Attention SAHM's

Ok, I chose recently (like two weeks ago) that I was not going back to work on May 4th and I was going to stay at home with my twins. However, I find myself in tears right now because I don't know how anyone, let alone myself, can handle this. Now in reality I've really been a SAHM since I started maternity leave on February 4. But, I just don't know how to handle this. My girls are projectile vomiters, and on top of running after myself picking up the burp cloth I left behind, preparing next bottles, folding clothes, attending to whomever is crying..I feel like I'm going to lose my mind! This is some serious work. And of course I get emails from DH all day about how I "need" to call my ex-work and get my insurance situation handled- yea buddy, that's right on the top of my list along with SHOWER.

How do you do this all day long? What do you do when your LOs have extended, and unexpected, awake times (mine are 2 months old and they're awake literally all day)? Just some words of advice, encouragement, whatever you can give to make me feel better would be splendid!

 

:hug:'s Momma, you are in the thick of it right now. It is very hard at the beginning and I know I wanted to go back to work as well at that point because work was easier. :blush: Just know that your two will get out of this stage and yes, there is still alot to do being a SAHM but things will get into more of routine and the babies will start interacting more and be more fun. Do they have reflux?

:youcandoit:

 

I definately reccomend trying to get them onto some type of schedule. At that age mine were on a 3hr schedule...eat,play,sleep. Mine generally napped for atleast 2hrs out of the 3, but they did soon start to have more awake time. IMO 2 month olds should not be awake all day. Mine were taking 4 naps a day at that point. For sleep/napping issues I reccomend the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. Mine were napping in their swings all day, and sometimes even slept in them at night. When they were sleeping is when I was able to get some things done...laundry, phone calls, bottles, ect.
How do you prepare bottles? At that age we either had a pitcher or prepared them ready made and just put them in hot water to heat them up. These days I fill the bottles with water the night before and put the powder into individual powder holders like these http://www.packinsmart.com/ so I can just dumpt it in, shake, and ready to go.
I too was totally freaked out about being a SAHM and the early days are definately the toughest-some days I cried when dh left for work. Soon they will be intearcting and things will get a lot easier. You will get used to it and learn your own little tricks.

 

First of all, You can do it! Being a stay at home mom isn't easy, and I can totally relate to DH still expecting me to handle stuff that I used to, and really not being able to do it anymore. The other day our phone quit working, and I thought, Oh no, did I pay the bill? Turns out I did, but I seriously couldn't remember. My twins have been tag team nappers lately, which makes it hard to get any thing done, so I try to keep my day as clear as possible. My DH works second, so I cook supper while he's still here, and then reheat later for my DD and me. I also am homeschooling my DD, so that too gets done while DH is home. After DH leaves, I don't worry about doing anything other than taking care of my children till 6:30. That's when I start the twins bed time routine. A little after 7:00 I put them to bed. I have always just layed them down while they are still awake, and since they are used to it, they usually go to sleep without a fuss. This is a big time saver. Then Anna and I have a little QT before her bed time at 8:00. I then clean house til 10:00. After that, it's my time. I take a shower, and if I have any energy left I will read or something like that. DH is home by 12:00, and so we give the babies a dream feed before we both go to bed.

 

QUOTE(TwinLove @ May 1 2009, 02:23 PM) [snapback]1296672[/snapback]
:hug:'s Momma, you are in the thick of it right now. It is very hard at the beginning and I know I wanted to go back to work as well at that point because work was easier. :blush: Just know that your two will get out of this stage and yes, there is still alot to do being a SAHM but things will get into more of routine and the babies will start interacting more and be more fun. Do they have reflux?

:youcandoit:


OHHHHH do they have reflux! Like no other! I've posted zillions of times about their vomiting, reflux, multiple trips to different doctors. I used to have about 2 hours in between their feedings but now they literally just lay in their bed or wherever I put them and cry, talk, babble, for hours on end. Do you think a schedule would help them that much? I used to be very strict about their 3 hour schedule until they decided they wanted to sleep for 5 hours once, so the pedi told me to let them tell me when they want to eat (without letting it go longer than 4 hours during the day and no longer than 6 hours at night). That's what I've been doing. And I will admit that it has been a little more chaotic but I think the only reason I still let them dictate when they eat is because I'm holding out hope that they will sleep a little longer.

 

QUOTE(Hsuter @ May 1 2009, 02:31 PM) [snapback]1296686[/snapback]
I definately reccomend trying to get them onto some type of schedule. At that age mine were on a 3hr schedule...eat,play,sleep. Mine generally napped for atleast 2hrs out of the 3, but they did soon start to have more awake time. IMO 2 month olds should not be awake all day. Mine were taking 4 naps a day at that point. For sleep/napping issues I reccomend the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. Mine were napping in their swings all day, and sometimes even slept in them at night. When they were sleeping is when I was able to get some things done...laundry, phone calls, bottles, ect.
How do you prepare bottles? At that age we either had a pitcher or prepared them ready made and just put them in hot water to heat them up. These days I fill the bottles with water the night before and put the powder into individual powder holders like these http://www.packinsmart.com/ so I can just dumpt it in, shake, and ready to go.
I too was totally freaked out about being a SAHM and the early days are definately the toughest-some days I cried when dh left for work. Soon they will be intearcting and things will get a lot easier. You will get used to it and learn your own little tricks.


what did you do for play time with them at this age?

 

The first 3 months I was dreaming of going back to work. Once 4 months hit I was thinking it's not so bad and now at 6 months I dread the day I go back cuz I love being a SAHM. It will continue to get better and one day you will love it. Hang in there. BTW I couldn't get mine on a schedule till 4 months which helped a lot. I tried before that but the boys weren't having it.

 

QUOTE(Kaie05 @ May 1 2009, 03:42 PM) [snapback]1296699[/snapback]
OHHHHH do they have reflux! Like no other! I've posted zillions of times about their vomiting, reflux, multiple trips to different doctors. I used to have about 2 hours in between their feedings but now they literally just lay in their bed or wherever I put them and cry, talk, babble, for hours on end. Do you think a schedule would help them that much? I used to be very strict about their 3 hour schedule until they decided they wanted to sleep for 5 hours once, so the pedi told me to let them tell me when they want to eat (without letting it go longer than 4 hours during the day and no longer than 6 hours at night). That's what I've been doing. And I will admit that it has been a little more chaotic but I think the only reason I still let them dictate when they eat is because I'm holding out hope that they will sleep a little longer.



:gah: We had reflux here big time and it definately made things harder on me (as well as my son) I think your two are still quite young to get into a routine. My two set their own schedule at around 3/4 months. :good: Do I think it helped my two AND me? Yes, very much so, but everyone is different. My two seemed to always like routine, and still do to this day. It also made my days go by easier. At two months, I didn't push for anything and didn't expect it. I let them sleep when they wanted, how much they wanted. :hug:

 

My dd has pretty bad reflux...but she's a silent refluxer so I dont get too much spit up. I know they are young but are you thickening their feeds? We started doing this w/dd around 2 months w/oatmeal and it did seem to make her more comfortable.

For play time at that age I would do a little tummy time-although with your vomiting issues not sure if thats a super idea, lay them on the play mat or put them in a bouncy...read to them.

as for the schedule thing...it worked for us, but it doesnt work for everyone. Its harder with reflux babies because your more concerned about feeding and what not. For naps at that age I personally woke them at the 2hr mark (because this would usually be 3hrs from their last bottle) to eat.

 

being a SAHM is definitely the hardest job i have ever had! my bosses here never give me a break!! but, it is also the most rewarding job i have ever had, i love it. my DD has reflux too and all i can think is that nobody would have been as dedicated to her and her feeding issues as i have been. heck, there were days when even i didn't want to feed her, i can't imagine how a daycare worker would have dealt with it. but enough with the reflux...

at that age i had mine on a strict 3 hour feeding schedule during the day. just that little bit of structure helped me get through each day until i started being able to schedule the nap routine at around 3/4 months. but i'm the kind of person that needs to be in control and as you know, the early months are totally out of control, so i did what i could to help myself.

for playtime at that age, i spent a lot of time on the floor with them and rotated them through the swing/bouncy/floortime areas for variety. i also did a lot of singing(still do). i think you can still do some tummy time, just try to do it before you feed them or at least an hour after eating. you may still have some puking, but it is really good for them(the tummy time, not the puking). i have also found that the more time DD spends on her tummy, the less she throws up, i've heard that tummy time helps strengthen the esophegeal sphincter, so you may want to try it..

anyway, i think you will grow to love being a SAHM. it gets sooooo much better when they start smiling and talking and acting like humans!

 

There are some days when I question whether teaching middle schoolers would not be easier than being at SAHM. However, mine are now past the first few months and I LOVE IT!!! I love being there for all of their firsts (rolling over, sitting, getting teeth, solid poop, etc). I "hate" when other people tell me to look because one of my daughters is doing something new. No, they're not, they've been doing it for a while now and I get to see it first because they are at home with me! My husband actually gets jealous because he gets to see everything secondhanded. The first few months are HARD, but it gets so much better. Do you have any sort of routine in place? We thrive on routine and it helps me keep my sanity. Some people say that babies are unable to follow a routine until at least 3-4 months, but it all depends on how you "train" them. Hang in there because it is so worth watching them grow up!

 

Didn't read previous posts but I'm sure you've gotten some great advice from others who've been there, done that.

Here's what I wanted to add... I was kind of hoping you could find MY posts when I was at the stage you're at. Might help you feel better. I was pretty miserable. Not only did I not want to be a SAHM.. I didn't want to be a MOM!

NOTHING can prepare you for the shock of having twins and THEN having to deal w/ them and raise them. The first six months were brutal for me. I mean, B R U T A L! I don't try to hide it, either, I'm cool w/ admitting defeat. They dam* near defeated me every single day for that first six months. I cried EVERY single day.

For me, it wasn't that I didn't know what I was doing cuz I kinda feel that I DID. And that made it worse. I knew what I was doing but I hated doing it. UGH. It was just soo unrewarding and neverending (as you mentioned.) It never got any better and it was always the same and MOM never gets a break...

The truth is, it's painful. There's no sugarcoating it. It's just the way it is. And if I would've had SOMEONE to just TELL ME THAT, I think I would have felt better. I'm serious. My own mom had twins and kept saying... "Oh, it'll be better at 4 months, then 6 and then a year.." Finally at one year I just looked at her and said.. 'Mother, why didn't you tell me the truth?" And she looked me straight in the face and said.. "Meredith, I couldn't tell you the TRUTH! Then you never would've made it."

And I have to say, (and did say), that I totally disagree with that. I would rather know.

I'm rambling here but I'm trying to let you know that I've been there and weathered the storm and not only came out of it alive- but I am happy

Things are wonderful and having twins is sooooooo rewarding. I used to want to strangle people when they told me that. Now, I am one of them. But I'll never forget. Just take it hour by hour. It will get better, but not for a while. Just do WHATEVER you have to do to survive. You'll do fine. Get all of the help you can get. Make sure your DH pulls his weight.

Lean on us anytime

 

I want to encourage you that it does get better. When my babies were two months old I was just getting released from the hospital, coming home in a wheelchair, hospital bed at home, unable to lift or carry my babies etc etc. I certainly didn't think I would ever be able to look after myself, let alone two babies. Fast forward four months and I am starting to enjoy caring for my babies. Some days I count down the minutes until my husband comes home but other days I look at the clock and can't believe he'll be home any second. I did not have a routine for my babies. They recently just put themselves, and me, on a schedule. However, I had myself on a schedule of sorts. I chose certain times of the day to look forward to something. For instance, I enjoyed watching the first twenty minutes of Live with Regis and Kelly and the View so I would turn my t.v. on then and watch it. I streamlined everything in my home. I prefilled all the bottles with water and had pre-measured containers with formula for the whole day and night that I prepared all at once. It meant I only had to do bottles once a day. I had change stations in my living room, bedroom and baby room. I did anything that made life easier. It meant that sometimes I had to let go of preconceived notions of keeping my house neat and tidy. It has been invaded with baby tools to make my life easier. When my babies went to sleep in the early evening, I went to sleep too. My husband would usually do the next feeding and I would do the rest of the night. Those few hours of uninterrupted sleep were priceless. If possible, always keep a diaper bag with bottles, formula, outfits ready to go so you can go out for an outing if possible. I just recently started doing this and the freedom I feel is wonderful. I try to get outside every day the weather allows. I always thought I would love being a SAHM. In fact, I spent many years hoping to be a SAHM. However, it has taken me until this stage to feel that I can actually do it. Now, each week seems to get a little easier. I am starting to think less and less of going back to work ever, even though it would be much easier and I loved my job. I am certain that as your children get older you will find it easier too. You are still in the stage of getting to know them. By the way, my daughter is a non-sleeper as well. She is happy to go on very little sleep. People tell me it's not possible so I tell them to come spend a day with me and they do and can't believe it. All babies are different and just because one person had children who were textbook sleepers doesn't mean that there is something wrong with yours. They are individuals and we can't expect every baby to be the same. Keep us posted on how it's going. Everyone on here is a wonderful source of encouragement for those hard days...

 

You can do this!! I'll try to make this short and sweet...just put the girls to bed and gotta make some dinner
I love staying at home with them. At two months, things were pretty hard though. At 3 months things got much easier! By 4 months I felt confident, and could go out with them by myself to run errands or do whatever (although one would always spit up - reflux here to, no projectile vomiting though) Anyway, we let them sleep at night, but after 6 am, would feed them every 3(or so) hours. I fed them together (would wake one up to feed if she did not wake by the time I was done feeding the first). They have always remained on a very similar schedule and it made my life easier. But I also followed their cues... sometimes they were hungry at 2.5 hours- it was more of a flexible routine so I did not lose my mind. I feel really lucky that I get to spend so much time with them. It does get easier!!

 

It will get better believe me. I was in the same situation except I also had a 3 yr old at home with us. I was so exhausted all the time. I never felt like I could get my head above water. One day I had both boys in my lap feeding them their bottles, Beckett started vomiting and I just had to let him lay in my lap and pick Greyson up, he was above my head, so I have Beckett vomitting all over me and Greyson decides he needs to do the same, all down my head. It's running in my eyes and my whole front is soaked. They both start crying and so do I. After they are both finished I laid them both in the floor got a towel and wiped them off and the excess off of me. I then changed their clothes, diapers and put them to bed, as I stripped down I called DH crying my eyes out and he kept telling me it would get better. He would take over completely when he got home.....which was like 6 hrs away. I cried the whole time I was in the shower. Afterwards I called my best friend and told her the story and was laughing about it by that time. There isn't much else you can do. Cry a little or a lot and then when you can which hopefully will be soon you can laugh about it. Keep that in mind when anything traumatic or sressful happens. Goodluck andremember it will get better.
:hug:

 

I kinda skimmed thru, and you got some great advice. All I can tell you is this.

DH and I have 2 older kids, and when we found out we were having twins we looked at each other and said "The first 6 wks will be hell, the first 6 months will be hard, and after that....the fun begins!" Even with singleton's that's very true.

In the beginning those babies are so totally and completely dependent on you. Food, diapers, sleep, play time....etc. But around the 5/6 month mark suddenly they are able to entertain themselves for a bit. They are usually sleeping better. And their feedings have settled into a good pattern. I knew it was going to be a matter of survival until we turned that corner.

I've been a SAHM for 7 yrs and I love it and wouldn't change a moment of it. But even I have mentioned that I'll be very happy/excited when the babies can start entertaining themselves a bit, and settle into a more predictable pattern. I love and adore babies, but I look forward to the next stage already! Hang in there, the fun is just going to get better and better!!

 

being a sahm is so hard. ive just gone back to work after a years mat leave and teaching hundreds of teenagers a day is way easier than looking after 2 crawling babies.
like most people have said - you are at the hardest part - it will get easier, you'll find your routine and the day will come when you only have a couple of meltdowns a day.lol!
seriously though, my sanity saver was getting out everyday for some reason.
gtg but big hugs
x

 

Hugs to you mama! Right now you are surviving. No doubt about it. I was and still am surviving. It's not fun. Just from reading the previous posts, you are getting lots of sympathy and been there, done that advice. Awesome mamas here

Somethings that worked on getting my boys to sleep is to swaddle. They were swaddled in the hospital and we continued it at home. I use a swaddler from Kiddopotamus at babies r us. I swaddled my boys till they were close to 3 1/2 mos. I quit when they were breaking free all the time. Swaddling them helped big time. I would watch the clock and their signs for being tired and put them down awake. They learned to fall asleep on their own. I did use pacifiers too. Someone told me that babies have a high sucking need till around 6months.

I had a melt down the other night because I am so stressed with staying home with the twins and my ds. It's hard. I told my dh that I felt like I am sinking and there is no way out. I would get so angry with the twins. Nothing would go right. They didn't deserve my anger tho and now that I am doing better, I am sad that I did get so mad at them. I am human tho with emotions.

There is something I am going to work really hard on. Having them sleep at the same time. They have taken naps at the same time 2x's today and it is lovely!!! My problem is that I am lazy about getting the other one up after the first one is up.

I hope you can find some quiet time for yourself. It's important as sahm to do this. When you take care of yourself, you can take care of your babies better too!

 

I didn't have time to read all the responses (just skimmed a few) so forgive me if my words are redundant. But I agree, being a SAHM to twinfants is tough! And especially if they are awake ALL day! Wow. Reflux does make it tougher, too.
I saw someone recommended the book HSHHC and I second that; I started following it around 2 months and it made a big difference in my boys' napping habits--we started to swaddle them for naps and put them in their cribs with white noise. We do sometimes let them nap in a swing when they're having a hard time settling down in the crib, and that helps as well (can also help with reflux babies!).

Play time at 2 months is a challenge I agree. I would do things like songs with them with motions (e.g. moving their arms and legs to songs like "the Wheels on the Bus" and "the Itsy Bitsy Spider"), playing music and dancing around with them, simple games like peekaboo, etc. And independent play is good for them too--activity mat, tummy time, bouncy seat with toy bar, etc. Also I recommend signing up for the weekly development emails from www.babycenter.com. Each week they send you an email about your baby's development that week with a variety of topics and every week they include two age-appropriate activities that you can introduce that week. great resource!