Baby's temperment

Hi ladies,
I feel like a failure, and that this is my fault, but I don't know what to do. One of my DS, he is almost 11 mos old, has a temper! He gets so frustrated and angry about things, and when he does, his response is to throw his head back with such force that I'm afraid he is going to hurt himself. For instance, when he is doing something he shouldn't - stealing a toy from his brother, trying to climb up the stairs, getting ready to smash his fingers in a drawer, whatever - I say no, pick him up to remove him from the situation and either cuddle him or try to distract him with another toy. Well, he will arch his back and throw that noggin around, and he has actually split my lip and made it bleed and left a bruise on my arm from his head.

It just amazes me his memory and his determination, because even after I try to difuse the situation, redirect him, he's right back at what I just tried to prevent him from doing or getting into.

Meanwhile his twin brother, has rarely ever cried from having a toy stolen from him, he just crawls off to find another one, and is easily redirected.

Does anyone have any advice or any good books about baby tempers, age appropriate discipline?

Actually at our 9 mo pedi appointment he did the head throw/arch back, and I asked my pedi about it, and she said if you think that's a tantrum, just wait and laughed at me. I just feel like I don't know how to handle this and help him, and now I'm terrified about how this is going to work out as he gets older!

TIA!

 

Oh hun this is sooo not your fault!! My DS2 was just like your son too, a little busy busy explorer always interested in the things he shouldn't lol! He also did the back arching when he was frustrated! I don't have much advice, what i did was i would just go over to him and saying no,this is dangerous and say a big ouchie! This would usually make him laugh, other times, i would just stay with him and let him go upstairs or explore that cupboard with him, because usually when he got to do it once he wasn't too interested in it anymore (for a while lol). It really got much, much easier when he became able to talk and walk as he was able to be more independant and communicate his frustrations to me. Now, i will not lie to you, he did and does still sometimes throws the most crazy tantrums, but i either stay calm and ignore it or talk to him about why he can't do x y or z and he stops and gets it. I know it's hard, but it's not you, he just has a great personnality and gets frustrated he can't yet do more than his body will allow!

 

Wow, I could have written your post word for word, with only 1 exception...BOTH of my babies have a short temper!!

They both bow their little backs, stiffen up, and just growl if they don't get their way. They're only 10 months old!! I try to distract them with toys when they want to throw a fit, but that doesn't always work. I know they're babies and they have to show their emotions too, but I mean
gahh!

I'm looking forward to seeing some of the replies to this as I am looking for answers also!

 

Ignoring the tantrum (unless he's in danger of hurting himself or someone else) is what's usually recommended. You can try distraction, but that just doesn't work for some kids. Try to baby proof as much as possible so you can limit the number of "no's" you have to use in a day (not saying you say it too much of course!! ). The more he's "allowed" to do, the less he'll rebel when you have to remove him from something.

As for the toy stealing, unless he's hurting his brother, I wouldn't worry about that. I mentioned to my ped that the twins were constantly stealing toys from each other (my dd will squeal and growl when ds takes a toy from her) and he laughed and said they'll just have more incentive to learn to share! :lol: I don't usually step in unless dd steals a toy and ds starts crying. Then I gently take it from her and say "No no Rylee, Liam was playing with that first." And then offer her another toy. It doesn't always work and sometimes I have to move Liam over beside me to protect his toy!

 

:hug: I would remove him from the situation and place him somewhere safe that you can semi-ignore the behavior. Be consistent and hang in there. You did nothing wrong. It is VERY common.

 

I agree with Rachel. Put him somewhere safe & ignore it. Any kind of attention, positive or negative, reinforces tantrums. And it IS common, not your fault at all! :hug:

 

I just wasn't expecting the tantrums to start so soon! He is not even one yet! Then I look at the ticker and remember that he almost is one! Thanks for the advice. It's just so hard to know what battles to pick and what to let go. I don't know what it does to my other son to repeatedly have toys stolen out of his hands... I feel bad if I just let the guy who tantrums rule the roost and push his brother around. But then again, he doesn't seem to mind.

As for baby proofing, our house has a sunken living room, a basement, and a second floor, so 4 levels? It's horrible for 2 babies! We keep adding more and more gates, but with every gate we add, the harder it is for me to move them from one area to another! Still trying to get this all figured out.

Still welcoming any other advice!

 

I've decided that with twins, you have to resign yourself to lots of baby gates! I have a single level house, and I still have baby gates and doors closed everywhere!!

With my oldest ds, I never used a baby gate. When my dd came along, I put a gate up in the hallway to keep her out of my ds's room when he'd go to bed for school. With the twins, I have the hallway gate, a kitchen gate, a superyard extended across my dining room, and I had a gate to my front door, which we just recently moved! :lol: Gates are my best friend! We visited my parents place for 2 weeks in january, and I was SO happy to get back to my baby proofed and gated house!! :laughing: