Best Friends, Worst Enemies

For the past year or so, my boys have become more and more violent. My dominant twin scratches his brother's face all the time. I don't have a single picture from the past year where the non-dominant ds has a clear face - it's always covered with scabs from scratches. It always happens so quickly (I swear, he has the reflexes of a cat), and often out of nowhere (they can be playing nicely a moment before) so that I can't stop it no matter what I do. It's getting embarrassing, and I often wonder what their preschool teachers think about my parenting skills. At times they are best of friends, but the fighting is constant and comes out of nowhere. It's definitely gotten worse since ds3 was born, and I know it is probably related to jealousy. The non-dominant twin often provokes the attacks, but rarely fights back.

I've tried time-outs, and taking away privileges, but nothing works. We've been trying 1-2-3 Magic, but haven't had much luck there. No matter how short I cut his fingernails, he still manages to draw blood. Anyone have any other ideas? I'm this close to taping mittens onto his hands so he can't scratch! :crazy:

 

Mittens might be a good option! I'm only kind of kidding.

My boys are getting more physical with each other lately - mostly, it's pushing or knocking the other one over and the offender claims he just wants to "wrestle" or tickle (but it's often actually a fight over a toy).

I hope it gets better - wish I had something to offer. I use 1-2-3 Magic and the TOs kind of work, but not like they did 3 months ago when it was truly magic! :gah:

 

What has started to work for me is to try and catch anything before it starts, for one (there are certain things that will always trigger a fight in our house, at least). When they are calmer, I tell them what they should do *instead* of what they *were* doing and then repeat this ad naseum with a bit of play acting from time to time with them. This isn't a perfect system, but I figure that eventually it will sink in ;-)

 

The hard part is that there's often no way to tell it's coming. It literally comes out of NOWHERE. This morning, for instance, they were both sitting on the steps in the front entranceway while we were getting their coats and boots on. One second they were chatting happily about what we were going to do today, then in a flash second the dominant twin lashed out and scratched his brother's cheek yet again. There was no fight leading up to this, and not even any minor disagreement. When I ask him why he did it, he doesn't know - it's like it's an uncontrollable impulse with him.

 

My boys are pretty close to yours in age. One - they are boys...it is totally different I think to have 2 boys instead of boy/girl or 2 girls. My boys can be so sweet to each other and then in a second.. hitting, biting, kicking, pushing or tackling breaks out. We are in a preschool and a sports program and I constantly remind the other moms that they have no idea what I am going through and not to judge until they raise twin boys! One thing that we are going to try and do is seperate them whenever possible, so that they can have ALONE time from their brother. Today I made one play in the back of the house and one in the front b/c they would not stop fighting. It has totally escalated in the last couple months. Not much advise, but just letting you know that you are not alone!

 

Thanks, Lisa - it feels better to know someone else understands what I'm going through. I agree that 2 boys are very different. Friends of mine with two girls or boy/girl twins mean something entirely different when they say their kids fight - they mean they grab toys from each other or maybe shove each other...not roll around on the floor trying to scratch each other's eyes out like my boys do several times a day. Even their play is violent - they wrestle CONSTANTLY, and even though it starts out in good fun, someone always ends up getting hurt. I agree about the separation thing, but now that I have a baby boy as well, he demands a lot of my time too, so it's hard to separate them, keep them both entertained, and keep my baby happy at the same time. Such is the life of a Mom of 3 boys, I guess. I'm just not looking forward to when ds3 is old enough to start wrestling with them too! :crazy: