Au Pair

It seems as though this option will be about 5k less a year for us than daycare and more convenient, so we are strongly looking into it. Just curious if anyone has an au pair and what they like/dislike about it, what they would have done differently. Any input would be a great help!

 

We do! And it has worked great for us. We're on our fourth au pair (two Germans, a Peruvian, and a Mexican), and of them we've only had one "dud." The others have been fantastic and I think on the third we got complacent thinking they'd all be great. Even that one the kids loved -- they may even have loved her the most. (I think it's because she let them boss her around!)

Things I recommend:

1) Abundant email and phone communication ahead of time. Make sure you can communicate. Recognize she (or he!) will be nervous on the phone.

2) Find someone who you think you will like as a person. Look for someone who has an obviously positive outlook.

3) Make sure they have relevant experience. The agencies are good at screening, but I think there's some fudging that goes on. Especially in your case make sure they have a good amount of infant experience.

4) I also suggest getting a 20+ year old (21 even better so they can go out to clubs, etc. and have a good time) -- no 17 or 18 year olds. They are just too young, there is a big difference between a 17 year old and a 20 year old.

5) Use a reputable agency. We used Cultural Care and have been happy with them.

6) If you do get an au pair make sure expectations (responsibilities, schedules, household rules, etc.) are absolutely clear at the onset.

 

QUOTE(marieber @ Dec 29 2008, 01:10 PM) [snapback]1124965[/snapback]
We do! And it has worked great for us. We're on our fourth au pair (two Germans, a Peruvian, and a Mexican), and of them we've only had one "dud." The others have been fantastic and I think on the third we got complacent thinking they'd all be great. Even that one the kids loved -- they may even have loved her the most. (I think it's because she let them boss her around!)

Things I recommend:

1) Abundant email and phone communication ahead of time. Make sure you can communicate. Recognize she (or he!) will be nervous on the phone.

2) Find someone who you think you will like as a person. Look for someone who has an obviously positive outlook.

3) Make sure they have relevant experience. The agencies are good at screening, but I think there's some fudging that goes on. Especially in your case make sure they have a good amount of infant experience.

4) I also suggest getting a 20+ year old (21 even better so they can go out to clubs, etc. and have a good time) -- no 17 or 18 year olds. They are just too young, there is a big difference between a 17 year old and a 20 year old.

5) Use a reputable agency. We used Cultural Care and have been happy with them.

6) If you do get an au pair make sure expectations (responsibilities, schedules, household rules, etc.) are absolutely clear at the onset.



Thank you for the feedback. I have not heard many bad things about them. I am just thinking it will make our first year more enjoyable and affordable for us and our babies. My biggest concern is personality conflicts. Is the individual with you all of the time or do they go out and socialize and retreat to their room?

 

QUOTE(kacy79 @ Dec 29 2008, 02:33 PM) [snapback]1125151[/snapback]
Thank you for the feedback. I have not heard many bad things about them. I am just thinking it will make our first year more enjoyable and affordable for us and our babies. My biggest concern is personality conflicts. Is the individual with you all of the time or do they go out and socialize and retreat to their room?


Generally they are with you a lot for the first couple weeks until they meet other au pairs in the area and develop a social life. And then you never see them!

Even with meals, at first they have eaten dinner with us every night and gradually that has always changed -- and then we develop our own food things. The first au pair, for instance, liked me to save her a plate that she'd have for lunch the next day. The next ate with me about half the time and other times either ate leftovers or not, but she didn't want me to feel like I had to save something for her. The third usually ate with us, and then left. Juli, our current, is a vegetarian, which brings its own challenges, but lately rarely eats with us. I supply the foods they request.

 

We have an au pair with us at the moment whilest on hols in Canada for a month. She is excellent. She is older and has lots of experience and she does the kitchen! Bonus. Excellent advice give in pp. Definitely agree with the age thing. We had a 19 year old once and it was just too much for her and she went home early. Be very clear about hours, expectations and duties before they start so you cannot fall out about it! Try to get someone with experience as, as you know, twins are hard work! GL - sure you will find someone that works out for you.

 

So in hearing your meal time, it sounds as though you provided the Au Pair with a car, is that correct? Did you put the car in her name? Are you paying for her car insurance? Is there any particular country that you seem to like better than others?

You ladies have no idea how big of a help you are! I am actually getting excited about the Au Pair since I will not have much help during the week at all.

 

QUOTE(kacy79 @ Dec 29 2008, 04:00 PM) [snapback]1125306[/snapback]
So in hearing your meal time, it sounds as though you provided the Au Pair with a car, is that correct? Did you put the car in her name? Are you paying for her car insurance? Is there any particular country that you seem to like better than others?


We now have three cars, so yes, we have an "au pair car" for her use at the end of the day. But we only had the two cars for the first one. I really didn't want her driving my tiny babies around anyway. She didn't like it though. We got the minivan partway into the next one, and it was good that she could take them on playdates and things. We do pay the insurance.

They do need to be able to use a car to get to classes, which they are required to take (two three credit courses in the year). Unless you have easy access to public transportation. ETA: So driving is definitely something you want to ask about!

As for the countries, I would ask the local coordinator which countries/languages are well-represented by the au pairs in your area. Again, you want your au pair to make friends and have a healthy social life, and it helps if they aren't the only Spanish speaker amongs all Germans, for instance, which is how it used to be here.

Also, there are different personality types that might be generalizable -- I think the Germans are a little more take-charge, which can be very good, but you have to keep an eye out. Our Peruvian au pair was AWESOME(!) with the girls, and so warm and loving and she taught them a lot of Spanish and dance moves, but she wouldn't just take it on her own to assume a responsibility -- I had to tell her everything I wanted her to do in terms of light housework (girls room, dishes, etc.). Our Mexican girl I will not generalize from. I have met great Mexican au pairs too.

So all other things being equal in terms of the au pair mix in your area, I'd just go with the individual over the country. But I might slightly favor the Germans.

 

I highly recommend Au Pairs as well! We have had ours from Thailand for just over 5 months now, and she is wonderful! My DH and I both work full time, and having her around is the only way I could make it work. When our 5yo was a baby, we did day care, and this is SOOOOOO much better in my opinion. It is wonderful not to have to shuttle them to and from school, and great not to expose them to all of the germs. Plus, it is just the Au Pair, the twins, and sometimes my son who goes to part time pre-school now, so it is very attentive care. She loves the babies and follows their schedules very well. It's cheaper for us too, which amazes me for the quality that you get. As for driving, I had hoped that she could drive herself for social things but that hasn't worked out. Check with your insurance, for ours we don't have to pay a premium for drivers over 21 years old. However, her friends pick her up most of the time when she is off duty. Also, she stays in her own room most of the time when off duty, so we don't have to share our living space very much. Only occasionally do we eat together, though she has made some great Thai dishes! Her food costs have been shockingly minimal. We will definitely be doing this for their second year as well, though we may do day care after that. It has been amazing to be able to use some of the hours for night time and weekends so that my husband and I have a built in babysitter. I'd say that the pros far outweigh the cons. We use Au Pair In America and have been very happy with them. Good luck to you!

Becca
Zander 12/24/03
Zack & Zoe 5/15/08, born at 37.5 weeks after 7 weeks of strict bed rest!

 

QUOTE(z mommy @ Dec 29 2008, 10:33 PM) [snapback]1125763[/snapback]
It has been amazing to be able to use some of the hours for night time and weekends so that my husband and I have a built in babysitter.


I was going to mention this. Right now since the girls are in preschool we have a lot of schedule flexibility so we can go out in the evenings without it costing us any more money. I just make sure to give her notice. Bonus!

 

We have a slightly different situation, though similar at the same time. We have a full time live in helper, cost are around $450 a month without food / room & board. She works 6 days a week, wakes up at 7 am and goes to bed when she's done cleaning the kitchen etc. She cooks, she cleans, she irons, runs errands and she watches the kids. My oldest goes to school, my twins will go 2 mornings from next week. I am a SAHM so we divide tasks but only when it comes to child care (I no longer clean and iron, ), but cook sometimes. When I take the kids she cleans the house, relaxes, etc. and when I have an errand to run or meet somebody for lunch she watches the kids. I try to use the time when they're napping plus a little before and after so that I can still spend time with the kids. For me it's really the extra hands that help keep me sane. I feel I am more in control and more patient with the kids when you get a break. It's pure luxury to be able to play field hockey again and go out for dinner when we want to. I didn't have that until 5 months ago since the day I had kids. Ours is 36 years old, she has 10 years experience in HK and she's very much on the background, friendly, good with the kids, responsible, etc. I really didn't want a helper with an entire wish list, big mouth (plenty of them here), etc. We treat her well, give her extras, she eats what we eat but she eats in her own room (and sometimes she buys her own food things from our money but never outrageous, just the basic stuff and she won't touch our cookies or anything, even though I tell her it's OK). Again, it's a different situation, but also similar because we also have somebody living in our house, but for us it's still worth our decreased privacy. Ours doesn't drive, their (gov) contract won't let them, but it's not a necessity, so can't comment on that.

I would have looked into an au pair if I wasn't in this position. With 3 small children is definitely worth it.

I feel it's always a gamble who to hire but trust your instincts, ask for references (whatever type of references they may have, maybe from work, school, etc.), it helps to get an idea about the person.