Attachment parenting and twins

I am curious---for those of you out there who also tend to fall toward attachment parenting philosophies: What does attachment parenting and twins look like to you? How do you accomplish this in your home?

Although I am not one to always follow one certain philosophy of parenting, my ideas about how to raise my children most often fall into the attachment parenting school of thought. But having twins can sometimes complicate this! haha. It can really complicate things when both of the twins have breastfeeding challenges. But I do think it's possible to practice attachment parenting with twins, and I am slowly learning what this means for our family.


So, I am curious how others do it and your thoughts on the subject.

Thanks in advance!!

 

With Attachment parenting and twins, you have to do what you can. I couldn't nurse so I am bottle feeding and I interact during those time as much as I did with my older son while he nurse. I don't do CIO but I do let them fuss and talk to themselves as they go to sleep. I never co-slept but if my babies stir, I am there for them. You have to modify the AP to fit your life. Even Dr.Sears writes in the AP book that with twins, it is different so you just apply the principles where you can.

 

Have you read the book Mothering Multiples? That helped me a lot.
We coslept in a king size bed and I bfeed on demand--I also supplemented bottles set at the times DH and I had our meals.
I never tired to get them on any other sort of schedule, but did focus on them becoming part of our lives. They always ate something at our meal times, and were always at the table with us. (of course they ate at age appropriate interals as well.)

I didn't use my wrap as much as I thought I would, and used the stroller way more than I thought I would, but the stroller also allowed us to go about our lives, Our girls got accostomed to sleeping in their stroller and we went to restraunts and places that were able to accomodate the stroller rolled up to the table.

Luckily, taking care of twins was really the only thing I had to do in their first year. So I was able to sleep when they slept and wake when they woke. I breastfeed on demand all night and never pushed them to sleep for longer periods than they naturally did, but since I could fall asleep breastfeeding them in my bed I still got enough sleep and didn't mind waking several times a night.

Oh another thing I did was I never woke up the other or tried to keep them on the same schedule, instead, I charised those rare one on one times with which ever wasn't napping.

 

It certainly is different than parenting my singleton before the twins. I do wear them when we go out, they are still small enough to both fit in a pouch or ring sling. I also cosleep and bf on demand. The main difference is they have to cry alot more than my son ever did, he never had to cry while I made a pb&j for someone, they do. I wish so much that I could parent them like I did my son but even if there was only one of them, it wouldn't be the same. I long to lay in bed with just one baby and have a free arm for my son but he has to settle for a hand at best. I know that as the babes get older (they are 2 months) I will have more free time and free arms for ds, but right now it feels like he is getting scraps. I only hope he knows how much he is loved and how lucky he was to have mommy to himself for 4 wonderful years. I do what I can to hold and love my kids but I feel a bit spread thin right now but blissfully happy I guess I just do what feels right or what works. One baby sleeps in a swing for naps and I would never put ds down when he was a baby. I also told dh the other night that I want a crib and we didn't use one for ds. I just don't really see how cosleeping is going to work when they figure out how to move.

It's interesting to see how others parent twins, it really shakes things up a bit.

Dena

 

I agree - you adjust what you can do to twins. I have AP'd all my singletons and have had to adjust what I can do with each of those as the siblings came along. Now with the Duo, we are adjusting again. I wear them as often as I can - alternating. Usually when one falls asleep I put him down in the crib and wear the other one. They sleep together in their crib at the beginning of the night and I bring them into bed with me one at a time as they wake for feeds. I bf on demand (except for the last feed of the evening - I 'top' them up even if one has eaten recently. We don't plan to CIO - I never have.

I didn't know the style of parenting we used was even a STYLE until our 3rd child came along. we just did and continue to do what feels right to us.

 

Thanks so much ladies for the comments.

Yes, I have a copy of Mothering Multiples, and I find myself rereading parts of it often. It has been a great help for the most part. My only wish is that it had more content about fathers taking an equally active role. But I agree. That book is very helpful.

In the beginning when the babies were small I wore both of the babies in a dual sling, which was awesome. But I have some back problems due to scoliosis, and I had to give that up once they became bigger. But I feel it was what helped me get through those early crying days without going insane. Now I wear them separately, and I really enjoy those times alone with the boys.

Breastfeeding on demand has been a challenge for us because my boys have breastfeeding problems (the likes of which I have posted about at length in the BF forum), but we do it as best we can.

Meximeli--I am interested to hear you say that you did not have yours on the same nap schedule. Although I started out trying to get them on the same nap schedule (thought it was going to be best for my mental health, and I figure a mentally stable mom is always good for the boys--haha), but turns out I am finding that letting the nap schedules develop organically is working out MUCH better for us. I too enjoy the time alone with each boy. But it did take me trying to get them on the same nap schedule to help me really know and learn more about their sleep cues...which has led me to realize not to nap them at the same time. But to really learn this I had to at least try a schedule. This is a recent development.

I know with my singleton friends who practice AP type parenting they just say to go with the flow. I try to tell them that with young twins there sometimes is no flow. It's more like a deluge. haha. So I find that even though I kind of practice AP, I find myself taking very different routes to get there then my friends with singletons.

My husband and I are debating in our heads right now about whether or not to cosleep once they outgrow the cosleeper. We can see it both ways.

ChaoticMum---I hear you about not knowing it was a style. Seems best that way. I know with twins it seems that as a Mom I have to do a lot of planning and strategizing that I don't see singleton moms doing, which I know sometimes then leads me to OVER think my parenting at times. I have to remind myself that just because they are twins does not mean there is a way I SHOULD be doing something. I just have to be creative and do what works for us. But in my efforts to try and plan ahead sometimes I think I over plan or over think things. What I like best about AP is that it is all about listening to the mothering voice within as best we can.

Thanks again ladies.

 

just wanted to say I appreciated this thread as it is the style of parenting I gravitate toward. I too have found the challenges with twins being much different than my experience with toddlers so sometimes I find myself dabbling with whatever works at the moment. I am finding cosleeping is helping me get the most rest right now and of course you know I BF so those are my big AP things right now, that and a lot of holding, however I can never quite get into carriers. By the time I get one kid all rigged up, something comes up where I need to put that one down or pick another up. I have like 5 different slings but I think when it comes down to it I am just not a 'sling person' lol