Beating the Blahs...

Hi! I am now into my 30th week and I feel like I just can't do anything anymore! I'm not on bed rest or anything, just super uncomfortable and bored!!!! My hubby and I used to do things like hiking, camping, mudding, kayaking.... well you get the picture! Now, I'm just too big and uncomfortable and the Dr. has said no to all that stuff! For the past few weeks I have been able to keep busy with housework (yes, I actively LIKE to clean!) but now I can no longer reach the sink to wash the dishes, or go up and down the stairs for the laundry (again Dr. said no!)... I have been able to sweep my floors because I bought a dustpan with a stand up handle, but there it's not like the floors need to be swept all day! The nursery is pretty much done and I am out of ideas to keep myself entertained, I can't drive anywhere because I can no longer reach the pedals or the steering wheel... Lately I have been feeling so helpless and completely worthless (not to mention huge), I find myself crying over little things... I hate not being able to be independent... it just stinks... I feel stupid asking people, even my husband, for help to do the simple tasks that I used to be able to do. What did/do you guys do to not feel this way??

 

I cried a lot. And took up offers of help, particularly cleaning help from my parents and errands from friends. Its good prep for when the babies come. I wanted to read and knit for the boys, but mostly I laid on my side and watched tv series (weeds, veronica mars). It also helped knowing that there was an end in sight. At 30 weeks my c-section was scheduled, so I knew no matter what I'd be a mom by June 14 (they came a few days early).

Hang in there! You are in the home stretch!!

 

I took up watching baseball. It's on like every day which was comforting at the time when I needed something every day. I've never watched baseball before (or since!) like I did when I was pregnant. I also watched TV shows, Netflix instant is great!

As to details, I designed my birth announcements on Walgreens.com, got envelopes and addressed/stamped them. I also made sure Thank Yous were completely done and sent out for everything I'd received.
:youcandoit: Sometimes it's 1 hour at a time, but :youcandoit:

 

At that point I was just put on bedrest. I talked on the phone a lot to family who lives far away. Friends came over for dinner and a visit in the evening, often bringing take out. Don't try to do it alone. I am not a big TV watcher, but I did watch alot. I love to read and read a lot of books. You could go to the library and check out a bunch. Good luck with the end.

 

Thank you so much. It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling the way I do....hormonal and all.

 

Thank you guys for the good ideas! I'm not a big tv watcher so it didn't even cross my mind! I've tried the keeping up with family thing, but it seems like I can only talk to them for so long before it turns to the awkward "sooo... how's the weather there?" I'm really not good with phone conversations! Maybe now is the time to brush up on my skills!
It's good to know that I'm not going crazy or something (or if I am that I'm not alone!!!)
@PrincessHippie/Steph My DH is a Deputy too! He works really long (12 hour nights) hours and that's when I find that I get the most emotional and lonely... Is that when you do? I mean when your DH is at work...

 

Something I've started doing is working puzzles. Can't sit at it for very long but I will work on it, take a break and come back to it throughout the day. It has helped ALOT. Also, there have been a couple of TV series' that I never took the time to watch and so I started those from the beginning. Some are in their 5th or 6th season so that occupies a lot of time as well. Good luck! I'm almost to 30 weeks and I stay home all day, every day so it does get boring.

 

@ScottysWifey With my hormones on overdrive, I feel lonely and homesick even when he is here. Plus our marriage has changed a lot recently since I am staying home. He works 12 hour shifts as well, days and nights. It used to be on his days off he had a day off from me too, ha ha. Now, lucky him, I'm always here. And I always imagined, when I finally did stay home, I would take care of our home and have a great schedule planned everyday of things to do around the house. But here I am with a big 'ole belly and swollen ankles, and I feel guilty that I can't do those things the way I had envisioned. So it's a work in progress. He's been a trooper putting up with me and taking care of things around the house. I'm a lucky woman.

 

I was on bed rest at 30 weeks so I had no choice but to not do anything but get up to eat or use the bathroom/take a shower. I tried to focus my energy into something else like word searches, crossword puzzles, cross stitching, etc. I also forced myself to sleep sleep sleep since I knew it would be a long time before I could just go to sleep whenever I wanted...lol.

My DH is a fire fighter and works every 3rd day for 24 hours and I got really emotional a lot when he was gone. At the time he was working 2 jobs so he would work for 24 hours, come home and go to the other job right away and not get home until after 6pm. It was a very lonely time for me.

 

I had 3 older kids, so it wasn't quite as boring as being all by myself. But I couldn't really do anything with them. I was on modified bedrest so lived in the recliner. I took up knitting and made sweaters for my babies. I did some other handwork and crafts that I could manage while being reclined with a giant belly in the way. And my DH bought a little TV and DVD player and we signed up for netflix and I watched a lot of movies. We didn't have cable at the time and our TV was in the basement, so I couldn't watched it otherwise.

But I hear you about accepting help. I had friends who came in and cleaned my bathroom, mopped my kitchen, etc. The help was desperately needed, but it was all I could do to not burst in to tears when they were there. Afterward though, it was really nice to have had it done!

 

My DH sometimes has to switch shifts too. I haven't been working since we moved to this area over a year ago, there really isn't much of a job market up here. It's been really hard for me because I had a cleaning schedule and daily routine down and now, well he has had to take over my stuff in addition to working. He says he's happy to do it, but I just feel awful. I totally understand about the big belly and swollen ankles too! I don't necessarily feel lonely when he's home, but I definitely feel like he just doesn't understand what I'm going through with the various aches and pains.. Our marriage has changed a lot since finding out we were pregnant, we were excited and everything because we were trying, but at the same time it scared the crap out of us too! We are very happy though, don't get me wrong!!

 

Can your DH visit my DH and give him some pointers on helping out around the house...lol. DH assumes that since I am home and don't bring in an actual monetary income that I should have absolutely no problems getting the cooking, cleaning AND laundry done while the boys are awake....ummmmm, nope - sorry Charlie, it just doesn't work like that. I think I can squeeze in 1 actual full house cleaning a month and that's only if someone can babysit the kids for me so I can get it done.

When I was on bedrest DH was working 24 hours at the department and then working part time from 8-6pm in between his shifts at the fire department and was only getting 1 day or so a week off so he was pretty tired to help out with chores and what not especially since he still had the lawn to take care of and other things like that. I was fortunate enough that my Mom had a cleaning lady come in and clean once a week or so while I was on bedrest just to keep the house clean and one less stressor off my mind.

As for asking for help. I understand it's hard but if it's causing you stress that it's not getting done it outways the feelings you may have about asking someone to help you out. The less stress you can manage the better, especially now. So don't be shy about asking someone to come by and help. When those babies come you are going to need and want that extra set of hands so you can get some rest. The first few weeks are hard with every 4 hour feedings with feeds taking, for some of us, up to an hour leaving you with 3 hours to go back to sleep before you have to get up and do it all over again.

Once our babies came family was a godsend, really. They brought meals, they helped with night feedings so I could get a full nights sleep every couple of days and come by after work so that I could have some much needed me time. Believe me, most family won't mind that you are asking for help. In fact I found that the more help I asked for the more excited they got because that meant that they got to see, in my case, their grandbabies every couple of days.

It's hard to relinquish control but sometimes you just have to.

Hang in there! *hugs*

 

@haleystar- Trust me I'm pretty sure this is a temporary thing with the helping...lol! We had an arrangement of me doing the inside stuff like keeping the house clean and laundry caught up, and him doing the outside stuff like lawn care and keeping the cars in good shape! I have always been a *little* bit of a control freak and am trying to learn to relax about it, but it's really really hard, my MIL has offered to come up and clean, but I feel like before I can let her clean, I need to make sure the house is clean, if that makes sense... I just don't want her to see the dirty dishes and stuff (or handle our dirty underwear!!!)! Luckily DH works 4 on 4 off so he is able to do stuff in that time, but since he has had to take over my stuff we don't get time to do anything really fun... I couldn't imagine him only being home 1 day! Poor you... has it gotten better since then?

 

LOL I am, or should say WAS, the same way...total control freak, type A all the way. If someone was coming over to clean or stop by I had to have the house spotless and freaked out when people would just stop by unannounced. I always felt like my home was a representation of me and if it was a mess with dust everywhere, laundry piled up, dirty bathrooms, that it would show that I am a lazy person who don't care about being clean. I TOTALLY understand that. Eventually, once the twins got here, I just lost that part of me. Now when people come by I just say "sorry about the mess" and that's that. The boys are 12 months now so cleaning is nearly impossible unless someone comes to watch the kids because when they go down for their ONE nap that's 1.5 to 2 hours if I am lucky I want to sleep too! And when they go to bed, forget it...I am done!

Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, back in February DH lost the part time job due to the economy so he's home on his off days which are 2 days in a row. Unfortunately he uses these days off to take care of our lawn and our neighbors lawn (they pay him for keeping it looking pretty) and when he's not working on outside chores he is in the garage working on his hobbies leaving me inside with the kids. So yeah, not much has changed. I'm still the main caretaker for every person and animal living under this roof. I do laundry but it's lucky to get out of the dryer much less folded and put away and cleaning...well that's becomming a once a month thing. I try and sweep the floors every couple of days since it doesn't take long and pick up after everyone to at least remove the clutter but my house is not clean. It drives me nuts but when I way the options of cleaning while the kids are napping for an hour or taking a nap with them so I have enough energy to chase them around the house I generally choose the nap. It's not easy by any means. It's pretty much like he is working both jobs because he's gone out doing "his" thing even when he's home. I try not to get upset about it because his job is stressful and this helps him keep his attitude and stress in order but somedays I can't help but get angry with him for not being willing to help me out with minor tasks, you know?

It's a learning process, eventually we will get it figured out...or we'll win the lotto and I will hire a maid and a cook! HA!

 

My DH has a lot of hobbies too... on his days off in the winter there is snowmobiling (I lovingly refer to his snowmobile as his mistress), in the summer and spring it's mudding and whatever else he can do outside. I have a feeling that winter is going to be pretty rough! Snowmobiling is the one thing that he really really can't seem to get enough of! For Valentine's Day last year he surprised me with a snowmobiling trip... Pretty sure it was more for him than me considering I HATE the cold... I was about to move down south when I met DH! I really try to not get too upset about it either because DH's job is stressful too and I would rather him have outdoor hobbies than doing something self destructive... It is incredibly hard to not get frustrated sometimes and that was without the babies!