Bedrest - I need to "Get a Life"

This might be a bit too much in terms of personal info but I'm just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for me...

I was incapacitated and/or on bed rest essentially my ENTIRE pregnancy (except for weeks 1-5 and week 13). I had hyperemesis, then I had a heart problem, then pre-term labor. So, I basically spent the better part of a year (including my boys' first 3 months of life) disconnected from the world, stuck in my house. No one really came to visit me or helped out. I run into old friends who have little babies and all of these great life stories, and I feel like I don't even have a life. My DP and I met, got married, had babies... did everything so super-fast (we did it that way because of a health issue on my part)... and now I don't know where to start to "get a life". Before I had them, I worked full-time and went to school full-time, so I didn't have much of a life then either. It's pretty sad, but true... I've been so busy trying to accomplish things, but I sacrificed so much to get here.

I'm not bitter, and I'm sooo thrilled to have my boys... but I need to have a life beyond them, or at least a life that consists of more than taking care of them and the house. I'm not weird or anything and typically fare quite well socially, but it just so happens that I don't really have any friends here since I moved here just days before meeting my DP, then I submerged myself in work/school/marriage/bedrest pregnancy/babies............ and now I'm coming up for air and feeling kind of lonely. Hope this doesn't make me sound totally pathetic. I'm not depressed or anything (though I'm obviously not thrilled with the situation), but I need to take some action to start living again now that the boys are getting a bit bigger and I'm not completely confined to the house.

Anyone have any good suggestions of how to "get a life" with infant twins? The whole prospect is pretty daunting because I feel like I'm coming out of a cave and have to completely rebuild a life, thanks to the isolation of the bedrest.

Thanks for any input.. even if it's just simple stuff you've done to engage with the world outside the four walls of your home!

 

great question. I was also on bedrest from week 28. It took me about 5-6 months to feel like I could re-enter the social world, but by then, all my old firneds had moved on with their lives and we were really in different stages. Where I found my friends was at play group and at church. I would first look into local play groups whether it's a multiples group or not. usually you can find one mom there with the same life stage, goals, education, etc and become good friends. Ours meets at the hospital and is a free program. Second I would look into churches and find out if they have child care available for fellowship groups that meet during the week. Our church has women's bible study during the day (Tuesday) and then different nights per week there are home fellowship groups where they maybe read a book and talk about it, along with the sunday sermon, life problems, prayer requests, and dessert. Everyone in our home Fellowship group is in the same life stage. alot of our discussions center on marriage and child-rearing.

 

My only suggestion (though I don't follow it) is to get involved in a twin group in your area?? Or ( okay I guess i have two) if you have a large bookstore maybe there is a book club you can join...or a running group through a running store...or a gym? All of this sounds so cliche when I write it. I have a large circle of friends and have lived in the same town my whole life but during my pregnancy and these first few months have completely lost all my social "in touch ness" it's so sad. I miss everyone and now don't know how to get back involved myself. I've made plans several times and not been able to follow through because I can't figure out how to leave. They won't take a bottle. Anyway, enough about me. I would say, just be a "joiner" and find a group for whatever normally interests you...and then force yourself to go because it's easy to find a reason to stay home. Best wishes.

 

Hi Erin!

I was going to suggest a mom's group or twin's group as well. Get out there and talk to other moms that you have something in common with! Actually, just getting out AT ALL on a regular basis is a good thing!! :hug99: s! I think that a lot of us can relate to how you are feeling! Way to go on the bedrest, btw! I had 9 weeks. :hug99:

 

Try a twin group, a church group, join the gym, or do you have a hobby you can participate in? For example, I scrapbook and my gym holds a crop once a month on Friday nights. People I have a hobby in common with.

It's hard, I work FT but from home, and I miss lunch with my work friends the most. I get to the gym every weekday morning and have social interaction there, plus my scrapbook group.

I haven't gone to a twin group yet, I really need to.

 

I would suggest a mommy group as well doesn't have to be just a twin group. I just joined and can't believe how great it is to actually get out and talk to other mom's and have my two interact with other babies. I found my group on Meetup.com. I also have been lucky enough to have meet a few women (who I've talked to ONLINE for one or two years and who happen to live in the same city as me) and we get together every now and then with babies and WITHOUT

I also like to get out (even if it's just to the mall) at least once a week with my two. I pack up their lunch and we spend the afternoon walking and window shopping. It's nice and we are out of the house for a few hours.

 

I do understand what ur talking about, most of us here were/are lonely in a way or another. Dealing with a twin babies are something really hard. I had a life before i got my babies, but now they r my life, the only thing i do beside being a baby sitter is studying for my master degree (which is a load on my shoulder too as i have to travel to another city 120 kms away 3 days a week) and someitmes my husband or mother refuse to help so i just get stucked to the house and leave my classes. Otherwise, i stopped talking to my friends, barely hang out with DH once a week if i'm not tired, if the weather is ok, if we have something to do outside, and if the boys are not tired or sleepy.

I guess talking to another moms will definetly help you, especially twin-moms, they know your pain, they wont get bored when u can't stop talking bout ur little ones. Find a twin mom meetings or something and join them

If you have msn (hotmail or yahoo) send it to me so we chate sometimes...

Take care,

Menna

 

I agree that finding some sort of "mom's group" is a good way to start rebuilding your social life. It'll help you feel connected to the outside world, and ill open up opportunities for you to make friends with people who can relate to where you are in your life's journey.
If you'd like to socialize BEYOND babies, though, you might consider taking some sort of class in the evenings, or joining a local book club (often libraries or book stores offer these), or pick up a part-time or volunteer position in the evenings.
I also find just getting out on my own for a couple of hours a week has helped me feel more like ME. It can be something as simple as going to a coffee shop and reading uninterrupted, or shopping without having four little hands grabbing at the shelves.
I think a lot of people here can relate to what you're going through!

 

You might call some churches in your area and see if any have mom's groups, like MOPS. These groups have babysitting (usually grandma-age folks) and the moms just get to "hang out" and chit chat or do something else fun. There are also groups that meet with the kids all together to play, but with twins, I don't know that you would get much "talk time" because once your babies are mobile, there will probably always be one either getting into trouble or being fussy.

I don't actually take any of my own advice! I pretty much stay in all the time 'cause it's easier, especially now that the weather is getting colder. I have quite a few friends, but no time to ever see them. I figure I'll see them more somewhere down the line. I do have a bunco club that meets once a month and I couldn't live without it. It's my one glimpse of sanity! We meet for dinner at someone's house, then we play bunco, then we have dessert. It's heaven!