Bad Preschool Visit-are we doomed?

Hi all,

I've been interviewing for a potential new job that will be 4 days a week. I'm still negotiating the schedule and salary, so nothing is finalized. I've visited a lot of preschools since December and I finally found a preschool I really like. It's close to home, reasonably priced (for our area) and the teacher is great. They finally have 2 openings, which is rare. It's a small school with only 26 children total.

I visited by myself last week and was so excited to finally find a good match for us. I went back today with the twins to participate in a class. The teacher and the director were both in the class. My son was a nightmare. After playing outside for 15 minutes, he didn't want to come inside for story time. He came inside, but spent the next 10 minutes SCREAMING to go back outside, falling on the floor, banging his head against the door, etc. The teacher finally decided to take the whole class outside again for more play time. We went back inside for art activities, and both of them were fine (mostly). It was time to leave and DS again had an ear splitting meltdown. There was no reasoning with him. Eventually I had to pick him up and haul him to the car kicking and screaming. It was awful.

My DS is definitely more challenging than my DD, but this was some of the worst behavior I've seen from him in a long time. I tried to stay low key and follow the teachers lead. Both the teacher and the director spent quite a bit of time redirecting him. I was pretty embarrassed about the whole thing, but tried to fake like I was a competent parent. I'm sure they were thrilled when we left. I haven't called back yet, but I'm wondering if we've complete blown our chance at this preschool?

Has anyone had an experience like this? Did you still get accepted? Any advice on how to handle the phone call tomorrow?

:unsure:

Signed, Slightly Mortified

 

I teach preschool (3 yr olds).

That is a common reaction. Of my 12 kids----about 4 of them had tears, crying, frustration, and more the first two weeks of school. All settled down w/in the first few days. We picked up a new student last week. He was upset the first two days, then once he understood the rhythm- he is doing great.

Once the kids know the routine, the schedule, and an idea of the rules/limits they often do well.

Imagine you were plopped into an exciting new environment. You would want to explore it---with no time limits, no one telling you how or when or what to do. Most 2-3 yr olds are like that and cant really see 'why' they have to transition to a new activity. It is all unpredictable and strange. Some kids react the way your son did with anger, frustration, and non-compliance.

As a parent, it is understandable to be frustrated. As a teacher- we know that does not mean that the child will act like that forever.

My advice is to give it two week (start the school BEFORE you have to start work to see how it goes) chance and see if there is improvement.


I asked our director if they ever did not accept a student. Out of 10 years, they have had only a small handful of students that did not continue at the preschool

1. the students could stop crying and/or were overly distressed at the parents departure (usually the youngest children) and it got worse over the two weeks, Usually agreed upon by both staff and family
2. for violence toward other students (punching, hitting, biting). Usually per the director for safety of other children

Is this a school that does not routinely accept students?? They could simply not accept him if they had a long wait list *just in case* but honestly, if they are familiar with the age- they would do a trail run that involved a few days before any judgement.

I will say-- some students act VERY differently with or without parents around. He may do better (or worse) when you are not around.

 

I have not had experience with this, but because it is a school you like, talk to them. Ask them about what you should do since you would like your kids to attend their school. Teachers have dealt with kids' meltdowns before and may have a good way of helping out. There's also a good possibility that your son did this because you were there. He may have fewer or less dramatic meltdowns when you aren't there. Kids often act up more when their parents are around. It's what they are used to and don't always think of the more appropriate way to respond. He knows what happens when he acts like this at home and may not have meltdowns cause he knows what to expect. He's in a new place and he assumes new rules...even if you are there.

I would not worry about this, but do talk to the teachers and see if they are willing to work with your boy. Both the teachers and your son may surprise you!

 

When I checked out the preschool my kids joined (it's 1.5 hour twice a week though), DS had a tantrum for the exact same reason... he didn't want to stop what he was doing to go sit with the others. We just left, because I didn't want to disturb the class, but the teacher laughed and said that she had seen much worse.

I stayed with them the first two days, DS was never really participating and doing things on his own... The third session I left to run errands, and they both did great. No tears whatsoever, and DS even participates well now, after only 6 sessions. I've noticed also that as soon as I'm there, they tend to stop behaving as well, but they've both been really good when I'm gone (most of the other parents stay, but I really enjoy the break lol).

I'm sure if you call them and apologize they'll just laugh and say they've seen worse. Don't worry, I'm sure it will be fine!

 

It was an unfamiliar environment. I wouldn't think twice about approaching that preschool again!!! :hug: It is hard as a parent to see that. :hug:

 

This is a very common reaction. Adjustment will have to occur at any daycare

 

Totally normal! When you call, make mention of your son's behavior, but don't dwell on it. Perhaps tell the director that you're still very excited and you could tell by your son's frustration at not getting to do everything all the time that he's excited too. Explain that he is much calmer at home and you expect he'll settle down once he knows the routine... and ask if she has any suggestions on ways to prepare your kids for the transition. That way you come off as 1) smart, 2) competent, 3) willing to take advice from the school.

=)

 

haha... only "slightly mortified"! I can see that happening with our dd... hopefully it all works out, like pps said, the school is used to new students with new environments. good luck!

 

I had a similar reaction this week. My boys started preschool on Wednesday and on Tuesday we were allowed to visit their classrooms (they are in seperate classrooms). When it was time to visit the other classroom, they both had a meltdown. Once we got into the other room they were ok but when it was time to leave, I had to drag them kicking and screaming to the car.

I felt it was a good sign that they did not want to leave. Sure enough the next day, they did great.

I had the same problem with their Kid's Day Out program. When I would drop them off there would be tears because they did not want me to leave. When it was time to pick them up, there were tears once again because they did not want to leave. :gah:

 

Hi, just an update.
Thanks for all of your input! It was very helpful and I called the director the following day. She didn't seem put off by my son's behavior and said it's normal. Whew. Unfortunately, they filled another morning slot and don't have space for my twins right now. I need 4 days a week. Initially, I was really bummed about it and felt like my kids would miss out on a good opportunity. I think it will be okay, though. The negative of this school is that they have high prices and they are closed 19 days a year. It would be hard for me to take a new job and find that much coverage. We don't have family in the area, so I'd rather not have to scramble around for backup care frequently. It was also a classroom with 90% boys. There was one other little girl there and one on another day. My DD already spends all day with her brother, so I'd like there to be more balance in the classroom genders. I went to visit another preschool on Friday, so I'm sure we will find something good eventually. The whole process feels pretty stressful, so I'm sure I will be posting questions again! Thanks again, Beth