Being possessive of clothing

My guys are about to turn 4. They've always just shared all clothes and I have very few matching things. Now, when I bring a new article of clothing home, the first one to wear it claims it as his own and has a fit if he sees his brother wearing it. Same with shoes. I have a lot of (single pieces of) clothing passed down from their older brother and I like to shop consignment--so not often that I get two of the same.

Is it unreasonable for them to share all clothing? How do I introduce new clothing without a fight?

I don't think I have the mental energy to have a special drawer set aside for each of them--can't keep track of all that!

Thanks for any tips.

 

I don't think it's unreasonable for them to share clothing but I also don't think it's unreasonable for them to want their own things.

Could you bring home two new items at a time (or when you get one item put it away until you have a second item) instead of one? Then they can each have a new thing that is 'theirs'. You could do the same with handed-down clothes from your older son, wait until you can hand down two shirts or pants so that they can each be given one.

Maybe if they have a few special items that are their own they will be more willing to share the rest of the clothes with their brother. If they do want a complete split (so that they each basically have their own wardrobe) I think that at nearly 4 they should be able to keep track of what belongs to who and you can just keep putting everything in the same draw. My older girls have quite a few same-style-different-colour/design clothes, and by that age if I wasn't sure whose was whose I could just ask them and they'd tell me.

As far as the shoes I think they really shouldn't be sharing most of those anyway (shoes mould themselves to the foot of the person who wears them), so I would assign each one his own shoes and then write in names with a marker or stick in shoe labels.

Good luck!

 

My boys are a year apart and the same size and share almost all the clothes and pjs. If they get something as a gift, it is their's unless they choose to put it in the "community" pot. If they throw a fit over one wearing something the other wants, I treat like anything else in the house they'd do that with. Like fighting over a toy, I'll take that clothing item out of the dresser so it's no longer an option to choose from. If they refuse to get dressed, I tell them fine stay in your pjs all day and leave the room. It didn't take long for them to figure out they could choose from what's in the dresser or don't get dressed. I agree with Zoe that as individuals they should each be allowed some things that belong to only them.

 

At about that age mine started that and have a preference (on really likes stripes the other not so much. One likes polo type shirts the other likes t's) My two do not share any more. When I buy something it is normally on sale or sometimes resale but I never just buy one. So, we take turns who gets to choose what shirt. They are diff enough that they rarely want the same thing and if I know there is going ot be a fight I either get two or none at all

Clothes do show our personalities and they def have different ones and should be able to show them.

Sometimes they do share jeans/pants sometimes but shirts, no its not a fight I want to have in the am.

 

We hardly have two identical of anything (for the same reason -- hand-me-downs and consignment shops), but my girls started claiming certain things as their own at about 18 months! Fortunately we've been able to keep it to a minimum, and I find that it's not too hard to remember what belongs to whom. (And if I forget, they certainly don't.) The one thing I always do is, never bring home just ONE new thing. If I find one thing at a store or something, I hide it until I find something else. Then, if they insist on claiming things for themselves, at least there is something for each of them.

In general, letting each of them have a few things that are "special for them" seems to make it easier for them to share the other 90% of their clothes.

They officially don't share shoes, but in practice they sometimes do, because one will beg the other one to borrow her shoes and occasionally the answer is yes. Also, sometimes I buy a pair for one kid but then she doesn't like them and the other kid winds up wearing them most of the time, so it becomes a little unclear exactly who the shoes belong to.

 

They already have to share so much, I don't require that my kids share clothes. They share a closet and dresser and they keep track of who owns what. All outfits are purchased two at a time (even at the consignment store -- if I can't find two T-shirts, I don't buy any). I involve them in choosing either at the store or when the outfits first come home. They're pretty good at working things out on their own when there is only one of something available. And they do trade clothes entirely on their own sometimes. I think it's all pretty great practice for having to get along with other people. Oh, and we don't share shoes -- I write their names in them with a Sharpie.

 

It sounds like your twins are starting to develop their own sense of identity, which is totally normal around this age! Sharing can still be a practical approach, especially with items like the durable and stylish pieces from caden lane that might not always be available in multiples. To ease the tension, perhaps you could let them take turns choosing a new item first or involve them in the selection process when you shop consignment. This could help them feel more in control and less possessive over individual pieces. Remember, you're doing a great job!