Biting

I did a search before writing this post and feel a little better that a lot of other twin moms are going through this! One son is definately more the "bully" and bites his brother, the "victim", who always ends up in tears and welts all over him. I tell the biter "no" and move him across the room from his brother but he just laughs at me. I'm at my wits end on trying to stop it. Is this just a phase that he'll grow out of? Is he too young to punish for his biting? My only thought was to give him a time-out in his crib for a couple minutes when he does bite his brother, but I don't know if 14 months is too young to understand why he his going to his crib??

Any suggestions on what you all have done in this situation would be so, so helpful! Thank you!

 

I think redirection is your best bet at that age. I don't think that he will understand timeout. I would firmly say "we do not bite" and then remove him from the situation.

 

I think you can also kind of ignore him after scolding him and lavish attention on his victim brother. Eventually he will see that negative actions does not get the positive attention that he might be seeking.

Good luck, we have biters too. :hug99:

 

QUOTE(Sarah© @ Jan 16 2008, 01:21 AM) [snapback]574199[/snapback]
I think you can also kind of ignore him after scolding him and lavish attention on his victim brother. Eventually he will see that negative actions does not get the positive attention that he might be seeking.


We are using this method too as we also have A biter!

 

OH I have a biter too!!! a six toothed shark!! poor Ava has a six tooth bite ring on her shoulder right now!!
I tell Addison NO in a very firm voice and move her away.

she also bites me while breastfeeding - the other night she bit me and I lightly popped her on the diaper (she would not let go and it brought me to tears -I wasn't spanking her just trying to get her to release) and now everytime I say DON'T BITE!! she reaches back and pops her rear end!!!
so now if my boys are around and she does this they laugh - she laughs and pops herself even more - it's awful because it is hard to keep a straight face! these little girls are a hoot! even when they do something they shouldn't!

 

QUOTE
I think you can also kind of ignore him after scolding him and lavish attention on his victim brother. Eventually he will see that negative actions does not get the positive attention that he might be seeking.


For the mommies using this method...is it working for you????

 

At that age, we weren't biting yet. I think re-direction and saying "no biting" would work best.

One of my DD's is a bit of a biter now, only when she's frustrated with her bully sister. When she's told "no biting" she stops. I'm just slightly nervous about them starting daycare next month, I hope she doesn't bite other kids.

 

Jonah has been a biter since FOREVER. He's just now starting to cut back on it. I'm hoping the appearance of two molars at the SAME time will mean we are past the worst part. I always tell him No Biting and actually put my hand/finger to his mouth so he knows what I'm saying (one mom said to pinch his lips together, and I've been doing that just recently...not to hurt him though). I also lavish attention on Morgan who is almost always his little victim. I would try to find a different timeout place than his bed. Going to bed shouldn't be punishment. I did that literally once this week because he wouldn't stop climbing on the coffee table and I didnt' have another area set up for him. It was AWFUL. I felt really bad for making his bed be his punishment. But that's just me! I have tried a stool but had a little trouble with that one because Morgan kept coming over to him to play. Just be consistent whatever you do. It is mostly a phase but certainly not something to just ignore while they're going thru it.

Good luck! Shannon

 

QUOTE(Sarah© @ Jan 15 2008, 08:21 PM) [snapback]574199[/snapback]
I think you can also kind of ignore him after scolding him and lavish attention on his victim brother. Eventually he will see that negative actions does not get the positive attention that he might be seeking.

That's what we're doing. Jacob still laughs about it, but I keep showing Tyler lots of attention and "ignore" Jay for a few minutes. I think he'll get it eventually. It's something that might take awhile, though.

 

Thanks for all the input and support! Luckily, only 1 biting episode today...I think its just luck, though!

 

My girls are going thru it, too. Just when I think it is over, someone chomps on the other and it starts again. They've even bitten their 5 yr old brother hard enough to leave marks! I've done scolding the biter and lavishing attention on the bitee. One laughs at me and the other sits and cries. But the biting continues. I don't think they are too young for a minute by themselves. Set up a pack n' play in a room away from everything, but close enough to know whats going on, and put the biter in there for one minute. Don't use the crib - I think it will only confuse them. Someone in a previous post suggested soap in a PP and swore it worked. I guess it's trial and error till you find what works for you! Good luck! I know it's rough, but it will pass.

 

We used the time out corner for our biter at 15 months and it took about 6 weeks and no more biting. She does have an episode every once in a while, but it immeditaley to the corner with an apology to the victim. About 2 weeks ago, she bit Lily so hard that she left a bruise with teeth marks. About 4 hours after she did this I showed her the bite on Lily's arm and she said "I did that?" and I told her "Yes, you did" she turned to Lily and said "I'm sorry Lil" and gave her two big hugs.

Whatever you decide to do, be consistent every time.

edited to fix spelling error

 

There is a school of thought that when a kid bites its generally out of frustration and not because he.she means to harm another ... At this age, a toy they want it "everything" to them.. so it goes to figure that they'd be quite put out if they don't get it or if a sibling comes to challenge their 'ownership." I wouldn't ignore my child in this case, I try to deal with the frustration part -- see who has possession of an item first and maintain it's "ownership" with he who had it before the challenger came in.

Biting is a way to release frustration and since a kid at this age has no language -- this is how he/she can communicate that frustration. The intent is the yearning -- and that's all. My kids are 17 mos and I always say the same thing "no biting" - and try to intervene before the event happens.

Some researchers believe that ignoring a child when they really need to have help with their frustration can cause long term issues iwth personal interactions and make a child believe that your love is conditional. I know it sounds radical, but there's some interesting fodder behind this. Oh well -- figured I'd chime in an alternate view.

I have recently read that sharing is not even remotely possible for kids before the age of 3 and that they only get good at it at 5 or so. So, it's about redirecting and helping with frustration.

Teri D

 

my ds bites too. i usually redirect him and move him away from the "victim". if it is over a toy or something like that...i always try to make sure the person who had the toy, keeps it and explain to the other that it is so-and-so's turn. usually, the other one drops whatever it is because they only wanted it because the other one did.

bummed to hear sharing takes so long to get!

redirection usually works though and they forget what they were biting for.

 

My little John was biting ME. and occasionally my DH. We said a firm "No Sir" and redirected him to a toy or some other activity. Seemed to have worked. He has not bitten me in about 2 months