Bed Rest?

So I"m supposed to be on bed rest and here's what I just finished doing...

Washing dishes
Cleaning my 3 year old stepson's room in preparation for his visit tomorrow
Cleaning his bathroom
Folding load of laundry
Carting baby gifts for the girls into their nursery

...all while my DH plays his lovely computer games he addicted to.

Sorry, told you it was a rant. Does he get that I'm not supposed to be doing this stuff????

 

I'm sorry.
Have you talked to him about it?
Has he heard the doctor telling you to take it easy?
Why are you doing it?
If things aren't ready, then he's the one who should be 'paying' for it.
You have to take care of yourself & your precious little girls.
If you keep doing things that he should be doing, then he is just going to continue doing what he is doing.
Does he know that that stuff needed to be done?

 

GIRL...You get back into bed right now!! (or at least on the couch...) :hug:
I had a hard time not getting things done when I was on bedrest as well, but it is super important for you to get rest right now.
My DH is a total gamer too & that came to a quick stop once our girls were here, so tell him to get off the computer & that you are only doing him a favor by 'pulling the band-aid' off now!

 

:hug: Does he know the doctors instructions? Has he been to an appointment w/you since you've been on bedrest? I'm sure it's hard but you need to stop doing those things. What is the worst that would have happened if you didn't do those things just now? You have to compare it to risking additional complications. :hug:

 

Y'all are right. He has not been to a dr appt with me since the bed rest so he doesn't get it. I just need to let my house go. If the girls have nowhere to sleep when they get home, then they can sleep in the bed with me and he can go to the couch.

 

Please be careful! There are so many stories of women who didn't follow their bed rest orders and ended up in the hospital with problems. Maybe let him know which things you are allowed to do (which is probably nothing other than rest).

I agree with pp that if you keep doing things he won't take care of them. Just think that in a few months you are going to need him to help with caring for the babies and household. This could be a good "transition". GL!

 

I agree- you need to follow the Dr. orders, and yes, your home might be dirty... but it is more important you follow Dr. orders then have a clean and orderlhy house.

Everyone has difference 'dirtiness' tolerences and feeling like stuff needs to get done- perhaps your spouse feels a lot less strongly about those things than you do so it hasn't occured to him.

If I were in your position I would ask your husband very sweetly to do those things for you because you like to get things done and it bothers you when things aren't ready, etc.,(it might just not have occured to him) and you would do it yourself but you don't want to not follow Dr. orders and risk the babies health (are you on bedrest due to risk of pre-term labor) or risk them coming too early.

Hopefully he understands and listens , if not... I would stay put regardless. Your and your babies' health is much more important than cleanliness and order.

 

You need to get your tail back into bed, Honey.... Let the house work go
(I know it is hard, I use to have a clean house too) but I learned not to
anymore... Do you have any Mom's groups around you?? If so, is there
a child in at the Children's hosptial that you could go see and show your
DH?? Right now, I have one of my twins at Brenner's/Baptist hosptial,
thankfully he isn't in a bad condition (he had to have umbilical cord
surgery 2 days ago) but looking around at the other kids in his little
POD area, it makes you really appreciate that you held onto everyday
that they are in your stomach (we are talking about some babies that
are the size of your hand, hooked up to soo many cords and vents that
the parents can only touch them and sometimes they can't do that
because of the "no stimulation" after surgery).... Please keep yourself
and those babies healthy!!!!

 

If you were put on bedrest by your doctor- then that is where you should be! DO NOT KEEP DOING THINGS just because he won't. You have too much as stake to risk it for cleaning bathrooms and bedrooms. Let them stay dirty- it is no longer important and your priority is resting so that your new little ones have a chance to grow and get strong. It is absolutely the most important thing right now. If DH doesn't get it- have the Dr. call him and explain it!!

 

I was on bed rest for 28 weeks. Every time my dh started slacking in the house work dept I would just say..."no worries I will call for a maid tomorrow!" since we couldn't afford one (unless we did away with direct tv) he'd get the work done!!

You have one job to do right now...that is to GROW Babies! That is it. The bathrooms are not your responsibility nor is cleaning up anything else in your home. there will be plenty of time for that later on!

Think about it this way, if you keep going you could end up in the hospital on bedrest, NOT FUN...doable, but not fun! (trust me!)

STAY in BEd and follow your Dr.s orders!!!

 

QUOTE(Erineliza @ Sep 18 2008, 12:06 PM) [snapback]985591[/snapback]
If you were put on bedrest by your doctor- then that is where you should be! DO NOT KEEP DOING THINGS just because he won't. You have too much as stake to risk it for cleaning bathrooms and bedrooms. Let them stay dirty- it is no longer important and your priority is resting so that your new little ones have a chance to grow and get strong. It is absolutely the most important thing right now. If DH doesn't get it- have the Dr. call him and explain it!!


Ditto!!

 

Two things, love. (And I haven't read every other reply, so if I repeat someone, I do apologize!)

1) Just....stop. Just don't do it. Period. If you have to start ordering in every meal,do it-but order just for yourself-or send someone out with a list and money to buy foods YOU like and that are for YOU! Ask your Mom or a girlfriend to wash YOUR laundry at their house. Hire someone to clean once a week and hand him the bill. Tell him if he isn't willing to do it it will have to be hired out. He'll get the idea. Alot of men (not ALL, mind you) are like little kids-why do it themselves if you do it for them?

2)I know this is going to sound really, REALLY horrible, but I refuse to do anything for my stepson, other than cook his meals (I don't even fix his plate) and play with him, or look after him if he hurts himself. (In other words, the fun/snuggly stuff). He's nine and can do NOTHING for himself (he can't tell time or tie his shoes and he's in 3rd grade.), as his Mom and my husband never taught him to be independent. So, I make sure his Dad does his laundry, cleans his room, fixes his plate at mealtimes, gives him baths, etc. If it something he can do himself and he asks me to do it, I make him/show him how to do it himself or tell him to go get his Dad. Let me tell you, his Dad has begun to realize that not ever making your kids do anything for themelves causes real problems. I realize your stepson is just little, but in that case, his Dad should be caring for him, not you, whether you're on bedrest or not. Period. I am of the opinion that as step-parents, we should get to be like grandparents, and have all the fun stuff, but none of the discipline or work of it. That is for the parents to do, and it's how I handle things with my son. I raise him and have fun with him, my hubby just has fun with him. I did not make the decision to have that child, they did. And he did not make the decison to have my son, I and my ex-husband did, so the responsibility for raising them should fall with thier parents, and the step-parents get to be the cool ones who colors or plays playstation with them. When we have our twins, I will expect my husband to co-parent them with me as they are OUR children.

I know it sounds harsh but it's my opinion, and it's worked for us. (Admittedly, my husband did not like it at first, but now he at least gets my line of thinking behind it.)

Good luck, and GO TO BED!

 

I agree with all of the other ladies here.. Go back to bed. I too, was 'supposed' to be on bed rest but I already had 2 little ones running around, with no one who could watch them or help me. Their father had to go to work, and even when he was home, he did not help. (we are no longer together) Fortunately for me, I wasnt put on bed rest until 27 wks and I made it to 36 wks and my babies were healthy.
But, not everyone is as lucky as I was. My sister in law had identical twins 9 months ago and she was on hospital bed rest (very high risk pregnancy) for about 3 months prior to her emergency c section at 27 wks. Her babies were 2 lbs each and stayed in the NICU for 2 months and have been back in the hospital several times because their lungs were not completely developed and they have asthma.
PLEASE try to make your husband understand the importance of bed rest. Its not like you are laying around because you feel like it. The DR ordered it, and it is for a good reason! Please keep us posted on your situation and the babies!

 

Tell him by you doing things when you are suppose to be on bedrest is putting your babies at risk of being born too early. Tell him you would appreciate it if he took 1 hour to get xyz done for you and then he can go back to his game. Honestly if the things are not done, don't bother doing them yourself. You don't want to send yourself into preterm labor and possibly end up put on hospital bedrest, if that happens, you won't see that things are not done at home.

 

This may sound harsh, but your problem comes down to this: you can only control one person, and you're only responsible for one person: YOU. You have been given medical direction by a doctor that you need to be on bed rest. So why aren't you following those orders? Sure... you want a clean house and you want your presents organized. However, ignoring those orders puts you at risk for all sorts of problems. This is not your husband's problem, it's yours.

So take control. Get back in bed.

If your husband continues to be a lazy, that's too bad. But don't think you need to ignore doctors orders just because your husband isn't helping out. Get your husband to come to your next visit so he understands what's going on. Until then, though, let the dust pile up. Order food delivered. You and your babies will be better off for it.

 

QUOTE(idril @ Sep 18 2008, 11:31 AM) [snapback]985875[/snapback]
This may sound harsh, but your problem comes down to this: you can only control one person, and you're only responsible for one person: YOU. You have been given medical direction by a doctor that you need to be on bed rest. So why aren't you following those orders? Sure... you want a clean house and you want your presents organized. However, ignoring those orders puts you at risk for all sorts of problems. This is not your husband's problem, it's yours.

So take control. Get back in bed.

If your husband continues to be a lazy, that's too bad. But don't think you need to ignore doctors orders just because your husband isn't helping out. Get your husband to come to your next visit so he understands what's going on. Until then, though, let the dust pile up. Order food delivered. You and your babies will be better off for it.


I agree.

And the advise to take your DH or should I say H to the next appt and have the doctor explain to him how serious this is. Please get back in bed.

amanda

 

Frustrating, but I wouldn’t be too harsh about it. If your husband is used to not having to take care of things around the house he is probably just unaware of how much work it takes, and it is a big (and tiring, frustrating, sometime exhausting) change to go from having lots of ‘play’ time to trying to take care of everything.
I would encourage him to go with you to your appointments as much as possible, not so that you and the doctors can gang up on him, but so that he has a clearer understanding of what is happening, what your limitations are, and how he can help. Getting him to put away the games because he loves you, and wants to support you will work much better than trying to force him to because he ‘should’

 

Well my hormonal side says " BREAK THE DAMN GAMES!"

But my more rational side tends to agree with everyone else!

GOOD LUCK!! :hug: :hug:

 

OK, I have to update my hormonal rant. Yes, you all are right and I am not going to be doing any more housework. Today, my dear friend and my MIL both came over to rescue me from the dust and debris and DH gave his sincere apologies for his lack in judgement. All in all, it was a rough night last night, but I think it was a turning point for him. Kinda like his "ah-ha!" moment.

Thanks for all the support ladies! :grouphug:

 

I was on bed rest from 24 weeks onwards (until pre eclampsia at 35 weeks forced c section). My husband is not the type to help around the house. I found that I just had to tell him "I am not allowed to do that". I admit that I did play up the tired, I can't walk, I can't lift to the best of my advantage. The more that you do the more that is expected of you. Just stop doing things. Ps. I have ordered food from home bistro and it is delicious. You can do that for meals. I also had my mom come stay with me because my dh was not the most helpful. Just say no! It is not worth it to risk your babies.

 

you are not the only one! lol i am only osupposed to be on modified but keep my feet up up as much as possible and leave the chores to my fiance. well...... i dont listen to the rules. i have two children that constantly build up laundry and i am expected to please EVERYONE! its to be expected. well i clean everyday! i do my best at cleaning but dont over work myself. and the other night after dinner instead of me cleaning like a mad man i suggested to him that me and him have one on one time when i put the girls to bed and watch a movie on the couch...ya know just simple cuddling. (something we dont do much anymore) and he was all for it. I GOT SO EXCITED! well when all is said and done and i went to lay down, he was like "this place is driving me crazy...its filthy" well that just p'd me off so bad so i just started cleaning like a freak...got on my hands a knees and washed the kisten and bathroom floors (not his) and cleaned the cabinets, did dishes, put in laundry, dusted, AND B**CHED the whole time. lol i through it in his face. it was crazy i know...but it hurt so bad to know that he would say that about a clean house. our house is very very very clean all the time! (excepts the girl's room) bed made everyday...no dishes EVER dirty, laundry ALWAYS caught up! today i scrubbed the carpet in the livingroom just so i didnt make him upset anymore! so.....hang in there. get back to the couch or bed and RELAX! i need to take my own advice too! next time i go to the dr. i am having him go with me so he can hear it himself and maybe understand a little bit. i tend to also print things i find online about how i should be relaxing and get plenty of rest so that he knows i am not pulling it outta my you know what! MEN.................... <_<

 

QUOTE(JESS6626 @ Sep 18 2008, 08:07 PM) [snapback]986774[/snapback]
you are not the only one! lol i am only osupposed to be on modified but keep my feet up up as much as possible and leave the chores to my fiance. well...... i dont listen to the rules. i have two children that constantly build up laundry and i am expected to please EVERYONE! its to be expected. well i clean everyday! i do my best at cleaning but dont over work myself. and the other night after dinner instead of me cleaning like a mad man i suggested to him that me and him have one on one time when i put the girls to bed and watch a movie on the couch...ya know just simple cuddling. (something we dont do much anymore) and he was all for it. I GOT SO EXCITED! well when all is said and done and i went to lay down, he was like "this place is driving me crazy...its filthy" well that just p'd me off so bad so i just started cleaning like a freak...got on my hands a knees and washed the kisten and bathroom floors (not his) and cleaned the cabinets, did dishes, put in laundry, dusted, AND B**CHED the whole time. lol i through it in his face. it was crazy i know...but it hurt so bad to know that he would say that about a clean house. our house is very very very clean all the time! (excepts the girl's room) bed made everyday...no dishes EVER dirty, laundry ALWAYS caught up! today i scrubbed the carpet in the livingroom just so i didnt make him upset anymore! so.....hang in there. get back to the couch or bed and RELAX! i need to take my own advice too! next time i go to the dr. i am having him go with me so he can hear it himself and maybe understand a little bit. i tend to also print things i find online about how i should be relaxing and get plenty of rest so that he knows i am not pulling it outta my you know what! MEN.................... <_<

Here's what I've learned: A - you can only control yourself...B - it's not worth it....C - your house will still be there after the girls are born...D - next time he says the house is dirty, respond with "yes, you should do something about that." :ibiggrin:

 

Way to go Twins.

Jesse - please for the sake of your girls, don't do that again. There is a lot of risk when you don't listen to the doctor. I listened for the most part and would fold laundry while laying down if my husband would bring it in to me. He ran the vacuum whenever I wanted. We had friends come over to visit one day and the wife had her husband vacuum for me, it was awesome (I know her husband pretty well so he didn't mind) I was on bedrest and had a cerclage and still ended up in the hospital at 30 weeks with PTL and got steroid shots. I stayed in bed as much as I could except to get myself food or the bathroom (my only privileges, didn't even drive for 16 weeks while I was on bedrest, my husband took off and took me to appts and friends came and would bring me over to their houses to visit (this helped keep my house clean from their kids) Leave the house be dirty, you risk so much by doing things you shouldn't, only takes 1 little thing and you could lose your precious little ones. My loss could have been prevented, if I was on bedrest.

 

Oh man...this is a rant that I can empathize with. I hope you are able to have a heart to heart with him and that he is able to grow up and prioritize.


Computer games = #1 reason I divorced my first husband. My experience was that nothing was more important to my ex than his addiction, and when our leaving him didn't even make a dent, I knew the marriage was over.




QUOTE(TwinsInFL @ Sep 17 2008, 08:02 PM) [snapback]985104[/snapback]
So I"m supposed to be on bed rest and here's what I just finished doing...

Washing dishes
Cleaning my 3 year old stepson's room in preparation for his visit tomorrow
Cleaning his bathroom
Folding load of laundry
Carting baby gifts for the girls into their nursery

...all while my DH plays his lovely computer games he addicted to.

Sorry, told you it was a rant. Does he get that I'm not supposed to be doing this stuff????