Baby Nurse vs. Doula vs. Nanny vs. Mother's Helper

Hi everyone. My husband and I are considering hiring some help with the babies after they arrive. My husband has a very stressful job and works pretty long days (7am to 7pm is a short day in his world). We just moved to New York in January and have no family or friends around to help us out. Although my mom and sister will each come for a week or two in the early days. I do not plan to return to work after the babies arrive. And fortunately, my husband makes enough money that we can afford to get some help. Oh..and these will be our first babies.

So, I guess I'm confused on what kind of help to get. I was originally thinking that it made sense to get a night nurse so that I could hopefully get a good night's sleep. However, I am hoping to breastfeed so I'm not sure if this would be a big help or not since I'd have to get up to feed them anyways.

Oh...another thing...regardless, we plan to get someone in to clean the house on a weekly basis so they wouldn't have to deal with that.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

A few other related questions:

For those of you that did hire help, how did you find it? Did you use an agency? Or just advertise? Is it easy to do background checks, etc?

 

I'm in a similar position, looking to hire some help after the babies come -- especially since I also have a 3-year-old.

A baby nurse or postpartum doula would be the right choice if you need someone immediately after the birth -- both to take care of you during recovery, and to look after the babies. If your mom comes for a couple weeks, and then your sister comes for another week or two -- and you feel very comfortable that both will help with whatever you need -- then I don't think you'll need the baby nurse or doula....

A mother's helper is more likely to be a young girl or high school kid, someone to hold one baby while you deal with the other, etc. And, nannies sometimes charge a lot, because they're usually equipped to care for the kids while you're not there. So, ideally you want some combination of these positions....

I am planning to hire a woman who has been working for another twin mom -- I'm hoping for about 11am to 4pm, four or five days a week. (My DH is home a lot, so I don't need more than that.) I'm finding that word-of-mouth referrals have been best....

I'm also planning to nurse, and ideally she will help me get set up to tandem nurse by handing me the second kiddo after I have the first one latched on.....and then maybe take one baby at a time and help burp them....also, help me carry the babies upstairs to put them down for naps, etc. I also need a lot of help dealing with my 3-year-old if I'm dealing with the babies -- getting her lunch or milk, helping with potty, getting dressed, etc.

I'm hoping this woman will throw in a load of laundry, maybe load the dishwasher, run to the store to pick up something for dinner, and then tidy up after my 3-year-old....

Like you, we have a cleaning service, so I'll never ask her to do more housework than that....

Oh, and I agree on the night nurse -- I know some people swear by them, but if you are planning to nurse, I don't know if it's worth paying for one. Now, with twins, it might be tough to get nursing going, and you might have to be pumping, etc. -- can your DH or mom or sister get up and help you at all at night? Once you get into the swing of things, I don't know that a night nanny would be useful, unless you plan not to get up at all....

 

I have help lined up for the first few months through family and friends. My husband may be leaving to go out of town from October- December (90 days total) at which time we will need someone. I haven't figured out the best approach either.

In terms of the baby nurse, a friend who had a singleton hired one even though she was bfing. She would do the feeding and the night nanny would do everything else giving her a reasonable amount of sleep. It sort of depends on the babies. My singleton would be up half the night screaming for the first 6 or 7 weeks so having a night nurse would have been great. But if this go round, the babies are good sleepers, it would be a waste. I personally need someone during the day when my 2 year old is on the move.

I did listen to a talk tonight at the MOM meeting I attended about Au Pairs. It essentially costs 14,000 a year to have a live in caregiver. Half of the money goes toward the agency and the expenses for the au pair (insurance, transportation, and so on) while the rest is for the caregiver. YOu must supply the au pair a private bedroom but they can share a bath. If we needed someone full time, it would be ideal but we don't. I have talked to some women who have used this service/agency and LOVED it.

I do have a few open weeks this summer in between visits that I plan to get a "mother's helper". A 14 year old who has been through the babystting class offered by the hospital is who I will use to come play with Aidan and take care of the babies so I can spend some quality time with Aidan.

If you want to go through an agency, there are many. Do a search online for the different services and you may be able to find what you are lookig for.

I plan to post at the local college for someone to help out while my dh is traveling. Good luck!

 

Hi there! Just having fun reading the expecting boards, but I have some experience with this.

We hired a certified post-partum doula when Elliot and Clarissa were born, and it is something I HIGHLY recommend. We live in a pretty rural area, and there is only one doula that I know of, and I knew several families that had used her before, so that part was easy.

She came 5 days a week from 8:30 - 2:00 (that was as late as she could stay or I would have had her stay longer). Elliot and Clarissa were both nursing and bottle feeding, they were VERY difficult to feed (a feeding could take an hour) and they had terrible reflux, and I was pumping, so I just needed all the help I could get.

When Amy got there in the morning I was usually asleep. She'd let herself in, get the babies up and changed and I would stumble downstairs for the 9:00 AM feeding. Most feedings one would nurse and then get a bottle, the other would just get a bottle, so Amy would feed one baby. She would burp them and do all possible to make them comfortable with the reflux, while I would pump and then go back to sleep. Then from 10:30 until the 12:00 feeding she would do light cleaning, do the babies' laundry, mix up formula, run to the store if I needed her to, and pretty much anything else I asked of her. Then it would start again with feeding at 12:00.

She had taken a lactation counselor class, so was helpful with breastfeeding issues (although I also made great use of a local lactaction consultant - also highly recommended if you have any nursing issues at all), and just seemed to know all those things are a first time mom doesn't know . . . she showed me how to bathe them, and cut their nails, etc.

So, that's my recommendation for going the doula route . . . she described the difference of a baby nurse vs. a doula as this: a baby nurse comes to take care of the baby, a doula comes to take care of the mother (and the babies too).

I know there are two main certifying agencies for doulas, and you can search by location . . . www.dona.org and www.alace.org

Good luck, and sorry this got so long!

-Rachel

 

we hired a nanny who will start on July 2. I placed an ad on craigslist and was surprised at the number of very qualified nanny applicants who contacted me. Before I made an offer, I ran a comprehensive background check on the candidate in whom I was most interested and called all her references. That method worked very well for me. Anyway, my parents are here for a few weeks to help but I REALLY wish I had some extra hands in the middle of the night. Every night, at about 3 am, I am wishing we had a night nurse . . . but I am not BF . . .