Being alone

Dh is on me to let him go fight Fires across the Southwest. It is part of his job however not a requirement. He says by denying the orders every time they come to him, it could potentially hurt his recommendations if he changes jobs. <_< I am by myself out here and we don’t have any family around. I work out of the house 40 hours a week and have no help. It is just so hard for me to say go, because I know I will struggle with the twins alone. They seem to be cutting teeth every week. My DD got 4 across her top last week. How do you fair when your DH goes away on business?

 

He's not on business............there is no such person.............I think I fair pretty well though. The key I have found is to establish a routine and let the less important things slide until time allows. I am only one person and if that means my floor waits until tomorrow to be mopped then so be it, if the dusting waits a week then so be it. I also work and the time I am home with my children I make sure to concentrate solely on my children. Once they are in bed I set a 30 minute timer and do whatever chores I can do in that amount of time then spend the rest of the time before I go to bed just doing stuff for me (watching shows on my DVR, reading TS).

 

My dh is a yacht captain and he is in Mexico right now on a month long trip. He does four trips a year, each about a month long. It's a challenge to do it all alone. We have no family here and my friends all have their own families so I find it hard to ask for help. This coming week I've decided to line up my babysitter to come over from 5-7pm a few nights out of the week to help me out. That's the roughest part of my day.

How long would he be gone for? It probably will be a struggle but it is doable. LOTS of woman do it because their husbands travel for work. Do you have a babysitter or can you get a good recommendation? I'd start looking into that so you have someone to call if you need help.

 

You can do it. Just plan and prepare and remain calm lol! My dh had to be gone for business a few months back and out of 3 months he was gone for 3/4 of it . He was in Sweden and Copenhagen and North Carolina. I definitely was stressed at times but it can be done. You can plan and cook your meals ahead of time so when you get home from work you just pop them in. Before he leaves I would ask him to help you get the cleaning and laundry completely caught up. Get any groceries ahead of time so theres no suprises and no running out of stuff. And then don't worry about keeping the house spotless whiles he's gone. Just enjoy the kids and the alone time with them. Good luck! You can do it! I've done it with 5 and managed to stay somewhat sane lol!

 

My DH does not travel for work and I am glad. Honestly, I would not want to be alone for a few nights with all 3 kids. For me it is hard enough to be here all day and at night if he is not here. I woudn't want to do it for a couple of nights by myself. I know I could if I had to, but I wouldn't want to. Kudos to all those women who do have their kids alone all the time or few a few nights/weeks when DH is out of town. :bow2:

 

Just keep yourself busy and organized and you'll be JUST fine. I imagine it's a little different frame of mind from a non-existent DH than a traveling DH. You have an expectation of a certain amt. of help. You have to try to let that go for a while. Ask him to compromise on how long he's gone. Since he has the "power" to turn it down, he ought to be able to say "I can only go for 8 days" or something...... try a little compromise.

It helps me to leave the house and it helps the days go by much quicker. It will be hard, but you can manage. My DH has been traveling every week for 2+ mos. with one week working at home in 9 weeks.....now gone again for many.....you can do it, teething or not!! Tylenol and Motrin are your friend during this time!!! :hug99: Hang in there!!

Let me just say that it's ok that you feel like it will be SUPER hard and it might be, but you are strong and you can do it. It's totally ok that you are unsure, but I guarantee you will rise to the occasion!! :hug99: I get it completely!!

 

Be organized and plan! My DH works from home most of the time, but once a month or so, he will be gone for a week. So I go from having him be able to pop out of his office and join us for lunch, help me out to the car if he's not busy, to nothing. My mother is nearby, so she does help, but what I find to be the biggest challenge is getting through the bulk of the day. I just had a week where both my parents and DH were out of town, so I was totally alone. \
I planned what they were having for breakfast and got it ready as much as I could the night before. I even pour the milk in the sippies so all I have to do is pull them out of the fridge. Prep dinner while they are napping, or make it ahead of time and reheat. Anything to save time. I do all the housework after they go to bed normally anyway. It is doable, and honestly some things go more smoothly without DH. Don't tell him I said that!

 

QUOTE
I imagine it's a little different frame of mind from a non-existent DH than a traveling DH.
Eventually when you get used to it probably is a different mind set but since I am assuming you are referring to my post....... he was around for the first 2 years which I believe is ample time to have expectations form (this was before you knew me but it doesn't mean it didn't happen).

Sorry annabell, I guess I should have not replied since I don't have a DH but I do remember what it was like to go from him being here one day and gone (forever) the next and thought I could relate to your title of 'being alone'.

Good luck with the decision.

 

From the time I was pregnant until the girls were about 2 yrs old, dh travelled interstate for business for one week at a time every 2nd week. My parents lived interstate and dh's parents lived an hour away. I had friends and my sister closeby but I was too proud to ask for help. We managed. We survived. It was hard at times but we got through it. I was pretty organised and had a fairly strict routine. When dh came home I made the most of it. Dh would bath the kids, change nappies and feed them etc...(when he wasn't at work) and give me a bit of a break.

 

Thanks for all the support. I think I was also let down because he said he will be gone over Memorial Day weekend and I was looking forward to the three-day weekend together. You are all right, I just need to stick to my schedule and have some confidence. Thanks!

 

I fare BETTER when dh is gone for a few days. I don't have to cook for him, do his laundry or clean up after him. I can make all my own decisions about what make for dinner - I usually make lighter, less complicated meals when he is gone. If I want to go shopping I can take the girls after lunch & naps, stay out until dinnertime & eat at the Olive Garden - no rushing home to prepare dh's meal. I enjoy a few days with just me & the girls every once in a while - though I certainly wouldn't want it to be a regular thing. DH only travels a few days a year without us.

 

This post is actually for Dianne,

Dianne,

I dont know what happened to your DH (I hope it was nothing horrible), but I think you do a great job based on what I have seen here with your 5 year old K team. I think your advice matters in this post and posts like these...I know I gripe when DH was gone a day or 2...since I am so used to that support. You have actually helped me put things into prespective sometimes when it comes to these things. I dont think her post was meant to offend you...I hope it did not. I know that your life cannot be easy raising 2 little ones on your own. I am truly lucky for not only having a DH, but having a helpful one at that.

Hugs to you, and just know that I think about you, and commend you for your courage!

Annabell,

Its hard for me to talk about thigns that have to do with fires and firefighting...I had a bad housfire as a kid actually, so if it were my DH I would nail him to the wall before letting him go.... I dated a firefighter, and part of that was VERY hard for me...and we broke up in part of that...hes now a preffessional firefighter...its an extremyl commedable job, and I have the utmost respect for the wives that wait at home and the men that risk themsleves all the time.

Its a personal decision for you...but when it comes to DH being away, I hate it too...but I di keep busy. I have a big fat dog to sleep with me so that helps!! I can alos throw the boys into the car and treck 2 hours to moms...its worth the drive, and it keeps me busy. Your husband is very brave for wanting to go. Good luck with the decision.

 

QUOTE
QUOTEI imagine it's a little different frame of mind from a non-existent DH than a traveling DH.Eventually when you get used to it probably is a different mind set but since I am assuming you are referring to my post....... he was around for the first 2 years which I believe is ample time to have expectations form (this was before you knew me but it doesn't mean it didn't happen).

Sorry annabell, I guess I should have not replied since I don't have a DH but I do remember what it was like to go from him being here one day and gone (forever) the next and thought I could relate to your title of 'being alone'.

Good luck with the decision.

I apologize for not being clear! I think it's totally fine for you to respond! I just wanted her to remember that he's coming back and it's a temporary absence. I wasn't clear enough!! It does put it into perspective for those of us who deal with traveling DH's, it could be harder!! He could be gone! I'm sorry!!

 

My DH travels a few times a year. Usually Internationally so he is gone a good 10 days- 2 wks at a time. I always hate the anticipation of him leaviing and get all depressed about it up until he leaves,.....then I make the most of the time I have alone with the kids. We do TONS of fun stuff that we don't usually do because I have to be home to make dinner, do laundrey etc. It always turns out to be a mini vacation for kids and I. It's actually easier for me when he is gone. Though I would never tell him that.

 

My dh is military. We are now living in Japan and have only been here since March. He has been gone 3 separate weeks already and more to come. I obviously have no one here I am basically on the other side of the world from any help. It sucks but you do what you have to. It is possible and you can do it. If you hold him back he could hold it against you or your twins at some point. Trust me you are a mom of twins you are incredibly strong already. You can do it.

 

My husband has gone away a few times for fun and work and I did alright when he did. You adjust and just deal with it. It is nice to not to have to cook and clean up after dinner. I think you will be fine! I hope he stays safe!

 

How long would he be gone? Honestly, I don't know how you work 40 hours from home with no help! I could never do it. I work FT from home but have a nanny here during the day to watch the girls.

I'd hire a temporary mother's helper while he's gone (if it's going to be longer than a few days). If it is just a few days, I'd take a few days off while he was gone.

I agree with the PP that I don't make a very complicated dinner if DH isn't home (often, I just don't eat dinner at all, I have a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich). It can be done, but if you can get some help I'd do it.

 

Emotionally it is very hard. My husband travels 100%. I miss him terribly. As far as the kiddos though, we manage by routine and schedules. Everything is done the same way every day. We try to have a lot of fun and distractions and my 3 year old tries to help as much as possible. It isnt easy, but you have to do what you must, ya know? :umm:

 

My husband doesn't travel, but he coaches Basketball for about 4 months and is gone almost every night. I have to say after I get into a routine I have a harder time once basketball ends and he is home. I get so used to doing everything my way. You will be fine.

 

QUOTE
You can do it. Just plan and prepare and remain calm


Ditto. :hug99:

My DH isn't away out of town or anything, but he works from 6 in the morning until 8 at night. So I am the only one doing for the kids. By the time he gets in, eats and takes a shower, the boys are in bed.

You can do it. It will have it demands, but it won't be anything a twin mom can't handle.

 

I'm on my own with my girls, and until they were 5-1/2 months old I had no help, so I was taking care of them alone 24/7 - but I wasn't working. Now I work full time and have a nanny. The only problem I see here is you trying to juggle work while being on your own with the twins - I don't think I could have done that. It may be feasible because you know it won't be forever, but you'll need a break here and there. What I did when I thought the crying, feeding, changing routine was getting too much was to put the twins in bouncie seats in the bathroom and take a shower. If they cried, I let them and let the water drown some of it out, because you HAVE to have a break sometimes, for all your sakes. But the point is - you can do it! I just don't know how your work will fit into it if you don't have some help.

Feel free to ask any questions so we can all help to make it as smooth as possible.

Best,
Mia

 

DH job is 3 hours away. He is gone at least M-W. Some weeks it is all week. It isn't always easy...I am home with them all day and enjoy the help at night. Or the option to at least leave the house without any kids for 2 hours!

 

My DH travels for work but not very often. He wasn't here for about 3 weeks in January though and it was harder on the kids than it was for me. I have to say that I agree that you make choices on what is important and what isn't.... like the housework. As long as you take care of the kids and yourself you can do it. Make sure that after the kids are in bed you get your own downtime to refresh your batteries. You can do it!!!

 

Well, I told him to except the orders when they come in. He said he would like for me to take a break while his mother is in town this week. So, tomorrow I’m going to stay over one night in a spa in Sedona. I’ve never done anything like this, but I think it will really do a lot for me. I think some of why I was upset he was considering leaving for a Fire was that I would love a break myself. Not that I think working on a Fire would be any vacation, but it’s hard to be sensible when you’re exhausted. So I’m taking two days off work and leaving in the morning. That way when I have the twins by myself I will just remember my spa night that my husband gave me. Thanks for everyone’s responses!

 

Have a fantastic time!!