Biting issues...

Brady & Aidan have been biting. For the most part, it's Brady biting
Aidan on his arm and even his face. Brady has broken the skin!!! I
always put Brady in time out and say "NO Biting!" and he lays there
and cries while I tend to Aidan. It doesn't seem to be working.
Aidan has just started to bite back....What to do????? Help!!!

 

I have a biter, too. Eli bites Peyton all the time. I say No biting, stop him in time and say no biting and then give him a toy to chew. It'z just a stage, but have emailed Parents magazine and hope for a response soon. I'll post their reply.

 

Here's the reply that I got from my director of my local twins group....

OK, I've kept silent and observed, and now I have to chime in....
Yes, some kids do bite. Some don't. Some never even think to bite, hit, spit or pull their siblings' hair. Other do. USUALLY it is due to a speech delay, not getting enough one on one attention, or even simple boredom. You are fortunate that the biting is happening now, instead of the dead of winter. Get outside. Go everywhere you can. Entertain them and have lots of play dates. Kids that are exhausted and busy rarely bite or lash out. Set up play stations, a sand box, a swing area, a ride on toy area, sidewalk chalk, a water table... There were days we moved from activity to activity after breakfast until the next snack or meal. We would go from the drive-way to the back yard to the front yard, to inside the house, and back again... Is anyone tired yet?!

Yes, sign language is a wonderful tool. I recommend everyone teach their children at least some of the basics. Multiples are usually always speech delayed. Afterall, there is only one of you, and two, three or four of them. Comforting the child that was attacked and giving the other child a firm NO BITING in a firm voice works too. But for those of us that exhausted all efforts and have to protect our children from each other. I personally had "4" children under the age of two, and three of them were biters! I was caring for them solo with NO friends and NO family around. My toddlers ALL had track marks up and down their arms from each other that resembled ring worms, I had to resort to other efforts. My pediatrician said to get down on their level, use your stern voice and say a firm NO BITE as I tap the child across the mouth. That only worked for 1 of them. Brittany cried at the thought of my disappointment in her when she bit. The other two looked at me and laughed at "mommy's funny voice". I had to resort to other measures, and had heard (by attending a multiples meeting from another group) of a mom using "bite medicine". At first, my kids LOVED the white vinegar that I would dab on my finger and swab across their gums the first several attempts. Steve even signed "more" and "more" with his little hands, he loved it so much. So for us, it did not work the first time I introduced it. Out of desperation one day, Brandi (who was about 2 ) bit a chunk of Bailey's (6 month old) cheek out and drew blood. I rushed her into the kitchen and again tried the "bite medicine" again, it was worchester sauce. I do not know if it was my shocked reaction to Brandi biting Bailey so hard, or the actual "act" of me saying, "No Biting", and then my tone when I said "You cannot bite your sister"! My kids NEVER bit again after that day. I only did it once. Only to Brandi. She cried, it was the first time I could tell I had reached her finally. The other kids observed, and never needed it. I could just set it out on the kitchen counter and threaten it if they were acting ugly. We used the "W" juice later on for spitting, and ugly words like stupid and shut up. It worked for us and for our family. I finally taught Stevie to "bite" into his blankee when he was mad. Or to say "I am sooo mad!" It worked, but I was constantly running interference with Brandi & Stevie to help ward off any biting or hitting.

You must read the books, and magazines and listen to the specialist speak on discipline, attend every workshop and support group meeting that you can. Listen to others, look to others who have children a little older than yours. See what they do, look at what works and then you decide what is right for your family. We have all flown by the seat of our pants before. You don't have to do that. You're not alone. There are lots of others who have tried things that have worked or not, and you can look to your peers for advice. That is what is so special about all of you. You are all great parents and are very passionate about your children, that is why you are all members, right?! We all want to get better at this important job that we have been so blessed to be a part of. Thanks to everyone for sharing what worked for them, and what they think is right. You have to take all of what you learn and decide what is right for your family. What worked for my kids might not work for yours and such. Good luck and hang in there, Tara. I can tell you my kids haven't bitten anybody in at least 11 years! Now the ugly words, that is another story! They sometimes aren't so kind to one another with their words, but that is part of pre-teendom, I 've read! -Pam

 

Here is some advice that we were given:
1. Sternly tell the biter, "No!" and explain that it hurts and is not nice. Speak to him/her at eye level. Keep your sentences brief and to the point. Then quickly focus on the "bitee." Of course you want to be sure he/she is ok, but also give him/her a little more added attention. The theory on this suggestion is that the biter will not get negative attention and will hopefully see that you are paying more attention to the "victim."
2. Another option is to do a time out. Again, sternly tell the biter, "No!" and explain that it hurts and is not nice. Speak to him/her at eye level. Keep your sentences brief and to the point. Then place the biter in a place where it is safe and boring (i.e. the PNP without any toys) for one minute. They suggest one minute duration for every year of age. After the one minute, remove the child from their timeout location and tell them one more time why they were in a timeout.

We have used a combination of these suggestions and so far...it seems to be working. The only struggle we have is keeping our DD (the bitee) away from our DS' timeout location and consoling him. Good luck!

 

I tried Vinegar this morning and Brady wanted MORE!!!!

 

Both my boys bite from time to time. But it IS getting better. We do the sternly NO in the biters face at his level. Then its TIME OUT in his room. They both hate that so I think it is helping. Consistency is key!

QUOTE
The only struggle we have is keeping (the bitee) away from our DS' timeout location and consoling him. Good luck!


That happens here too! You would think the bitee would want to get away not come to bug the biter

 

the best advice i got on biting:
The one who bites usually feels he/she is the underdog. The other person in the relationship is the dominant one (at that point) and she/he feels the only way to counter-dominate is to bite.

I started observing my kids behavior and yes, Rachel the little underdog was biting as a form of retaliation. I started teaching them "please Don't" or "Please stop" (easily signed). If the offender doesn't stop when the underdog says please dont then the offender gets a time out. if the underdog still bites then they both get disciplined.

Now the problem is that they play a "game" called "Bite" Rachel usually initiates it (while I'm watching) by offering her finger or hand and Alexis is supposed to Pretend to bite the body part. Sometimes there are marks left, but usually I re-direct by reminding them to kiss, not bite. Rachel is done with biting out of retaliation, but has replaced biting with hitting. This is why it's important to continue to work on communication skills, like teaching them when to say, Please Don't. Try role-playing it out when you aren't in the heat of the moment.