BIL coming to move in for the summer!

O.K. so my BIL is graduating from college this month and he plans to come out here to live with us for the summer and save money while working. My question is, “What ground rules or requests would you lay down for him living under your roof?” I am spread so thin right now with work, house cleaning and the twins, I’m just so scared this will be more then I can handle. Everyone keeps telling me that he will be helpful with the babies but I’m just thinking of the added workload on me. It will be more cooking and cleaning on top of my responsibilities now. <_< The cost to our family will be significant with the extra food and water. My DH feels responsible for his younger brother and wants to do this for him, and I understand that, but he needs to understand the rules. Any suggestions? Thanks

 

I understand he is staying to save some money, but could he chip in a little bit to offet some of the extra expenses?

I'd come up with things you expect him to do for himself. Like cleainging up after himself, taking a turn with dishes, mowing the lawn, etc. Anything to keep him from just being another mouth to feed and body to pick up after.

 

I would get a little rent, definitely not as much as he would be paying if he was renting somewhere but enough to cover your added expense of him living there. I would not expect any help from him in terms of the babies (just be pleasantly surprised when/if he does help out) this way you aren't setting yourself up for disappointment. He should be responsible for cleaning of his own space and items used, you should not have any added burden cleaning anything that you don't already. In terms of food, I would plan to include him in meals and make sure you lay down the law that if he is not planning on eating with the family then he needs to let you know x amount of time before hand so you don't waste food. If he is going to be included in the family grocery shop then he needs to let you know if he uses something and it is almost empty etc etc.

That's all I can think of for now (can you tell my BIL lived with us once ?).

 

Blimey, I'd definitely have him paying board, because then, if it is a stressful situation at times (and living with other adults, even ones you love, is ALWAYS stressful at times in my book!) you'll at least know that you're not out of pocket on top of all the other stressors.

My uncle lives with my parents at the moment (similar scenario, he's trying to save money, it's just that everyone's a bit older ^_^ ) and he pays weekly board - A$150, which is about $100 less than he would be paying in rent for a nice apartment close to the city, so it's a considerable saving, but still covers all my mum's costs - food, electricity, phone etc. The thing about paying board from his perspective is that it's fixed and predictable - there are no nasty bill surprises, and no start up costs (eg, a bond for housing or electricity) so it's a pretty good deal for him.

Good luck! I would have to say that if a member of my husband's family wanted to come live with us, I would probably commit hari-kiri, don't know if that's a reflection on them or me!

Tania

 

Mandatory babysitting!!! If the point is to allow him to save and give him a boost up, then making him pay rent is kind of counter productive. I'm with everyone who suggests making sure he's not just another mouth to feed, though. Make him responsible for his own laundry, food preparation except when he eats with the family, clean up and absolutely have him babysit on the afternoons on the weekends or evenings. Actually schedule this. It would be great for you and DH to have some errand and alone time. All this time with thier uncle will be good for the kids and for him. The responsibility will make him more independent in the long run and ensure that you don't end up just caring for another "child".

 

I would never charge a relative rent. But....your dh can talk to his brother & set up a fair exchange system. The BIL can do some lawn & house chores in exchange for his room & board. Also, anyone coming to my house has to understand that this home operates for the care, well-being & convenience of my girls. There would be no movies with bad language, alcohol in the house, & no acting angry at anyone. If my BIL was coming for the summer, I would look forward to the company & be happy to pamper him a bit before he goes off into the cold, cruel world!