Battle of the wills in potty training...

Annabella is 30 months old. At 34 months old, we potty trained the boys and did the three day version. Piece of cake really. They had accidents the first day, Nicholas was dry the second, and Anthony was dry the third. In a total of two weeks, they were trained pee/poop at night/bed/daytime. Awesomeness.

Well, dh is really gung ho about getting Annabella trained. I think part of the reason is I have two good friends, and our girls are all a month apart, Annabella being the youngest. Well both of those girls potty trained fully, by Halloween.

We waited until after Disney. WIth the boys, I was gung ho. I was so pumped. Made up treat jars, sticker charts, we talked about it for a good two weeks how they were big boys, etc. With her, I'm not so pumped. I'm just not feeling it yet with her. I honestly don't think she's ready-and that is totally ok with me. DH still wants to try. And guess what-he's at WORK. And, I watch a one year old three days a week, on top of the boys, and potty training Annabella. Ummm...

So-what she does differently than the boys: she holds it. She starts dancing and moving all over the house like a mad woman! The boys NEVER held it-they just WENT! LOL! So I know that cue from her. But it's a struggle to get her to sit. And when she does-she holds it again. She did stay dry during nap on Sunday, and overnight into Monday morning-that I am still perplexed on! I'm thinking a fluke... When I put her on the toilet-she cries and screams. That to me-is my clue she is not ready. Now-she only does it the first time of the day that she goes on it. But the boys never did. We talk about being a big girl, and who pees on the potty, and rewards, and she recites it all back to me....but I just don't think she's there yet.

Now-does anyone want to tell my husband? Sure, I'd love for her to be PT'ed. But, at what expense? Oh-and part of the 3 day is you wake them before you go to bed to use the bathroom(she woke at 11pm and was SOAKED). And you wake them an hour before they usually wake up. Well-Annabella is a wayyy different sleeper than the boys. At 2, she still doesn't sttn. Some days yes, some days no. Some days we go up to her, others we don't. The boys-sttn since 6 months old and never a problem going right back to sleep, etc. It's now midnight, and she is still up crying from when she woke up soaked in pee.

Where's dh? Sleeping.

I told him, I would give it til the end of the week. If that long. A mother's intuition is always right, right???

ETA: I forgot to mention she is sick-hacking cough keeping her up, and runny nose.
ETA #2: Finally, at 12:15 am and her crying on/off for over an hour(and I went to her everytime), I threw in the towel. She's not feeling well, she can't get back to sleep, and dh is fast asleep and hasn't moved have an inch to deal with her. So-she is in diapers, a little shot of benadryl, and we will try again at the end of March. Who knows-maybe sooner. But now is not her time.

 

Let me tell you, from experience, if you try to push a kid who is not feeling it, and not ready, be prepared for a very frustrating time. I tried several times with Sean, from the age of 2 and on, and he just wasn't ready. The second time, when after a week BOTH of us would burst into tears when I suggested going on the potty, I gave up. He was just a couple of months shy of turning 3 (the exact age my twins are now), when HE suggested going on the potty one morning while taking a bath. He was already clean, so I said "Just pee in the tub like you always do" and he said "No, I go on potty like daddy does". He went into undies the next day and it was a piece of cake.

I know you hear most girls train early, but kaelyn was 2.5 when my twins were born. So there was no way I was pt'ing her with newborn twins. I tried at age 2 but she was nowhere near ready. I waited and tried again at age 3, but with 6 month old twins.....well after 3 accidents the first day, all over baby toys, baby books, in the middle of the living room with roly poly babies everywhere...I gave up. Just before she turned 3.5 I brought it up again, suggested her tinkerbell undies....and it was a piece of cake again!

I am a HUGE and FIRM believer in letting the kid help dictate the time and pace of pt'ing, and not pushing them Hence the reason I am just now starting to pt the twins, with no pressure. Just going to work with an initial schedule of peeing on the potty morning, just before lunch, just after lunch, and before bed for sure. Any other times they want to initiate it is fine. Liam pooped on the potty twice today, the first time I suggested it and he sat and pushed for almost 20 mins before getting it out, the second time he came running into the kitchen yelling about pooping, we thought he had a dirty diaper, but nope, he wanted to go on the potty...and he DID! That's the kind of pt'ing I like to hear! :lol:

 

My LOs are Annabell's age and DS has been slowly PT'ing for over 6 months (because he wanted to use the potty) and DD had no interest whatsoever until last weekend when she came and asked for underwear in the morning. Seeing the progress she has made in just 3 days - without any battles, rewards, sticker charts etc.! - shows me I was right to wait and not to pressure her at all. So, girls do not always train earlier. Although I am guessing she may end up totally accident-free ealier than her twin brother, just because he becomes so involved in one thing that he forgets everything else, including cues from his body.

Follow your intuition and try again in a few weeks!

BTW: My DH was the opposite of yours - he hates mess of any kind, and so has been arguing against PT'ing until they can do it without any accidents. Not very realistic either.

 

Meaghan, I agree with PP's follow your intuition. Especially with her not feeling well, now might not be the time. If your DH keeps insisting, I would politely suggest that he take off of work and handle it and I am sure he will change his mind. All kids are ready at a different time and he cannot compare her to how your friends daughters are doing. Give her a couple of weeks and try again.
Hope Annabella is feeling better soon :hug:

 

This is what I did with my DH who thinks my boys are 100% ready and have been since they turned 2.... Yeah, we still buy diapers. :lol:

 

If she is not in on the program it is not worth your level of stress. With the twins being our first kids, I stayed at home and my husband works. When the twins were two years old, he literally came home from work and told me that the twins should be potty trained by now. :shok: He continued to do that but they were not ready and *I* certainly was not going to stress out about it until they were ready. They potty trained in a couple days (still somewhat stressful, but..) when they were 3 years, 1 month old. A week before preschool started. THey never ever reversed. They were not night trained at that point though. WHich was fine by me. My current youngest will be four in April. He is not potty trained yet. Seemingly not even close. I've tried. He is just not ready.

I wish you luck. And patience!

 

Why aren't you lying to your DH?

I would have said "Ok dear, I will get on that" and then bought diapers.

Henry and Jacob are just about your daughters age and we aren't potty training because they are just not ready. I don't want to be held captive by a potty so I am waiting until they are ready. Henry is showing more signs such as asking to go and then just sitting there admiring the tile, but it is a step in the right direction.

 

It is lovely tile, Irene.

Meag, I'd just shelf it unless your husband wanted to do it, or if Annabella wanted to do it.

 

tell dh that he should totally potty train annabella! tell him it would be such a great bonding experience between him and her! :spiteful:

 

If he thinks she is so ready, then he can train her! Seriously though, I'm glad I read to the bottom to see you are shelving it. My girls didn't train until they were 3y1m (M) and 3y2m (A). Around 3 DH and I started really playing it up and talking about it, but didn't push it. When they were ready they were trained in a matter of days. Some kids are ready earlier, some parents have a higher tolerance for accidents and teaching them to go, for me and my kids, we waiting until EVERYONE (including me) was ready and it was a completely painless process.