Babies' sleeping and eating out of synch

Hi everyone,

We have been trying to keep the babies on the same schedule, especially with feeding, but they are out of synch with sleeping (mostly during the day) and it seems to be impacting the feeds. One baby is ready to go down earlier than the other and if I put the other down at the same time, he just gets upset because he is truly not ready. If I wait until the second is ready, he goes down beautifully. I think the way they eat is impacting the way they sleep because one is a much more efficient feeder (we are EBFing) and is done earlier, sleeps earlier and is ready to eat again earlier. The second takes longer to eat, is ready to sleep later and is ready to eat again later too. Them being out of synch does not seem to be working out well for feeding the second baby who often falls asleep on the breast (still - @ 2months ) which I think is related to the fact that he's still tired and isn't really ready to eat. I can't stagger the feedings, though, or I won't be able to manage on my own. Has anyone else experienced this and is it related to feeding or just personal styles? Could the way they eat affect the rest if their cycle, eg sleep? Any suggestions for synching them up better?

Thanks,

Amy

 

I think it may have something to do with it. Sabrina and Sydney were so very different in every way and nothing I tried worked to get them on a similar schedule until months later (9?). Sabrina was 2 1/2 lbs smaller at birth and gained weight much more slowly. I had to supplement with her because on her own she just wasn't getting enough BM, and then half the time she'd throw up all the extra milk I'd pumped. She slept pretty well at night (which was a problem because I had to wake her up to feed her and she wouldn't want to), but would only nap if she were actually on me, on my lap or in a sling. Sydney took champion naps, but wanted to nurse all night long (well, all day long too). I knew a couple of people who had tandem fed their twins from the hospital onward, and had these romantic plans of getting them on this great schedule. But it just didn't work. I pumped for Sabrina for 4 months and finally gave up and just went to formula for all her supplementing (both girls BF until after 2yo, though). The gals in this forum helped me realize that sometimes you can make it work the way you want and sometimes you just make it work the best you can. I also didn't end up liking tandem nursing. It always felt uncomfortable, even when I was well supported and had the girls in the perfect place. So I got to where I only did it when necessary... like if they both woke up hungry at the same time. I did it more when they were bigger and could hold their heads up and really "got" nursing, but even then I mostly just nursed them separately. I spent a good portion of every day nursing, but we all lived, LOL. When you're in the thick of it though, it does seem pretty nuts. I'm sure you'll get lots of suggestions for getting them on a better schedule, and for sure try them. I don't mean to say that they won't work... just that they didn't work for us and we still made it through.

 

My twins were the same, no matter WHAT I tried to get them on the same schedule, they always staggered. My smaller baby was a horrible eater, took longer to eat, slept later etc. I ended up pumping and bottle feeding him, it was just way easier for me, I also had a 2 yr when the twins were NB. The only really eat and slept at the same time by the time they were about 6 months old which is when they were introduced to solids. All babies are different and I find that twins really show how completely different 2 babies can really be!

 

Mine are staggered EBFing and it's not unmanageable, although by staggered I guess I really mean I nurse and burp one, then the other. I only tandem if they are both starving and screaming. So they are on the same schedule but off by 20 minutes or so, if that makes sense. Don't know if that helps you at all.

 

Are your bubs ID or fraternal? I know with IDs it's usually a bit easier to synch them up because they come sort of hard wired to have similar wake/sleep cycles, although that can be influenced/thrown off by environmental factors.

Have you read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child or Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins by Dr. Marc Weissbluth? He has several suggestions for helping to keep twins in synch with each other. The one that always worked well for us was "setting" their sleep/wake cycle each morning by making sure they woke together & were exposed to as much bright light as possible for that first awake window. Then, for the rest of the day, when one twin woke, we'd gently start waking the other (white noise down or off, curtains opened a bit, loosen swaddle) - then while I was feeding the 1st twin to wake, the 2nd would be waking. He also argues that sleep/wake cycles aren't affected overly much by hunger, so long as babe isn't starving.

I've always fit feedings around sleep times rather than having any sort of set feeding windows. I was more worried about them sleeping together than eating together. I always fed them when they woke rather than nursing them down to sleep which worked well for my girls.

 

I had one who would have slept longer but I woke him up when his tinier, hungrier brother woke up. I didn't have much of an issue waking him- I'd rub a cold washcloth on his face, unswaddle/strip him down or rub his shoulders (not particularly gently). It helps to wake them at the same time; even though most of the time I'd start feeding the first boy (whomever woke first) and DH would change the 2nd so they'd be slightly staggered (just a minute or two).

 

Thanks for your responses everyone. We are still chopping away at our "schedule", though I am beginning to think the issue is more about sleeping than eating. Thankfully, my weaker latcher who often fell asleep at the breast seems to have turned a corner and isn't doing it very much at all anymore. This is worth celebrating for sure, however, they both seem to be sleeping for shorter and shorter periods (esp during the day) and needing to feed more often. Shouldn't this be going the other way? BTW, they are 10 wks, 8 based on DD so not a growth spurt or cluster feeding milestone i don't think. I realize this is as much a 1st years question as a BFing question but seeing as the thread is here, I hope you don't mind. Basically, the boys (who are fraternal) are having fewer and fewer good sleeps during the day and therefore fussier because they're tired. We always feed after a sleep and that's worked well for us so far but sometimes these days they just won't sleep no matter what I do so I end up feeding them out of desperation and lack of other ideas. Because they actually eat, I figure they need this even if they haven't slept. I am really trying to do healthy sleep habits and we were in a great eat-play-sleep pattern for a while but the sleeps have deteriorated for some reason and nothing is working. The lack of baby sleeps and extra feeding is leaving me feeling pretty physically and emotionally stretched. I honestly don't know what to try next. Any suggestions or insights?

Thanks in advance,

Amy

 

So since they are feeding so much more during the day, are they sleeping longer stretches at night?!

 

How often are you feeding? I found that even though we were on 3-hourly schedules, it was at this age, that they started to act starving around 2.5 hours... I just had to grin and bear it and stretch it to the 3-hour mark, otherwise they wouldn't finish their feed and then be hungry earlier than their next feed. I remember posting a very similar question around this time, our situation, in hindsight, was related to colic and over-tiredness. I moved their bedtime to early (around 6pm) around this age, and we haven't looked back (well except that we still encounter lots of nap challenges!).

 

Generally, we feed every 2-3 hours during the day and can go up to five hours at night, though tonight it's 3.5 hrs like clockwork so go figure ). Up until things started to change, we were feeding on demand which was easy to figure out because they would wake up, be fed, be awake for a bit, go to sleep and then do it all over again. Now, they sleep for sometimes only 10-30 mins during the day but it doesn't seem like enough because they still seem tired so I try and help then go back to sleep (by doing things like shushing, rocking etc) but I haven't been feeding them. Frankly, now the concept of on demand, which I am trying to follow, feels more complex. Do I nurse them and see if they then go back to sleep? I haven't wanted to do this because one of my babies was always falling asleep at the breast but maybe this is what they need? I realize now I have been saying we feed on demand but really it's been more on a schedule (sometimes I've stretched them to get to 2.5-3 hrs start to start as my sleepy guy was less likely to sleep on the breast with this rhythm). I am really confused about what to do as they are all over the place. As I am sure you have all experienced, it just feels so much more tricky to navigate because there are two and I fear if I get them out of sync, especially in terms of sleeping, i won't be able to manage the needs of both and keep my sanity . Can I keep them well fed, slept and nurtured and in sync? I would love to hear about how both on demanders and schedulers dealt with these short sleep cycles in relation to feeding. Also, how did this pattern and your response affect their transition to a nap schedule? It seems like we are maybe transitioning to something different but a natural rhythm is clearly not in place yet and I am really not sure what to do...

Thanks in advance,

Amy