Baby Blues or Depression?

My babies are 9-weeks old this week and I love them more than anything else in this world. However, the past week I have felt so empty inside, like a feeling of loss has overcome me. I won't be returning to my teaching job this fall by choice--I want to raise my babies--but I feel very hollow, like there's nothing to look forward to. I know this is ludicrous because I am so blessed with my babies, have a great husband, a home, friends, family--but I can't shake this feeling. I don't have a history of depression but I do anxiety and I'm currently on Zoloft for that, but I'm still feeling this way--very overwhelmed and feeling like I want to cry all the time. I feel like the days are empty too and that I won't be able to handle both babies on my own during the day (we can't afford any help and my family isn't around all the time)...the constant crying of the babies and trying to care for them all day long and not having time for anything else is wearing on me I guess. I know you are all either going through this or have gone through it (the taking care of the babies in the beginning part, not necessarily what I"m feeling)...anyways are these feelings normal? And does it get any easier???

 

I felt the EXACT same way as you :hug99:
I would definitely call your Dr & let them know how you are feeling ~ maybe they can adjust your Zoloft Rx??
My Dr. adjusted mine & it made all the difference in the world.
The first few months are so challenging, especially when you are on your own the majority of the time (I am alone with them all day long 5 days a week) & I want you to know that it WILL get better & easier.
Definitely check in with your Dr though & please keep us posted or send me a PM if you want to talk
Hang in there!!

 

QUOTE(amelowe9 @ Aug 12 2008, 12:18 AM) [snapback]925628[/snapback]
My babies are 9-weeks old this week and I love them more than anything else in this world. However, the past week I have felt so empty inside, like a feeling of loss has overcome me. I won't be returning to my teaching job this fall by choice--I want to raise my babies--but I feel very hollow, like there's nothing to look forward to. I know this is ludicrous because I am so blessed with my babies, have a great husband, a home, friends, family--but I can't shake this feeling. I don't have a history of depression but I do anxiety and I'm currently on Zoloft for that, but I'm still feeling this way--very overwhelmed and feeling like I want to cry all the time. I feel like the days are empty too and that I won't be able to handle both babies on my own during the day (we can't afford any help and my family isn't around all the time)...the constant crying of the babies and trying to care for them all day long and not having time for anything else is wearing on me I guess. I know you are all either going through this or have gone through it (the taking care of the babies in the beginning part, not necessarily what I"m feeling)...anyways are these feelings normal? And does it get any easier???



Hey I can really relate to the way your feeling right now! When i came home from the hospitial and for about a month or two i felt the same way! Maybe it hit me a bit earlier. I was also very depressed and feeling like there is nothing to look forward too! I cried everyday for a while, and could not shake the emptiness that i felt, nut didnt know why i felt it. I thought i should feel as complete as ever, but i didnt, abd eventually things got better. I think it is just adjusting to the change in your life... I felt like maybe i missed out on somethings or i didnt get what i wanted accomplished! But after awhile thing came into perspective and i felt alot better about everything. I hope this helps you and i really think its probably just emotios women go through after having babies! Good luck to you

 

Yeah, I would call your doctor. They usually give you 2 or so weeks for hormones to level out, and after that it is PPD. I think a lot of people do feel how you feel. I also had PPD and felt similar. It also got worse around 6 weeks, right when the babies were at the peak of fussiness. As soon as I got back on meds (I was on meds in the past for anxiety/depression) I felt so much better.

 

Yes, please call your doctor and let them know how you are feeling. But please know that at least part of what you are feeling is NORMAL, having newborn twins is HARD, it is exhausting, overwhelming and just plain HARD! I felt just like you, depressed, empty, I cried at least once/day if not more. I was scared to death of being left alone with the babies!! I posted on here all the time - how do you look after two crying babies - and they gave some great ideas. I had to live minute by minute for many weeks, I would celebrate every hour that went by in the day. I also use to order fancy cupcakes by the dozen and eat 1-2/day - that was my treat!
My dh and I decided that for my sanity we would hire help for me, we couldnt afford it really, but even having someone in a few days/week was well worth the money we spent.
I started feeling better by around 10-12 weeks. And you are a step ahead of where I was at, I use to think all the time - I wish I only had one baby, one baby would be so easy. It took me awhile to learn to like the babies, I loved them, but didn't like them very much, as when I looked at them all I saw was work and no payback. Once they started to smile and the crying slowed down (around 3-3.5months) things go SOO much better.
hang in there it does get better, talk with your dr and stay on top of any medications. Big Hugs! Many of us have been where you are right now, please know it does get better, there is light at the end of the tunnel although right now it is hard to see it.

 

Ditto the pps who said call your Dr. But with that being said, you are right in the thick of it. The growth spurts, the constant crying, the sleepless nights, etc. The sleep deprevation is the hardest part IMO because you are just so tired that everything is just compounded. Hang in there. It will get better, but call your Dr in the meantime. We also have a Mental Health forum if you are interested in joining that. They are some awesome women over "there." :hug99:

 

:hug99: Call your doctor. Experiencing mood swings is very normal post partem, but you don't have to suffer through it because there are things you and your doctor can do to help. :hug99:

 

I felt the same way you did for quite a while. Looking back I think some of it was PPD, some of it was anxiety, and the rest was just adjusting to life with twins. It's was SO hard for me in the beginning, I honestly had days where I just sat and cried...but it did get better and now I have days that are hard but the "numb" feeling I had isn't there. I would talk to your doctor too, but don't feel alone or worry that what your feeling is wrong or abnormal, because I know exactly how you are feeling!!

 

You are DEFINETLY not alone! I felt this way for a few months after the babies came, it was so hard dealing with them all day, everyday on my own and feeling like I lost my sense of self. Definetly call your Dr. It helped me to go and talk to someone as well. I know it's really hard but it also helped me to get out of the house as much as I could, at least a few times a week, even to go on a walk. It helped me to have something to look forward to. Also, really try to sleep when they sleep because there is nothing worse for the mind then sleep deprivation! It WILL get easier! Hang in there.

 

Oh..wow..I remember that feeling. I was SO depressed. And I had anxiety too. I just cried and cried and cried. The night would come and I would be so anxious as I knew that I was not going to get much sleep and they were going to wake up and question if I was a good mother and I will never have my own life. Oh..it was awful.
The babies would cry and cry and I would cry. Ugh. I was SOOOOOOOOO tired and recovering from the c-section after being on bedrest for awhile at the end of the pregnancy. I had a lot of help too but I still was sad. It lasted for a couple of weeks. One week..at around..5 weeks was terrible. I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, and had an upset stomach most of the time. I thought that I needed some help but it passed. I would recommend that if it lasts for more than a week..call your doctor. Or if...ever..you have feelings of hurting yourself or the babies, TELL someone and call the doctor. I never got to that stage but I can definitely understand the body going there if it's depressed enough. And whatever feelings you are having..don't be ashamed. You are reaching out..that is a great first step to working through it.
It's SO hard because I felt so guilty that I was depressed. I would look at these babies and I would be crying and saying to myself: GET A GRIP..this is what I had been working toward for 4 years of my life. Years of infertility, miscarriages and here I am with two beautiful, healthy babies and I wasn't happy!??!? What was wrong with me?? Well, it took me a bit to get over the hormone shift (I believe that was about 90% of it) and the lack of sleep to understand things. I went to my 6 week appt and told my doctor about it and he told me a great story..he said:
I had a friend that had twins. We got together after she gave birth and she told me that she was having bouts of depression. I explained to her that most woman put SO much emphasis on the pregnancy and birth that they don't think of the HUGE life change that is going to happen once the babies are in their lives. She agreed with me and said that she feels as if she is mourning the death of her previous life.
I heard that and I could TOTALLY agree with that. I was going through a bit of a mourning period.
Now..with that said..all is different now. The babies are about 4.5 months old and I am SO happy (tired but happy and ENJOY them. I realized that I can have a life with them. Yes, it's different and I do miss the freedom I once had. But, now, that they are older, I can get out of the house easier and I can go visit friends and family with them. I can go out to lunch with them and I can go for a walk and go shopping (not too long..but I can do it. It's a shift in my life now...not an end to my life. And all the things that I miss about my old life is made up when I look and interact with them. They are so precious and I laugh more than I ever have before. It's all about the small things..the smile, the laugh, the new thing that they learned to do today, looking forward to feeding them rice cereal, going over to grandma's house, going on a play date.

Please know that it IS going to get better. Your life will fall into a routine and you WILL find yourself again but in a new light. And if your depression doesn't lift on it's own..don't let it linger too long. There are many medications and people to talk to that will help you through it. And DON'T feel guilty. You feel whatever you need to feel.

 

Some advice to make you feel better:
1) Take a shower every day. In the morning before your husband or partner goes to work. It's makes all the difference in the world.
2) Sleep when the babies sleep. Who cares about the laundry, house..blah, blah. It will all be there later.
3) Get OUT of the house. Even if it's for 15 minutes. Get in the car and go for a drive with the babies in the car seats. They will most likely fall asleep. Turn on the radio and listen to upbeat music. Go through a drive-thru and pick up a yummy coffee drink or something that makes you happy.
4) Go for a walk with them or by yourself. That made a world of difference. I remember my Mom coming over (it's making me tear up just thinking about it) and walking with me down to the end of the driveway as my husband watched the babies. I could hardly walk due to the c-section but I needed fresh air. Those small walks made a world of difference. Within a couple of weeks, I was taking daily short walks with the babies in the carriage. It was great.

OK...I will stop typing now. I know that I have been babbling but I just feel for you as I was there.

 

Hi Lea,
I agree with the pp's. You got some great advice. I would also share how you are feeling with your Dr. :hug99:

 

QUOTE(amelowe9 @ Aug 12 2008, 12:18 AM) [snapback]925628[/snapback]
My babies are 9-weeks old this week and I love them more than anything else in this world. However, the past week I have felt so empty inside, like a feeling of loss has overcome me. I won't be returning to my teaching job this fall by choice--I want to raise my babies--but I feel very hollow, like there's nothing to look forward to. I know this is ludicrous because I am so blessed with my babies, have a great husband, a home, friends, family--but I can't shake this feeling. I don't have a history of depression but I do anxiety and I'm currently on Zoloft for that, but I'm still feeling this way--very overwhelmed and feeling like I want to cry all the time. I feel like the days are empty too and that I won't be able to handle both babies on my own during the day (we can't afford any help and my family isn't around all the time)...the constant crying of the babies and trying to care for them all day long and not having time for anything else is wearing on me I guess. I know you are all either going through this or have gone through it (the taking care of the babies in the beginning part, not necessarily what I"m feeling)...anyways are these feelings normal? And does it get any easier???

I went through the same thing. It does get easier....my b/g twins are 6 months old and I was panicked when my husband went back to work - never thought I could care for both of them all day...the emptiness and isolation of caring for newborns is horrible but it is all worth it and it absolutely gets easier. I hated when people said that to me 5 months ago but it is realy true. I used this webiste to get advice on sleeping and eating schedules - once you get that going you'll feel so much more confident about caring for them alone. Then, I joined mommy and me groups - there are lots of free ones around the country - check on line - this way I got out, met moms in my area and felt great knowing other women were going through the same feelings. I also joined the local Mother of twins clud in my area - met local moms of twins ....look on line for NOMTC.com - when your kids start sleeping more at night the depression also gets better...hang in there.