Bedtimes - Fixed or Flexible?

Oh, I so love a schedule. It really does suit me but the boys...well...we've got some problems. They are erratic nappers. Sometimes they sleep for 2.5 hours, sometimes for 1 hour. On occassion, Ezra doesn't sleep at all which is a whole other issue. I don't let them sleep past 3:00 and they usually go down at 12:00 or 12:30 but sometimes that just chat away up there for a while so actual sleep time is less. On days that they get up from their nap early or are woken up at 3:00 so they haven't got all the rest they needed, they are begging to go to bed around 6:30-6:45. But days like yesterday, they both got 2.5 hours of sleep at their nap, slept until 3:00 and could have stayed up pretty late, I'm sure. Mommy, however, was a basket case and put them to bed at 7:00. Ezra conked out. Elias (and this was just too funny), just amused himself in his crib until 8:45! before he actually went to sleep. Two more things to round out the picture - they will absolutely not go to bed without the other in the crib - they absolutely freak out. And they wake up between 4:00 and 5:00 in the am which I would love to change! Part of me was just waiting until daylight savings to see how I could tweak things but I'm kind of feeling I need to make some adjustments now.

By the way, I get home around 5:30. My nanny feeds them dinner and wipes them down (bath in sink if they need it) and I change and come down to play. I don't eat dinner with them (we do eat different food, I have food allergies and am vegan, they aren't). Part of this whole reticence to just putting them to bed later is changing our whole nighttime routine and figuring out "family dinners". Honestly, they are a pain in the butt to cook for and I'm more than happy that my nanny takes care of that. Plus, I've been known to have cereal or eggs and toast for dinner.... I don't know what to do. should I just wake up to the reality that I have kids and we have to start doing family dinners? Should I just give them dinner at their regular time and give a snack before bed? And what do I do about the erratic napping amounts meaning a desire for a different bedtime?

Any ideas?

Thanks

 

I would stick with the regular bedtime. It sounds like they do eventually go to sleep even if they aren't that tired because of a long nap that particular day. As long as they're not unhappy in their cribs, they're fine. I think they do still need that schedule. Plus, YOU need it. And it won't hurt them to practice amusing themselves at bedtime.

Also, FWIW, our naps got a lot more predictable sometime around 18 months. We gave up the morning nap for good at 16 months and I think it took a while for them to settle into the new schedule.

Re: dinners, I don't think you need to worry about that quite yet. You will need to deal with it someday, but you can wait till they're a little older. I did find it to be a huge adjustment, and DH and I had to change the time we ate as well as the food we ate. (Although paradoxically that's changing back now, because my kids are so picky that they eat virtually nothing. So I've decided just to cook what I want for DH and me, and we all eat together, but the kids just eat yogurt or plain noodles or something.) But we did it sort of gradually -- at first I'd just try to have family dinner one night or two a week. Then eventually I got into the habit and just automatically planned it that way.

And, if you're having cereal or eggs and toast for dinner, there's no law that says they can't have that too. Not every family eats the same kind of food at dinner -- that might just be normal for your family!

 

At that age I still let my girls biological clock set the pace. I guess I'm lucky that as identicals they did have a very similar natural schedule. On the days, when one napped and the other didn't or if one napped longer than the other, that time was used as rare and special one-on-one time with either me or the nanny. My girls still sleep together and don't like to go to be without the other, so I feel you there. What we did is they would both get ready for bed, and then we'd have quiet time either in bed or we had a nice mat on the livingroom floor where we were look at books and one would fall asleep (the one who hadn't napped) while I continued to look at books with the other until the set bed time then I would take the sleeping one to bed and put the awake one to bed.
I'm no help for the early early wakers, I never had that problem, just check and make sure they aren't waking that early out of hunger. You may need to give them a more sustaincial bedtime snack.
As for the meals, you can't eat their diet because of your alergies and being Vegan, but there is no reason why they can't start eating many of the things YOU eat, sounds that that would be healthier for them and good for your sanity.

 

Mine have a fixed yet flexible bedtime if that makes sense. We usually shoot for 7:30 but if they missed a nap on occasion they will go to bed at 7 and if they slept later than normal for their nap, I push it to 8. But there have been nights when they will both be in there room talking until 9pm. ardon:

 

My boys eat earlier than DH and me so they generally eat different food. If, by chance, we have leftovers, we offer them to the boys, but they appear to be going through a picky phase. I get home by 5:30 with the kiddos, the boys eat at 6, bath by 6:40, bed by 7:15. No snacks or bedtime milk before bed in our house.

We have a set bedtime. It is always between 7:00 and 7:15...always. Regardless of how they slept during naps. This works for us, and the boys are usually conked out by then.

It sounds like yours are ready for bed at bedtime or at least amuse themselves until they fall asleep so I think your fixed bedtime appears to be working. If that's what you want, I say stick with it.

I figure as they get older, they'll go to bed slightly later and we'll work on family dinners at that point. But since they go to bed so early, and I generally can't have a full dinner done by their dinner time, I'm not worried about it for the time being. Do what works for your family...everyone is different.

 

I think once you start to force a routine you will find that they sleep for around the same every day.

My lifestyle is similar to yours. I work till around 5.30, I come home and give the babes dinner at 6, they have bath at 7 and in bed by 8. Sometimes they lie there chatting away until 9 but they are in bed resting and thats what counts. We don't eat dinner until they have gone to bed. By 8 I am so ready for some relax time and I need to know that I am going to get it.

My two wake up around 7 - if they wake up before then they lay there and chat and sing and then I get them up at 7. Unless there is a screaming emergency which is extremely rare. They have breakfast at 8, lunch at 11.30/12 ish and then nap at 1.30/2 ish. It varies how long they sleep but no matter what - the evening bedtime routine is the same.

The two things I would stick with is bedtime and the time they get up.

 

I've pretty much stuck with the same bedtimes for our family convenience. We will put them to bed a little earlier under certain circumstances but mostly ew stick to our general schedule.

 

Our bedtime is 6pm. PERIOD. The boys do not function well if it's any other time, so we respect their needs. When they are ready to push it later, we'll do so. We are fortunate that I am home with the boys and my DP comes home at 3 or 4 pm, so they have plenty of time to connect with both of us before they go to bed. They're usually very ready for bed and go down without a fuss, but it took a LONG time to get there!!

As for allergies/veganism, I completely understand. I'm in the same boat. I feed the boys separate meals but only because their allergies are even more restrictive than mine. Wish I could help more!

 

I'm like Rachel, fixed but flexible. Sometimes on days when they are at the sitter's house they REFUSE to nap and come home at 5pm and fall asleep on the couch (poor punkins and we are working on it). On those days I still do dinner at 6:45-7ish, bath, stories, milk, teeth, bed between 8 and 8:30. But its usually closer to 8 those days and 8:30 on days when they napped well. My girls do really well with routine so as long as that is maintained the actual time of things doesn't matter much. HTH. GL figuring it all out.

 

Bedtime can be whatever you need it to be but I think it might be important for you to consider family dinners now. As your kids get closer to school age, it will make a huge difference if they are in the habit of sitting down as a family to eat and talk about their day. Multiple studies have shown that it makes a huge difference, even for really little kids.

One question though, if you are eating eggs for dinner, how are you vegan?

 

Ahh, good question.

When I was trying to breastfeed and having a hard time of it, somebody suggested I tried animal protein. Since I am vegan for ethical reasons, the only thing that I was comfortable with trying was eggs from a Mennonite farmer who basically lets his chickens run around freely and he collects the eggs. I think they have a pretty good life. I still ocassionally eat eggs especially when my blood sugar is wonky (I'm hypoglycemic). I had been a vegan pretty much since 1990 though and I still think it's pretty much the best way to describe myself but I understand the confusion.

Well, now the boys are sick again and just really can't stay up later thatn 6:30-6:45 so we are back to that as a bedtime. I'm just going to hang tight until daylight savings and make some changes then. Thanks so much for everybody's input.

 

Just had to repost because I really think I need to rethink this situation. Poor Elias was just up for over an hour. Sometimes he was just amusing himself but for the last half hour he was crying. I went in a couple of times. It's not something I usually do but I just don't think it's fair for me to put him to bed if he's not tired. He woke up at 3:00 from his nap and I put him to bed at 6:45. Ezra fell right to sleep but not Elias. I just don't think it's fair but Ezra won't go to sleep without him. Man. This parenting thing is hard!

 

My boys are 3 months older than yours, but they always seem to need 5 full hours of awake time between their nap and bed for the night. So I don't let them nap much later than 2:30 and I aim to have them in their beds at 7:30ish. We do family dinner as much as we can (probably 90% of the time), but sometime I just don't want to eat the same thing as them or I want to do something special in the evening so I eat a bit of a snack with them when they eat their dinner and then my husband and I have dinner after they go down to bed. I know there's a lot of pressure to do "family dinners" but I know many families who do "family breakfast" instead and/or they eat together all weekend long. You can only do so much, so don't put too much pressure on yourself.