Hi all, I just started back at work last Wednesday, leaving my four month old twins at home with a nanny (and my DH who works from home in a basement office) 4 days a week (I work from home on Fridays). I am having a hard time. I don't have the option financially to be an SAHM at this time, and I also don't dislike working in general, but I am having a hard time not being with the babies. My main issue, and I know this is my issue, is that I am basically jealous of my nanny and my DH for being at home with the babies. I feel like there is a big party with the nanny, the babies and my DH going on at home and I am missing out on it. And like my babies are going to think that the nanny is their mother and not really know who I am b/c they don't see me as much during waking hours. I get home around 6:00 and they go to sleep around 7:00 (I leave the house at 7:30am, they wake up at 6:30am), so I really don't get a lot of time with them Mon-Thurs. I hate that I am missing out on so much and that I will potentially miss milestones and I find myself being internally hostile towards the nanny for spending all that time with my babies (when she is clearly a great nanny). DH has been very supportive and he is working most of the day, not partying with the nanny and babies. And it's great to have him there to monitor what's going on, but I am finding myself feeling jealous, and there is nothing more unattractive than jealousy. Anyway, I just wanted to check in to see if any other WOHM moms can relate (or SAHM moms can empathize). It's really hard leaving every morning and I miss them so much. Will my babies know I am there mother? Uhg. I feel like such a loser... Thanks, AJ
aj, i don't have much to offer in the way of advice but you are not a loser. :hug: i am not a SAHM either; just a temporary SAHM. 'm staying home for a few months from work but i just feel like i'm prolonging the inevitable. its so tough to be away from them, i know. i think about it everyday and hate anyone who gets to stay home with them. i have family that doesn't work who thinks just because they dont work, they should have the privelage of staying home with my kids. i dont want anyone to stay with them except me. it angers me, just as it does you. hang in there. i am sure there a ton of people on here that can offer you some great advice.
I am sorry that you had to go back to work so soon I have to go back in January but I will have had a year with my boys at home. I was wondering if you have a video camera that your nanny could tape some of the new milstones for you if they happen on days when your at work? That way you will get to see it at least on video. Also it will get better, with my first son I had to go back early and I felt bad but we didn't have a choice. They will still know that you are their mom and you still have three days a week with them to do fun stuff. Also since you are the one that they see when they wake up in the morning and when they go to bed it gives them something to look forward to on the days when you are working because they know you will be there at those times. Best of luck
Oh, how I know how you are feeling. I'm so sorry you are going through this. My twins were born in February and I planned to take a full 12 weeks off after they were born. I had my date set to go back to work (in April) and everything. All along after they were born I knew they I was going back to work. I tried not to think about it as I physically hurt when I did. I had all of the same thoughts and worries about their care provider as you do. Only my MIL was going to keep them full time! (I love my MIL and we are very close. The alternative was a daycare center.) I didn't want anyone being there for my babies except me! No one. As time got closer and closer, I was just ill from thinking of it. My husband and I had talked about it several times along the way, but neither of us thought we could make it financially. Turns out, I was supposed to go back to work on a Tuesday and the Thursday night before, my husband and I had a long conversation, looked at our finances and decided I'd stay home with the girls. That Friday I went and told my boss and she told me that they were all expecting it. They knew my personality and that these babies were my world! My husband and I are SO broke now! He just got out of the Marine Corps a few years ago and he now goes to college full time and works very few hours each week. (Luckily he will graduate in May!!!) We pay the bills, but barely get by. It is so worth it though. Neither the hubby or I would change our decision. I said all of that to say this: Even if you think you can't make it financially, you most likely can. There would be lots of cutting down, but you could probably do it, if it was important to yall. The difference is, it seems you do like working. I didn't. All my life I've wanted to stay at home with my kids and take care of them, my hubby and house. Good luck to you. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I just want you to know that you aren't a loser!!!! Your a good Mommy. And you're NOT the only Mommy out there who feels/felt this way!!! :youcandoit:
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Is there any way you could rearrange your schedule to have 2 more hours at home during the day and then log in and work from say 7-9pm? Having more awake time with your LO's might make a difference for you...
Every mom who returns to work feels this way. It was a little easier this time because I knew how my older son turned out. Yes, he loves his caregivers but I am mom and I hang the moon in his eyes. Your twins will feel the same way. One thing that helped me was I told my caregivers not to tell me if my older son did something for the first time because I wanted to see it at home and not be disappointed. Good luck, it will get easier and your babies will proud of how hard you work for them.
I had to go back to work when my babies were 8 weeks old. It was incredibly hard but I had no choice so I suck it up and do it! DH actually stays home with them because his job did not make it worth our while to do daycare or nanny. I think that is harder for me than if they were in daycare because anytime he complains about something I want to yell and remind him that I would rather be at home and not the breadwinner. It has gotten easier and I can assure you they know you are their mommy. I get a little time with mine before bed (not much) when I come home from work and they always light up and stop fussing when I hold them. I also spend as much time during the weekend with them as possible and I still nurse them at night so that we keep that bond. Be assured that you are not a loser and that you are doing what you need to do to provide for your babies and they will appreciate you for it. :friends:
Thanks all. Especially slugrad and Marchl - thanks for your experiences and reassurances. I am feeling much better today than yesterday. It's such a rollercoaster, this whole mom thing. And the guilt part sucks. And I have my work at home day tomorrow and the weekend after that. But anyway, thanks again.
This is my first post. I am in the same position. I had to go back to work starting last Thursday. I did get 5 months but I want forever. I live in expensive, sunny California (near San Francisco) and we bought our house at the highest point in the housing market out here. I also work for a health insurance company so my benefits are excellent. I am so sad to leave my little ones. I have arranged for my husband to drop them off at daycare because I do not think I could leave them. Thank you for the advice about not being told about milestones. I had thought about that but it is good to hear that it works in practice. I have a 45 minute/hour commute each way and I must put in a nine hour day, five days a week. When it was just the two of us it was fine but now that there are four of us it is so hard. I completely understand being jealous about the SAHMs. I want to cry when I read their posts. I keep telling myself that we are lucky that both my husband and I have great jobs but it really does not make it easier. Thank you for bringing up this topic. It is nice to know I am not alone but I am sorry you have to go through this too.
I remember I went through the same thing when I had to go back to work the first time leaving my 3 months old daughter with a nanny. I cried every day. It was aweful. At the winter time, when I did not get home until 6.30 with her it got even worse. Well I got lucky because there was an opportunity at my company to trade my full time job for a part time one (yeah, I took a huge paycut as well - well worth it though) and that eased things for me a bit. The only thing I cared about is to work 30 hours so I would still get my benefits (insurance).
