Behavioral Specialist

I haven't posted at all about the issues we've been having with Alana at daycare because I kept thinking we could just get through them and, frankly, it embarasses me. I'm afraid that people will think I have no control over my child and have no concept of discipline.

Ever since the girls moved up to the 3-year-old class at their daycare, Alana has struggled with handling her frustrations. She would have complete meltdowns and get so hysterical that there's just no talking to her. Once she calms down, she's perfectly reasonable and back to her sweet little self. I can't count the number of times I've been called to go there to calm her down because she gets so disruptive. We finally narrowed down a kind of pattern to it and realized that any time she had a bad night where she didn't get enough sleep, it would happen, usually around nap-time. In December, she had her adenoids and tonsils removed because of her sleep issues and things have gotten much better since then. Now, though, it seems like she gets frustrated when things don't go the way she thinks they should, and her actions actually got her sent home last Friday. She starts hitting and kicking other kids (none of which have anything to do with why she's frustrated) and even hits and kicks her teachers when she's throwing these fits. I think being sent home and the fact that she had to stay in her room all evening except for dinner, really had a big impact on her, because she's done pretty well this week. What confuses me is the fact that she does not act like that at home! If she starts throwing a fit, she has to go to her room and sit on her bed until she calms down and if the fit is because she's getting a time-out, the time-out doesn't start until she's calm. But she doesn't try to hit or kick us or her sister. She has an appointment with the pedi next Monday so we can get a referral to a behavioral specialist. I have no idea what to expect from the specialist.

Has anyone been through this? I should also say that both of my girls are incredibly smart and Alana, especially, really freaks me out sometimes with her brain. She memorizes things SO fast (a couple of weeks ago she came home reciting 3 nursery rhymes word for word the first day they did them at daycare) and she understands concepts and verbalizes ideas better than any 3 year old I've ever seen. I have no idea if that has anything to do with her frustration, or if she just wants things to be her way or no way. I'm truly just at a loss! I don't want my child to be seen as the "bad kid" or "troublemaker" that everyone dreads coming up into their class. So what should I expect from a specialist? Does anyone have any ideas about what could be causing her to act this way?

TIA!

 

I dont have any experience, but a couple of "thought" questions:

Does she only do it at daycare or have there been other instances at other places? I know you said it doesnt happen at home.

Does daycare know when she is about to escalate? I wonder if there is a way to put the "kabosh" on it before it gets out of control. Maybe there is a window of opportunity that they are missing??

 

We are on our, ahem, third behavioralist... None of whom have lasted more than one day. My child sounds like yours (just a year older). We are having a REALLY hard time. (For example, he can read (just turned four in December), dress himself, toilet, brush his teeth and his hair.... The past three wanted to teach him how to use a fork - ummm. he's slightly ocd, forks and eating AND napkins are NOT a problem. He can do all of the afore mentioned without much prompting, we are struggling with what we DO need help with (it's all behavioral/safety). All I can say if you choose to go this way is don't be afraid to kick them to the curb if they aren't doing what your child needs. HTH.

 

I dont know what you should expect...but I wanted to say :hug: to you. I have a similar problem with my all of my children, except they DONT act that way in preschool..only with me. My children have been through a lot of transitioning..and they only see their father about once a week...they just started a new preschool, and we just moved.

My 4 yr old is the worst..especially if she has to go to time out, she has a melt down, screaming as loud as she can like someone is hurting her, and its ridiculous.

I have been considering getting a behavioral therapist or some kind of counseling for them.

I hope it works out for you..and let us know what they say.

Edited to add: Your situation does not mean you are a bad parent or that you are doing anything wrong in the discipline department. Children have different ways of expressing their feelings, and the fact that you are trying to seek help, shows that you are a Good parent.

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Jan 29 2009, 02:08 PM) [snapback]1167840[/snapback]
I dont have any experience, but a couple of "thought" questions:

Does she only do it at daycare or have there been other instances at other places? I know you said it doesnt happen at home.

Does daycare know when she is about to escalate? I wonder if there is a way to put the "kabosh" on it before it gets out of control. Maybe there is a window of opportunity that they are missing??


She's never done that at church or anywhere else that she's around other children. Only at daycare. And I know that what happens at home is it is almost like a light switch - one second she's okay, then she hears something she doesn't like, she says no, we say yes, she has a meltdown. She throws her fit for a while until it's out of her system, and then she's back to herself.

They have a positive reinforcement program in their class that I've been using to talk to them about their behavior. Each child has a cut-out of a balloon and they're all on the wall in a blue area. If they get called down, it drops to the green area, another time, it goes to the yellow, then to the red. If it's in the red they get a sad face for the day in their folder. So our deal with them is, if they go until naptime without dropping their balloons, they get one sticker on their sticker chart. If they go from naptime until pick-up time without dropping, they get a second sticker. We talk about it every morning at drop-off to reinforce what will happen when we get home if they have a good day.

Another real concern of mine is how this is affecting Alexis. She's usually very well-behaved and sweet, and I don't want her seeing Alana getting all this attention, albeit negative attention, and thinking that's what she needs to do to be noticed. DH and I are trying really hard to make just as big a deal out of every smiley face Alexis gets as we do over Alana's but I just worry so much about it.

 

:bump:

Any suggestions or experience? Anyone?

 

Aubrey,

I just asked a friend of mine who's a behavioral specialist what she'd do if she was your case worker. She mentioned that at first it would probably be watching your daughter interact with her sister, putting her in a few monitored playgroups, and maybe watching her interact at preschool. Then trying to find triggers that set her off, and finally, help you (or the preschool) modify the environment so that your daughter isn't as easily set off.

She said that the behaviors you've listed are frequently symptoms of a child who is frustrated (duh - you know that) and under stimulated. Perhaps this behavior is only happening at preschool because they're holding her back? Or forcing her to participate in activities that don't interest her? Or perhaps she is trying to do more than she's capable of and no one there realizes that she's trying and frustrated that she's not succeeding.

My friend mentioned that kids who are super smart sometimes don't do well in the typical structured daycare/preschool environment, and that if that's what it turns out to be, your daughter might be better off in a Montessori or Waldorf school environment. Of course, she's offering this advice not really based on your daughter's case since she's not officially working with you, just based on the general description that I told her.

I figured I'd post this anyway just in case any piece of her thoughts help...
Tricia

 

Tricia, thank you SO much for going out of your way to get that info for me! I really appreciate it! It definitely gives me an idea of what to expect.

 

I know this is probably going to make you think I have two heads but what is the snack/eating schedule at daycare? Can anyone pinpoint if the outbursts (for lack of a better word) come just before an eating time? The reason I ask is because I found this to be the case with one of my children. This particular child never asks for food and sometimes I just wouldn't think of it and we would have an outburst. Just something to think about when trying to find potential triggers, hunger.

 

QUOTE(Mommy2ATeam @ Jan 30 2009, 08:46 AM) [snapback]1169083[/snapback]
Tricia, thank you SO much for going out of your way to get that info for me! I really appreciate it! It definitely gives me an idea of what to expect.


No problem, she was over at my house anyway and I had just read your post so it was perfect timing.

(for what it's worth, I'd like to second ehm's eating/snacking comment. My brother was an absolute nightmare of a child if he was hungry. He wouldn't realize he was hungry, but his blood sugar dropped or something and he just could not maintain if he needed food. Once my parents figured out to give him some cheese and crackers if he was cranky, he was a much more pleasant human being. Seriously, it was night and day, and he still needs to snack frequently as a 30 year old. He has ADHD too, not sure if that's related.)

 

QUOTE(ehm @ Jan 30 2009, 11:37 AM) [snapback]1169169[/snapback]
I know this is probably going to make you think I have two heads but what is the snack/eating schedule at daycare? Can anyone pinpoint if the outbursts (for lack of a better word) come just before an eating time? The reason I ask is because I found this to be the case with one of my children. This particular child never asks for food and sometimes I just wouldn't think of it and we would have an outburst. Just something to think about when trying to find potential triggers, hunger.


The meltdowns typically occur when she's supposed to settle down for naptime which happens right after lunch. And she's my big eater (we call her the "garbage disposal") so I don't think hunger is what's doing it. It seems like it's happening when they are transitioning from one activity to another. I know that's one thing that sets her off at home as well, like if she's in the middle of playing something specific (last night she was trying to marry her brother and put a receiving blanket on his head like a veil!) and I interrupt her, she starts to get upset. Generally if I say that it's for something like dinner or a bath, though, she's fine. One time I sat in the playroom at church with her until the building was almost empty because she wasn't "finished" with the picture she was coloring. When she's focused on something, it really rattles her to be redirected.