Baby Shower ?

Hi all! I am going to be 22 weeks on Wednesday and I want to have my baby shower towards the end of July... My mother-in-law has graciously offered to host it! I am very excited... however my mom has decided that she wants to throw a separate one (knowing that I only want to have one) and she wants to throw hers in the beginning of Sept. I told her that more than likely that just wouldn't work, as the doctor said she doesn't feel comfortable with me going past 36 weeks (which would be mid Sept.) I tried explaining to my mom my reasons for only wanting one shower (I really don't think I will feel up to 2, we live 3 hours away from everyone, etc) and for wanting it in her words "too soon"... with the complications that come along with getting to have 2 little bundles of joy I just don't feel like I want to wait past 30 weeks... She is also upset that I'm not having it "closer to my (her) family" I have tried to explain to her that not only is my MIL's house bigger, but also it is in a great location for everyone as it's kind of right in the middle so people that wouldn't be able to come if it was "closer" (by which she means in the town that my gramma and aunts all live in on her side) will be able to and her side still only has to drive like 45 min tops. She said it was fine and to go ahead and have this one, but there WILL be another one in early Sept.. I told her that I probably won't be able to make it to that one if she does decide to throw it and she said that if people are going out of their way then I should make a point to be there and if I happen to be on bed rest they will come to me. I really don't think I will want all those people in my house when I am probably already not going to be feeling great...ARG!!! I am soooo frustrated because I feel like she's not even caring what I want! I know that she is excited about the twins as they are her first grandbabies, but shouldn't she listen to what I want too? Am I being too unreasonable?? If not, what can I say to get her to listen??? Help please!!!! :headbang: (this is what I feel like doing right now!)

 

Nope, not unreasonable at all! I had mine a 28 weeks and I'm pretty happy it wasn't any later than that. You live three hours away? You need to make your mom understand that you will not be able to travel that far from home at that point in your pregnancy. At that point, you may be on bedrest. My cousin and mom threw my shower but they did it at my house because I didn't want to deal with travel- is having it at your place an option? It's still too late though. What about having her do a welcome the babies shower after they are pretty sure to be born? Like October?

 

I'm sorry this is so frustrating for you. :hug: I really doubt that you will feel like/be able (and your OB may not even let you) drive or ride 3 hours away at 36 weeks for a baby shower. I know it is hard for your Mom to understand and many people don't understand that being pregnant with twins is a lot different than being pregnant with a singleton. You just never know what will happen with a twin pregnancy. You are not being unreasonable at all. I hope you find a way to get through to her. :hug:

 

Maybe you can suggest to your mom that she have an after the babies are born shower. Then people will get to see them and she can plan it once you are feeling better. Just a thought.

 

It sounds like your Mom might be on a mission! and may not be hearing what you want.

I love the 'blame it on the doctor' suggestion from another recent shower dilemma post. If your Mom continues to not hear you and it feels stressful...maybe you could pull the 'doctor says no shower or any other exciting or thrilling activities after 30 weeks' card??

Totally agree with pps...a welcome baby 'sip and see' sounds so exciting and your Mom can throw all her efforts and energy into this for MONTHS!! I bet you can convince her this is a great idea [I suggested this to my mom... and she is REALLY excited to plan this event and it will be at my house for ease].

Good luck with the negotiations, BIG HUGS, and stay true to what you [and your daughters and husband] need and feel!

 

I love my mom, but I have had to get tough with her a couple times over the last few weeks. If I were you, just say...you know...I appreciate that you want to throw me a shower, but you have to understand that with twins, there is a much higher chance that I won't make it that far and or that I will be WAY to uncomfortable to attend. I would then say, if you want to throw it, please understand that it needs to be done before 30wks for both my comfort and the "what if" factor. If she still fights it, then get tough and say, well...then I may not be there and I won't feel guilty if I'm not because I have tried to compromise with you.

Not everyone feels bad at that point or is on bedrest, but man...I did not want to entertain people any longer after about 32wks. My shower was at 28wks and it was perfect timing for my level of energy and ability to be mobile. I am sooo uncomfy walking around these days (i'm 36+1 today).

I like the idea of a meet the twins party (but I would only do that after they are at least a few weeks old and ONLY if they had not been born too early or spent time in the NICU- as to avoid a bunch of people pawing at my newborns and bringing possible germs around them).

 

your ob definitely WONT let you drive that far. I am only 28wks and I am not allowed to be further than 1hr from the hospital at this point

 

Thanks everyone!
I am definitely going to suggest the "sip and see" idea... Hopefully she'll go for it! I'll just let her know that it all depends on what the doctor says!

 

This is perfect. I did the 'Baby Holding Party' and it was a blast. They were like 7 weeks old and by then we were in a fairly good groove. My shower at 28 weeks was even hard- I couldn't sit up the whole time and had to lay down. Use your doc to your advantage and just tell her that her suggestions are not an option. If she wants to do it so late, she can wait until you've had the babies and they can attend.