Bedtime troubles

We have a doozy of a bedtime problem right now. Austin is way over tired and incredibly sensitive to any kind of disturbance while he's going to sleep. Miles is a holy terror at bedtime and is pulling his brother's hair, taking his pillow away, or snuggling up to him and kissing him. It doesn't matter what kind of disturbance it is; Austin freaks out. So we've had quite a few middle of the night shrieking fits, and bedtime is me going in and arbitrating 50 times. Mornings are the same; Miles wakes up early and Austin is screaming two minutes later. Miles does not seem to understand that he has to give his brother space. I have tried talking to him, time outs, bringing Austin downstairs while Miles calms down and vice versa. They don't like to be separated or they think they're missing out on the fun if one is in the room and the other is not, so if one is out of the room the other one freaks out. So. Many. Tantrums. I also don't like that Austin feels terrorized going to bed, and I also feel like he's learning to be overdramatic so he gets a response. Argh.

Separation is not an option right now. Any suggestions? Terrible phase?

 

Does this only happen at bedtime or does it also happen later during the night if Miles wakes up? If this is a bedtime problem the only thing I can think of is sitting in their room in the dark with minimal interaction until Miles has calmed down and they are both asleep or close to sleeping. I know it eats into precious time for the parents in the evening but it may help develop a better habit, and then you can leave a bit earlier every evening. We still do this for about 10 minutes until they are both calm and drowsy but not necessarily asleep.

In the mornings I would prefer the early waker to come to my room for cuddles, a book, quiet play etc. rather than waking up his twin. I am not sure that would work if they do not want to be separated, so he probably prefers to stay with his brother?

 

I was going to suggest sitting in there at bedtime too. If you're having to go in all the time then you're not getting to enjoy your evening anyway, you might as well stay in there and be able to stop the problems before they start.
Do they share a bed or is Miles climbing into Austin's bed to bother him? If they're sharing a bed then perhaps topping and tailing them (one has their pillow at the head of the bed, the other has their pillow at the foot of the bed) would help, or split them onto separate mattresses if you can. If they do have separate beds then I guess make a rule that we stay in our own beds. Obviously you will still need to be in there to enforce it but it might help to have it stated as a rule, you could even try a sticker chart/reward system where they can earn a sticker/token for staying in their own bed.
I know you said that they don't like it when their brother gets taken out of the room. Does the one who has been taken out also get upset or only the one left behind? If it's only the one left behind you could try using that as a consequence for Miles when he won't leave Austin alone. Give him a warning and if he doesn't stop take Austin to your bed to fall asleep and explain to Miles that Austin cannot be in the room with him if he won't let him go to sleep. You could do the same thing in the morning and take Austin into your room if Miles wakes him up. Or I like the idea of teaching Miles to come to you rather than wake his brother (assuming he's not getting up super early).

The other thing I would try to do is talk to them generally in the daytime about why we need sleep (to help them grow and be healthy, to stop them feeling grumpy) and how it's important to let other people sleep when they're tired. I'd also go over your bedtime routine and rules with them a couple of times during the day and again just before starting the routine, then get them to repeat the rules back to you when you tuck them in.

Good luck, I hope things improve soon!