Bedtime help

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by sstroessner404, May 17, 2012.

    First, can I just say that I never thought we'd make it to the 2-4 year old forum?! Holy cow! How did my girls get to be 2 1/2 year olds?

    Second, Help me! My girls were awesome little sleepers in their cribs. We could do our night-time ritual and leave the room. They would chat or whatever for a while, but no screaming/thrashing/etc. Now that they're on their twin mattresses on the floor, bedtime has gone awry. My husband or I (or sometimes both) have to stay in the bedroom with the girls until they both fall asleep or they scream and cry until they make themselves sick. Even if we're just down the hall. Is this pretty common? If not, what did you do to help your kiddos fall asleep without your presence?

    Thanks!
     
  1. mama_dragon

    mama_dragon Well-Known Member

    I stay with the boys until they fall asleep. They are over 3 years old. My dad did the same thing for me when I was little. He would lay on a mattress next to my bed and hold my hand or tell me stories if I had trouble falling asleep. It was so incredibly comforting. I felt completely safe and loved. I lost my dad 1 1/2 years ago and having those memories of him spending that time with me is comforting. As an adult and a parent I now understand that he was sacrificing his own time in the evening. He had a stressful job and could have been watching TV or reading to relax. Instead he choose to spend time with me as I fell asleep. Priceless.

    I know others will say not to do it etc. But for me I'm all for the extra time especially at the end of a long day. Its nice to slow down a little before I have to start working on the house or working from home. They will only be little once. And soon they will not want you even tucking them in at night. And yes some nights it does take them a while to fall asleep but sometimes I have a hard time falling asleep. Just try not to lay there thinking of everything you could be doing.
     
  2. MarchI

    MarchI Well-Known Member

    I'm completely mean at bed time. I read, sing songs then tuck them in. Each of them gets their piggy and a toy to take to bed (usually a matchbox car). Then they get hugs and kisses. Then I tell them if they get out of bed or call me back, I will come back but then I will be taking their toys. Then I tell them I love them and will see them in the morning. It took 1 night of taking their toys away and they got the idea I meant business. Yes, I am mean but they have yet to get out of their beds. If there is an actual issue such as a poopy diaper, I don't penalize them. Screwing around gets no leeway.
     
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  3. Twin nanny

    Twin nanny Well-Known Member

    Do you keep their door closed? If so maybe opening it a little, so that they can hear you better, would help. Or if you have a baby monitor you could set it up so that the parent unit is in their room (set on a low volume) and the baby unit is with you, again so that they can hear you. It might also help to tell them exactly what you are going to be doing-"Mommy is going to fold the laundry in the sitting room while Daddy cooks dinner in the kitchen. Then Mommy and Daddy will both sit at the table to eat their dinner."

    Another thing you could try is sitting with them for a certain amount of time (I'd probably do 10-15 minutes because that gives them a fair chance to fall asleep) and then pop back in to 'check' on them at predetermined intervals, say every 2-5 minutes. (I just realised as I typed that that's basically CIO, so I guess you'd have to be ok with letting them cry).

    I think that whatever you decide to do (assuming that you don't decide to continue to sit there until they fall asleep, which I think is fine to do if you are happy with it but you are obviously not or you wouldn't have written your post) the most important thing is to explain the 'new' routine/rules to them, preferably a couple of times throughout the day and again at bedtime, and then stick to your guns. The more consistent you are the quicker they will adjust.

    Good luck!
     
  4. 2xjoy

    2xjoy Well-Known Member

    We do this too! Mine are still in their cribs but we've always had a similar routine - no other choice! I have found lately though that they are fighting going to sleep. They'll want this and that and I've had to be a little firmer and say that I will do the routine only once then "No more coming in!" God help me when they're out of their cribs!! :babyflips: :babyflips:


    Second the idea of talking about the 'new' rules throughout the day a few times. Suprisingly at this age they do take in more than we realise. Then at bedtime explain what exactly is going to happen, what you'll be doing and stick to it.
    Do you use music? I've always had different playlists loaded on an ipod and find that helps - sometimes.

    Good luck! I'll be doing this soon - when I work up the courage lol! :gah:
     
  5. FGMH

    FGMH Well-Known Member


    We transitioned from one of the above approaches to the other.

    When we transitioned to toddler beds we began by staying with the children until they fell asleep, no interaction after the bedtime routine just being there. After a while we shortened the time we stay after the bedtime routine, usually we stay about 10 minutes, more if they are unusually restless. Often at least one is asleep by the time we leave and the other is calm; this has never resulted in CIO for us (and we would not let them CIO anyway).

    When we tuck them in and give them their final good night kiss, we tell them what to expect: "I will stay with you for a little bit and then I will go and shower/cook dinner for dad and me/play the piano etc. You will be able to hear me." We always leave their door open a little so they can hear us (there is a gate to prevent them from wandering). We also try to choose an activity they can hear, no loud but to reassure them that we are still there.

    Music is good too, we do this for naps.
     
  6. Fran27

    Fran27 Well-Known Member

    We just left the room frankly.. at first they played for a while then fell asleep on the floor, but it lasted a week or so (although to be fair it still happens a year later, but we just ignore it). They were almost 3 though, so it probably helped. We did CIO when they were little, and as needed as toddlers, so they knew we wouldn't come back in too.

    For my kids, talking about expectations or whatever would not have helped one bit until after 3... probably closer to 3.5 actually.
     
  7. Danibell

    Danibell Well-Known Member TS Moderator


    This is us too, except we give them 2 chances, then we start taking toys away. We also use lullabies ( have since birth) and white noise (we have an air purifier in there). I have even taken the lullabies away a couple of times when they keep getting up and playing with the stereo. I have never and didn't want to ever have to lay in the room with my kids to fall asleep. I'm a stay at home mom, I'm with them all the time, and when it's bedtime, I *need* my downtime for my sanity ;) I do discuss what's going to happen with them during the day, focusing on it after supper and before bedtime. They are really good about staying in bed and usually only get out if there's an issue.
     
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