Birthday Party Invites

My boys attend preschool and they are in seperate rooms. They are both dropped off for breakfast in the same room and play with the same kids. One of my boys keeps getting birthday invitations that I have to decline. I have no childcare for his twin. I have no family nearby to help. The twin who keeps getting the invites has a severe peanut allergy so absolutely no way would I just drop him off at a party. I feel bad that he is not getting to experience this extra fun but I really feel a bit uncomfortable asking for an exception to allow his twin to attend. I was able to take him to a party one time when my inlaws were in town. I was told by the mom that I could have brought his twin. Another mom told me it was expected at this age to just bring siblings. Any thoughts or experience?

 

My boys are also in seperate classrooms and have gotten B-day invites. My one DS (who also has a peanut allergy) was invited to one and I just spent the 2 hours with my other DS. When I dropped him off, they were embarrassed that they did not know he was a twin and insisted my other DS stay. I thanked them and told them we had plans that he was looking forward to. It's not all that often I can take one out without the other and I really want them to have seperate experiences. I don't want them to always be a packaged deal.

As far as just dropping you son off with the peanut allergy. When you call to rsvp, I would mention his allergy and find out what they plan on serving.

 

Generally I am not in favour of taking siblings along to parties they are not invited to but I think your case is a good exception. I still would not want to call and outright ask for his twin to be allowed to attend so what I'd do is when you rsvp no just nicely explain why. That way if the other parent wants to get back to you and say it's fine to bring both they can, but they're not under pressure to do so if they can't afford/don't want to.

 

Twin nanny I like your suggestion. Thank you. My boy with a peanut allergy is a class 6. He went into anaphylactic shock after eating candy with peanuts. I was so lucky that I was with him and immediately guessed what had happened. Prior to that we had no idea he was allergic. So I am extremely cautious especially since he is only 3. What might be peanut free to us might not be to another parent. Plus he needs an epi pen, benedryl and inhaler with him at all times.

 

I am not a fan of people who call up and ask if their other child can attend, but in your case... I think it would be just fine. At age three, lots of birthday parties include siblings. I'd probably call and say that son #1 can't come because you don't have anyone to watch son #2, his twin. I'll bet you every single person you talk to will tell you to bring both of your sons.

Either way - I haven't seen any three year old parties where parents drop children off. At least where I live, that doesn't start until about age 6.

 

I don't see the problem of letting those invited bring a sibling. I know it's hard sometimes for parents to get the extra help to watch another child and for me, I don't see the big deal. My boys' last birthday party someone simply asked me if they could include the invited child's older sister. She was only a year older, but they have no one else to watch her. I thought that was great she wanted to join us. It's not like her parents weren't there for her entertainment and her little brother was there, so she at least knew someone there. She had fun...everyone enjoyed themselves. That's all that mattered. I always ask those I invite if there is any food requirements. I'm the host, I'd liek to know that there's something I can do to make their time at the party more pleasant. If it's a peanut allergy, I'll do whatever I can to allow them to eat with everyone...like not serve peanut or nut foods...whatever the requirements are. If the parent wants to bring their own food, that's perfectly fine with me. All that matters to me is that everyone is enjoying themselves and no one that comes is left out.

My boys will be going to a new school that allows separate classes. I'm going to run in to same day parties and events. We'll just work through it to make it fair for both boys.

 

I think that for most people most of the time it's not a problem to include a sibling or two (especially at only 3) but it can be an annoyance and it can be a problem if it gets out of hand. Imagine you invite 15 kids to a party and 10 of the parents phone to ask if they can bring siblings, suddenly you have 25 kids to cater for (more if there are multiple siblings in one family). That means you need to have the extra space, the extra food and quite possibly extra party favours, which can add greatly to the stress/expense.

mama dragon I think that most parents who had a child that young with such a severe allergy coming to a party would much rather they had a parent with them. I can't imagine the average parent would be comfortable being in charge of an epi-pen and inhaler for a child that was not theirs, even if they did know how to use them properly. I think Tricia's right and everyone you explain to will say come along and bring your other son too.