recently started rejecting the label "overweight" since it implies that there is a weight I should be at that I'm over when I don't have an ideal number.
     
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  22. starmaker

    starmaker Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(Twinrific @ Jun 17 2009, 06:24 PM) [snapback]1358221[/snapback]
    I agree. Although there are personalities that can deal with the constant insults and comparisons I think most teenagers will have a hard time with it whether female or male. It's your forming years and most teenagers just want to fit in so being told you're fat, dumb, slow, scrawny, whatever continuously can be a huge blow to a sensitive soul. I don't think that makes someone weak, just human. It's natural to want to be accepted and it takes time to realize you can't make everyone happy and you have to love yourself as you are with flaws and all. I think all teenagers deal with this to a certain extend but I do believe twins have it harder in a way. I think it's the rare human that can base their feelings only on the logic as Adrian and Richard can and it's good that they can brush off the comments and not let it affect them emotionally, I just don't believe it's that easy for everyone kwim?


    I totally agree with you on this :)

    QUOTE
    I haven't replied because honestly, I don't remember any compairisons. Unless I've repressed something.

    I know I probably should have body issues but I've actually come to the place where I'm happy. Sure I'm fat*, but I'm healthy (for the most part -- my bad knee isn't a weight thing, its a slip on ice thing)

    *yes fat. I've recently started rejecting the label "overweight" since it implies that there is a weight I should be at that I'm over when I don't have an ideal number.


    Kendra, I think it's great that you are happy with who you are. :)
    As long as your healthy and happy with who you are than it really doesn't matter
    how much you weigh.
    I really wish I had the confidence in myself that you have in yourself ;)
     
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  23. 1175138

    1175138 Active Member

    Ok I'm 19 so I guess I am in the right agegroup for this to affect me especially as a female identical twin. To be honest it has probably affected me more than her, I'm not really sure why, but neither of us to a huge extent. Like when they compare us to tell the difference between us, I get, 'Mel's got the fatter face and Prissy's got the longer face'. In weight there really hasn't been an issue, we have both played a lot of sport throughout our lives and therefore we are very similar in weight, only like 1kg difference. But yeh I agree that when people talk about differences and they bring up things that are personal and that might be offensive it could cause issues. I don't think it is just in physical appearance however, we get compared in everything. It could cause jealousy, but in others I have known, the twin who is more successful (if there is one, in my case we are both good at the same things to the same extent so there is no issue) tends to be very supportive of the other. I know that when I got into a higher netball team than my twin i would have swapped places with her. Thankfully we are very similar in everything, we are both very competetive so if that wasn't the case it could have caused problems.
     
  24. Brizzy_Twins

    Brizzy_Twins Well-Known Member

    Heres my 10 cents worth :)
    Yes, i do think so.. im not saying that its just because we are twins but from my experience, i have had and still do in someways bad self esteem, especially in the early years in high school because
    1. of my CP and how i was different from everyone else
    2. because they compared me to Alisha

    Our parents never tried to compare us. they treated us equally but realize that just because we are twins doesn't mean we have to be the same.

    I always recieved the comments that I was the fatter/ not so mobile twin compared to alisha. So i always compared myself with alisha, and sometimes questioned why i wasnt just like her. It didnt help in high school, i mean if u asked someone how they can tell the difference between us was because i walked weird.. and im the "fatter" twin. Theres not too much difference in our sizes but i do know that i have to work harder to keep fit because i cant excerise as much as alisha.. so i have to watch my diet alot, so it is harder for me. I constantly got bullied and harassed because of my Cp so that caused enough low self-eetem as it was, let alone being compared to your twin. I can tell you if i didnt have alisha in high school, i dont know how i would of got through it. she was my support system at school.. and still is and always will be my best friend.

    But yes i do think its because people compare u and say negative things about you that make you feel self-conscious.
     
  25. Brizzy_Twins

    Brizzy_Twins Well-Known Member

    Sorry, my internet connection messed up and posted my reply twice.. anyway i also had to add that.. because of all the bullying in my past, i dont feel very confident in myself, and i become very conscious that people always look at me and my CP. I feel that i wont meet a nice guy that will love me for who i am because of my past experiences. Sounds weird i know, but thats just how i feel. I dont trust any guy really because of the impact my past has had on me...
     
  26. starmaker

    starmaker Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you had to go trough that Tamara. :hug:
    I think you are a great person with alot of musical talent, any guy would be lucky to date you.
    I unfortunetley have had some similar experiences with people and still have alot of self-esteem issues. It is only in the last few months to a year that I have started feeling a bit better about myself. I still don't feel confident enough to actually get into a relationship, because I don't think I would trust the guy to like just for who I am. I am working on overcoming these feelings though :)
     
    1 person likes this.
  27. ahudson

    ahudson New Member

    QUOTE(Twinrific @ Jun 13 2009, 01:25 PM) [snapback]1353054[/snapback]
    Do you think twins have a bigger likelihood of suffering from body image issues than singletons do? And why? Do you think the issues arise because twins want to look more alike or because they are trying to separate themselves from their twin or neither of the above reasons?

    I will give my own thoughts on this at a later stage but was interested in what others thought about it first.


    Well perhaps I shouldn't comment, because my twin and I both had legitimate body-image issues; we were the shortest people in our entire class throughout elementary and most of junior high. It still feels weird to be taller than some people; at 114 lbs, I'm still the lightest (non-anorexic) person I know.

    But anyway, I found that having a twin also gave me an example of what to avoid, socially; he's got a tendency to be aggressive, impish, sometimes unkind. And in response, I've conditioned myself to be further from that ideal (I'm sure he'd say I was overly cautious and a bit of a pushover :rolleyes: ) We also influenced each other's dress code and social profile, by acting as the other's foil. Our parents encouraged this behavior because they thought being the same was unhealthy.
     
  28. ahudson

    ahudson New Member

    I should add that perhaps the most common comparison was "who's the evil twin?" :lol:
     
  29. 1175138

    1175138 Active Member

    haha yes the evil twin comparison i'm sure we've all had that!!! I was the evil twin apparently, but I understood it was just a joke, I have a stronger personality and like to express my opinions more, I guess that may be one reason i decided to study law. Also my competetive nature didn't help that :). It's all a bit of fun :)
     
  30. Brizzy_Twins

    Brizzy_Twins Well-Known Member

    Thanks. That means alot. It is great to know that I'm not the only one that feels that way. What seems to get me though is my friends and Alisha thinks i am really weird for not liking anyone. I know it is strange for an 18 year old not to like a guy. And believe I feel like theres something wrong with me that I havent had those expriences yet.. Battling CP is hard enough, though im lucky its not worse.. but It has definately impacted on how i view guys and how they view me. But i feel exactly like you do.. Know one likes me anyway, but i dont think I could trust a guy to accept and love me for who i am.. let alone have the courage to know that they will be respectful. honest and nice to me. u know?
     
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  31. starmaker

    starmaker Well-Known Member

    I don't think that is weird, heck I am 24 and not liking anyone. I think this has alot to do with all the insecurities we still have.
    One of the things that is most important tough is first and foremost to be happy with your life and who you are without a relationship. If you start appreciating who you are and what you can bring into a relationship I think that wil help alot in your views of guys and relationships. I am still working on this though ;)
    I have enough body issues without having to deal with CP, I can only imagine it is that much thougher dealing with CP. However I think it has made you that much more stronger and mature than most people your age, and any good respecting guy would love those quality's in you.
    It usually works for me to see how many women are on this site who all have amazing husbands, all of them very respectfull and loving of their wives.

    I do think there are alot of great guys out there but I think alot of them could easily have the same issues in dealing with girls that we have with guys. I know I wouldn't just walk to a guy and ask them out, so why should I expect it from a guy. Another thing I have realised is that people don't view us the way we view ourselves, often we hold a much higher standard for ourselves to live up to then we do with the people around us.

    Okay that was a long post, I am not sure if I am making much sense?
     
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  32. 1175138

    1175138 Active Member

    I totally agree with you about being happy with who you are without a boyfriend before you enter into a relationship. I think this is important because you don't want to bring too much baggage into a relationship it causes a lot of problems. There is no need to rush into a relationship there are plenty of people our age who are single and happy. Basically we have to understand that a guy isn't going to make us happy, they can't fulfil us, we have to be whole ourselves if that makes sense. So what I do is I have a few guy friends who I hang out with. I think it's good to get to know a guy as friends first especially if you have issues with trusting guys and stuff. I have had a problem with trusting guys because I've been let down in the past, and I also automatically assume that they are hiding something. I realised that I have to sort this out before I enter a relationship. I have now met some great guys who are good friends and I'm learning to trust again :)

    Haha I think we have turned this into a dating/relationship topic, sorry, I like talking about this topic because I have so many theories.
    The most important thing to realise is at the end of the day whether you are single or in a relationship is not the most important thing in life. We have to be happy with who we are. I used to worry about what guys thought of how I looked, but the guys I know, and the guys I would date, are looking for an attractive personality. It's whats on the inside that counts :)
     
    1 person likes this.
  33. starmaker

    starmaker Well-Known Member

    Mel I agree completely with you :good:
    That is so true, I especially agree with this:

    Right now I have started to be friends with some great guys who are really learning me that not all guys are bad.
    While several I have not known for very long, and we mostly know each other from school and talk schoolstuff, they have shown me that they trust my opinion and judgement on some important stuff and it is really helping me.
    Just the fact that I can talk normally to them without feeling like I need to be on my guard constantly is great. I do still need to work on some self-esteem issues before I see myself in a relationship though.


    Again I totally agree :)
    It is definetley the most important to be happy, with who you are and what you do with your life. That can be as single or in a relationship. It really doesn't matter. My uncle has been single his whole life and lives alone and is perfectly content this way. I admire him for the fact that he never thought of what anyone else thinks, even though people must think it's strange he isn't married or dating, but that he does what makes him happy.
    And I would never want to be with a guy who just wants me for what I look like. Looks fade away, personality doesn't and I think that is what is most important!
     
    1 person likes this.
  34. Code

    Code Well-Known Member

    I think how your twin looks makes you want to look kind of the same so then there isnt the "fat" and the "skinny" twin.

    Im over the whole body image thing, Its so sad because I believe everyone is beautiful! :)


    To see how I very society listento Savage Garden - Affirmation


    Edit: to add a point :)
     
  35. Brizzy_Twins

    Brizzy_Twins Well-Known Member

    Yeah I agree with you Codie too. I mean I try and believe im over what people think of me... Im gradually getting there. But its not that easy for me.. I try and cut it out, but it seems to bug me later on, u know when your home after someone has bullied u and you just have time to think.. and everything they said to u just runs constantly through your mind.
    Maybe its just me, but i think ill always get mean comments from time to time.. I guess it just comes with the territory of having to deal with something like CP.. It makes u stronger in someways but it still bugs me that people have the nerve to comment about your body and phyisical appearance/abilities.
     
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