Bedtime

I love the search function on here but it doesn't seem to be working and I have a question I really want to ask.

My DDs have never been easy to get to sleep but recently, just past 4 mos, my one DD has started going down fairly easily at night...wahoo! It has taken months. My other DD however, is lovely to "coo" with but never wants to sleep out of my arms. Yawn. We have been trying for weeks to get them down at 6:30 - 7. There has been some progress. What used to be 11 or midnight bedtime is now usually around 9. Well, tonight, on a whim, I put them both down at 5:30 pm because honestly, they looked "ready" and I did not want them to nap. Well, they both went to sleep within 10 mins with very little fussing...eek...so, maybe I found a window!!! My newly dependable DD is still asleep and it is 8 pm. My other DD woke up about 6:40 pm and is still awake with me, although I am getting ready to try again. Is 5:30 pm too early in your opinion? Or is this something new I should aim for. It seems so early - I don't want to be starting my days at 3:00 a.m., although I could handle starting them in the 5 o'clock hour if I knew I would have the whole night. EEK.

 

I think it seems early. Like you said, if they go to bed that early they will likely get up at 5 or 5:30 as well. But, I'm not one to ask, because I've always had late to bed babies, none of them have ever gone to bed before 8:00, so 5:30 seems really early to me!

 

My girls slept from 5:30 pm - 5:30 am for the entire first year. (Once they were STTN, so I want to say it started around 6 months.) Everyone gave me flack about how early they went to bed, but that is the time when they were tired. If I tried to keep them up later they would still wake up at 5:30 am but were over-tired.

I say go with their cues and put them down at 5:30. They will naturally start staying up later in their second year.

 

This is what i am finding with my girlies. I always base bedtime on the previous nap, so it fluctuates between 5.30 and 6.30pm. I find the early bedtime perfect for our family, i must say that i prefer bedtime nearer to 6.30 but i take what they give me. The good thing about the early bedtime is ME time of an evening, i just have to remind myself to go bed an hr earlier than i used to compensate. I'm glad they are sleeping better for you and if this is the time that is working i would go with it, It might not be worth the battle of keeping them up later than they want.

 

At 4 months we were still all over the place at night. I was shooting for a 7ish bedtime at that age. But at 9 months when they dropped the 3rd catnap they went to bed at 5:30 and not a minute later or they were overtired and I couldnt get them to bed. But they did get up at 5am. I might keep trying the early bedtime and see if they decide to start sleeping longer through the 8pm feeding. If not, you can gradually move it back to a better time for you and them.

 

Six pm SHARP was our bedtime beginning at 9 weeks and STILL is at 22 months! Mine STTN tho at 14 weeks 6p-6:30A, and I totallly attribute that to an early bedtime. To this day, if they go down even at 7p--- they're up at FIVE AM OR EARLIER!!! Eeeks!

I'd work on the six o'clock hour and see what happens. it seems like you're TOTALLY going with your gut and doing it all right!

 

Honestly it really depends on the baby. You just have to find their window. I was struggling for a while with my LO's and I tried all different times (anywhere from 5-11) and nothing worked. What worked for me was nailing the sleep habits during the day. After reading HSHHC, I realized one of my LO's had been fighting sleep all day and that is why no matter what time I tried to put him to bed at night, he would cry FOREVER. It was when I started catching his cues during the day and putting him down for naps, that I found he would go to bed easier at night. I didn't realize that he was growing out of the "fall asleep anywhere on my own stage" and I needed to guide his naps. My other LO was always ready around 6, so I tried that and it worked. Just like you, I was worried they would get up too early, but it works itself out. They now go to bed anywhere between 5:30 and 7:30 and wake between 6:30 and 8:30. (They do still wake once around 1:00/2:00am for a feed). The key is not letting them get overtired. And I think one of the PP said they based their bedtime on last nap. I was nervous about that at first. For example they would wake up from nap at 5:20... how are they supposed to go to bed at 6?? I started to realize (at least for my LO's) that i just have to watch their cues. Sometimes they wake up from last nap at 5, take a bottle, play for 15 minutes and get cranky. So I put their jammies on, swaddle them, offer another small bottle and put them in bed around 6 and they are out until 1 or 2 for a feed and then up at 7 or 8 in the AM. Just remember all babies are different. It sounds like your two are different from each other, as mine are, but you will find a groove.

 

I do have to agree that it definitely does depend on the baby and you really do have to listen to their cues. Like Tina, mine were always late to bed babies. By that I mean, they are usually in bed asleep between 7:30-8 and that has been the same since they started going 12 hours at night around 10 weeks old. If 5:30 seems to be a good window for you and your babies, then definitely go for it. Good luck!

 

I totally agree with PPs - 5:30 is not too early if it works for you. Listen to their cues. I am sure that it is possible to adjust their natural internal clocks to be on a schedule that makes more "sense" to us, but, really, I think in the winter the sun goes down around 6, so then 5:30 will probably seem just about right. I think if you try to keep them up later they may not sleep as well.

Also, I mentioned in a previous post that what worked for me was slightly different bedtimes. DD wants to go to sleep alot earlier than DS. DD doesn't nap quite as long during the day, so DS makes up for it then. It might sound crazy, but it's working really well for us. They both get up at the same time, they just go down at different times.

Good luck! I'm sure you will get it figured out.

 

I think I have a hard time with their cues. Meaning, it seems sometimes that they just got up for the day or from a nap and it has only been 30-40 mins and they are showing tired cues again. I need to stop watching the clock maybe and put them down when they look tired? Even if it seems too soon? I know they seem overtired a lot at night when it is time to go to bed. My one LO woke at 10 pm for a feed and then slept until 7:30 am. The other went back down at 9:30ish and then slept until 5:30 am for a feed, then went back down to wake up at 7:30 am with her sister. They are back down for naps at 8:30 am with no problems. I am just mystified that they are still sleeping this much, but I guess it is just their pattern and I need to go with it for now.

 

I had a hard time with this at first... heck I have had a hard time with everything. I swear, being a mom is both the hardest but the most joyous thing. The hard part is there are no answers. That drives me crazy. I wish someone would tell me what to do and I would do it! Unfortunately that is not how it works.

I understand how you feel. It took me a while to get used to the notion that they could sleep more and it would make things better. I felt, as well that they are sleeping too much, but they need it. Sometimes they will wake up, take a bottle, and act tired within 30-40 minutes. I put them down, and they go to sleep. Other times they are up for 2 hours. One thing he said in the book HSHHC (not sure if you have read it, but I would highly recommend) is at this age they shouldn't be awake for more than 1-2 hours at the most. So even if they aren't showing you cues, he says to watch the clock and put them down at the 2 hour mark.

He also has a section on multiples (he has a new book on multiples, but this in the original book). He gives tips on how to set them on the same sleep/wake cycle. He says when they wake in the morning (he considers anytime between 5 and 8 morning wake) get them both up. Open all the blinds and signify morning... talk, play, keep things bright. He then says feed them and put them down within and hour from when they woke, together. THis is supposed to set their sleep/wake cycle together. One thing though is he doesn't say how long to do this or what to do the rest of the day??? I still tried it for a few days and it helped a little to get them on the same cycle. They are so different though. I was just debating yesterday (as I had an awake baby at all times of the day!!!) what to do with them. It is hard though because one of my LO's need more sleep and sleeps better.

Like I said, there are no answers... just trial and error. Well enough of my rambling. It sounds like your LO's slept well last night. I hope it continues!

 

The 4-5 month window was the toughest for me to figure out sleep cues. I literally had to write down what I was doing and when I was able to get them to sleep. This was for naps and nighttime. As soon as I figured out what worked for them, I was able to get naps more predictable and nighttime got easy. Yes, I said easy! My boys are 6/6:30 to bed and were up at 5/5:30. I was fine getting up that early b/c I could go to bed earlier. Around 18 months they started sleeping 6:30 to 6:30 and it's great.

Hang in there, it will work out. Just follow their cues!

 

Hi Betsy! Hope you're feeling better, BTW. My girls go down between 6 - 7 -- as mummy2ambernruby said, it depends somewhat on if/when they took their 3rd nap (and it's usually closer to 6 than 7). I've gotten flack for putting my girls to bed early ("I couldn't do that, you don't get time with them in the evening" etc.) but we've experimented with different times and this is what works. They usually sleep until 6ish (but are usually ready to go right down after the 6 a.m. feeding), and I'm still feeding them about once in the middle of the night. Definitely listen to your babies! I get sad sometimes that DH doesn't get to see them much at night, but they are so happy throughout the day that I know I'm doing the right thing. GL!

edited for clarification

 

I put them down at 5:45 pm tonight and they were asleep in a couple of minutes. I just don't know how to react - two nights in a row after weeks of pleading and trying to get them asleep!!!! I am in heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sadly, for some reason I feel guilty and already miss them - but I will get over it! LOL.

 

I had babies that were so much happier when I let them go to sleep at 5:45-6:00 than the later bed time. They woke at 5:30, but over time worked their way to sleeping from 6:30-6:30. One DD would have gone to bed at 4:30pm if I had let her, but I thought that over-the-top early. People make fun of me too for having such an early bed time, but they don't make fun of me for having very happy babies who rarely get sick!