Bedtime has gotten really difficult

I hope I can get all the pertinent details in! Everything was fine up till about 2 weeks ago. And then J got sick with a cold and then R got a little bit of a cold. And I'm a bit of a sucker when it comes to screaming--if they are crying for too long, or one of them anyway, I'll go in and try to tell them that it's bedtime and time for sleep. That worked pretty well on the fairly rare occasions it occurred.

And the current trend has been that R REALLY likes to be covered up with his blanket--that's fine--but he also "insists" that his brother get covered up with a blanket as well and J just isn't as interested in it the last couple weeks. I get the feeling that if he really thinks I'm serious about leaving the room, as a last resort he'll lie down and allow me to cover him up. (Of course, it's getting too hot out now to really cover anyone up, but I ain't gonna argue with them about it, especially R who really likes things to be "just" so!)

So J isn't going to sleep any time quickly--he cries a lot these days (he's over his cold) and R gets upset that J isn't covered with a blanket. So I go into the room and everybody just starts screaming and trying to tell me stuff and I just can't really understand exactly what it is they want. J wants me to pick him up and I usually do even though it's brief. R is always laying down with his blanket still covering him, but he's always screaming too.

I think I'm rambling here--sorry. The last few days I've gone in to see them 3 or 4 times before they finally settle down and get quiet, and this is after the initial goodnite and time for bed visit. This is too tough for me and it seems pretty tough for them. One other detail is that bedtime used to be 7 PM, but that just didn't seem to cut it anymore since the time change, so we sort of went to 7:30, but it sometimes ends up being 8 PM before my wife and I would leave the room. I also notice that it doesn't seem to matter if they have some honey milk (warm milk w/ honey it it) before we put them down. (It would work wonders on the rare occasion that I put the boys to sleep on my own.) (Do pp give sippy cups to your 2 yr olds to take in the crib w/ them and what do you give them?) Oh, also the last 3 or 4 nites when I've gone in J is so upset (R is asleep by now) that I pick him up and bring him into bed with us for a few hours before taking him back. (I really don't want to get in this habit!)

I hope there's a question here! I'm not sure what to do. Any suggestions would be really helpful--should I be more firm/strict in bedtime and leaving them be after we say goodnite? Should I give them one extra visit or stay out of the room entirely once we put them down? And just stomach all the screaming? Thanks for any suggestions! /Joel

 

I'll give you an idea of our schedule since we are only a couple months ahead of you guys. Ours get up around 8:30 am, they nap 1-3 and bedtime is at 8:00 pm. We rarely stray from our routine. If it's a bath night we go upstairs at 7:30, on other nights 7:45. We change diapers, brush teeth and do our little tuck in routine which includes some form of dancing bears. Every night the same deal. I do not go back in. Period. (obviously unless they are sick and even then I try to limit going back in). My daughter will try every trick to get me not to leave, she'll asked to be tucked in, one more kiss, more dancing bears. Every night when I leave she starts to cry, but by the time I walk down the stairs everybody is quiet.

We don't do any kind of milk before bedtime and we don't give them drinks to keep in their cribs. If you must give them something, give water since it won't damage their teeth.

Occasionally (and this is rare) they will wake up crying. I give them 5-10 min to settle down before I even consider going in. Usually they just go back to sleep. I do this because if I walk in there they will get even more upset and want me to take them out of bed, so I really try to avoid going in unless I really need to.

I think at this point you might want to try to just let them cry it out. They are clearly trying to manipulate the situation. It might take you a week to get them to sleep better, but I think it will be totally worth it. I think once they figure out that you will not come back that some of the drama might subside. I would definitely not keep bringing one to bed with you, that is one habit I don't think you want to start and then have to figure out how to break.

So my suggestion is to figure out a routine that works for you and stick to it every day. Tuck them in and say your goodnights and remind them that you will not be coming back in, but that you will see them in the morning.

 

Trish posted excellent advice. It is tough to do but worth it. Back in January when my 2 were the age of yours Archer was admitted to the hospital with a double whammy of RSV and Pneumonia. For 4 days and nights he had one of us constantly present and we just slept in the hospital bed with him. When we got home it was a nightmare getting him to sleep on his own again. So definately do not go there! As cute as it was having him snuggled next to me, I slept terribly and he probably did too. He was a bed hog.

Anyway - We had to go back to some CIO and it took maybe 3 -4 nights for it to return to some normalcy. Now they rarely wake in the night and I do what Trish does - I do not rush in, quite often they settle themselves and go back to sleep. If it is a true nightmare and they are upset - I go in for a quick soothe and settle them back in their bed and leave. No dawdling and no speaking.

I never give them sippy cups in bed - and this one will whack you when it comes time to potty training as drinking liquids all night will mean more nightime potty trips. The only time I had a sippy cup in their room was when they both had bad colds I left a sippy cup of water on their dresser and if they woke crying I could give them a sip of water. I knew what it was like to have a stuffy nose, breathe through your mouth and then have that dry scratchy mouth throat that resulted from it.

So - in short - YES. Be more firm and strict at bedtime. Doesn't mean you can't be loving and snuggling with the bedtime story etc; But they have to learn that bed time is time to sleep. Alone!

Good luck Joel!

 

Wow! THis is fabulous advice! I can't wait to discuss w/ my wife and I think we just needed this kind of encouragement to get us back on the right track. I especially think it is great to hear about no sippy cups (or drinking) in terms of potty training--we haven't even begun to start thinking about that yet.

Thanks! I feel pretty confident that we'll have it back on track within 3 or 4 nites! /Joel

 

I would try going back to 7pm bedtime. With my boys if we go even 1/2 hour past the normal time, they start into the over-tired mode and we have crying. Try winding down with them around 6:30pm and in bed at 7pm.

Just my 2 cents.

Holly

 

Well, in a funny way and thru no real effort of ours, the last couple of nights have been a lot better. We've bumped bedtime back so it's now back to an earlier time (7:30) and we can tell that they are plenty tired at that time. (When things settle down, we may push it back further). And, last night when I went to cover the boys R woke up--he almost never wakes up, it's always his brother--and I picked him up and was glad I did because he felt really warm. Took his temp and he had a 103.3 fever! Anyway, he's a lot better this morning and I think we'll figure out this sleep thing in spite of the illnesses going around the house!

On a totally separate note, the advice here continues to be really great in spite of the changes on the web site. My wife is slightly flumuxed about the new format --I think in particular she doesn't find it as visually appealing and doesn't like the small fonts for everything. This morning I just learned that she can't log in anymore, but now that I know I'll try to help her with that! And I see the menus for fonts and sizes up at the top of this dialogue, but I haven't taken any time to figure out what they do yet--do we sound like we are resistant to change?!

Anyway, thanks! /Joel

 

my advice was with Trish. let them CIO; I know y'all did CIO before with the boys. continue to have them fall asleep on their own w/o sippies. I do sometimes let them have something to drink right before bed but they aren't allowed to have it outside the kitchen.